With great difficulty, I present my 10th 5-MeO-DMT experience report. Difficult, why so? Because it was the heftiest dosage that I have ever imbibed for starters. The volume was slightly more than 18+ mg of the 5 sacrament and it was my largest dose to date and honestly, the hardest one to fully ground and integrate into a normal, rational mindset. So much so, that I kept it set aside and on-hold, until enough of the ineffible details had recrystallized within my frail human cognition.
I began the journey as I always have previously done with any entheogen. I had fasted since the day before the blast-off and I earnestly spent considerable energy setting my intention and clearing my mind of all worldly hopes, fears, expectations and human concerns. Thus, my intended ascension into the vortexial fulcrum residing above, within and beyond all consensus reality, was aligned with both careful integrity and admittedly, some degree of sheer terror! After all, who in their right mind doesn't have some modicum and prevalent degree of preflight jitters, when courting an infinite state of mortal oblivion, one washing away the strings of concrete certainty, and any solid sense of conditioned ego-self referencing?
Thus, with some honest trepidation on my part, I raised the Eclipse vaporizer pipe to my slightly hesitant lips... and slowly inhaled the ignited vapor. In a matter of mere seconds, my entire world's framework began melting into a vacuumous, neon field of nondual effulgence. Not exactly like a blank canvas, rather, an unknowable luminous formlessness which blinded my normal perceptual dynamic. The Sanskrit term is Sunyata. Some psychonauts refer to this transformation as a "whiteout experience". At least, to the best of my limited ability, this was my remembrance of the immense shift in attention that rapidly raced into the indescribable Void of the zero-point field, one centered in enigmatic, resplendent repose. As I've a penchant for repeating, as the individual merges within the mysterious state of the Souce energy... all subjectivity dissappears like an Alkaseltzer tablet in a glass of water. Fizzing and dissolving into complete no-thingness and union with the sea of unformed potentiality, from which all the universe arise from and eventually returns back into. The bubbling & churning washes clean one's long-held ideas about oneself and all others, the inside and the outside, past or future, and the differentiation of all strata of manifest or unmanifest substantiation of all being/nonbeing. Stripping everything down to a primordial, unborn-born-undying conscious-awareness. Fading into so much cosmic dust scattered across the threshold of the eternal expanse of that which can only be described as, the inherent Divine presence.
Like unto a moth drawn to a flame, I willed my awareness into a mindset of complete surrender with an intense faith that there was a tremdous realization or enlightening truth to be revealed. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... and gone. As I now struggle to remember, what seemed like hours and hours of traveling, apparently took a mere handful of minutes to exponentially bloom. Hence, as is so often the case with nondual awakenings... all differentiation was erased and a kind of empty-fullness, which seemingly began to overwhelm any perception of this or that, serenely blossomed gloriously. This was a difect sensation, not just an idealogicsl construct. All boundaries incrementally vanished and the once defined container of myself became a translucent zenith exploding, a vibration increasing in intensity and therefore, shattering any iota of I-me-mine, along with his-hers-ours-theirs, and all divisions of separation. All became a tranquil state of completely seamless oneness. This Samadhi took hold and the seeker itself was distilled into a supreme stasis of sorts
While there arose a silencing of the observing nature of the mortal, there simultaneously evolved an innate unity betwixt the interior and exterior. One so powerful that it absorbed the witness of the experience into the vacuum of undifferentiated insubstanciation. One moment the pilgrim was riding the bucking bronco of limitless potentiation, then all became unfathomable silence and an unmoving stillness. Who can say how long this continued, as there was no longer anyone present to grok the dissolution of any degree of selfhood. So to, in the absence of all threads of concensus reality, as we collectively co-dream it, an ecstatic pause froze all cognition into an absolute mysterium, an ineffible transformation into limitless silence. Even now, I marvel at the nature of some ancient, yet infantile, causeless quintessence, itself abounding in some vast, utterly untouchable expanse and completely transcendental mystery. For it is far beyond the scope of written or spoken words to feasiblely capture.
