The universe has a quick conversation with my ego

[edge2054]

Took a large hit of spice and held it in while staring at myself in the mirror.

Held my breath until I couldn't any longer, watched as tiny rainbow colored letters poured themselves across my flesh and hyperspace bled out onto the walls around my bathroom mirror. I could see the anxiety in my chest as my heart beat, the fear inside of me.

Felt the presence of entities, heard their words in my head, on some level knowing that there is no separation I allowed them in.

I looked at my face, stared into my eyes, and we stared back. We spoke, through our flesh, with our mouth. My ego was afraid. Afraid to speak aloud. But we heard it's doubt. Confronted it's fear. We smiled at it. Met it's fear with warmth and love in our eyes. Told it that everything is okay and that it is loved. That we're always here, with it, even in the darkest times when it feels most alone. We are here.

 

[The M tea]

Its GOOood! (Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty)

 

[expansionmirror]

Hi Edge,

I just wanted to say I've really enjoyed reading your posts and about your experiences. You have a unique writing style that captures the concerns of solipsism in a very personal way. A very comforting feeling that is touching and hard to describe.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for sharing! Be safe for yourself and your family

 

[edge2054]

hehe.. The M Tea, I actually thought about that movie a bit after this experience.

expansionmirror, thanks for the feedback This stuff is so personal I sometimes hesitate to share it. I also sometimes question if sharing my headspace with entities is 'healthy'. I mean it sounds almost schizophrenic. I had to stop and ask myself during this experience if I was going crazy or going sane. But I figure as long as all they're doing is reassuring me then it really is all good

*edit* By the way, I love that Jacob's Ladder quote. One of my favorite movies and probably my favorite line in it.

 

[Jarl Von Hoother]

looking into mirror is interesting
when I did mushrooms on halloween night two years ago
while traveling I stayed in this abandoned florist shop
it have everything, but especially this one big mirror
I found hidden among some papers, I hung that day

out of nowhere these mushrooms I got from the festival
started making everything feel warm, and I could not
pull myself away from the mirror, I talked to it
whose beautiful face morphed and wavered through out, cheeks swollen
eyes that search and seek, my reason for being there- looking for just any inspiration
an entire dialouge with ego!

followed by dancing around it all night, feeling like a bird was soaring above my body, and later an activity for the all too feeling(?) as I ran through every room, and every alley- literally chasing my fear of the darkness, talking to girls in bunny outfits and I saw this mother running and holding her sons hand, looking back and looking up at her with all the trust of his cautious heart running with her, across this bridge as an italian man seranding as his boat goes flotsam gently down the river...

and here I am and all I though I wanted to do was know who I am
:lol:

 

[Abrazaderas]

I also sometimes question if sharing my headspace with entities is 'healthy'. I mean it sounds almost schizophrenic. I had to stop and ask myself during this experience if I was going crazy or going sane. But I figure as long as all they're doing is reassuring me then it really is all good

my personal approach is: entities are shot on sight. seek and destroy is the name of the game. sterilize everything. anytime something tries to reassure me i instantly retaliate, because he who can soothe your conscience can enslave you. when someone sweet talks you, they are seeking leverage to take advantage of you.

do as thou wilt is the whole of the law; take your test as you see fit, no one gets a grade until the end. i don't know your conditions and don't second-guess your decisions.

dmt with a mirror is a great idea, i think i'll place one on the alter deep in the woods for my next operation. a moonless night in a stone temple with a single candle staring into my eyes, caapi and spice...

and yeah, jacobs ladder quote, that's good. looking forward to meeting the devil.

 

[edge2054]

Well...

The thing about the entities I've encountered is that they're not separate from me and I'm not separate from them. It's a whole, a we, an us. They communicate telepathically by beaming thoughts straight into my brain and the thoughts are in my own voice.

To take the mystical out of it completely. Say there's no god, no religion, just psychology.

I have two voices inside of me, one saying life is all good. That I'm loved. That it's cool to relax. That I'm not alone and there's no reason to be afraid. And the other voice is like, this needs to be done, and I need to be stressed out about this, and this thing here isn't quite right, and this thing over here I *need* to understand better.

The first voice feels foreign to me, alien, yet familiar somehow. Perhaps this is due to upbringing or biology or whatever. The second voice is the voice I associate with 'me'.

Of the two, the second certainly sounds crazier. The second is the one that attempts to rationalize the first voice. The second voice is the one that asks, is this God? Is this an angel? Is this the universal mind that the machine elves maintain?

The first voice just says we are here and we love you.

 

[The M tea]

The entities are beyond good and evil i think
until we contact them and they mingle with our realm of good and evil.
Then they become good or they become evil,all in accordance with our ability-personal totem power to confront the unknown.
Entities pick up on our thoughts and emotions and can utimately show us how powerful our minds good or evil projections are in altered states.

 

[Botanical Bliss]

Well...

