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The Good, The Bad & What Lies Beyond..

Migrated topic.

Oskar

Rising Star
The Good: The 1st time I tried DMT was really my 1st & 2nd. I dipped my toe in the water, got excited & then waded in a little deeper..

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Relaxed & Curious
(physical condition) Set: Comfortable & Well slept
Setting (location): Reclining sofa at home
time of day: 9pm/9:10pm
recent drug use: 1 glass of Rum with dry ginger ale. 2ml of cannabis infused organic coconut oil, to aid sleep & back pain, 2 nights earlier
last meal: 8pm, BBQ sausages & salad

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 90kg
known sensitivities: N/A
history of use: DMT virgin

BIOASSAY

Substance(s): DMT crystal
Dose(s): 20mg/50mg
Method of administration: Glass pipe


EFFECTS

Administration time: 10 seconds/10 seconds
Duration:5 minutes/15 minutes
First effects: 10 seconds/5 seconds
Peak: 1-5 minutes/1-10 minutes
Come down:5 minutes/15 minutes
Baseline:10 minutes/25 minutes

Intensity (overall): 1/3
Evaluation / notes: An incredibly beautiful & life altering experience

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 2/3
Implesantness: 0/2
Visual Intensity: 2/3
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS

Hangover: 0/0
Afterglow: 1/3 After my 1st try I felt excited, after my 2nd I was kinda lost in a comforting maelstrom of emotion, reflection & had a light body glow for 10 minutes


REPORT

*A couple of points before I start:

I've never been much of a visual tripper. On acid & mushrooms in the past, I've more often enjoyed altered states of perception & intense emotions, rather than blatant visual hallucinations. There's something about my brain that doesn't easy except visual inconsistencies. It runs deep, I'll even realise that I'm dreaming if anything seems out of place & wake or become conscious inside the dream.

Also, I'll do my best to articulate my experience.. But the English language really doesn't suffice, I'm not sure any spoken language would..

I sat forward on the lounge, heating the bowl of a glass pipe with a jet lighter. My 2 companions & I were new to this, so we were assessing the heating technique, being careful not to burn the DMT. As the white mist began to rise, I took 2 decent tokes. (I was a bong smoker for a long time & am very comfortable with smoking techniques) The taste was certainly nothing like anything I'd tried before. In my opinion it wasn't unpleasant, my companions didn't agree.

I placed the pipe down & sat back in my chair, thinking a little too hard as I tried to analyse the sensations my body was experiencing. At this point it was just a mild effect, almost like the last stages of relaxation as you fall asleep. The room became crisp, sharper, like I was seeing it in a much higher definition.

I closed my eyes & was excited to realise that the usual blackness that greets me behind my eyelids was being interrupted.. Lines began to form, they were made of energy, somehow they seemed to be simultaneously red & gold. A snowflake like pattern materialized, radiating towards me in a cone shape. My best description is that I was standing inside a fluid, living, evolving mandala..? I existed silently inside this mandala for maybe 5 minutes, completely in awe of not only seeing these visuals, but being inside them. The blackness crept back in as the red/gold energy faded, I opened my eyes & said "Wow, that was intense". (I had no idea. That was nothing)

At this point I excitedly tried to explain what I'd seen & asked 1 of my companions to load the pipe up again, with more this time.. As he passed the pipe to me, he asked how my real world visuals were. (He had seen some intense open eyed visuals, but that's his story to tell. If he ever joins the Nexus) I explained to him that I don't really see visual hallucinations, even on large doses of acid or mushrooms.

I eagerly heated the pipe & took 3 large tokes.. Within seconds I started laughing, feeling like a fool, my vision distorted. I said "Yep, there's some real world visuals" as I watched the moonbeams from a picture spring to life & actually illuminate a small portion of the room. Everything began to vibrate & I mean everything, light, sound, all the world as I was perceiving it was vibrating. I placed the pipe on the table (possibly with some help, I'm not sure at this point) & sank into my chair.

I closed my eyes & rather than the gentle patterns I had experienced earlier, I was inside an intense fluid kaleidoscope. The patterns were infinitely detailed & made from every colour that exists. They kept folding into & out of themselves. I had the sensation that I was travelling through these patterns. At this point I was still very aware of my body, but it felt far off, like it could just cease to be there at any moment. I took comfort in the fact that I could hear my breathing. It was actually all that I could hear, incredibly loudly, with echoing distortions on each exhale.

