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Though I died and this new reality was my new life

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Hanltd

Hanltd

Rising Star
This is my first post.
Im writing it since my last experience with Changa was too much to handle and need some insight on more experienced users to understand some things and to be able to get the courage to try it again.
I have been experimenting with Dmt infused leaves for some months (Changa made with aya vine and other leaves as well as 40% Dmt).
Since the first time I smoked, I had done my research and found the best method was laying down with some air plane blindfolds in semi dark room and a pillow for when going back after the hit. I Also knew nobody died, that it will come down after a few mins etc .

First experiences were ok. First night I got a hold of the DMT (I had been seeking it for many years), I smoked a small first hit and got the visuals and very mild similarity to ayahuasca feeling ( Ive done aya in Iquitos Peru twice). Second hit the same, a bit stronger, it let me know what this was about and I was in amazement


Second day I tried changa it was with with my GF, we love each other but have been having a really rough year since we came to another country together. She was there all along the bad and worst times (super girl) but also has her faults as I do, that have made us accumulate resentment towards each other but we hang on through good and bad.

Well second day my GF tried a bit, she saw some colours and sort of elves showing her stuff (CREATIVITY SHE SAID) and all good just a few mins long.

Then I smoked and got a bigger dose than the previous day, I went into this alternate reality made up of fractals and triangular shapes and reddish greenish and yellowish colours, as soon as I exhaled I felt as if entities (gods, aliens or whatever were sort of mad that I was showing people this substance, that this wasn’t for everyone, not to be taken lightly). As if they were mad and I wasn’t t welcomed there, I didn’t feel comfortable, also saw some glimpses of a feminine entities that walked passed but just saw like sticks or long legs and just a glimpses from a side view. It was so strong that I kept talking the blindfolds on and off just to know i could go back to this reality. But then I learned I should not take them off since it grounded me back and even a light sound in the room that felt sort of distant would take me back a bit to reality, and a similar feeling to one I got on aya in the jungle when I heard well “jungle sounds”.
A clownish face(not actually a clown) but like a scary clown deforming in various shapes and swirling is something I saw there, and have seen again in my last trips (will get to that too).
In conclusion it was super strong and my GF was waiting next to me when I took blindfolds off and told her I wasn’t smoking it again in a while, that it was too strong.
Some weeks past, I made attempts to smoke alone, my gf had travelled and I failed at trying to smoke, I had fear and I guess I didn’t really have the courage to smoke alone like that yet, wanted to take it slow with this substance. I took low doses but felt more spiritual and thoughtful than anything else.

Some weeks pass and i decided to smoke again, and it definately was a bigger dose. And this happens:

I Start to hear some really strange noises, as of machinery like and I think I panicked or something as I took the blindfolds off and sat up, I felt as if it was no difference with or without blindfolds or somehitng like that ( if i remember correctly), I think I just got scared a bit and wanted to get up, so I sit up and saw right next to me this humanoid stranger person( which was this girl, but transformed into another type of HUMANOID WITH GREY SKIN & ROUND FACE looking at me, but with such a calm and loving look. And at that moment I got so confused and I thought I had just died and just woken up from a dream (which was my life, the actual reality) and that that was it , I had just died and this is what happens when you die. I got scared stood up from the bed and out of the room. I was in my friends flat, but everything had changed into a futuristic version of the reality, I could see the objects that used to be in the room but they were all like digitalised perfect versions of the same objects and the room was totally different. FUTURISTIC. DIGITALIZED. 3D.
I felt i needed to get out of the flat,since I though I had died and needed to find my way back to what I knew. First things that came to my head where what about my gf and my mom?? So then instead I went to the window and stuck my head out , just to find everything outside was also a futuristic version of everything. Like a new world or a future world. I was so confused, I though I fucked up and died and that this was it, this was dying.
Wowww, its been more than a week since this has passed and I get goosebumps as I write and remember all that I felt. Its still so vivid.

All I kept thinking was I had screwed up and had died, I had smoked too much, but couldn’t remember very well, then I though what are my parents and girlfriend gonna think, how are they gonna know how Im here, and then I remembered but faintly that I smoked dmt and that I was in my friends place, and thought but I miss them I want to be back there, why did I die, it was all a confusion and just kept repeating why, what has happened, why is it like this???

I missed my gf and my family and was asking why is it like this, why, why? Then the room started to come back to the reality I knew, and told was coming down, I stared to come back, and felt so wonderful to be back and that this was passing.


Really bizarre experience if you ask me, the reality came into the TRIP, big mistake to open my eyes and get up I think, but it was too much to handle.
Just how everything came to be (NOT ONLY THE TRIPS, BUT THE CHAIN OF EVENTS) was really really bizarre.

