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what happened to the bright side?

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skrps

Rising Star
i've once had a beautiful relationship with spice with moments of bliss and all that. lasted a couple of months then it progressively went into shit. i feel like the door to hyperspace is closed for good.

at one point i realized it became too much of a habit for me, so i stopped for 2 months. before that the trips became weirder and weirder, speeding up to an incredible scary fast pace or fractals morphing into evil faces. i was afraid of higher doses, so i kept it low. today i somewhat sensed the call, so i thought the time was right. admittely it was a low dose - still the same as 2 months ago. it always starts as a perfectly normal good trip, then at some point theres a slight physical distraction like the blinking of my eye or the sense of someone touching me on the back of my head. this triggers the trip fading into the weird madness that i now experience everytime i decide to have a peek again. i tried loving the evil faces, or accepting when the trip turns into that and letting myself go and enjoy it. but i've known the good side of dmt, it seem that i'm stuck on the evil side. it feels dull, dark and just plainly evil, as opposed to the bright joy that i experienced before.

i have thought about taking the plunge and going for another breakthrough, maybe skipping all the misery and opening hyperspace again. but that seems risky as i feel theres a big chance of the madness happening again. any ideas?
 
Maybe DMT is just not for you.

I have gone through difficult times with DMT but never like what you talk of, yes DMT can send you into a world of maddness, but normality always returns IME.
 
I can only talk for me:
I had this time, when I was depressed - my trips made it even worse.

Then I did pause, 2 months, and once I had the call (and I mean a REAL call, I felt the dmt without taking it) the trip helped me in a HUGE way, and showed me beauty and awareness.

Maybe you should start thinking about, what is going on with your life before you blame DMT for dark trips!

Be aware, be social, be meditative.

That's all I can advice.

Much love!
 
Maybe lay off psychedelics, get to know your body, work out, run in the wood, get a hobby. But most important: try to fix the lacks in your life trough understanding!
 
thanks guys.

weird now that i think about it, the same thing happened to me with cannabis some years ago, i enjoyed it at first for some years but then after smoking a joint i just started feeling weird and didnt like myself in this state, so i stopped. it's still the same today when i smoke one occasionaly. i was probably punished for abusing the substance.

i wouldnt call myself depressed, actually my life is much better than it was a few years ago. i started paying special attention to my mindset before taking dmt when all this evilness started, much more than before, when the trips were still ok :)

i find it hard to accept that dmt isn't something for me after experiencing all the wonderful bliss, and i probably can't make my final decision on that yet. after all the love it has shown me it feels like a bad ending to a perfectly fine relationship. maybe i need a much longer break and get my mind off of what happened. as a matter of fact im out of spice now. i still have 400g of mhrb that i recently ordered, maybe ill convert all of that to fumerates and forget about it for a while.
 
Try smoking outside. Launching while being able to feel the wind and sun works wonders. It can act as a pleasant grounding if need be, or if it's one of those "I'm gone for good" deals, at least you know you went out when things were good.

When I was first getting acquainted with spice, it seemed 1 trip out of 4 was exactly as those you are describing. Stumbling outside was my escape from insanity and bad vibes.
 
This is a relatively common issue that rises up once in a while in this forum, so I added it to the FAQ. If you guys feel more should be added, or something edited, you can do it yourselves or say here or pm me and Ill do it.

All the best to you, skrps
 
eden - thanks. this is something i always wanted to try but never did because i just cant find a nice place where i'm undisturbed for a while. i just could not feel comfortable launching in a place with people around. maybe a park at night, although that takes away the sun and warm breeze.

endlessness - your description in the faq is perfect. i believe that once that good trip happens it'll put an end to the dark side, leaving me aware of what can happen if i get into the habbit again. maybe it will happen, maybe it won't.
 
I get these kind of trips when tired because of lack of sleep or stress and bad diet. Those frantic evil faces and chaos. When my mind is tired I loose focus.