Then everything changed. Instead of the patterns being inside a black void, the world around me was white. I was still being shown patterns, but they had more substance & were made from these amazing shades of blue, green & yellow. They drew me in & I felt my body slipping away. As I relaxed further my limbs felt like they were sinking. The blue, green & yellow were replaced by what I can only describe as a red, white & blue, tentacled fungus flower..? (In all honesty, that doesn't even come close to describing it. But it's the best I've got!)

It expanded towards me, enveloping me. It felt as if it was like a balloon being inflated around me & I had the sensation that I was inside a jumping castle that was deflating..? (Once again sorry, best I can do!) It was here that I really felt myself detaching from my body, it felt as if I was experiencing death. As the tentacled fungus flower completely smothered me, there was a flash of both white & blue light, simultaneously & yet completely apart from each other. I felt my cheeks sink into my face & that was the sensation that made me recoil. (I've seen someone pass & the way their face relaxes & their cheeks sink in always stayed with me) I frantically gripped my body & opened my eyes with a start.

It took me a while to collect my thoughts & reconnect with my body. It was difficult to put into words what I had just been a part of. At the time I believed that flower to be sentient (I'm not so sure after more recent events, but that's another story), a life form so alien in nature that we couldn't possibly connect on any level. I felt as if it wanted to absorb me. I thought that I had mentally prepared myself for the experience, after having read books, websites & listened to as many podcasts as I could on the subject. I thought I would be ready to surrender when the time was right.. Instead I was left sitting there, feeling like all my other psychedelic adventures had been in black & white, then DMT turned the colour on.

Since that night I've felt I might have some trust & control issues.. I certainly wasn't ready to surrender to something like that.. It was a powerful experience & I thoroughly enjoyed it. It left me feeling more curious than when I'd started.

Thanks to anyone that takes the time to read this wall of text & I'd appreciate any feedback. Cheers & safe travels people. 😊
 
The Bad: I labeled this trip report as bad because I was taken to a dark place. Personally I feel it's important to experience & understand both sides of the coin, rather than hoping it's going to come up heads every time..

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Relaxed, but unfocused
(physical condition) Set: Comfortable, but tired
Setting (location): Reclining sofa at home
time of day: 4:30pm
recent drug use: N/A
last meal: 1pm, Kebab

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 90kg
known sensitivities: N/A
history of use: DMT novice

BIOASSAY

Substance(s): DMT crystal
Dose(s): 70mg
Method of administration: Vaporizer


EFFECTS

Administration time: 4 minutes
Duration: 10 minutes
First effects: 1 minute
Peak: 5-8 minutes
Come down: 10 minutes
Baseline: 15 minutes

Intensity (overall): 3
Evaluation / notes: The DMT got burnt & I believe that it changed the direction of the journey

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1
Implesantness: 3
Visual Intensity: 2
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS

Hangover: 1 I felt an emotional weight pulling on me
Afterglow: 0


REPORT

I was new to the vaporizer & unsure on optimal procedure, particularly concerning vaporizing crystal. After setting the heat to medium, I waited the suggested 3 minutes. Nothing seemed to be happening, so I turned the heat up to high. It took about another minute, but the chamber began to fill with vapour. I had a toke & there didn't seem to be much coming through, so I had another. This time I took it slow, drawing in deeply.

I sat back in my chair, the now familiar feelings washing over my body & closed my eyes. I was instantly greeted by the kaleidoscope of intricate folding patterns that I'd seen during previous journeys. I was being drawn through the patterns, but could tell that it wasn't as strong a pull as I'd felt in the past. At this point I sat forward & took another long toke from the vaporizer. Unfortunately it had still been heating on high & I was blasted with a lung full of hot, burnt vapour. The taste was terrible & it left a tingling, burning sensation on my lips & tongue.

I sat back once again & closed my eyes. Rather than the kaleidoscope or any of the other things I'd encountered, I found myself in a void. It wasn't only black, it seemed to have weight. It absorbed light & colour. My ears were hit with a cacophony of voices (I say hit because it was suddenly there), but the voices were distant. Hundreds of voices, all in some form of distress. Some were roaring in anger, yelling obscene language, others were screaming in pain or crying from heartbreak. It was quiet disturbing, but my attention was stolen by a vision that appeared in the void before me.

I was looking at a frail old man. He was standing, naked & was more of an energy imprint than solid flesh. (hard to explain, it was almost like an X-ray image?) It looked as if he was about to sit down, but his life force drained away. I watched as he died & fell backwards. A rectangular doorway/portal opened behind him, it was on a 45° angle & he fell directly into it. There was a distortion of energy around the border of the opening, inside it was even blacker than the void & I got the impression that I wouldn't enjoy witnessing the place that he was going.

