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Void's Paranoia and Neuroses Thread

Voidmatrix

Voidmatrix

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I share some of these things here and there, but I thought it could be good for me to learn to laugh at myself more and to give everyone else a chuckle from time to time.

Today's:
Recently, I had some changa that I'm confident contracted some mold. So I compiled all of it and what to have a ceremony where I honor and burn it all, effectively saying goodbye. I don't like that so much wonderful, helpful, fulfilling medicine has been lost.

That said, I recently made a new batch of my favorite blend. When I dried it, I let the fan dry it for several days. It was dry to the touch. I stuffed it all into its jar...
Over the past few days I've had thoughts relating to worry about if I dried it out enough.
Now I know that there is some paranoia involved in all of this, but I still dumped out the whole jar to allow it to air dry again... and then a half hour later I placed it all back in its storage jar.
Now, I'm wondering if I should dump it out again.
I don't want to waste my medicine.

One love
 
Haha, be kind to yourself. It's nothing big to be concerned about.
I have OCD and can check doors, the oven, and the fridge a hundred times when I'm at my worst.
It irritated me for years, but now I kind of don't care. I will even intentionally check it one extra time on purpose, just to show myself how silly it is.
By shifting my focus and developing trust in myself, these symptoms kind of fade away.
Who cares if you have paranoia and neuroses? That all kind of makes you you.
Love them all to death ❤️:devilish:
 
northape said:
I have OCD and can check doors, the oven, and the fridge a hundred times when I'm at my worst.
It irritated me for years, but now I kind of don't care. I will even intentionally check it one extra time on purpose, just to show myself how silly it is.
Click to expand...
I've been working on letting it be what it is for a very long time. I don't know if I have OCD, but I have similar habits.

northape said:
By shifting my focus and developing trust in myself, these symptoms kind of fade away.
Who cares if you have paranoia and neuroses? That all kind of makes you you.
Click to expand...
Trust has been an ongoing project I've been consistent with lately. Thanks for reinforcing that.
I care because it happens to effect my quality of life in a negative way. And that being the case, I'd still like to be able to laugh at it some.

One love
 
I hear you. When it comes to OCD, you need to just stop yourself. It feels nasty at the moment, like something is wrong,
but it's the simplest solution to rewire the system. Stop putting your energy and attention into these habits.
Voidmatrix said:
I care because it happens to effect my quality of life in a negative way. And that being the case, I'd still like to be able to laugh at it some.
Click to expand...
It was more of a rhetorical question. Don't feed these demons; accept them and give love. Laughing at it all is great medicine.
We're just human in the end. Still, kindness and trust start with yourself, as you are well aware.
Much Love and a Big Hug ❤️ 🤗
 
Since we're talking about me being hard on myself, I have another one that dawned on me yesterday.

Neuroses:
Since I was a little boy, I've felt weak and inferior to others. I try to mask it. I mask it well. I mask most things well. Sometimes even with myself.

About 8 years ago I tore something in my back performing a 445lb deadlift using the belt (that I never used and was on too tight) weighing 145lbs and tore something in my low back and hips (glute, psoas, ql most likely). I've never seen the doctor. I rarely take anything to help with the constant pain and discomfort. It has made labor work very hard. But I always tend to think that it must not be that bad, I have to toughen up and suck it up...

Well, yesterday, I realized that technically, I've been dealing with chronic pain...

One love
 
Voidmatrix said:
Well, yesterday, I realized that technically, I've been dealing with chronic pain...
Click to expand...
Oh, man… Yeah, I feel you. This tough mentality is going to kill us all.
I did something similar with dynamic kettlebell movements in my 20s, and now I have a herniated disk or something.
I never went to a doctor and basically walked it off. Today, I have problems with my lower back and overall tightness.
Yoga and stretching help a lot. I can't lift heavy weights, though. Try to get yourself looked at ;)

You are definitely hard on yourself. I've felt it for a while. It seems like a deep-seated trait in your character,
and most likely the driving force behind inner exploration. No one can help you here, but I'll cheer for you!
Most likely, you will never achieve this “normality” that exists in your head. However, all your struggles will give much more.
“Be wary of unearned wisdom,” as they say. And your wisdom seems legitimate and well-deserved. So yeah, Be Kind To Yourself!!!
Only Love, Brother ❤️
 
northape said:
You are definitely hard on yourself. I've felt it for a while. It seems like a deep-seated trait in your character,
and most likely the driving force behind inner exploration. No one can help you here, but I'll cheer for you!
Most likely, you will never achieve this “normality” that exists in your head. However, all your struggles will give much more.
“Be wary of unearned wisdom,” as they say. And your wisdom seems legitimate and well-deserved. So yeah, Be Kind To Yourself!!!
Click to expand...
Hm interesting... it's that telling, huh?

