Self-container
I am in me
I did changa about two hours ago, so this trip report is very fresh; I don't know if waiting would spoil it or ripe it... I don't think it matters much however, as I intend to take changa again soon.
I did not enter the waiting room, nor hyperspace, but I got closer than I did the last two times, which happened over two years ago now. I didn't really want to push too much further, as I didn't have the time, and I wanted to digest the madness I had undergone. So, where does this begin?
Yesterday, a childhood friend contacted me, wanting to hang out. We hadn't hung out in months, and across many years, we have drifted apart. However, I have known him since kindergarten. I'll call him Mark. I didn't have time yesterday, and I was hesitant to ask him to hang out the next day, since I had planned to take changa alone. I found the coincidence to be somewhat eerie however, and I wondered if perhaps we were supposed to do this together. I thought about it, and today, my intuition told me that I should invite him.
So I did. He has very limited experience with psychedelics; in fact, I was the one that introduced him to the topic. We went on a hike, and I told about how DMT works. He was very interested to try, and I tried to temper his excitement with respect for the drug, and an acceptance that anything could happen. I told him he needed to be prepared to be unprepared. To further help things, we decided to ease into it (as the Nexus recommended).
We found a spot in a spurce forest, and sat down. We put a timer on 10 minutes, and meditated in silence. The wind roared, and the air was cold. I worked on identifying with the container of my thoughts and emotions, and not with the thoughts and emotions themselves. There may be fear, but if it is not mine, who cares? These kinds of thoughts helped in calming me.
When the timer rang, Mark said he wanted to go first. I put a very little amount in the bowl, and he smoked it. He felt nothing, which gave me a nice reference. I filled it up some more, and lit it. This time, he felt something, though he found it hard to put his finger on it. A "head tickle", he called it. After the second hit, he began consistently entering the slightly visually-distorted and somewhat unnerving first level; the lower end of it. He wanted to go further, but each time he took a hit (which were limited in size due to his inability to take bigger hits), he was a bit too nervous to go further. Eventually, he said he didn't want to try more for now, as I think he convinced himself he wasn't going to feel ready today. I said that it was great he didn't push himself further than he was ready for. He says he still wants to go deeper however, but he is simply too unnerved. I can empathize very much with that.
Then, it was my turn. I took a very small hit first, and I'm happy I did. I am much more sensitive than Mark, and this hit quite quickly gave me a moderate body high and visual distortion. Everything around me became a little shifty, and quite symmetrical. Nothing I haven't seen before, but the intensity of the come-up is what really unnerved me (and still does!). I also felt slightly clueless about what was happening for a short moment after this first hit. Basically, it reminded me that this is some heavy shiet!
Though once I had passed through the peak, I felt quite happy to take a bigger hit. I did, and this was more of the same, only more intense. Still not as intense as my first two trips, but nonetheless heavy. We tried to relight the bowl, but had some issue getting the torch to light, so I decided to just sit with a little. I closed my eyes and there was some faint geometry. Eventually, Mark got the torch working, and I came back for my last hit. This was bigger than the last, and the body high came on so fast I was a bit too scared to take a new hit. Instead, I laid back on the forest floor. These words from @Voidmatrix echoed in my mind:
I did. I felt a simultaneous peace and rush. My body began dissolving; just like it had on higher doses of LSD and shrooms before. The geometry in front of me became more vivid, but it was still pretty 2D. The headspace was really the crazy part.
I felt like I was back. Back to the Being I had reconnected with on my heroic doses of LSD, and on my 5.6 gram shrooms trip. A Being in which language is strange; I don't why it is strange, though I have an hypothesis I will explain at the end. This Being felt like it always has; a shifting state-space that is kind of foggily represented as some kind of morphing polytope. I experience flashes of specific states; random (often goofy) constellations of people, things, emotions, thoughts, etc. This Being is beyond each single manifestation; I don't know if it cycles through them or manifests them all simultaneously, yet separately from each other.
State-specific memory is some thing, eh? I felt like I was continually remembering this more fundamental plane of reality, yet continually forgetting the details of my more specified manifestation of it; my normal life. In this other plane, the difference between me and everyone else seemed very diminished, like we were all our own pair of eyes eternally exploring the state-space, yet ultimately belonging to the same underlying Being, a unity manifested at our plane through the interchangeability of our personalities (given enough time exploring the infinite state-space, I would be you, and you would be me).
I remembered that oh-so deep question; WHY?
The Being felt like all there was; as such, there is nothing beyond it to give it meaning. It chooses everything, and is chosen by nothing. It has no way to differentiate. It is simply left with a WHY that reverberates eternally.
My language may seem to indicate to some that I am hinting at Samadhi, or complete Oneness. I doubt that I experienced the highest form of it. Instead, I think I got closer to it. Here's my hypothesis:
I think I maybe entered a transitional state between tripping balls and entering the waiting room. In this transitional state, I am identified with the morphing state-space of a certain subset of all possibilities. This subset is the one quantifying over the mundane, whatever it is. This subset knows nothing beyond itself, and is thus screaming WHY for all eternity. That isn't to downplay its infinite size; but, it is nothing to The All. In this vastness of possibility, there are infinitely many mappings between signifiers and signifieds (to put it in semiotic terms); I think this is why my language is so strange to me during this state.