I opened my eyes & was back in my room. I felt a weight on me, I guess it was concern for entities whose voices I had heard. They were in so much pain. I contemplated the old man & couldn't find any familiarity with him, but still felt that he deserved better than to end like that? It was an unusual journey for me, I have rarely experienced negativity on my psychedelic adventures.

I would really appreciate any feedback guys, it was such a stark contrast to any other DMT experience I've had. Thanks & safe journeys 😊
 
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: baseline, no strong emotions one way or the other
Setting (location): friends back yard
time of day: evening, just after sunset
recent drug use: cannabis, psilocybe fungi, LSD, MDMA, misc. Phenethylamines

PARTICIPANT
Gender: male
body weight: 68 kilograms
known sensitivities: none
history of use: this was my first DMT experience, though I had much experience with other psychedelics prior
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT freebase on top of cannabis
Dose(s): 200mgs DMT ; 0.5g high grade cannabis



*note: the dose range in this report is highly inflated, there is no reason to ever dose this high*

the first time I used N,N-dimethyltryptamine I smoked 200mgs of translucent yellow crystals on top of a small amount of high-grade cannabis, I consumed it in a single inhalation. I held the hit in less than 5 seconds when the rush began, "I don't believe it!" I kept repeating in my head, "this is impossible"....

my surroundings began to quiver and slither apart, faster than anything I had ever seen before, everything began moving away from everything else in a mash of brilliant color, geometric form, and speed, before fully shattering the "reality" in my visual and mental field.

it came on like a freight train, I remember thinking "oh fuck! Get this stuff out of me!" And frantically trying to exhale. It was pure terror, I thought "now you have done it! You killed yourself!" After brief mourning at the life I had just departed from I began to pay attention to the present, I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, the clouds felt like a domed ceiling, everything was wet, misty, cloudy and rainy, I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I dissolved out of existence, I interpreted this as dying, I knew that I was dead, and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death, just like sand slipping through finger cracks I tried to hold onto this all as my entire identity as a human was dissolved, I remembered my name, the earth, my family, who I was, being a human, and life, but like grabbing at smoke, it was futile, all of this slipped away and nearly faded entirely out of my memory, impossible to cling to all this, I had to let it go...

I kept thinking "what the fuck was life?" ...I could not tell if I was breathing or not, I would take air in, but couldn't feel it, I began taking in panicked deep breaths, thinking that none of the oxygen was entering my system, then noticed a pain in my chest...

... a giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest! It proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach removing all my organs and insides, I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, it nearly hit me, it then became a beautiful fractal-geometric object, morphing and color changing, at times it was metallic at other times it was a beautiful jewel, and all the while to look into it was to view endless geometric fractal patterns, moving, morphing, and changing color. The mantis then put this object in my torn up body, he began to make billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful colored light, and the mantoid filled my body with them, billions of them, becoming small as atoms to construct the new insides of my mangled corpse, then I was sealed up and propelled into an orange light where I was resurrected, my conscious-being (soul) was becoming reunited with the physical world...

...then I felt as if I was being pushed head first through a thick gelatinous membrane, violent gesticulations of the membrane surrounding me were forcing me through this thing...I was being born...slowly I began to recognize my surroundings, my face still covered in tears, I looked up and saw the branches of a tree in the yard all slither in sinister fashion in from all directions to take place and solidify as the tree in the distance, the world began to slither back into place, most things moved in an elegant liquid serpentine slithering motion, or like the dancing movements of a flame, I was deeply reminded of psilocybin.

As the world constructed itself back into the familiar, so did my conscious state and memory, I was still disoriented, and fairly traumatized, I thought I had been gone for millennia, "how long was I gone I asked?"...."about 20 minutes" was the answer ....those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 20 minutes, I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just been through being born, I was still covered in tears...any way the immense deep spiritual and psychological implications of this experience left me for ever transformed, reborn as a new person entirely, it was the single most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me, and changed me in many significant ways, all for the better.
-eg

-eg
 
You're a brave adventurer eg! That's a very large dose.. It's something that I would have tried when I was younger, but would have a hard time mustering the courage for now..

That sounds like it was a very testing journey.. One of the things that is interesting to me is that it was digging into your chest. I'm yet to experience having a body whilst journeying? I always just seem to be floating & observing. Existing as a single point of energy.
 