The thing about the entities I've encountered is that they're not separate from me and I'm not separate from them. It's a whole, a we, an us. They communicate telepathically by beaming thoughts straight into my brain and the thoughts are in my own voice.

To take the mystical out of it completely. Say there's no god, no religion, just psychology.

I have two voices inside of me, one saying life is all good. That I'm loved. That it's cool to relax. That I'm not alone and there's no reason to be afraid. And the other voice is like, this needs to be done, and I need to be stressed out about this, and this thing here isn't quite right, and this thing over here I *need* to understand better.

The first voice feels foreign to me, alien, yet familiar somehow. Perhaps this is due to upbringing or biology or whatever. The second voice is the voice I associate with 'me'.

Of the two, the second certainly sounds crazier. The second is the one that attempts to rationalize the first voice. The second voice is the one that asks, is this God? Is this an angel? Is this the universal mind that the machine elves maintain?

The first voice just says we are here and we love you.

Perhaps your conscious and subconscious?

 

[Abrazaderas]

Well...

The thing about the entities I've encountered is that they're not separate from me and I'm not separate from them. It's a whole, a we, an us. They communicate telepathically by beaming thoughts straight into my brain and the thoughts are in my own voice.

To take the mystical out of it completely. Say there's no god, no religion, just psychology.

I have two voices inside of me, one saying life is all good. That I'm loved. That it's cool to relax. That I'm not alone and there's no reason to be afraid. And the other voice is like, this needs to be done, and I need to be stressed out about this, and this thing here isn't quite right, and this thing over here I *need* to understand better.

The first voice feels foreign to me, alien, yet familiar somehow. Perhaps this is due to upbringing or biology or whatever. The second voice is the voice I associate with 'me'.

Of the two, the second certainly sounds crazier. The second is the one that attempts to rationalize the first voice. The second voice is the one that asks, is this God? Is this an angel? Is this the universal mind that the machine elves maintain?

The first voice just says we are here and we love you.

that makes more sense to my paradigm. i keep it totally bio-psychological. on the dual voice, that is pretty much my same experience. in my workings with occult stuff, i consider the demons and angels as parts of myself fragmented through injury, the opposition of which i must equilibriate in order to defeat and consume them back into me. with any entity, i absorb them through identification, and thus regain the life force which animates them enough that they start trying to become, or at least trick me into thinking, they are individual, separate organisms.

god is utterly alone. my dealing with an entity isn't through until i hear only silence. a sterile laboratory. sanitation, sanity, means 'clean', free of foreign matter. from the control room behind my sensorium, i act to maintain my soul as a flawless sphere, eliminating contagions. this necessary so that my oneness can experience many-ness, the love of hadit for nuit, the point and the ocean, thus we are separated only for the joy of reuniting.

 

[Aftermath]

Perhaps you learned that you are indeed the universe yourself.

 

[Pandora]

edge2054,

My first reaction upon reading that was quite simple, "Nice."

I think I'll leave it at that except for one quick question . . . as you began to return to baseline were you still looking in the mirror? Did you appear to have pointed elf ears? LOL, it's something us regular chatters have noticed in the past.

 

[changalvia]

edge2054

I am super glad I read this.

I have wanted to have a mirror trip for a while now and even thought of posting about it to see if others have experience with it last week. This darn synchronicity :d

I like your style of describing things and your ideas / thoughts strike a chord for me. Especially how you mentioned the entities are a "we" instead of a "them".

I look forward to reading more from you!

Safe travels

 

[Pandora]

LOL - changalvia,

Your avatar looks like some sort of hyperspace sick frak speed freak,

 

[edge2054]

edge2054,
I think I'll leave it at that except for one quick question . . . as you began to return to baseline were you still looking in the mirror? Did you appear to have pointed elf ears? LOL, it's something us regular chatters have noticed in the past.

hehe... I can't say that I looked. But to quote Tool, "the eyes looked so familiar"

I took a much higher dose a few days after this one and ended up back in the bathroom for other reasons (scented candles aren't a very good vaporization tool).

In the mirror I saw my 'inner buddha', lots of turning mandalas all over my flesh, and the faint forms of my entity friends. Was really cool, aside from the terrible drip in the back of my throat from the candle that is

 

[Enoon]

Hi edge2054,

I really liked how you encountered your ego with warmth and not with the usual "the ego must die" attitude that so many have. I think there's many ways to achieve the same thing, and which way works probably depends on very many factors. For Abrazaderas meeting the entities with a need to dissolve them works to purify his being it seems. I tend to a rout more like the one you describe however. I don't believe in sterilization... I believe in evolution. Every entity I meet is another part of myself or the cosmos that I have come to illuminate and with this act I grow / evolve. I always invite them in. Sometimes they bring trouble with them, but so far I've been strong enough to survive and push further.

I like your writing. Stick around and enjoy the forum.

cheers

 

[Pandora]

I took a much higher dose a few days after this one and ended up back in the bathroom for other reasons (scented candles aren't a very good vaporization tool).

:?: :? :surprised :shock: :!: Yikes!