. It took some days for me to really absorb what had happened, everything was just so crazy andafter I was in a sort of shock ( i guess) but at the same time feeling not that bad. :s . What happened to me didn’t really kick in fully until some days or a week after that when I smoked again.

I wasn’t going to smoke , but since my GF did it I wanted to accompany her, she took 2 hits separately and then I smoked a hit afterwards, taking turns, not at the same time. I took a "small dose”.

I don’t know what it was but felt that when I took the hit,everything came back the memories or whatever of the last trip, and It was a dark with colours like place and I didn’t really want to be there, like it was telling me why do you want to come back here, you already know this and you don’t want to be here. The bad clownish face figure that deforms and swirls appeared too for a millisecond. But since the hit came up I was just wanting it to come down, not enjoyable at all and just dark feeling. I ended the trip shedding a few tears and feeling just shaken.

Felt as if thats the place where we go when we die, that crazy clownish swirling fractal dark place, and I don’t want to go there again, I like being alive. I don’t want to die. I want to be here, over there is too inhospitable and foreign and I don’t like it.
Dont know if I broke through or if THERE brokethrough this reality :s ???'

That has been my last experience and Im not wanting to go near it again. I hope this passes since I like what this tool has to offer, and I feel it put me in a path of personal development and spiritual growth until this bad situations that I experienced that is a little too much for me to get back into it right away. Lets see how it goes

If anybody has had anything remotely similar to this or could shed some knowledge on how to overcome this fear that I now have for smoking again. I think I will no touch it for a while, but hopefully not forever.

Was that even a breakthrough or what the fffff......???

Also ive been having this bit of anxiety feeling sometimes mostly after smoking really sativa type of cannabis, due to the idea that this what is happening to me is really reality or a dream and if im about to die and wake up. I dont really know how to explain it but sort of detached at moments.
I appreciate what I have here.
Thanks to All Psychonauts and DMT Nexus forum for the chance to share this so personal experiences and learn from each other.

Peace,
A.
 
Connecting more often would mean smoking again? Care to explain a bit , hehe.
Ive been having this feeling of doubting about this reality after my experience. As if its just a dream and when i die il wake up. I get to this moment for a few seconds that feeling. Random moments random days, but its been over a month now too :s
 
No, by no means at all, maybe you shouldn't smoalk at all right now! If you have to go (to hyperspace) maybe better use brew or pharma and 'face all the instances', incl. the weighting of your heart and checking your insides out -- not just pop up like some tourist at random spots (they are not random).

The essence of various religionism practices are typically focusing on: being on the (bodhi) path at the moment of death (i.e. all moments) and not being caught unawares......think about it.

Should one go into hyperspace unaware? Like some tourist?

One our teachers said:
Hazrat Alauddin Sabir Kalayri (AS) said:
An illiterate and greedy mystic is Satan's clown.....
Click to expand...

Illiterate here means not the inability to read, but the inability to 'READ'....


BTW*apologies for sounding so rather harsh, rude, arrogant and haughty -- we also hate the way intezam speaks...
 
Im definately not smoking more right now nor in a near future. Im totally scared and just everyting says no , I dont wanna go back there. I definately dont want to do it as a tourist, and thought I was ready enough, but no and im not sure il ever be ready for a breakthrough experiece. Nor if I want to.
So to go into hyperspace more aware what would one have to work first??. I thought I was ready to handle it although I now know its a more lengthier process.
Also what do you mean by randoms spots?
When I drank brew it was hard, but not like this, this was just too strong, the sounds, and the thought I had died , all was just too much. Also when they say to smoke more and that wouldn happen, how does someone smoke more than one of those hits of changa or spice???? its just too much.
 
Yeah, we don't know what we meant by 'random spots' it has perhaps no meaning.
Or maybe we was under the influence of a weird trance when we typed that? We don't know....

We believe, that if one had a vision of -- Next stop: Hell, one way of freeing oneself (from ending up there) is to 'free a slave'. This can refer to self also. Naturally, self implies other. That boday part of the slave that you free (from slavery), that part of your boday won't go to hell....:lol:

Therefore, it would perhaps be best to start with freeing (the slaves' ) mind, followed by the heart? It may all be BS but these are just small-mouth-words-game-play....?
As for what course of action to take, we think it gradually becomes clear with time.....try to look at nature if you can.


Please remain open and cheerful: Many great people incl. prophets, buddhas as well as most other rishis had a vision of hell....it's just the hyperspace way of saying: Get good set and setting throughout your entire lifes.

Let everything settle and sink home for now, if you can dream you are never completely cut off from the (interpreter of that) knowledge of reality.

