soul-explorer
Rising Star
I’ve been suffering from social anxiety for a very long time. The past years I actively worked on resolving it, but it has been a rather slow and frustrating process.
When I first tapped into psychedelics almost 3 years ago the initial euphoria was big, I thought I would have this fixed in no time. And while e.g. during a Pharma trip everything became very clear and I knew there’s no reason to be afraid of people, shortly thereafter the anxiety would return.
What I realized only a bit later was that psychedelics can disable conditioning while on them, and in that way inspire you – show you the light – but for many issues there’s still the hard hard work of integration when coming down again.
My social anxiety is linked to childhood trauma, and my inner-child or “demon” is resisting these changes very much. To protect me I suppose. Which probably made much sense in childhood, but very little as an over-30 adult now. Learned that in my case there are two components to fixing it:
One being learning social skills, building confidence dealing with people, letting go of old paradigms like “everyone is evil” or “people will only betray you” and replacing them with more useful ones to navigate the world. Letting go of wanting approval (what an insane addiction).
The second is healing the wounded-animal/inner-child. This one seems to be the biggest hindrance for progressing with the first component. The wounded-animal likes to lash out and go into panic mode when triggered, and sometimes is successful in taking me over and causing me to regress into that “helpless child” somewhat.
It becomes more and more clear to me that the right woman/partner could probably help me immensely with that. I noticed that even just touch/cuddling seems to be very therapeutic, roots me very much in the present moment and dissolves them boundaries. Had a “cuddle therapy” session with a skilled therapist and I think this really went deeper than many hours of conventional talking therapy.
I’m really happy to see more and more progress, am carefully optimistic that I’m over the hill. It’s kind of “amazing” to notice what this anxiety does/did to me. It really sucks away a lot of my life energy and can stifle me a lot in social situations. Psychedelics showed me that this is a big energy-blockade in action. It hinders me from really letting go and enjoying life fully – and I’m pretty angry about that at this point … it’s just so ridiculous, seeing the predicament, the mechanics of it with such clarity. Fortunately I can break free from that more and more and reach states of virtual no anxiety, feeling much love for others and the self. Should finally let the feminine into my life, it seems to have unique powers for letting things flow, unblock.
Dosing Lions Mane, alone, in combination with full-blown psychedelic trips or in combination with psilocybin micro/mini-dosing seems to really help to repair my brain and make newly learned things permanent in the form of novel neural-pathways. It’s also somewhat psychoactive just taking it on its own, seems to allow for more clarity and less distortion by old conditioning. Want to experiment with Harmine too.
Overall it’s a bit hard for me to pinpoint what exactly is driving these changes, it’s likely a combination of the following I’ve done/been doing lately:
- Traveling a lot, which forced me out of my comfort zone
- Quitting old job to focus more on myself/healing
- Several Kambo sessions
- Regular Pharma trips for a few months, paired with actions items that I wrote down during/after the trip (some of them in this list)
- Psilocybin micro/mini-dosing
- Lions mane
- Daily meditation habit
- Daily Cold Showers
- Vipassana retreat
- After many years of procrastination, finally going to gym 2x a week with coaching
- Going to Rainbow Family Gathering
- Started taking Piano lessons
- Cuddling
I’m becoming a much more centered/confident person, it’s really a stark contrast to just 3years ago. The way I see the world and people is radically shifting – to a much more objective/realistic way. This actually kind of hurts as well. I was so very naive.
Right now I want to add some more social elements(+WOMEN) to my life, which is still somewhat scary, and that demon not liking the idea, but it should do me good. Tantra looks very interesting also, thinking of going to a seminar.
-soul
When I first tapped into psychedelics almost 3 years ago the initial euphoria was big, I thought I would have this fixed in no time. And while e.g. during a Pharma trip everything became very clear and I knew there’s no reason to be afraid of people, shortly thereafter the anxiety would return.
What I realized only a bit later was that psychedelics can disable conditioning while on them, and in that way inspire you – show you the light – but for many issues there’s still the hard hard work of integration when coming down again.
My social anxiety is linked to childhood trauma, and my inner-child or “demon” is resisting these changes very much. To protect me I suppose. Which probably made much sense in childhood, but very little as an over-30 adult now. Learned that in my case there are two components to fixing it:
One being learning social skills, building confidence dealing with people, letting go of old paradigms like “everyone is evil” or “people will only betray you” and replacing them with more useful ones to navigate the world. Letting go of wanting approval (what an insane addiction).
The second is healing the wounded-animal/inner-child. This one seems to be the biggest hindrance for progressing with the first component. The wounded-animal likes to lash out and go into panic mode when triggered, and sometimes is successful in taking me over and causing me to regress into that “helpless child” somewhat.
It becomes more and more clear to me that the right woman/partner could probably help me immensely with that. I noticed that even just touch/cuddling seems to be very therapeutic, roots me very much in the present moment and dissolves them boundaries. Had a “cuddle therapy” session with a skilled therapist and I think this really went deeper than many hours of conventional talking therapy.
I’m really happy to see more and more progress, am carefully optimistic that I’m over the hill. It’s kind of “amazing” to notice what this anxiety does/did to me. It really sucks away a lot of my life energy and can stifle me a lot in social situations. Psychedelics showed me that this is a big energy-blockade in action. It hinders me from really letting go and enjoying life fully – and I’m pretty angry about that at this point … it’s just so ridiculous, seeing the predicament, the mechanics of it with such clarity. Fortunately I can break free from that more and more and reach states of virtual no anxiety, feeling much love for others and the self. Should finally let the feminine into my life, it seems to have unique powers for letting things flow, unblock.
Dosing Lions Mane, alone, in combination with full-blown psychedelic trips or in combination with psilocybin micro/mini-dosing seems to really help to repair my brain and make newly learned things permanent in the form of novel neural-pathways. It’s also somewhat psychoactive just taking it on its own, seems to allow for more clarity and less distortion by old conditioning. Want to experiment with Harmine too.
Overall it’s a bit hard for me to pinpoint what exactly is driving these changes, it’s likely a combination of the following I’ve done/been doing lately:
- Traveling a lot, which forced me out of my comfort zone
- Quitting old job to focus more on myself/healing
- Several Kambo sessions
- Regular Pharma trips for a few months, paired with actions items that I wrote down during/after the trip (some of them in this list)
- Psilocybin micro/mini-dosing
- Lions mane
- Daily meditation habit
- Daily Cold Showers
- Vipassana retreat
- After many years of procrastination, finally going to gym 2x a week with coaching
- Going to Rainbow Family Gathering
- Started taking Piano lessons
- Cuddling
I’m becoming a much more centered/confident person, it’s really a stark contrast to just 3years ago. The way I see the world and people is radically shifting – to a much more objective/realistic way. This actually kind of hurts as well. I was so very naive.
Right now I want to add some more social elements(+WOMEN) to my life, which is still somewhat scary, and that demon not liking the idea, but it should do me good. Tantra looks very interesting also, thinking of going to a seminar.
-soul