^ that is entirely dismissive of real social anxiety though.
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Social Skills
- Thread starter Operculum
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Where does that social anxiety come from? Doesn't everybody have it, at least in small amounts?
I mean, I totally understand that it happens, and for some people may be virtually impossible to control.... But being anxious doesnt have to make you be an asshole. So I still think one can have positive interactions even with anxiety. I mean, sure maybe you dont want to talk to everybody or are not the life of the party, but one doesn't have to.
I think everybody is vulnerable. Often I found that being truthful and talking about the dynamics that are happening can bring others into the same 'page': It can be surprising how people really feel similar. Like say for example you are with a friend, and in the interaction there is a weird moment, and your mind starts racing :" oh there was something weird.. Is he thinking bad of me? Did it seem like I was insulting him? Why the silence afterwards?" . Then maybe the breathing gets shallow and fast, heart beating. So I found in such situations if I just take a deep breath and Im really upfront about it: " hey man sorry if there was something strange happening, I hope you dont think that.... I really meant.... " . And usually this really resolves things. People generally seem to react well to honest comments, taking a step back and trying to analyse the situation and improve the interaction.
A lot of interaction is rather 'felt' than what is talked. So I think if you have good intentions and a positive attitude, are respectful to people, people will 'feel' it and generally it will go to a good direction.
And if you are truthful about things and just express how you feel, most people will respect that, even if you are not an alpha with superb linguistic abilities. And then ff course there is always the unknown factor in interactons, and things may go worse than we want even if we do the right things but then we learn from those cases.
I mean, I totally understand that it happens, and for some people may be virtually impossible to control.... But being anxious doesnt have to make you be an asshole. So I still think one can have positive interactions even with anxiety. I mean, sure maybe you dont want to talk to everybody or are not the life of the party, but one doesn't have to.
I think everybody is vulnerable. Often I found that being truthful and talking about the dynamics that are happening can bring others into the same 'page': It can be surprising how people really feel similar. Like say for example you are with a friend, and in the interaction there is a weird moment, and your mind starts racing :" oh there was something weird.. Is he thinking bad of me? Did it seem like I was insulting him? Why the silence afterwards?" . Then maybe the breathing gets shallow and fast, heart beating. So I found in such situations if I just take a deep breath and Im really upfront about it: " hey man sorry if there was something strange happening, I hope you dont think that.... I really meant.... " . And usually this really resolves things. People generally seem to react well to honest comments, taking a step back and trying to analyse the situation and improve the interaction.
A lot of interaction is rather 'felt' than what is talked. So I think if you have good intentions and a positive attitude, are respectful to people, people will 'feel' it and generally it will go to a good direction.
And if you are truthful about things and just express how you feel, most people will respect that, even if you are not an alpha with superb linguistic abilities. And then ff course there is always the unknown factor in interactons, and things may go worse than we want even if we do the right things but then we learn from those cases.
lsDxMdmaddicThc
The future's uncertain and The End is always near.
I think there's many factors that determine one's ability to socialize.
Comfort level, openess, mood, attitude, confidence, etc
Sometimes I find it hard to express my thoughts in words, especially to unfamiliar humans.
This can make a social situation awkward fast, especially if my mind is in a "special" place and I cannot ground myself.
I find it easiest to socialize when I'm in a happy, light, joking mood. I can crack stupid jokes with friends and just be relaxed. This state is rare and precious.
Sometimes my anxiety kicks in and I get nervous and choose my words VERY carefully and worry WAY too much...
Don't know why, I'll have to do some introspection on that one...
I'm bi-polar and I'm never constantly one thing...
I can be the social butterfly, the deep talker, the romantic, the anxious weirdo with the beat-red face and shifty eyes and sweaty palms grabbing for his jacket zipper and playing with it, the loner in the corner, etc.
You name it haha so I can really empathize with all of you.
When it comes to social skills, I wouldn't look at it like skills...
Unless you are trying to deceive someone or try to be something you're not...