Then I take a break and try to rest and do physical exercise. Your body is the temple of your soul. You need to treat it well.
I'm actually going through exactly this phase now. Just started to jog and just bought a bike :) And then I only do low doses now to check my status. And the DMT tells me exactly what my condition is and what I need to do to fix it.
 
If I were you i would try pharmahuasca or even better ayahuasca. I dont know, but at least for me pharma and aya have both been wonderful and euphoric each time, so perhaps this would set your vaped dmt onto the right track again?
 
once again set and setting is everything. I only journey under a certain window of opportunity in my vibe.

Outside on a beautiful day in a beautiful setting. It will not work if i am troubled, tired , conflicted or bogged down with any kind of emotional baggage of any kind.

Its become a very specific focussed thing for me. I have tried it under many kinds of circumstances and have learned what doesn't work as much as what does work.
I've learned the hard way to adhere to these parameters and also to be very careful dosage as well.

my journeys have evolved over time . My journeys are very intense and personal now at some point i crossed some kind of threshold .

They are completely different from when i began this odyssey a few years back.

You can get the good stuff back . Try to reexamine your approach and motives maybe take some more time off and see what happens.
 
I'm bringing this up again cause it is an ongoing thing for me. I've made some spice for a friend and couldn't resist taking a small dose to see how things are. It was the best batch I've made so far, pure white, completly fat free :)

Circumstances couldn't be better at the moment, so I'm not putting it on set & setting. Some observations I made over the last few months:

I noticed that my eye color changes after smoking dmt. I normally have dark brown eyes, and they instantly turn green after smoking. This lasts for a day maybe.
This might be in relation, because I've never observed this before the "bad" trips started to happen, but I never really paid attention.

CEVs are duller than before. They lack brightness. Mainly earth tones, with some blues unlike the glowing color spectrum I know. Euphoria isn't present at all. No evil faces today, just the nice geometric patterns disrupted suddenly by me blinking my eye.

I remember how these things started now. At some point I cleaned my pipe with some chemicals and by burning the residue off. When I smoked out of it the next time it was unbearable. The smoke was disgusting. I've swallowed so much smoke, that I got light effects for an hour. I felt really shitty that evening. This happened right after the most magical experience I ever had. It was also the first time I noticed the eye color change. I threw the pipe away and got a new one. Vinegar cleans all the residues I found out.

I'm thinking this made me somewhat allergic to dmt, as if my body remembers this event and links it to dmt. Alot of the bad effects are somewhat physical, like the eye blinking and such. I've never heard of such a thing though. After all how can I be allergic to something that is already inside me.

I was thinking about lowdose pharmahuasca to see how I react, but my belief in this turning out well is sort of low.
 
I think one thing that might help is evaluating your reasons for using DMT. Ask yourself why you're smoking DMT? Are doing it to learn more about yourself or the universe? Or are you looking for an interesting escape from reality? Are you smoking it because you're bored? Really think about why you're doing it, and what you hope to gain from it, and I think those answers might help you in some way. If it doesn't change your reaction to the spice, hopefully it will at least help you understand why you're not getting the same bliss you once were.
 
Meditation is one of the best accompaniments to DMT I find. Also, I very rarely smoke straight DMT freebase - Changa gives me more room for growth and introspection, plus lasts longer and is no less jaw dropping in its effects. Of course there are occasions when freebase is called for, but more often than not a nice lungful of gorgeous floral / minty changa vapors are just the ticket.

Any how, good luck with future journeys, I hope the magic returns soon :D
 
Yes I had one of those the other day, and got my ass kicked, was quite dark and the fear level was off the scale.( logic and deep breathing helped) Shouldn't have done it as I'd had negative emotions during the day.
Also finding that with cautiously small doses, I'm too aware of my body and fail to make contact with entities, who have ( till now) always had a comforting and postive effect on the trip.
It's definitely not a substance for casual or "over" use, i.m.o.

take care


"Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one,only the moment you reject all help are you freed"- Buddha
 
I hope you find your way back to what you're looking for. I'm currently in one of those phases where things aren't as happening or positive as usual, and I only smoke once every two weeks or so which is a major cutback from this time last year.
 
