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Would you quit entheogens for your lover?
- Thread starter MetaXIII
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entheogenadvocate
Rising Star
I think you need to make the decision that will foster the most internal growth in the future. Personally, I would end this relationship immediately.
I feel that empathy is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and her inability to empathize and feel joy over the happiness you have obtained from your infrequent and respectful use of psychedelics is a troubling precedent to set in a relationship. What part of this life that provides you with joy will she want to interfere with next?
This may seem like only a "drug" issue, but I'd be willing to bet her inability to look at issues from multiple perspectives has resulted in arguments in the past, or will in the future.
You deserve better my friend.
Peace and happy journeys!
I feel that empathy is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and her inability to empathize and feel joy over the happiness you have obtained from your infrequent and respectful use of psychedelics is a troubling precedent to set in a relationship. What part of this life that provides you with joy will she want to interfere with next?
This may seem like only a "drug" issue, but I'd be willing to bet her inability to look at issues from multiple perspectives has resulted in arguments in the past, or will in the future.
You deserve better my friend.
Peace and happy journeys!
DMTripper
John Murdoch IV
Well I don't know your girlfriend but I'd be gone long time ago.
She is being very irrational and unreasonable.
She fell in love with you as you were when that happened, and at that time you had done psychedelics many times. So she fell in love with that part of you too.
She refuses to open her mind to the possibility that psychedelics might be all right even after starting a relationship with someone that has done them many times.
Man she has issues. And I don't believe she will admit to that any time soon. You and your psychedelic usage is not the problem. Will she ever admit to that? How much time are you willing to spend/waste on that relationship? Do you have any faith in it? I wouldn't according to what you've told us.
There are more fishes in the sea.
Well good luck with you life and I hope you'll find your way out of this.
She is being very irrational and unreasonable.
She fell in love with you as you were when that happened, and at that time you had done psychedelics many times. So she fell in love with that part of you too.
She refuses to open her mind to the possibility that psychedelics might be all right even after starting a relationship with someone that has done them many times.
Man she has issues. And I don't believe she will admit to that any time soon. You and your psychedelic usage is not the problem. Will she ever admit to that? How much time are you willing to spend/waste on that relationship? Do you have any faith in it? I wouldn't according to what you've told us.
There are more fishes in the sea.
Well good luck with you life and I hope you'll find your way out of this.
If I've learnt anything in the 30+yrs I've been with my partner it's that honesty and a willingness to put up with the other's faults (both real and perceived) are paramount.
No.
Nope
Funny question really.
Would I quit entheogens for a partner who was just good? No.
If someone was perfect for me in everyway, except they didn't like me doing entheogens?... hell yeah I'd stop. But I've never met such perfection.
I'm also getting to a stage in my life where entheogenic experiences can now only take me so far and it's up to me to make those past experiences relevant. Asking me to stop now would be very different to asking me to stop 5 years ago.
But I say funny question because you should know your choice.
Either entheogens are such a big part of your life to the point where they are not worth sacrificing another positive input
or
The person in question is more important than your entheogenic experiences.
Just because this person doesn't like you using entheogens it doesn't mean she's trying to change what is truly you. It means this person has been conditioned in such a way that she thinks they are not good, cares about you and therefore thinks they are helping.
Most people act from their best intentions.
Would I quit entheogens for a partner who was just good? No.
If someone was perfect for me in everyway, except they didn't like me doing entheogens?... hell yeah I'd stop. But I've never met such perfection.
I'm also getting to a stage in my life where entheogenic experiences can now only take me so far and it's up to me to make those past experiences relevant. Asking me to stop now would be very different to asking me to stop 5 years ago.
But I say funny question because you should know your choice.
Either entheogens are such a big part of your life to the point where they are not worth sacrificing another positive input
or
The person in question is more important than your entheogenic experiences.
Just because this person doesn't like you using entheogens it doesn't mean she's trying to change what is truly you. It means this person has been conditioned in such a way that she thinks they are not good, cares about you and therefore thinks they are helping.
Most people act from their best intentions.
The key issue seems to be that your worldviews are just worlds apart. If the use of entheogens is not gonna be the cause of your break-up, it's likely that eventually there'll be a next beig issue (or series of big issues in case you two would pull through).
If its'not gonna work anyway, you should spare yourself the misery ahead.
If its'not gonna work anyway, you should spare yourself the misery ahead.
Carrierwave
Rising Star
Personally I would not quit entheogens for a lover. I would find someone who understood their meaning and usage, regardless if they themselves would ever take those substances. That is the situation I find myself in now, with a girlfriend who understands my usage, and is fully supportive of my goals. My previous girlfriend would go so far as to call the cops on the pot smoking neighbors 'because it's illegal.' I naturally said to myself 'Who is this bizarre controlling person?' and things ended.
It appears to be like this... you are willing to change something about yourself... while she is not. I don't honestly find this to be true, "nor am I willing to budge on this," because of the existence of this thread and the weighing of options you are doing. Since you both cannot find a nice middle ground of compromise, I would advise discontinuing the relationship if this cannot be reached in a timely manner. I personally don't want a girlfriend who will posit ultimatums that are so one sided.
There is a logical bit to what I have said, but also a personal emotional side that yells out 'To hell with her!' I tried to remove the later flavor as much as possible, but that is how I feel.
It appears to be like this... you are willing to change something about yourself... while she is not. I don't honestly find this to be true, "nor am I willing to budge on this," because of the existence of this thread and the weighing of options you are doing. Since you both cannot find a nice middle ground of compromise, I would advise discontinuing the relationship if this cannot be reached in a timely manner. I personally don't want a girlfriend who will posit ultimatums that are so one sided.
There is a logical bit to what I have said, but also a personal emotional side that yells out 'To hell with her!' I tried to remove the later flavor as much as possible, but that is how I feel.