Oskar said:
You're a brave adventurer eg! That's a very large dose.. It's something that I would have tried when I was younger, but would have a hard time mustering the courage for now..

That sounds like it was a very testing journey.. One of the things that is interesting to me is that it was digging into your chest. I'm yet to experience having a body whilst journeying? I always just seem to be floating & observing. Existing as a single point of energy.

Brave is one word for it, idiotic would be another...

I guess it was arrogance, I had been doing high dose psilocybin and LSD, I was too dumb to realize what I was about to do to myself, though I'm glad that I did it this way, had I smoked a reasonable amount of DMT my first time, I never would have been able to bring myself to take such a dose, and I never would have known death in such an intimate manner, plus the transformation which occured afterwards was unbelievable, even my mother noticed how I had become an entirely new person (in a positive way), it was shamanic initiation in my mind, complete with rebirth with shamanic understandings and abilities.

I was curious, that's the only reason why I wanted to try DMT, and I accidentally induced "shamanic initiation", a personal apocalypse, a transformative crisis on the level of birth or death...

Shamanic abilities are generally brought on by a personal crisis, such as illness or sudden shock. Where this is not naturally forthcoming, initiations designed to produce the effects of such a state are used to bring about re-birth as a shaman. The shaman sees through everything, dies and is reborn, suffers the pangs of the world, and sees into its darkest corners. The near-death of initiation is common to shamans the world over and a metaphor for their experiences. Afterwards, they are never the same; everything has changed for them. They have known total knowledge and, to a degree according to their skills and strengths, have permanent access to it from that moment on.
( -shamanism bible; Mathews )

I would NEVER repeat this! I don't think I could repeat it if I wanted...

Oskar said:
That sounds like it was a very testing journey.. One of the things that is interesting to me is that it was digging into your chest. I'm yet to experience having a body whilst journeying? I always just seem to be floating & observing. Existing as a single point of energy.

Generally I don't have much of a body either, at times it's as though I have arms, but most the time, yeah, no body, there's nothing physical, there's no time, and space is something entirley different from what you generally recognize as "space". On this occasion, my "residual physical form" broke through...I clearly had a "body", the fear is indescribable, because you don't really feel physical pain in the same way, though you are put in an unbearable state, you would do ANYTHING to escape this fear, you feel yourself being dismembered, it's as if your "souls physical representation" was being attacked, the bardo thodol describes something similar:

The soul who is still not liberated after the Judgment will now be drawn remorselessly toward rebirth.

The lights of the six Lokas will dawn again; into one of these worlds the soul must be born, and the light of the one he is destined for will shine more brightly than the others. The soul is still experiencing the frightening apparitions and sufferings of the third bardo, and he feels that he will do anything to escape from this condition. He will seek shelter in what appear to be caves or hiding-places, but which are actually the entrances to wombs. He is warned of this by the text of the Bardo Thodol, and urged not to enter them, but to meditate upon the Clear Light instead; for it is still possible for him to achieve the third degree of liberation and avoid rebirth.

(The "clear light" is analogous to the initial DMT flash, but that's another topic)

Strangely, my experiance was not unique...

*in reference to Siberian shamanic initiation*
Often these initiations by either another shaman or the spirits involved a traumatic visionary death and rebirth experience. Sometimes this included a journey to the underworld, meetings with deities and the would-be shaman’s body being dismembered and then put together again.

The actual initiation can be equally excruciating. Most initiations in most cultures involve a symbolic death and rebirth: the candidate 'dies' to his old identity and is reborn to a new one. Shamanic initiates often experience this resurrection in gruesome ways. When the rai (spirits) make a shaman in western australia, they take him to their home.
'There they cut him up and hang up his insides...his body is dead, but his soul remains there, and on the order of the rai to look steadily at the part hanging up, he recognizes [his organs]. His body is put over a hot earth-oven, with magic cooking stones in it, and covered with paper-bark. The perspiration streams down. The rai replace his insides and close up the flesh. He is told that he can henceforth travel in the air like a bird or under the ground like a goanna...
....
Stories of disembowelment, dismemberment, and reassembly ( usually with magic stones or crystals inserted into the shamans frame) are best understood in this light.