Be yourself, even if you're awkward...who cares? Everyone's awkward at times, it's a part of life
Don't let it stop you from atleast attempting to make somewhat meaningful conversations.
Comfort level, openess, mood, attitude, confidence, etc
Sometimes I find it hard to express my thoughts in words, especially to unfamiliar humans.
This can make a social situation awkward fast, especially if my mind is in a "special" place and I cannot ground myself.
I find it easiest to socialize when I'm in a happy, light, joking mood. I can crack stupid jokes with friends and just be relaxed. This state is rare and precious.
Sometimes my anxiety kicks in and I get nervous and choose my words VERY carefully and worry WAY too much...
Don't know why, I'll have to do some introspection on that one...
I'm bi-polar and I'm never constantly one thing...
I can be the social butterfly, the deep talker, the romantic, the anxious weirdo with the beat-red face and shifty eyes and sweaty palms grabbing for his jacket zipper and playing with it, the loner in the corner, etc.
You name it haha so I can really empathize with all of you.
When it comes to social skills, I wouldn't look at it like skills...
Unless you are trying to deceive someone or try to be something you're not...
Be yourself, even if you're awkward...who cares? Everyone's awkward at times, it's a part of life
Don't let it stop you from atleast attempting to make somewhat meaningful conversations.
jamie said:
I disagree that my comment dismisses social anxiety. Mainly cause i have severe social anxiety often.
When i spoke of needing time away a lot of times it is due to the fact my social anxiety has drained me. I use those moments of alone time to recharge so to speak.
I have very close friends that i have created a strong connection with so my social anxiety doesnt usually take place when i am around them unless there is a situation where i enter into unknown territory with them. Like going to a party with a couple close friends where i do not know anyone. Unless i get a few beers in me i am often terrified to the point where i just hang out and observe scared to initiate communication with someone new.
Operculum said:
I agree; but IME round about 6 months down the line they usually manage to work out that i am a halfwit. Or better still live in a foreign country where you don"t speak the local language fluently. You can say all sorts of random stuff to people and they are ok with it. They just think that you are a weird foreigner.
I used to be a lot more socially anxious than i am now and i agree with endlessness that it is very common, if not the norm. Everyone feels like an outsider at one time or another. People just deal with it in different ways. I wish i had the internet when i was in my 20s. It would have been very helpful for my mental wellbeing to know that the entirity of western civilsation was made up of socially inept, emotional cripples.
Taking DMT has helped me with any remaining social awkwardness. If i am out on my own and feel a bit shy i think to myself "i can more or less deal with all that intense mayhem in my head, surely i can cope with a few strangers in a bar or at a party???"
Not being social is not so bad at times. Sometimes other people are a pain in the arse.
steven fry said:
I find these statements interesting. Aren't people in general socially anxious? Personally I don't interact much with people and I don't need alcohol to loosen up to myself, but look at people on Friday night. They drink massive amounts of alcohol to deal with their social situation.
Btw, the Leary quote goes like this (had to look it up):
“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…”
A quote by Timothy Leary
Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as...www.goodreads.com
I like that Leary quote Ufostrahlen.
I think that people mostly drink massive amounts of alcohol on Friday nights in order to let off steam after a week at work. If they were drinking primarily to deal with their social situations they would probably have a few drinks before even getting to the bar in order to face the public glare. When i used to be a bit more nervous a couple of beers would suffice.
I also think that starting a conversation about the weather is quite a valuable social skill. It"s an "in" for a conversation to begin and where it will lead is up to the individuals involved. Sort of like the human equivalent of dogs sniffing eachothers backsides when they first meet. It is actually quite interesting to hear peoples views on the weather and what they think the forecast will be over the next few days. Especially old people for some reason.
Going back to the dog sniffing analogy. You don"t see many animals being all chummy and social when they first meet. Maybe being super sociable is actually quite unnatuaral and we have been sold a lie by the man.