It's wrathful side may appear as a shocking or awful experience, but that way it won't be forgotten.
Anyways, we are NOT in a position to really give any advice here since we face the very same difficulties!! And our forum doesn't allow for spoon feeding....:lol:
 
So that could be q vision of let's say hell?? Because I didn't really like being there.
I definately need to work on myself but, mind and heart. It's easier said than done though.
I do try to look at and appreciate nature, when I can at least. I guess it's all the ego afraid of the letting go of well everything I guess.
I'm try to let everything sink in , and try to get the positive out of it. I do apreciate more this "reality"after what ive been through I just feel the fear more present of what comes next, "death". And that we can't understand something of that magnitude, but still I feel as if its familiar to the process but the ego creates the fear.
Good set and setting throughout life would mean living doing what feels right and makes you feel at peace. I do try.
Freeing my mind and heart is something that will need some serious work . Years.
Thank you for the words . I will re read as needed.
I do hope to be able to try this again and maybe have a good experience that could help me deal with this fear of death and what comes next , the actual process of dying and if it will be as scary as this was. I think when the time comes nothing at all will matter and that natural nature of it will be just that , a natural process , but Im way too too put off from it now .
 
DMT has caused me the 'death experience', and my friends have reported it as well, many times now. I think it's something with the omnipresence of DMT and related tryptamines that causes it to carry this life and death cycle locked in its bank of effects that a human may access...
 
Yeah I had read about that feeling of dying in some reports too, but when this happened the "trip" It was the first time that I had done my changa with eyes open since i took off the blindfolds and stood up, other times was laying down lights off incense and and everything EVERY TIME, but this was just so weird, I heard some really strange noises when I was laying down and when I released the hit (I felt it was a big hit when it went through my throat), I just springed up and had to open my eyes. It really felt as if I just woken up from my dream (this reality). And there was this girl that turned into an alienish type of human with a more rounded face and greyish skin, and I thought for a few seconds she had always been my partner in this life and I just woke up from a dream or something like that, really really super weird stuff.
Now its time to get things in line, and integrate everything with my life. (sounds easier than it actually is) .
Hopefully Im in a better place further down and then contemplate the idea of doing this sacred changa again.
 
Just passing through here again, intezam Thank you so much for the work in putting up links, they have and still are helping me ground things down and realize things that I didnt at the time. This whole experience some months past now has put me in the path of looking deeper into tibetian budhism since it fits most with my beliefs, and other western religions are just so off for me. I don't know what it is but something there is calling. :)
Also the girl I saw when I thought I had died was my gf of 9 years (things seem to be getting better) .It came to me a few days ago , in a random moment of clarity , super super weird , at times I feel as if the dmt presence comes back and gives me this sort of clarity/insight. Now I'm getting the calling to work with iboga medicine in a near future, I think it will help me get answers and uncertainty about my fears and doubts about things as the moment of death and what comes after. Dmt is out of my foreseeable future at the moment . Appreciate all the answers and Intezam I need to contact you somehow hehe . Thanks .
 
Hi there, Intezam thanks for trying to reach out, im uncapable of atm, but it would be of much help to do so at some time :) . Still everything you have responded has resonanted in many ways and is of much guidance, although I constantly battle with myself and my ego.... there is something......and that has put me in the path I am now.
Have so much to say and soo much to ask, but nobody as like minded and directing in sight.
I know now what you meant when you talked about awareness...... just cant thank you enough.... and that everything becomes clear with time.........
About "free a slave" too, it really couldnt be more precise with everything, to the point that I think none of this is just random....... not even this post nor the replys......there is just too many things that coincide.
Things are different....idk how to put in words, don think I can put it into words, but this sort of "connection" with has changed me in many ways. And for the better.
Thanks Intezam!
 
Thanks for your story, Hanltd. Yep - it's all about death (and hence, birth (and hence, life (and hence, death(...)*))).

According to Mystery School in Hyperspace: A cultural history of DMT, by Graham St John, there is evidence that large doses of DMT are dumped into one's cerebrospinal fluid at birth and death by the mysterious pineal gland. Located at the center of your brain, the pineal is a pea-sized organ which seems to be responsible for production of indoles like precursors to serotonin and...DMT. Being inside the blood-brain barrier, it's one of the few organs which can dump molecules directly into our brain-juice.

The book also mentions curious parallels with the Tibetan book of the dead, which stipulates that rebirth occurs 49 days after death, if one is to return(i.e. not fully enlightened yet). Interestingly, 7 weeks after conception 2 qualities can be seen in the foetus: gender, and the beginning of the formation of the pineal. Coincidence perhaps, if one believes in such things ;)

Consequent to the global war on consciousness, we don't know much of what we should about either exogenous, or endogenous DMT. Underground research has been keeping things ticking over - and you can thank DMT-nexus for much of it - but you're on the front line matey!!!

