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Solitude
- Thread starter Akasha224
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I have experienced much of what you are talking about, but with a twist. I actually have a desire for more social interaction, but it just doesn't happen.
I have identified many of the problems, mostly resulting from my childhood and how I was raised. I have been able to change some of them. My thing is this: I am great at interacting with people in a formally facilitated format, but I am not as good in informal situations. By this I mean if I am assigned to a group to work or if I am obligated to attend a family affair or what not, I find it very easy to socially interact. But that is almost like playing a role.
What you said about, "if people knew the true me, I'd be locked up" really, really resonates with me. But I am starting to think that a lot of people are like this. Many people have violent urges or radical thoughts or whatever hidden deep within their own minds; it's just a byproduct of being human. If you think you're the only one, that might be a little misguided. Of course you'll never know for sure what is hidden deep within other people's minds, so it might just be you, but you could say that about a lot of things.
I have a few good friends from early childhood and some family members with whom I can bond closely, but it's difficult for me to form new, meaningful relationships (outside of school and work). Psychedelics hardly helped with this, although they did give me a little more control over initiating contact. But when I see so many people act like robots, I don't really want to interact with them. Intelligence doesn't play a role in this either; a lot of people are nothing more than robots that are only products of their environments. They have no true original thoughts or feelings. At least, none that they show to the world.
I always wanted to be "the popular guy," but it just never happened. Like Jin said, acceptance is a key step. I realized what I like doing, and while I sometimes wish for things to be better or cooler, I would ultimately not want to be anyone else. If you can say that about yourself, then I think you're fine.
Also I wish you much luck with your aya journey; I have a feeling you might find what you're looking for.
I have identified many of the problems, mostly resulting from my childhood and how I was raised. I have been able to change some of them. My thing is this: I am great at interacting with people in a formally facilitated format, but I am not as good in informal situations. By this I mean if I am assigned to a group to work or if I am obligated to attend a family affair or what not, I find it very easy to socially interact. But that is almost like playing a role.
What you said about, "if people knew the true me, I'd be locked up" really, really resonates with me. But I am starting to think that a lot of people are like this. Many people have violent urges or radical thoughts or whatever hidden deep within their own minds; it's just a byproduct of being human. If you think you're the only one, that might be a little misguided. Of course you'll never know for sure what is hidden deep within other people's minds, so it might just be you, but you could say that about a lot of things.
I have a few good friends from early childhood and some family members with whom I can bond closely, but it's difficult for me to form new, meaningful relationships (outside of school and work). Psychedelics hardly helped with this, although they did give me a little more control over initiating contact. But when I see so many people act like robots, I don't really want to interact with them. Intelligence doesn't play a role in this either; a lot of people are nothing more than robots that are only products of their environments. They have no true original thoughts or feelings. At least, none that they show to the world.
I always wanted to be "the popular guy," but it just never happened. Like Jin said, acceptance is a key step. I realized what I like doing, and while I sometimes wish for things to be better or cooler, I would ultimately not want to be anyone else. If you can say that about yourself, then I think you're fine.
Also I wish you much luck with your aya journey; I have a feeling you might find what you're looking for.
Some people like to be alone and with their thoughts. I am one of them. I have 6 or 7 close friends, I'm not anti social or rude. I would just strongly prefer to either be with my good fiends or alone. I Get as much exciment about being off from work and alone on a Friday night as the average person gets excited about a Friday night at the club.
There is nothing wrong with this , it's called being introverted. However , I don't feel that it's healthy to be utter alone , Alaska would definitely be a bad idea. Look for an introverted woman, move out somewhere that has a mile between neighbors , that's what I plan to do. And don't forget about work. Work is important because it adds a sense of worth to what you own and keeps you sain.
There is nothing wrong with this , it's called being introverted. However , I don't feel that it's healthy to be utter alone , Alaska would definitely be a bad idea. Look for an introverted woman, move out somewhere that has a mile between neighbors , that's what I plan to do. And don't forget about work. Work is important because it adds a sense of worth to what you own and keeps you sain.
datdmt said:
This is me.
Except i have found that being with slightly extroverted partners helps my extroverted side come out comfortably. Extremely extroverted or extremely introverted partners dont feel very compatible to me since they are overwhelming or underwhelming.
I feel there is a difference between people who you feel dont share enough similar interests and you being too judgemental about the differences. I have had periods of time where i felt like certain people i call friends may not actually share enough of the same viewpoint/interests/hobbies ect in order to keep my interest.
I think it boils down to how you view it. What are friends for? What is your reason to have them? I now know that i need to make friends with people based on their personality then their lifestyle.
Some of my friends do a lot of the same things as i do, others i have for more specific scenarios like conversation or a specific hobby. I only keep people as friends if they are caring, positive, intelligent people.
Then balancing alone time with sharing experiences with others can result in a very healthy combination. I would suggest to you that you learn to allow yourself to be that person you are inside more and do away with self destructive feelings that the inner you is insane and will get you placed in an insane asylum.