And yeah, I don't expect anyone to do anything for me, but I should probably get used to asking for help.

Normality?!?! Ha!

And thank you.

I was trying to come up with a more heartfelt reply, but you kinda blew me back a little with this one, so all I can say is thank you.

<3

One love
 
Ill sometimes double check that Ive fed my cat or locked the door when heading out, I know I did but the very small chance that I didnt takes over, there is a sacrifice to be made and its certainly about trust, you can be free of worry or get the benefits of control that it offers.
Maybe I left the door open, so be it... or not, Ill walk back just to make sure, and observe that I did in fact close the door.

I feel like there is another layer here that might have to do with the rejection of the fact that you are choosing fear.
While spiritually speaking it may seem clear to be the wrong path, evolution didnt give us a choice for nothing.

Voidmatrix said:
I mask most things well. Sometimes even with myself.
Click to expand...
Whats the purpose of masking such things?
 
ShadedSelf said:
Ill sometimes double check that Ive fed my cat or locked the door when heading out, I know I did but the very small chance that I didnt takes over, there is a sacrifice to be made and its certainly about trust, you can be free of worry or get the benefits of control that it offers.
Click to expand...
It's turned into double-checking words that I'm confident I'm using correctly :ROFLMAO:

ShadedSelf said:
I feel like there is another layer here that might have to do with the rejection of the fact that you are choosing fear.
While spiritually speaking it may seem clear to be the wrong path, evolution didnt give us a choice for nothing
Click to expand...
MMMMM, tell me more about my choice in my "fear."

Purpose of that masking life is to be mercurial and mysterious so I can attract all the ladies with my mystique.
On the real, to function and get by primarily.

One love
 
My condition is worse than OCD. It's the little known, and more serious, CDO.
It's like OCD, but all the letters are in the right order.
As for 'burping' your changa jars, I'm all for it, although maybe not quite so often;)
 
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Voidmatrix said:
Purpose of that masking life is to be mercurial and mysterious so I can attract all the ladies with my mystique.
Click to expand...
I can imagine that being quite effective.

Voidmatrix said:
MMMMM, tell me more about my choice in my "fear."
Click to expand...
I mean, the choice would be to not deal with the consequences of not double checking the words or the jar.
Though I imagine that the root of whats going on here probably has little to do with that.
 
ShadedSelf said:
I mean, the choice would be to not deal with the consequences of not double checking the words or the jar.
Though I imagine that the root of whats going on here probably has little to do with that.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure I follow. If I misuse a word, do I not deal with the consequence of being misunderstood by virtue of that? If the jar develops mold and I smoke it and get sick, am I not dealing with the consequences in getting sick?

One love
 
Yes, and you are making sure that those consequences dont happen, I kinda take that thats the definition of fear on a cognitive sense, predict situations you want to avoid. Not sure where the misunderstanding is.

The choice would be about listening or not to that fear. On top of that sounds like you are not particularly happy about this system potentially being a bit out of whack.
 
I don't think that me wanting to avoid certain consequences always reduces itself to motivations derived from fear... that seems like a huge oversimplification. There are plenty of situations I want to avoid, not out of fear, but out of preference for how I live my life and spend my time. Why take a route that's shorter and more congested when I can take one that's a little longer but less congested and gets me to my destination faster.

ShadedSelf said:
top of that sounds like you are not particularly happy about this system potentially being a bit out of whack.
Click to expand...
Lost me again 😂

One love
 
Voidmatrix said:
Since I was a little boy, I've felt weak and inferior to others. I try to mask it. I mask it well. I mask most things well. Sometimes even with myself.
Click to expand...
At what point is someone truly strong?
And at what point are they merely "masking" it?
Isn’t "masking", in itself, perhaps a sign of strength?
Especially when one does not want their perceived weakness to negatively affect others?
Also is the act of "unmasking" itself an act of "masking"?