It's truly impossible to know how much time had really taken place on the outside, for quite deeply within the innermost core, the pulsing soul which had generated the spiritual quest so eagerly traversed, had been effectively stopped in midstream. Frozen for some duration within the time-space-continuum, as it were. This seemed an eternity in the making but might have been just 15-20 minutes in earth time? Apparently, following the deconstruction, a gradual realignment eventually occurred and a type of cosmic rebirthing slowly dawned. Incrementally, a witness was re-emerging from the depths of the bright void. Back into conscious-awareness of being a subjective dreamer, once again. Infinite spiritual effulgence was returning into finite, 3-D physical mortality. And a great yearning awareness of existing as an individual began to return to the forefront. This was coupled with a most profound sense of gratitude, and a tremendously deep state of humility. Thus, like the jolting smack on the ass which babies receive from their mother's birthing doctor, a stark awareness of pain and the dramatic re-coalessence of centered selfhood manifested itself, once again. And along with it, despite the birthing trauma, an ecstatic blissfulness bloomed in an utterly joyous abandonment. Tears flowed and small rivers of thankfulness washed away any and all doubts about the immortality of the multidimensional spirit.
Notions of sheer perfection, of heavenly illumination and blessings began to become less mystical and far more that just a factual possibility... these ideas became palpably present phenomena. Until the full circle of awakening had been fully eclipsed and the reason for becoming was revealed anew It was so profound and so immensely energizing, that it's taken me years and years to come into some semblance of rational focus or construct a detailed descriptive narrative therein. I must emphatically declare that this was not akin to a blackout, nor an unconscious lapse in one's routine existential paradigm. Yet, admittedly there has been a sort of amnesia within my memory's core about the intricate details still coalescing for lo these several years. So, no wonder the story remained in a state of gestation for such an extended span of time. Even now, I feel wholly inadequate to voice the potency and force of such an realignment of spirit, self and no-self. I will have to reflect further and dive deeper into my innermost mind's heart to translate even a tiny fraction of the transcendent epiphanies which are still emerging. Consider it a work in prgress then, if you will?
Thank you for reading this topsy-turvy endeavor to craft a reasonable description of my 10th and arguably, my most potent voyage and complex integration with this 5 sacrament. May all souls find unity and true purpose. "All for one and one for all"... in a manner of an enthusiastic but theatrical proclamation. Namaskar, my beloved fellows & cosmic family members.
I began the journey as I always have previously done with any entheogen. I had fasted since the day before the blast-off and I earnestly spent considerable energy setting my intention and clearing my mind of all worldly hopes, fears, expectations and human concerns. Thus, my intended ascension into the vortexial fulcrum residing above, within and beyond all consensus reality, was aligned with both careful integrity and admittedly, some degree of sheer terror! After all, who in their right mind doesn't have some modicum and prevalent degree of preflight jitters, when courting an infinite state of mortal oblivion, one washing away the strings of concrete certainty, and any solid sense of conditioned ego-self referencing?
Thus, with some honest trepidation on my part, I raised the Eclipse vaporizer pipe to my slightly hesitant lips... and slowly inhaled the ignited vapor. In a matter of mere seconds, my entire world's framework began melting into a vacuumous, neon field of nondual effulgence. Not exactly like a blank canvas, rather, an unknowable luminous formlessness which blinded my normal perceptual dynamic. The Sanskrit term is Sunyata. Some psychonauts refer to this transformation as a "whiteout experience". At least, to the best of my limited ability, this was my remembrance of the immense shift in attention that rapidly raced into the indescribable Void of the zero-point field, one centered in enigmatic, resplendent repose. As I've a penchant for repeating, as the individual merges within the mysterious state of the Souce energy... all subjectivity dissappears like an Alkaseltzer tablet in a glass of water. Fizzing and dissolving into complete no-thingness and union with the sea of unformed potentiality, from which all the universe arise from and eventually returns back into. The bubbling & churning washes clean one's long-held ideas about oneself and all others, the inside and the outside, past or future, and the differentiation of all strata of manifest or unmanifest substantiation of all being/nonbeing. Stripping everything down to a primordial, unborn-born-undying conscious-awareness. Fading into so much cosmic dust scattered across the threshold of the eternal expanse of that which can only be described as, the inherent Divine presence.