I think it boils down to how you view it. What are friends for? What is your reason to have them? I now know that i need to make friends with people based on their personality then their lifestyle.
Some of my friends do a lot of the same things as i do, others i have for more specific scenarios like conversation or a specific hobby. I only keep people as friends if they are caring, positive, intelligent people.
Then balancing alone time with sharing experiences with others can result in a very healthy combination. I would suggest to you that you learn to allow yourself to be that person you are inside more and do away with self destructive feelings that the inner you is insane and will get you placed in an insane asylum.
I struggle with social interactions, however In the past, about 6 to 4 years ago i was very balanced socially and felt comfortable being myself. I feel like for me atleast alot of social problems go away if I am able to be transparent with who I really am. I haven't been able to be social lately as I feel like who I am isn't who I want to be and I don't want people to see this. Once I get my self sorted out I think I'll be fine again with people and even better than before maybe. To me it's about being transparent and natural.
Inner Paths
Secretary of the Interior
anrchy said:
And me too. The last year or so I have really come to terms with my natural introverted state and feel really comfortable most the time with it. Balance is key I find, I have a handful of close friends and some more casual friends that I can still have good meaningful conversations and hang time with. Most are musicians and psychedelic minded people like myself so that makes it much easier when the time comes to hang out.
9 times out of 10 I choose to spend my time alone when my wife is out for the night (who is more extroverted but still likes to chill at home more times than not over going out). When we do have quality time, even then, as soon she goes to bed (she's an early bird and I'm a night owl) I revert back to my lonerism more times than not. My work involves either gigs over the weekend, usually gigging with people I consider good friends, or teaching guitar in the afternoons through the week so I still have plenty of social interaction through my work alone. My quality time is then even more important as I am usually working in solitude on creative endeavours any chance I can get as they mean the world to me and my view on this world and reality, it really helps me make sense of this crazy existence and stabilises me, so I need my alone time to recharge and reinvigorate... YMMV.
Only you will know the answer for your situation.
Personally, I have a few dozen good friends spread over the globe, and then the 'normal' friends. I travel every year for at least a few months and I enjoy it tremendously.
That said, if at the end of it all I would not be able to spend some months almost entirely on my own, with books, instruments, psychedelics and computers.. I would go nuts.
Even on shorter timespans I'll need to retreat away from the socializing and the noises and lights and groups of people and just be by myself.
It's not anxiety, fear or anything like that.
I just really enjoy the sound of silence in a nice sunny forest with a good book (or even no book) as the only company.
Or hours staring at the screen trying to figure out some technical problem.
Or failing and failing at the piano and getting further and further ahead, slowly but steadily being able to play some new tune..
And, of course, tripping by myself.
The people closest to me thankfully seem to understand that I need time away from them frequently, and that this does not mean that I don't love them. As much as I like solitude, sometimes it would turn into loneliness if at the end of the day it was not possible to call a good friend to go out and discuss something over a cup of tea.
So, find out what works best for you .. steer life in that direction, and try not to burn bridges. If it turns out that you don't enjoy something as much as you thought you would, it is wise to plan it such that you can revert and adapt.
Does that make sense?
Personally, I have a few dozen good friends spread over the globe, and then the 'normal' friends. I travel every year for at least a few months and I enjoy it tremendously.
That said, if at the end of it all I would not be able to spend some months almost entirely on my own, with books, instruments, psychedelics and computers.. I would go nuts.
Even on shorter timespans I'll need to retreat away from the socializing and the noises and lights and groups of people and just be by myself.
It's not anxiety, fear or anything like that.
I just really enjoy the sound of silence in a nice sunny forest with a good book (or even no book) as the only company.
Or hours staring at the screen trying to figure out some technical problem.
Or failing and failing at the piano and getting further and further ahead, slowly but steadily being able to play some new tune..
And, of course, tripping by myself.
The people closest to me thankfully seem to understand that I need time away from them frequently, and that this does not mean that I don't love them. As much as I like solitude, sometimes it would turn into loneliness if at the end of the day it was not possible to call a good friend to go out and discuss something over a cup of tea.
So, find out what works best for you .. steer life in that direction, and try not to burn bridges. If it turns out that you don't enjoy something as much as you thought you would, it is wise to plan it such that you can revert and adapt.
Does that make sense?
Akasha224 said:
I didnt mean in a resentful way. I meant purely in an interest based scenario. If your hanging out with Fred, and he only talks about golf and you are completely uninterested in golf in every way shape and form you will most likely find no interest in Fred whatsoever. This type of person will then have nothing to offer you as a friend. Now you meet Jon, and he isn't interested in any hobbies that you have but he enjoys talking about DMT and has some knowledge on it then you find yourself able to have fun conversation with Jon even if you don't share any similar hobbies. Your interactions with Jon may only be having coffee and a chat.
Then you find out Fred loves to snowboard, so the only times you hang out with Fred would be on the mountain shredding it up. He wont stop talking about golf, but you can look past that because he is really fun to snowboard with. This is what I was talking about.
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