Purges said:
Meditation is one of the best accompaniments to DMT I find.
Click to expand...
I can't agree more. I had 3-4 somewhat unpleasant journeys in a row with some imagined ill effects taking place in my body. I thought I was shivering, almost worried that I was possibly having a threshold seizure. At one point I even doubted the purity of my DMT.

Then I tried meditating for 15 minutes before I smoked. It made for a spectacular experience. All my doubts were simply overpowered by my willpower from the meditation, and even the imagined shivering turned into a pleasant sensation - like feeling subtle vibrations from the universe flowing through my body. I can now say that the shivering was imagined because I pulled my knees up to my chest in the middle of the journey and felt absolutely no shaking whatsoever.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and centering it with meditation might help some of your issues skrps. If you're not experienced with meditation, google some methods - there are some really simple methods that work great. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors, I hope the door to hyperspace reopens for you.
 
TS, you implement what is learned? personally I did not get how I lived before - life severely punished for it.
forced evolution:)

it is not easy and may, like me, the majority of circumstances will be against it, and of all the infinite possible behaviors you want it your all, just one. Thus, it is very easy to get wrong.
For myself, I just realized that you need to focus on goals and not spill. Do not be distracted by what's happening in the background, or "around" process. Because it's only just the consequences of its deployment, and once this happens he will disappear, and it's emotionally very painful. Very easy to focus on the beauty of his life, it's not a math - just feel it!
Good luck!
 
Just some thoughts - depending on a lot of things our neurochemistry and general chemical make-up can change throughout our lives. This can have to do with age - hormones etc., diet, mental problems like depressions, organic problems/changes (thyroid, liver, etc.) etc. I would assume that depending on this coctail of chemicals in our heads and bodies our dmt trips will be different, adding to the difference we might notice solely psychologically which may or may not be reflected in these chemicals.

What I mean is that perhaps there is a reason beyond your psyche alone that is causing this change. This doesn't even have to be a problem, a sickness, but just a stage you are going through. Added to this there is exhaustion, stress, spiritual development, people in your environment, your location, that all for what we know can contribute to your trips being the way they are.

If it's not working at the moment take a longer break. not just a few months, but however long it takes before you feel you are a different enough to try again. I have taken 3 and 4 years breaks from psychedelics due to living situations and studies. I have taken longer breaks from weed. Life is full of ways to develop one's self, full of ways to explore and evolve. If psychedelics or just dmt are not moving you forward at the moment, change trains, hop on again at a later time.

I know it can seem frustrating. Believe me I'm in the same place concerning mushrooms (after having grown a lot of them I found eating them gives me nothing but panic attacks and horror - and this after 10 years of only good experiences with them), and dmt is on the edge at the moment. That's just how it goes sometimes. Go climb a mountain, swim in the ocean, dance in the moonlight, meditate, build a fire, plant a tree, make love to the world around you, make music, make art, excite yourself with life... there's plenty to do. DMT will be here for when you return. And if you don't you won't be worse off either, just so long your life is vibrant and your quest ongoing...

much love
 
i see that this is quite an old thread but this same thing has been happening to me the past couple times using spice. i find it very strange when you are DENIED into hyperspace.

the first time it happened to me, i tried increasing the dose, and had the same effect a very short trip and a feeling of hitting a wall and being denied.

a few days after that i tried again and had one of the best break throughs ever. i had a feeling of being one with myself after i came down, a sense of complete understanding. my anxiety was completely gone... even the few days after that experience i was nothing but smiles all day, and was stuck in this fantastic mind set.

about a week later i tried it again, i had a couple beers to calm my nerves and meditated before, Once again i was DENIED. i had this sense of a female being pushing me back, and had the feeling she was saying, not now, you cant enter. i snapped right out of it and opened my eyes, trying to understand what happened. the previous time i was denied i also drank a couple beers to relax my anxiety before attempting to blast off. im not sure if it was because of the alcohol, but thats what i instantly thought of when i snapped out of it.

has anyone else felt this female being when being denied and feeling of being thrown out of hyperspace?
 
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