Before these questions can be meaningfully addressed, the concept of "masking" should be clarified.
This is necessary in order to avoid using the term in ways that imply something not actually carried by its typical usage.

Or, as Wittgenstein might put it:
One must use the word within the right language game for it to acquire the meaning that genuinely belongs to it.

If, the attempt to clarify the concept of "masking" by examining its applicability across various language-games or language-families does not yield sufficient clarity,
then perhaps, in the spirit of Carnap, one should consider defining the term more precisely through a formal or analytic definition,
so as to reduce the risk of linguistic pseudo-problems or misunderstandings.
 
It's a great attitude to place this thread under humor and fun, Void. I'm quite neurotic too, questioning and doubting myself very often I excessively harsh ways, and I've found that laughing about it in a warm, good-hearted manner robs it of most of its strength. So when I'm overthinking or catastrophizing and I realize but have trouble stopping it, I will purposefully exaggerate it to absurd levels so it becomes funny to me.

For example, if I'm worrying too much about whether I have annoyed or offended someone (when I know I haven't), if I realize that I'm doing that but can't stop it, I'll start thinking about how that whole person's life is going to be directed by an extreme hatred towards me, and imagine some over the top plots where that person sacrifices their whole life trying to ruin mine in bizarre ways... because my tone was a bit too harsh this morning ;)

By this exercise I also realize how, paradoxically, being too harsh on oneself in this way is paradoxically similar to having an inflated idea of one's own importance. For my actions to be THAT terrible, they need to be extremely important. And the truth is, they don't matter that much either way. Only to me. It's in my mind, one way or the other.
 
blig-blug said:
For example, if I'm worrying too much about whether I have annoyed or offended someone (when I know I haven't), if I realize that I'm doing that but can't stop it, I'll start thinking about how that whole person's life is going to be directed by an extreme hatred towards me, and imagine some over the top plots where that person sacrifices their whole life trying to ruin mine in bizarre ways... because my tone was a bit too harsh this morning ;)
Click to expand...
The funny thing is, that I solve this the opposite way,
by analyzing what happened in which way and questioning and evaluating my thoughts.
In case I find something where I think it was not fine when facing the same attitude, then working on it solves it.
And for any other cases there is no need to think about it any more.
 
LuxObscura said:
At what point is someone truly strong?
And at what point are they merely "masking" it?
Isn’t "masking", in itself, perhaps a sign of strength?
Especially when one does not want their perceived weakness to negatively affect others?
Also is the act of "unmasking" itself an act of "masking"?

Before these questions can be meaningfully addressed, the concept of "masking" should be clarified.
This is necessary in order to avoid using the term in ways that imply something not actually carried by its typical usage.

Or, as Wittgenstein might put it:
One must use the word within the right language game for it to acquire the meaning that genuinely belongs to it.

If, the attempt to clarify the concept of "masking" by examining its applicability across various language-games or language-families does not yield sufficient clarity,
then perhaps, in the spirit of Carnap, one should consider defining the term more precisely through a formal or analytic definition,
so as to reduce the risk of linguistic pseudo-problems or misunderstandings.
Click to expand...
Hmm, another interesting one.
I don't think strength is absolute. I'm also talking about a perspective, not anything objective. Its how I feel.

In some senses, certainly it is a strength!
However, did you find my use of "masking" confusing? Was the way I meant it, of the various ways it could be meant, ambiguous?

blig-blug said:
It's a great attitude to place this thread under humor and fun, Void. I'm quite neurotic too, questioning and doubting myself very often I excessively harsh ways, and I've found that laughing about it in a warm, good-hearted manner robs it of most of its strength. So when I'm overthinking or catastrophizing and I realize but have trouble stopping it, I will purposefully exaggerate it to absurd levels so it becomes funny to me.

For example, if I'm worrying too much about whether I have annoyed or offended someone (when I know I haven't), if I realize that I'm doing that but can't stop it, I'll start thinking about how that whole person's life is going to be directed by their extreme hatred towards me, and imagine some over the top plots where that person sacrifices their whole life trying to ruin mine in bizarre ways... because my tone was a bit too harsh this morning ;)
Click to expand...
Oh hey! Do you implicitly assume most people hate you too?!?

One love
 
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