Like unto a moth drawn to a flame, I willed my awareness into a mindset of complete surrender with an intense faith that there was a tremdous realization or enlightening truth to be revealed. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... and gone. As I now struggle to remember, what seemed like hours and hours of traveling, apparently took a mere handful of minutes to exponentially bloom. Hence, as is so often the case with nondual awakenings... all differentiation was erased and a kind of empty-fullness, which seemingly began to overwhelm any perception of this or that, serenely blossomed gloriously. This was a difect sensation, not just an idealogicsl construct. All boundaries incrementally vanished and the once defined container of myself became a translucent zenith exploding, a vibration increasing in intensity and therefore, shattering any iota of I-me-mine, along with his-hers-ours-theirs, and all divisions of separation. All became a tranquil state of completely seamless oneness. This Samadhi took hold and the seeker itself was distilled into a supreme stasis of sorts
While there arose a silencing of the observing nature of the mortal, there simultaneously evolved an innate unity betwixt the interior and exterior. One so powerful that it absorbed the witness of the experience into the vacuum of undifferentiated insubstanciation. One moment the pilgrim was riding the bucking bronco of limitless potentiation, then all became unfathomable silence and an unmoving stillness. Who can say how long this continued, as there was no longer anyone present to grok the dissolution of any degree of selfhood. So to, in the absence of all threads of concensus reality, as we collectively co-dream it, an ecstatic pause froze all cognition into an absolute mysterium, an ineffible transformation into limitless silence. Even now, I marvel at the nature of some ancient, yet infantile, causeless quintessence, itself abounding in some vast, utterly untouchable expanse and completely transcendental mystery. For it is far beyond the scope of written or spoken words to feasiblely capture.
It's truly impossible to know how much time had really taken place on the outside, for quite deeply within the innermost core, the pulsing soul which had generated the spiritual quest so eagerly traversed, had been effectively stopped in midstream. Frozen for some duration within the time-space-continuum, as it were. This seemed an eternity in the making but might have been just 15-20 minutes in earth time? Apparently, following the deconstruction, a gradual realignment eventually occurred and a type of cosmic rebirthing slowly dawned. Incrementally, a witness was re-emerging from the depths of the bright void. Back into conscious-awareness of being a subjective dreamer, once again. Infinite spiritual effulgence was returning into finite, 3-D physical mortality. And a great yearning awareness of existing as an individual began to return to the forefront. This was coupled with a most profound sense of gratitude, and a tremendously deep state of humility. Thus, like the jolting smack on the ass which babies receive from their mother's birthing doctor, a stark awareness of pain and the dramatic re-coalessence of centered selfhood manifested itself, once again. And along with it, despite the birthing trauma, an ecstatic blissfulness bloomed in an utterly joyous abandonment. Tears flowed and small rivers of thankfulness washed away any and all doubts about the immortality of the multidimensional spirit.
Notions of sheer perfection, of heavenly illumination and blessings began to become less mystical and far more that just a factual possibility... these ideas became palpably present phenomena. Until the full circle of awakening had been fully eclipsed and the reason for becoming was revealed anew It was so profound and so immensely energizing, that it's taken me years and years to come into some semblance of rational focus or construct a detailed descriptive narrative therein. I must emphatically declare that this was not akin to a blackout, nor an unconscious lapse in one's routine existential paradigm. Yet, admittedly there has been a sort of amnesia within my memory's core about the intricate details still coalescing for lo these several years. So, no wonder the story remained in a state of gestation for such an extended span of time. Even now, I feel wholly inadequate to voice the potency and force of such an realignment of spirit, self and no-self. I will have to reflect further and dive deeper into my innermost mind's heart to translate even a tiny fraction of the transcendent epiphanies which are still emerging. Consider it a work in prgress then, if you will?
Thank you for reading this topsy-turvy endeavor to craft a reasonable description of my 10th and arguably, my most potent voyage and complex integration with this 5 sacrament. May all souls find unity and true purpose. "All for one and one for all"... in a manner of an enthusiastic but theatrical proclamation. Namaskar, my beloved fellows & cosmic family members.
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