-Hidden Wisdom: A Guide to the Western Inner Traditions
By Richard Smoley, Jay Kinney; page 161

The initiation is understood as a process of death and rebirth: “first, torture at the hands of demons or spirits, who play the role of masters of initiation; second, ritual death, experienced by the patient as a descent to hill or an ascent to heaven; third, resurrection to a new mode of being – the mode of ‘consecrated man,’ that is, a man who can personally communicate with gods, demons and spirits. For initiatory death is always followed by a resurrection; that is, in terms of psychopathological experience, the crisis is resolved and the sickness cured. The shaman’s integration of a new personality is in large part dependent on his being cured

-Written by Mircea Eliade, the entry for Shamanism in vol. 19 of Man, Myth and Magic

According to Mircea Eliade, such imagery often includes being transported to the spirit world and interacting with beings inhabiting it, meeting a spiritual guide, being devoured by some being and emerging transformed, and/or being "dismantled" and "reassembled" again, often with implanted amulets such as magical crystals. The imagery of initiation generally speaks of transformation and granting powers, and often entails themes of death and rebirth.

I discovered "shamanic initiation" in the years after my experience, while telling my story to other entheogen enthusiasts occasionally one would say "eliade described something similar", in total disbelief, still thinking that I was somehow special, I searched out these "similar experiences" and found to my surprise that they were in fact describing exactly what I went through.

I also discovered the "bardo thodol" (Tibetan book of the dead) as well as the Egyptian book of the dead, and made instant relations to what was being described in those texts with the DMT experience.

I feel the DMT experience is analogous to physical death, which explains why all the traditions which have tried to map the territory, and actually did so well, ended up producing something that is analogous to the DMT experience.

Below McKenna articulates similar views

At death, the thing that casts the shadow withdraws, and metabolism ceases. Material form breaks down; it ceases to be a dissipative structure in a very localized area, sustained against entropy by cycling material in, extracting energy, and expelling waste. But the form that ordered it is not affected. These declarative statements are made from the point of view of the shamanic tradition, which touches all higher religions. Both the psychedelic dream state and the waking psychedelic state acquire great import because they reveal to life a task: to become familiar with this dimension that is causing being, in order to be familiar with it at the moment of passing from life.

The metaphor of a vehicle--an after-death vehicle, an astral body--is used by several traditions. Shamanism and certain yogas, including Taoist yoga, claim very clearly that the purpose of life is to familiarize oneself with this after-death body so that the act of dying will not create confusion in the psyche. One will recognize what is happening. One will know what to do and one will make a clean break. Yet there does seem to be the possibility of a problem in dying. It is not the case that one is condemned to eternal life. One can muff it through ignorance.

Apparently at the moment of death there is a kind of separation, like birth--the metaphor is trivial, but perfect. There is a possibility of damage or of incorrect activity. The English poet-mystic William Blake said that as one starts into the spiral there is the possibility of falling from the golden track into eternal death. Yet it is only a crisis of a moment--a crisis of passage--and the whole purpose of shamanism and of life correctly lived is to strengthen the soul and to strengthen the ego's relationship to the soul so that this passage can be cleanly made. This is the traditional position...

What psychedelics encourage, and where I hope attention will focus once hallucinogens are culturally integrated to the point where large groups of people can plan research programs without fear of persecution, is the modeling of the after-death state. Psychedelics may do more than model this state; they may reveal the nature of it. Psychedelics will show us that the modalities of appearance and understanding can be shifted so that we can know mind within the context of the One Mind. The One Mind contains all experiences of the Other. There is no dichotomy between the Newtonian universe, deployed throughout light-years of three-dimensional space, and the interior mental universe. They are adumbrations of the same thing.

We perceive them as unresolvable dualisms because of the low quality of the code we customarily use. The language we use to discuss this problem has built-in dualisms. This is a problem of language. All codes have relative code qualities, except the Logos. The Logos is perfect and, therefore, partakes of no quality other than itself. I am here using the word Logos in the sense in which Philo Judaeus uses it--that of the Divine Reason that embraces the archetypal complex of Platonic ideas that serve as the models of creation. As long as one maps with something other than the Logos, there will be problems of code quality. The dualism built into our language makes the death of the species and the death of the individual appear to be opposed things.-terence McKenna

...

As the esoteric traditions say, life is an opportunity to prepare for death

ND: You have said that an important part of the mystical quest is to face up to death and recognize it as a rhythm of life. Would you like to enlarge on your view on the implications of the dying process?