Ufostrahlen said:
I think that people mostly drink massive amounts of alcohol on Friday nights in order to let off steam after a week at work. If they were drinking primarily to deal with their social situations they would probably have a few drinks before even getting to the bar in order to face the public glare. When i used to be a bit more nervous a couple of beers would suffice.
I also think that starting a conversation about the weather is quite a valuable social skill. It"s an "in" for a conversation to begin and where it will lead is up to the individuals involved. Sort of like the human equivalent of dogs sniffing eachothers backsides when they first meet. It is actually quite interesting to hear peoples views on the weather and what they think the forecast will be over the next few days. Especially old people for some reason.
Going back to the dog sniffing analogy. You don"t see many animals being all chummy and social when they first meet. Maybe being super sociable is actually quite unnatuaral and we have been sold a lie by the man.
I think people just dont know how to be honest and/or dont want to feel vulnerable. I dont use alcohol to talk to people nor am i a weekend warrior when it comes to drinking. That was just an example that does happen, although not very often as i dont goto parties almost ever.
If i meet someone new and they are nice and engaging right off the bat i am instantly able to feel more comfortable. I think the problem is the majority of people feel like they are repelling interaction. Look at people when you walk through the super market. Usually the most you will get is a smile, sometimes a silent hello or even a nod. Yet you can tell they are self absorbed in their current activity. People just dont seem approachable and we all have that bubble around us.
If i meet someone new and they are nice and engaging right off the bat i am instantly able to feel more comfortable. I think the problem is the majority of people feel like they are repelling interaction. Look at people when you walk through the super market. Usually the most you will get is a smile, sometimes a silent hello or even a nod. Yet you can tell they are self absorbed in their current activity. People just dont seem approachable and we all have that bubble around us.
I agree that the majority of people are not "honest" or "natural". I also think all this pressure to be extremely social is perpetuated by the media and our culture of putting the external above everything. I've realized that the majority of the people i meet are not "real" but if I am very real around them then it rubs off. I used to naturally be this way my whole life; was always a real "people person" or personable or whatever you wanna say. Now over the last couple years and even more the last year I have become secluded and anxious etc. It was a necessary though the way I'm looking at it to find who I really am.
On many mushrooms and dmt experiences I have been told or shown how communication is something we need to work on as a species and that maybe I should be working on a better way for us to communicate. As humans we speak to each other but there is a non verbal communication going on and it is beyond body language. I am able to tap into this especially on tryptamines but also when I am sober and level headed and am able to keep my mind focused and clear. It feels like this is a forgotten form of communication coming from the right side of our brain. Now I'm not saying we should stop talking but maybe that we should stop talking so much and "feel" things out; become able to talk to from the heart. Not many people do this but if you do it it will rub off on people unless they are extremely ego centered and abrasive. I had way to many interactions with someone like this over the past year and I think it really threw me off balance. Getting back on the saddle though
On many mushrooms and dmt experiences I have been told or shown how communication is something we need to work on as a species and that maybe I should be working on a better way for us to communicate. As humans we speak to each other but there is a non verbal communication going on and it is beyond body language. I am able to tap into this especially on tryptamines but also when I am sober and level headed and am able to keep my mind focused and clear. It feels like this is a forgotten form of communication coming from the right side of our brain. Now I'm not saying we should stop talking but maybe that we should stop talking so much and "feel" things out; become able to talk to from the heart. Not many people do this but if you do it it will rub off on people unless they are extremely ego centered and abrasive. I had way to many interactions with someone like this over the past year and I think it really threw me off balance. Getting back on the saddle though
DeltaSpice
Esteemed member
My social skills have come on in leaps and bounds since spice entered my life.
I'm more confident when talking to people and I have more of a laugh with people, compared to pre spice days.
I meet a lot of different people every day in my job .
I suppose DMT has made me aware that I have an effect on people and we all feed off each other in social situations.
I'm more confident when talking to people and I have more of a laugh with people, compared to pre spice days.
I meet a lot of different people every day in my job .
I suppose DMT has made me aware that I have an effect on people and we all feed off each other in social situations.
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