Taking a hit or two and from a trusted product and going to a totally unwanted place?

[Voidmatrix]

i have a similar mantra that i've come to repeat a few times right before as well. i take some intentional breaths saying to myself as i exhale "exhale doubt, fear and negativity" and as i inhale, "breathe in love, gratitude and humility" and similar to your "trust" mantra upon inhale i say "thank you" while taking the hit. these practices have kindof evolved over time but now after my few rough experiences i almost feel these statements are me negotiating with the spice to please be nice to me. i liken it to approaching a friends pet german shephard who's usually a kind and lovable dog but one time you accidentally moved to quickly around him and he bit you pretty good. so now you operate a bit differently around them and always approach hands out, moving slowly, and showing respect.

Yeah, don't bargain would be my advice. Bargaining has threads of desperation to it, and DMT is the type of molecule to "smell blood in the water." Have respect, have reverence, but stay sturdy and stay strong. The other thing about it is that it's going to give you what it gives you, so there's really no bargaining in the first place.

When I say stay sturdy and strong what I mean is be with whatever you happen to feel. Breathe with it. Invite it. "Oh, fear, hey there and welcome to this present moment, now sit down and shut up please." This doesn't mean that you don't feel any fear, but instead that it has no say about your action and your sense of being. It doesn't become a second thought. Trust that you can do that. It's allowed to be, just like any feeling you would normally welcome, they just get to sit in the peanut gallery while you get into the space.

Also note that in my mantras, they are very particular to me, allowing all else to be whatever it may be. This will be a good skill to cultivate.

but with the spice i never felt i did anything to trigger being bit (at least as far i can tell) so i found myself almost feeling kindof hurt and betrayed so i say these mantras less to myself to center and prepare but more to the spice to say like "see, i'm showing you gratitude and treating this ceremony with respect so please don't hurt me"..

You may not have done anything... that's the real weird part. The space just... changes over time for many. This is why I talk so much about doubts regarding how long people will stick with it. Keep showing gratitude, keep showing reverence, but strap in a bit more than you used to. You may start to get more that you don't really know what to do with, as though the space is being more open with you about itself.

i spent that first experience resisting very intensely as my identity was being ripped away from me.

Surrender, my friend, surrender.

 

[premeditated]

If you're anything like me, you'll learn to just steel yourself more and more. I don't take anything anymore. I just have a process that helps me attune for preparation for the experience.

One love

Yeah. I won't even think about it if I don't run or meditate before.

 

[IsUCHemical?]

Now there's a relevant point of information if ever we saw one
How might this apply, in specific detail, to the experience that prompted you to post this thread?

(And don't worry about feeling judged - many of us here have struggled with our usage of more damaging substances over the years, as you may have gathered.)

I mean perhaps it does apply ? I honestly have no Idea...
As I feel I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

and also thanks for not pointing fingers at me here
I really do feel this is a community that I want to be a part of
and thanks for giving me a chance

 

[IsUCHemical?]

A few notes: the "process"/"processes" that follow are part of a long road. My elaboration may help shorten it. Bear in mind as I explain I have not been in breakthrough territory in a while, but I think what I do and have done can still be helpful.

DMT scares the shit outta me. I've seen some shit, it's powerful, and I don't settle on any sort of explanation in order to assuage my confusion and the mystery of DMT. WE DON'T KNOW, and I'm brutally honest with myself about that. I really do feel that having certain unverified beliefs about the space (so most beliefs about the space) provides a certain psychological safety blanket. This is how I go in raw.

So where do we go next with all this? You keep striving despite how you feel. That means learning not to judge yourself when you pick up the pipe/device and your hand begins shaking.

This is work. This is relationship. Patience is key. I've been on this part of my journey for over five years.

One powerful concept that I've aligned with, not picking it up from anywhere in particular, but having it dawn on me, is to actively attune to the space, process, and experience. This can look like a lot of things, but what can be seen from without is merely a symbol for the augmentation occurring within. Deep breathing, tuning all else out, centering, balancing, somatically checking in, acknowledgment with acceptance, witnessing with acceptance, are all tools for this unique tool box.

Naturally, you'll find the specific thoughts, acts and practices that work for you, but they'll all generate from your framing of this experience. I go in feeling it's something sacred, not knowing what I'll get, but being aware of the alignment of choice with this medicine/experience/hyperspace. There are even small acts that I can do if it's an impulse experience, such as repeating "commit, surrender, and trust,"typically saying trust to myself while taking the hit.

I'm aware that some of my response is a trauma response from having gone deep my first few attempts. Never had a honeymoon period, shit got real immediately. 10mg isn't scary, but I respond like it's a breakthrough dose regardless. So tap into what the nerves signify for you and really be with that. Sometimes be with it as though you're getting ready to journey, and then just don't journey.