TM: I take seriously the notion that these psychedelic states are an anticipation of the dying process-or, as the Tibetans refer to it, the Bardo level beyond physical death. It seems likely that our physical lives are a type of launching pad for the soul. As the esoteric traditions say, life is an opportunity to prepare for death, and we should learn to recognize the signposts along the way, so that when death comes, we can make the transition smoothly. I think the psychedelics show you the transcendental nature of reality. It would be hard to die gracefully as an atheist or existentialist. Why should you? Why not rage against the dying of the light? But if in fact this is not the dying of the light but the Dawning of the Great Light, then one should certainly not rage against that. There's a tendency in the New Age to deny death. We have people pursuing physical immortality and freezing their heads until the fifth millennium, when they can be thawed out. All of this indicates a lack of balance or equilibrium. The Tao flows through the realms of life and nonlife with equal ease. -terence McKenna



-eg
 
What Lies Beyond: This is an account of my most pleasant & intriguing adventure yet..

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Excited & Curious
(physical condition) Set: Tired after a days work
Setting (location): Reclining sofa at home
time of day: 5:30pm
recent drug use: N/A
last meal: Roast pork & salad for lunch

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 90Kg
known sensitivities: N/A
history of use: Novice

BIOASSAY

Substance(s): DMT Crystal
Dose(s): 90mg
Method of administration: Plastic bottle with bottom removed & replaced with alfoil


EFFECTS

Administration time: 15 Seconds
Duration: 20 Minutes
First effects: 20 Seconds
Peak: 1 - 15 Minutes
Come down:15 - 20 Minutes
Baseline: 20 Minutes

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes: Finally managed to let go & surrender to the experience

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 0
Visual Intensity: 4
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS

Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 3


REPORT

After varied success with both the glass pipe & vaporizer methods, I decided to try something different. I cut the bottom off a 2L juice bottle, moulded a sheet of alfoil (loaded up with 90mgs of DMT Crystal) over the bottom & fixed it in place with a rubber band. I carefully applied heat using a jet lighter & watched as vapour began to fill the chamber. I removed the lid, pricked a hole in the alfoil & inhaled deeply..

Within seconds I felt a wave wash over my body & I laid back in my chair. I closed my eyes & was instantly deep inside a place that was beginning to feel familiar to me. I had skipped past my initial entry pointy (usually a black void filled with impossible patterns, made of impossible colours) & found myself in a brilliant white void. There's always patterns here, but they're different. The pattern is made of blues, greens, yellows & whites. They eminate from a central point & feel as if they are memorizing me, drawing me in & massaging me?

I had been here a few times, it's at this point that I get an immense pressure in my head, as if I'm being pulled out of my body & sucked through the center of the pattern. My body relaxes beyond anything I've ever experienced & all of a sudden there's a simultaneous flash of white & blue lights. In the past I've panicked at this stage, frantically gripped my body & opened my eyes. But this time I surrendered to what can only be described as dying..

I was somewhere else, a place I'd never been. I didn't feel any connection to my former self, I couldn't hear myself breathing or feel my body at all. These things didn't exist in this place. I just was.. I wasn't omnipresent, rather I was a single point of energy. In front of me there was a veil, kind of like a window that stretched in all directions infinitely. It was made of energy, an invisible force I didn't understand? I felt as if I could pass through it if I wished..

Standing on the other side was a beautiful being. She didn't have facial features or any distinct features really, but was clearly female. She was cradling a pregnant belly. There were intense waves of love & nurture flowing from her to me. We didn't communicate & yet she was welcoming me to this place. Behind her was what I have to call a higher plain? Elysium, Nirvana, Heaven or some kind of fairytale like fantasy realm. Like the epitome of a perfect spring day, with some magic thrown in? Somehow I knew that she wasn't just there for me. She had always been there & would always be there, waiting to lovingly greet anyone ready to pass through the veil. As tempting as that may sound, my attention was elsewhere..

To my left was a man? He wasn't human, I'm not sure what he was, but he was very tall, thin & had an elongated head. He was crouching down in a wide squat, his hands were stretched out before him & where moving in intricate patterns. He was concerntrating deeply & didnt seem aware of me. But I was facinated by him. The patterns that had mesmorized, massaged & drawn me to this place where streaming from his hands & expanding out into the void! He had brought me here & was maintaining the bridge between our worlds! I wanted to understand what he had done. It seemed as if he had used the patterns & vibrations to completely overwhelm my senses & then helped me to let go & travel here..

At this point everything started fading & I found myself back in my chair. Feeling light, blissful & thankful to have experienced such an impossible thing.. I have had many amazing adventures, on a variety of substances, but this was different. I literally left my body & travelled to a different dimension.. & yet a small part of me wondered why, when faced with the most loving entity I've ever encountered, being welcomed into a heaven like realm, I was more interested in how I'd gotten there..!?
 
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