@Intezam: Fabulous links - thanks for posting!!!
 
Yes, Im starting to get it now. Before I was wondering why it was only me that was perceiving that it was all about that... death.
Other people that have taken it in my reality have not had the same experience as me, nor have perceived it as me. Maybe because of the caution used with the dosages, and not being their time I guess.... idk.
Gonna be looking into the Mystery School of Hyperspace soon. :)
Definately DMT will bring much more discoveries once they start investigating more and technology alows it.
I believe it holds one of the biggest mysteries of existence and things WILL come to light one day.
DMT Nexus is something special..... without it I would not be were I am. :roll: 😁
 
Intezam said:
Yeah, we don't know what we meant by 'random spots' it has perhaps no meaning.
Or maybe we was under the influence of a weird trance when we typed that? We don't know....

We believe, that if one had a vision of -- Next stop: Hell, one way of freeing oneself (from ending up there) is to 'free a slave'. This can refer to self also. Naturally, self implies other. That boday part of the slave that you free (from slavery), that part of your boday won't go to hell....:lol:

Therefore, it would perhaps be best to start with freeing (the slaves' ) mind, followed by the heart? It may all be BS but these are just small-mouth-words-game-play....?
As for what course of action to take, we think it gradually becomes clear with time.....try to look at nature if you can.


Please remain open and cheerful: Many great people incl. prophets, buddhas as well as most other rishis had a vision of hell....it's just the hyperspace way of saying: Get good set and setting throughout your entire lifes.

Let everything settle and sink home for now, if you can dream you are never completely cut off from the (interpreter of that) knowledge of reality.

It's wrathful side may appear as a shocking or awful experience, but that way it won't be forgotten.
Anyways, we are NOT in a position to really give any advice here since we face the very same difficulties!! And our forum doesn't allow for spoon feeding....:lol:
Click to expand...


Beautiful post.

Slam dunk.
 
I've had similar experience on Mimosahuasca, waking up thinking that I've just died or on my way to dying. That I had f'd up and overdosed on a drug. The feelings of regret, guilt and confusion overwhelm me. The guilt and shame of disappointing my parents and friends. I really don't know where these ideas are coming from, but I have a theory. Since working with DMT, both in freebase and brew form, I've become more spiritual. I believe that DMT has the power to channel the spirit of the earthbound spirits around us. In my case I have this feeling that I have an attached spirit of someone who died from an overdose but his guilt and regret keeps him from crossing over and it's these emotions that I'm channeling during these trips.
 
Hanltd said:
Im definately not smoking more right now nor in a near future. Im totally scared and just everyting says no , I dont wanna go back there. I definately dont want to do it as a tourist, and thought I was ready enough, but no and im not sure il ever be ready for a breakthrough experiece. Nor if I want to.
So to go into hyperspace more aware what would one have to work first??. I thought I was ready to handle it although I now know its a more lengthier process.
Also what do you mean by randoms spots?
When I drank brew it was hard, but not like this, this was just too strong, the sounds, and the thought I had died , all was just too much. Also when they say to smoke more and that wouldn happen, how does someone smoke more than one of those hits of changa or spice???? its just too much.
Click to expand...

I can relate to you a lot. I swear that some of the trip reports I have seen on here have not been the standard and more like some sort of crazy distortion from hell that muddles every sense you could possibly imagine. Anyway the idea is that you were at the threshold of negative effects and if you only smoke moar then all that shit stops and you disassociate from your body. It really should be called a dissociation because thats exactly what you do. It is just unfortunate that some people think they can work themselves up slowly and not have to go through with those feelings of dying and fear etc. I speak only from what I have read on the forums (quite a lot). And am like you, an absolute puss bitch :D
 
I found that outside is the best environment. Close your eyes, listen to the wind and birds. The first time I did that I became an Aztec god riding a dragon into a sun made out of fractals. If you're going to do it indoors though, music plays a huge factor in it. Most people say be quiet with dmt which is true, however changa is special and can be greatly influenced by music. I've had some of the most amazing experiences with the right music. Make sure you go into it with a plan, think to yourself what you want out of your trip and stay on that thought. Treat DMT with respect and it will respect you back.


I recommend ambient music, or something that isn't too intense because your trip might get scary with the wrong song. I recommend The Arsonist by Puscifer(
) it's very mellow

edit* Also remember that you can NOT overdose on DMT and it can NOT kill you. Things like changa and ayahuasca however have maois and harmalas that can react badly with other drugs and medication so if you ever plan on mixing make sure you know what you're mixing is safe

edit** Haven't read any of your other posts too lazy, but if you're scared or nervous about smoking it again don't be. With the right factors, DMT is a mother's embrace into the world unknown.
 
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