Finally, just lower the dose. It becomes exposure therapy at this point.

Let me know if you'd like me to elaborate or go into specifics.

One love

a lot of insight for me there.
I'm kinda glad to hear that i'm not alone in holding a constant anxiety before
going at it (and I find the anxiety grows quite a bit after the first pull)
often stopping me in my tracks but with a somewhat more down to earth perspective I find.

 

[IsUCHemical?]

the main difference being that with the friends pet i knew what i did wrong and can adjust my behavior going forward. but with the spice i never felt i did anything to trigger being bit (at least as far i can tell) so i found myself almost feeling kindof hurt and betrayed so i say these mantras less to myself to center and prepare but more to the spice to say like "see, i'm showing you gratitude and treating this ceremony with respect so please don't hurt me"..

I must admit I pretty much feel the same.

 

[Voidmatrix]

a lot of insight for me there.
I'm kinda glad to hear that i'm not alone in holding a constant anxiety before
going at it (and I find the anxiety grows quite a bit after the first pull)
often stopping me in my tracks but with a somewhat more down to earth perspective I find.

It'll be helpful to normalize that particular aspect of the experience. You have to peel the orange to get to the goodies.

Thread 'PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR' PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR

One love

 

[Skr9]

Preflight anxiety can disappear with time.

 

[premeditated]

Preflight anxiety can disappear with time.

Seems like it's getting worse..the weirder more profound the experiences get. Lol.

 

[IceKoldpp]

I must admit I pretty much feel the same.

i hate that ur struggling with this too but at the same time it's kindof nice to know i'm not the only one going through this phase. at this point i'm just trying to accept it as that, a phase, and hope that it doesn't last very long..

 

[IceKoldpp]

Thread 'PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR' PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR

thx for this compilation! i've read through the bulk of them over the last few hours and have gained some valuable perspective. much appreciated

 

[Voidmatrix]

Seems like it's getting worse..the weirder more profound the experiences get. Lol.

i hate that ur struggling with this too but at the same time it's kindof nice to know i'm not the only one going through this phase. at this point i'm just trying to accept it as that, a phase, and hope that it doesn't last very long..

Just strap in and stick with it.

My issue has lasted about 8ish or so years but has started to nudge over the last year or so.

One love

 

[premeditated]

Just strap in and stick with it.

My issue has lasted about 8ish or so years but has started to nudge over the last year or so.

One love

Maybe that's the mystique of the experience is so great and sacred. If we treated it like weed it wouldn't be as powerful over time becoming way too recreational

 

[Voidmatrix]

Maybe that's the mystique of the experience is so great and sacred. If we treated it like weed it wouldn't be as powerful over time becoming way too recreational

Yep! Not only that, but I'm convinced that without the right "conscious/cognitive apparatus," large doses in high frequency only do us a disservice, a disservice which creeps in over time, leading us deeper into our own delusions, deeper into our own steaming piles of...

While I experience frustration in my situation, it's all good, because while I smoalk a lot, I won't be going off the deepend due to my approach. The plethora of low dose experiences I feel lend themselves towards avoiding the pitfalls listed above once I decide to go deeper more often.

One love

 

[fink]

Dmt kicks the crap out of me 30% of the time. Overuse is my worst enemy

 

[Audiwho]

Dmt kicks the crap out of me 30% of the time. Overuse is my worst enemy

Isn't this somehow the reason for smoking DMT? To get the "crap" literally kicked out from oneself.

Mentally it can be "quite" easy to comedown even in more than unpleasant situations. Maybe the mind learns to surrender in a good way the more such difficult trips somebody has.
It is a little confusing for me to get the topic right. If you wondering why your last experience had so intense colours there can be a lot of reasons. This starts from your Set and Setting and can involve what you did the day, what you ate, other psychoactive substances. In my situation just having some aromatic oil around gives the trip a smoother experience. It let's the intense smoke disappear.

"a totally unwanted place" sounds like a new place. A new place is good.

 

[fink]

Isn't this somehow the reason for smoking DMT? To get the "crap" literally kicked out from oneself.

You are absolutely right. That's why I love it so much

 

[premeditated]

Yep! Not only that, but I'm convinced that without the right "conscious/cognitive apparatus," large doses in high frequency only do us a disservice, a disservice which creeps in over time, leading us deeper into our own delusions, deeper into our own steaming piles of...

While I experience frustration in my situation, it's all good, because while I smoalk a lot, I won't be going off the deepend due to my approach. The plethora of low dose experiences I feel lend themselves towards avoiding the pitfalls listed above once I decide to go deeper more often.

One love

I know I've discussed this before but this is one of the most fascinating attributes if dmt. The fact that it didn't work in not ideal settings. Any other substance from caffeine to alcohol...no matter the setting it will do what it's supposed to do. You may have a horrible experience with the substance but it will work.