I want to go past it. I want to enter the state-space beyond, what I think might be referred to as hyperspace by more experienced psychonauts. I might go for my second dive on Wednesday. I know what to expect for the level already entered, and that makes me confident enough to try to surpass (or transcend) it. Thank you for reading, I know this wasn't nuts like other people's experiences, but I am easing into it
I did not enter the waiting room, nor hyperspace, but I got closer than I did the last two times, which happened over two years ago now. I didn't really want to push too much further, as I didn't have the time, and I wanted to digest the madness I had undergone. So, where does this begin?
Yesterday, a childhood friend contacted me, wanting to hang out. We hadn't hung out in months, and across many years, we have drifted apart. However, I have known him since kindergarten. I'll call him Mark. I didn't have time yesterday, and I was hesitant to ask him to hang out the next day, since I had planned to take changa alone. I found the coincidence to be somewhat eerie however, and I wondered if perhaps we were supposed to do this together. I thought about it, and today, my intuition told me that I should invite him.
So I did. He has very limited experience with psychedelics; in fact, I was the one that introduced him to the topic. We went on a hike, and I told about how DMT works. He was very interested to try, and I tried to temper his excitement with respect for the drug, and an acceptance that anything could happen. I told him he needed to be prepared to be unprepared. To further help things, we decided to ease into it (as the Nexus recommended).
We found a spot in a spurce forest, and sat down. We put a timer on 10 minutes, and meditated in silence. The wind roared, and the air was cold. I worked on identifying with the container of my thoughts and emotions, and not with the thoughts and emotions themselves. There may be fear, but if it is not mine, who cares? These kinds of thoughts helped in calming me.
When the timer rang, Mark said he wanted to go first. I put a very little amount in the bowl, and he smoked it. He felt nothing, which gave me a nice reference. I filled it up some more, and lit it. This time, he felt something, though he found it hard to put his finger on it. A "head tickle", he called it. After the second hit, he began consistently entering the slightly visually-distorted and somewhat unnerving first level; the lower end of it. He wanted to go further, but each time he took a hit (which were limited in size due to his inability to take bigger hits), he was a bit too nervous to go further. Eventually, he said he didn't want to try more for now, as I think he convinced himself he wasn't going to feel ready today. I said that it was great he didn't push himself further than he was ready for. He says he still wants to go deeper however, but he is simply too unnerved. I can empathize very much with that.
Then, it was my turn. I took a very small hit first, and I'm happy I did. I am much more sensitive than Mark, and this hit quite quickly gave me a moderate body high and visual distortion. Everything around me became a little shifty, and quite symmetrical. Nothing I haven't seen before, but the intensity of the come-up is what really unnerved me (and still does!). I also felt slightly clueless about what was happening for a short moment after this first hit. Basically, it reminded me that this is some heavy shiet!
Though once I had passed through the peak, I felt quite happy to take a bigger hit. I did, and this was more of the same, only more intense. Still not as intense as my first two trips, but nonetheless heavy. We tried to relight the bowl, but had some issue getting the torch to light, so I decided to just sit with a little. I closed my eyes and there was some faint geometry. Eventually, Mark got the torch working, and I came back for my last hit. This was bigger than the last, and the body high came on so fast I was a bit too scared to take a new hit. Instead, I laid back on the forest floor. These words from @Voidmatrix echoed in my mind:
I did. I felt a simultaneous peace and rush. My body began dissolving; just like it had on higher doses of LSD and shrooms before. The geometry in front of me became more vivid, but it was still pretty 2D. The headspace was really the crazy part.
I felt like I was back. Back to the Being I had reconnected with on my heroic doses of LSD, and on my 5.6 gram shrooms trip. A Being in which language is strange; I don't why it is strange, though I have an hypothesis I will explain at the end. This Being felt like it always has; a shifting state-space that is kind of foggily represented as some kind of morphing polytope. I experience flashes of specific states; random (often goofy) constellations of people, things, emotions, thoughts, etc. This Being is beyond each single manifestation; I don't know if it cycles through them or manifests them all simultaneously, yet separately from each other.
State-specific memory is some thing, eh? I felt like I was continually remembering this more fundamental plane of reality, yet continually forgetting the details of my more specified manifestation of it; my normal life. In this other plane, the difference between me and everyone else seemed very diminished, like we were all our own pair of eyes eternally exploring the state-space, yet ultimately belonging to the same underlying Being, a unity manifested at our plane through the interchangeability of our personalities (given enough time exploring the infinite state-space, I would be you, and you would be me).
I remembered that oh-so deep question; WHY?
The Being felt like all there was; as such, there is nothing beyond it to give it meaning. It chooses everything, and is chosen by nothing. It has no way to differentiate. It is simply left with a WHY that reverberates eternally.
My language may seem to indicate to some that I am hinting at Samadhi, or complete Oneness. I doubt that I experienced the highest form of it. Instead, I think I got closer to it. Here's my hypothesis:
I think I maybe entered a transitional state between tripping balls and entering the waiting room. In this transitional state, I am identified with the morphing state-space of a certain subset of all possibilities. This subset is the one quantifying over the mundane, whatever it is. This subset knows nothing beyond itself, and is thus screaming WHY for all eternity. That isn't to downplay its infinite size; but, it is nothing to The All. In this vastness of possibility, there are infinitely many mappings between signifiers and signifieds (to put it in semiotic terms); I think this is why my language is so strange to me during this state.
I want to go past it. I want to enter the state-space beyond, what I think might be referred to as hyperspace by more experienced psychonauts. I might go for my second dive on Wednesday. I know what to expect for the level already entered, and that makes me confident enough to try to surpass (or transcend) it. Thank you for reading, I know this wasn't nuts like other people's experiences, but I am easing into it
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