If your deadset on only taking aya in a traditional setting, with a curandero or shaman guiding you, but have financial issues with getting to s. america, there's always the chimbre center in peru. They offer assistance to those without the means to travel to their aya/cactus medicine center, most likely based on needs, since resources are probably limitied, but if your deadset on it, perhaps try and get in contact with them.
The story of how a wall street trader funded and built the center, is shown in the documentary, stepping into the fire.
[YOUTUBE]
I don't advocate psychedelics to try and deal with the problems you have either way, i'm in no place to make those kind of recommendations myself, and share alot of commonality in the burdens you carry as well. Its just an option to consider, one that may be able to help you in regards to financially being able to get down to s. america to a place where you can take aya/cactus in a safe setting with a qualified shaman.
But before you do that, like others have said, there's resources available (almost certainly) locally to you, most likely for no charge regarding psychological/emotional issues. You don't have to take medication they recommend, you don't have to agree with them, its your choice on what to do, and who you consider qualified to give you the tools you need to heal.
But if after exhausting all other resources, and researching in depth all the options available to you, and feel aya/cactus in a traditional setting would be beneficial, but cannot afford getting down to s. america, i know chimbre offers financial assistance to those who need it. Might be worth a shot to try and get in contact with them, and explain your situation.
And you don't have to take aya in that environment. Sometimes you can get just the same or more from a well informed sitter, a well informed and prepared self, and the proper set and setting where ever you are. Someone who knows their way around psychs, and has alot of experience using them medicinally may be a good resource.
As well, you can discuss this with a doctor/psych/therapist, and while i would consult with legal council before hand to be sure, the law forbids them from keeping that information anything but private, and only disclosed at your discretion. I would just do as much research as you can, talk to as many people as possible who have experience in the subject, before making any decisions regarding methods of dealing with the issues you may/may not have.
Just throwing chimbre out there, as they seem to be a legitimate, and safe, place to take the medicine under the supervision of people heavily experienced with the substances, and offer financial assistance to those who don't have the means to travel there, or pay for their services.
Good luck, know you have people that love you, people you may have never met, or not know in real life. Everybody has these problems from time to time, and empathy is by and large plentiful if you open yourself up to others.
Stay strong, and don't push the issues down or run away from them, try and deal with them, or figure out what you need to change in your life to ameliorate them as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is when you finally face the music.
The nexus/nexians will always be here if you need people to talk to about this kind of stuff, without judgement. At least thats one of the main principles of this community as i understand it.
Peace, and love
DT
