This experience happened back in 2013, and it was my second one with rue. The first time, I drank rue by itself a week prior, which resulted in a whole night of purging. Most likely, it cleansed my body and produced the opening that led to the following ayahuasca analog journey. I used 10g of Hawaiian chacruna cooked for 30 minutes with 3g of rue.
I knew right away that this session was going to be different. The medicine took over quickly, and I heard a voice in my mental space: "What do you want to heal?" It was the only time I heard a clear voice from the brew. It was in my head, but the source felt external, as if coming from some kind of intelligence. Back then, I had an issue with my nose and some breathing problems, so I naturally pointed to it and asked for healing. Moments later, I found myself in the silent, dark space of my room with medicine music playing in the background. I was facing the wall a few meters ahead of me when ayahuasca symbols started to appear. They were very similar to the well-known zigzag patterns of neon green, and one of them caught my attention. As I focused on it, a profound shift occurred in my state. My eyes rolled back, and I began to see many visions. I do not know how much time passed. When I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the dark space again, I found myself sitting cross-legged like a yogi with a straight back. The whole room transformed into a vast space, and my awareness opened into the cleanest, most open state I can remember to this day. I immediately noted to myself: "That is how high-level meditators see the world." The shift was so stark compared to my mundane reality that my whole being just basked in it. Simply sitting and being was enough; I had no other thoughts to speak of.
Suddenly, I saw a distant mountain range and a number of beings sitting in full lotus flying from there toward me. They felt very sacred and wise. Then, one of them entered my body. It felt as if something enormous and heavy went into my skin. I would say it was larger than a truck, but somehow it found a place to rest within me. At that moment, I lost control and became a passive observer of the entire situation. That being never spoke, but immediately began to perform a series of breathing exercises through my body. It was a form of pranayama, very unlike anything found in yogic literature. Some breaths were shallow, while others were deep. It made a number of deep sounds and so on. Honestly, I can hardly remember any of it, even if everything was as clear as day in the moment. When one being left me, another took its place and performed a new series of pranayamas. These shifts continued for what felt like days, and I started to worry about what was happening and how long it would continue. However, my primary feeling was gratitude, and I bowed to each one after it had finished its job. The entire procedure was accompanied by extreme shifts in my energy as well. Eventually, I saw all of them fly off to a different mountain range and found myself back in my room. I was exhausted and at a loss for words. I had read about entity encounters before, but this was on another level. They took over and performed healing from the inside. I never even questioned them. Each one felt so large, wise, and ancient that my little self could not even compare.
Back in my room, the journey was still going strong. It felt as if I had been in the process for days, and the medicine once again showed me what was bothering me. Essentially, I was too disconnected from society and desperately wanted a place within the tribe. This realization shook me to the core, and I cried a great deal. Moments later, I saw a large sphere of light that somehow represented my mind. The medicine was nudging me to explore more, but I was finished and pleaded for it to stop. In the blink of an eye, the journey abruptly ended, and I was seemingly completely sober. The only thought my head could produce was: "What was that?"
What followed were the hardest few months of my life. Each night, I would have a DMT trip instead of normal dreaming. The breathing exercises the spirits performed through me produced a significant effect on my waking consciousness as well. I could see and feel the world as alive and breathing. Even watching simple patterns would catch my attention and lead to hyperspace or deep absorption. Somehow, I closed that opening, but to this day, I wonder what would have happened if I had let it be. My life was hard from a mundane standpoint, but I was the most alive I have ever been. I worked with plants extensively after that but could never come close to that experience. Years later, all my visions disappeared as well. I wonder if I closed my third eye for good in this life. I saw it as a large eye at the top of my skull closing; that was the vision. I am still shaking just writing about it many years later. Sometimes, the medicine just takes you.
I knew right away that this session was going to be different. The medicine took over quickly, and I heard a voice in my mental space: "What do you want to heal?" It was the only time I heard a clear voice from the brew. It was in my head, but the source felt external, as if coming from some kind of intelligence. Back then, I had an issue with my nose and some breathing problems, so I naturally pointed to it and asked for healing. Moments later, I found myself in the silent, dark space of my room with medicine music playing in the background. I was facing the wall a few meters ahead of me when ayahuasca symbols started to appear. They were very similar to the well-known zigzag patterns of neon green, and one of them caught my attention. As I focused on it, a profound shift occurred in my state. My eyes rolled back, and I began to see many visions. I do not know how much time passed. When I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the dark space again, I found myself sitting cross-legged like a yogi with a straight back. The whole room transformed into a vast space, and my awareness opened into the cleanest, most open state I can remember to this day. I immediately noted to myself: "That is how high-level meditators see the world." The shift was so stark compared to my mundane reality that my whole being just basked in it. Simply sitting and being was enough; I had no other thoughts to speak of.
Suddenly, I saw a distant mountain range and a number of beings sitting in full lotus flying from there toward me. They felt very sacred and wise. Then, one of them entered my body. It felt as if something enormous and heavy went into my skin. I would say it was larger than a truck, but somehow it found a place to rest within me. At that moment, I lost control and became a passive observer of the entire situation. That being never spoke, but immediately began to perform a series of breathing exercises through my body. It was a form of pranayama, very unlike anything found in yogic literature. Some breaths were shallow, while others were deep. It made a number of deep sounds and so on. Honestly, I can hardly remember any of it, even if everything was as clear as day in the moment. When one being left me, another took its place and performed a new series of pranayamas. These shifts continued for what felt like days, and I started to worry about what was happening and how long it would continue. However, my primary feeling was gratitude, and I bowed to each one after it had finished its job. The entire procedure was accompanied by extreme shifts in my energy as well. Eventually, I saw all of them fly off to a different mountain range and found myself back in my room. I was exhausted and at a loss for words. I had read about entity encounters before, but this was on another level. They took over and performed healing from the inside. I never even questioned them. Each one felt so large, wise, and ancient that my little self could not even compare.
Back in my room, the journey was still going strong. It felt as if I had been in the process for days, and the medicine once again showed me what was bothering me. Essentially, I was too disconnected from society and desperately wanted a place within the tribe. This realization shook me to the core, and I cried a great deal. Moments later, I saw a large sphere of light that somehow represented my mind. The medicine was nudging me to explore more, but I was finished and pleaded for it to stop. In the blink of an eye, the journey abruptly ended, and I was seemingly completely sober. The only thought my head could produce was: "What was that?"
What followed were the hardest few months of my life. Each night, I would have a DMT trip instead of normal dreaming. The breathing exercises the spirits performed through me produced a significant effect on my waking consciousness as well. I could see and feel the world as alive and breathing. Even watching simple patterns would catch my attention and lead to hyperspace or deep absorption. Somehow, I closed that opening, but to this day, I wonder what would have happened if I had let it be. My life was hard from a mundane standpoint, but I was the most alive I have ever been. I worked with plants extensively after that but could never come close to that experience. Years later, all my visions disappeared as well. I wonder if I closed my third eye for good in this life. I saw it as a large eye at the top of my skull closing; that was the vision. I am still shaking just writing about it many years later. Sometimes, the medicine just takes you.