She wouldn't ask me to quit because when she sees the positive impact they have, there would be no reason for her to ask me to quit. It would be like asking me to quit being a good person. It wouldn't make sense. If she did ask me, there would obviously be some kind of massive chasm of lack of understanding between us. If she doesn't get my entheogen use, she probably wouldn't understand anything about me. The difference would not be reconcilable, and so no, I would not quit for a lover, I would have to find someone more suited for me.
Korey said:
I don't agree to this at all. If it takes lying or hiding stuff to remain a relationship then the relationship is not worth it IMO. For me honesty, clarity and willingness to be open to the other person in every way I can manage are essential and without them I would not be interested in the partnership.
I would get out of the relationship as soon as possible. The longer you stay the more it will seem like this is how it should be (you compromising your authentic self)... when really it should be the very opposite: the relationship should help you realize your authenticity and further your growth by giving you support, love, trust and all those good things, and the occasional friction that also serves self-reflection/improvement.
Also consider that a relationship is a thing itself that could be seen to have a consciousness of itself which resides in the inter-subjective space i.e. between you and your partner. This 'we' consciousness can only be as whole and functional as the least of the parties that creates it. If you are inhibited from being who you really are then the 'we' you establish will also be incomplete and dysfunctional.
This IMO serves no one and to be fair to yourself and your partner I would discuss this one last time, but if no common ground, no openness etc could be found, then I would end it for the sake of both of you.
I agree with Enoon on this one.
Plus it's a very unhealthy set to hide yourself for launching.
Would you conceive yourself vaping a healthy dose of changa and then hearing your GF coming home earlier than you expected ?
With all the stress you'd bring with you on the journey ? That would mess you up AND you're not a kid doing monkey business, I know this situation from first hand. where the lady accepted it "kindof" since she would say then do it when I 'm not home, I do'nt like to see you in trance-like state.
It's hard but if you are at home and you really want ot carry on your journey, in my opinion the lady comes second if she doesn't accept it.
But hiding isn't fair for an adult.
Rather be single OR leaving separately and dating when you're sober and you would know there is no gonna be surprises.
Good luck with that.
Plus it's a very unhealthy set to hide yourself for launching.
Would you conceive yourself vaping a healthy dose of changa and then hearing your GF coming home earlier than you expected ?
With all the stress you'd bring with you on the journey ? That would mess you up AND you're not a kid doing monkey business, I know this situation from first hand. where the lady accepted it "kindof" since she would say then do it when I 'm not home, I do'nt like to see you in trance-like state.
It's hard but if you are at home and you really want ot carry on your journey, in my opinion the lady comes second if she doesn't accept it.
But hiding isn't fair for an adult.
Rather be single OR leaving separately and dating when you're sober and you would know there is no gonna be surprises.
Good luck with that.
Back before I did drugs of any kind (except for alcohol), I remember my policy was, "I'm never gonna do drugs, but if you wanna do them, that's your decision." I can distinctly remember myself saying this, and at the same time, I can also remember it not being entirely true. What I mean is that I would never say anything to someone to try and convince them not to pursue their drug habit (which at the time, everyone I knew only smoked weed...or so I thought anyway), but the idea of my good friends smoking weed made me uncomfortable, and I did wish they would stop (even though it wasn't even like they were treating me poorly, or neglecting me or anything along those lines). It was just an irrational desire stemming from a fear of something, but what - I don't know.
I also had a certain mentality that drugs were used to deal with stress that I was perfectly capable of handling without drugs. Now let's clarify some things. I don't think I was really as good at coping with stress as I thought I was. In retrospect I was extremely anxious, ever-fearful (especially that a loved one would drop dead at any minute), and so-on. Weed was the first thing that helped me cope I guess, but it was psychedelics that removed the need for taking a drug to get rid of stress in itself and giving me the tools to cope healthily in life without them (when I want to anyway :lol: ). I remember one of the main reasons I refused to smoke weed (which ended up being the first drug I got acquainted with) was because I had some notion that if I smoked weed, I would feel this incredible sense of guilt. Well once I talked myself into it, I remember walking with my friends as they smoked a joint, and it was passed to me, I took one puff...didn't feel guilty...and didn't miss a day of not smoking for about 2 months or so :roll:
I also had a certain mentality that drugs were used to deal with stress that I was perfectly capable of handling without drugs. Now let's clarify some things. I don't think I was really as good at coping with stress as I thought I was. In retrospect I was extremely anxious, ever-fearful (especially that a loved one would drop dead at any minute), and so-on. Weed was the first thing that helped me cope I guess, but it was psychedelics that removed the need for taking a drug to get rid of stress in itself and giving me the tools to cope healthily in life without them (when I want to anyway :lol: ). I remember one of the main reasons I refused to smoke weed (which ended up being the first drug I got acquainted with) was because I had some notion that if I smoked weed, I would feel this incredible sense of guilt. Well once I talked myself into it, I remember walking with my friends as they smoked a joint, and it was passed to me, I took one puff...didn't feel guilty...and didn't miss a day of not smoking for about 2 months or so :roll:
I'm probably misunderstanding you here, but you would continue a relationship just for sex and in order to do so lie for it??!? I don't see that as fair for the other person. No matter how much I would disagree with their mind set I don't think this is how I would want to treat another person. I mean sex for the sake of sex is one thing, but then both people should at least be honest about it and know what it is.clouds said:
christian
Rising Star
I believe that if you have explained this honestly with her, and she still has her doubts, then this means that she basically is still immature. If you love her then give her time. Otherwise look elsewhere. Never hold yourself back because of this. Sounds like she's trying to give you the guilt trip, because she's unwilling to understand the naked truth about who she really is...