Addiction, Cravings & Energy

[livinglife]

I know there is a lot of spiritual bodies in this forum, and I'm pretty sure some of you have been some sort of an addict in the past. I have realized that I'm an addict, the addict troll is running strong in my blood, always find ways to satisfy the ego. Stronger that I thought..

I'm clearly asking for advice here, advice from some one that have encountered the same and broken out of it. If it's not hard drugs it's nicotine, if it's not nicotine it's food, and so on. The troll inside me always find new ways to crave, I'm very aware of my situation and that makes it even worse because I'm to weak to fix it. I feel so empty inside, I work out and that's help, also doing yoga once a week.

But it's still there, so damn strong!

I'm kind of an anti social human btw(I'm very high sensitive) I love to be alone, make music, go in the forest and get lost and stuff and not a fan of the culture around me, "everyone" is the same, TV,Cars,Money,Party,Gossip,Drama.
I do accept it as it is, no point to get sad of stuff I can't change I guess.

I managed to get out a couple days a go, to a party, I felt like an Alien sitting in the couch, and "everyone" came to me with the drama and concerns. Do I have bad energy ore what? Everyone eating of my soul I felt. The reason I did not talk was because there was nothing to talk about, of course it was something, but nothing of my interest, so why should I do it then?

And strange thing have been happening the last year, I have started to feel the energy of other people stronger and stronger. Sometimes I'm around humans (it's always from one person) and I can feel "bliss,love & security" from a long distance, don't even need to talk with the person. And it feel so good, I can't explain it. It's something, I felt it in the 5 grade as well I remember. Then I close my eyes and just feel. But it stopped, and now it's coming back.

ON the other hand, bad energy did I experience a couple days a go, the persons energy was so bad that he managed to "push" me away, I couldn't look at him, like a wall was getting put between us. It was intense and I got really paranoid from it, started to wonder if it was me. I don't know. Very rare experience.

My Mother is the same, we spend a lot of time together talking about this, so I'm not alone.

Ore Am I all in my head?

Thank you,

 

[Cognitive Heart]

I feel many others can relate to the experiences you've been encountering. It is not unusual for a human being to feel this way in the world we are subjected and conditioned to roam around in. You are doing good work for yourself by reflecting and acknowledging that this is occurring to you on intense energy levels. Many people feel this way, as do I during experiences of alienation(which happens in-frequently.. sometimes overwhelming due to my sensitivity). This is not a good or bad situation but simply the reality in which you see, listen, feel, perceive and learn from. Life will move forward by itself, naturally, and universally. There is no need to try so hard to control the life in which you abide by. Even if it's by utilizing psychoactives as a way of escape. Confrontation is simpler and exhibits greater strength rather than storing it away.

Be open to life and its opportunities. It is your responsibility, not to others or drugs. Perhaps some time of quietness by your self is needed. Sometimes the mind or heart can grow tired of the deprivation of the world. No one is of blame. Direct your attention inwards and give yourself time to adjust. Time is the greatest healing of all. Be patient. You'll witness the incredible intricateness of life energy once you settle. All pain will pass. Work with it, go with it, be with it.. your true self.

Everything comes and goes, including fear and its derivatives.

 

[pitubo]

Hi, I recognized some of your story and couldn't resist airing my personal take on some of it..

.. and broken out of it.

IMHO what's important to break out of is the notion that substance makes addiction. Instead it's an emotional pattern.

.. I feel so empty inside,

Another thing I found out that some psychological/emotional problems reside not "between the ears" but in the belly. Consider that people have more nervous tissue in their belly than in their skull. These are different nervous systems, the one in the skull being central, the one in the belly being decentral.

I began fixing a lot of my problems when I experienced the decentral system as the break and gas lever, and the central system as the steer of my "car". When there is a problem with the former, good steering helps to limit damage, but cannot fix the cause.

Have you tried investigate the feelings you harbor in your belly? Just feel them and become aware of them. If you find any tensions, try to find gentle ways of releasing that tension. What happens when you sit or lie down and gently tap your solar plexus?

Few psychologists and psychiatrists appear to know that "psyche" originally meant "bodily breath", "life breath" or "sacred breath" in ancient Greek. Same with "Spiritus" in Latin btw. (there goes your spirituality..) Don't mix up "psyche" with "pneuma" (forced breathing) that is propagated in some exercises and techniques. It's not the same.

.. I'm kind of an anti social human btw(I'm very high sensitive) I love to be alone, make music, go in the forest and get lost and stuff

I would not call that "antisocial" at all. Unsocial perhaps, but it is not a bad thing to not be social all the time. If you can't be social with yourself, neither can you with others.

.. and not a fan of the culture around me, "everyone" is the same, TV, Cars, Money, Party, Gossip, Drama.

Not everyone is the same. And if they try to, they're likely more lost than you are. Maybe it is the "culture" that is actually anti-social and making people unhappy and promising they'll be happy if they buy stuff and buy into more of the anti-social crap that preys on their hearts.

.. Do I have bad energy ore what?

Maybe they sensed that you are able to feel awkwardness without freaking out and they take theirs to you, hoping you'll fix it for them.

.. Everyone eating of my soul I felt.

Maybe you just felt their miserable state, confusing it with yourself.

.. And strange thing have been happening the last year, I have started to feel the energy of other people stronger and stronger.

Congratulations, it's your birthright! You do need to know what is you and what is other, or you'll get confused.

.. Ore Am I all in my head?

It is only your head thinking that you are all in your head. :lol:

You'll be fine! Realize that you are also "lovinglife", even when you forget.

 

[livinglife]

Hello there friend!

I feel many others can relate to the experiences you've been encountering. It is not however unusual for a human being, like yourself, to feel this way in the 'world' we are subjected and conditioned to roam around in. You are doing good work for yourself by reflecting and acknowledging that this is occurring to you on intense energy levels. Many people feel this way, as do I during experiences of alienation(which happens frequently, sometimes overwhelming due to my sensitivity). This is not a good or bad situation, but simply the reality in which you see, listen, feel, perceive and learn from. Life will move forward by itself, naturally, universally. There is no need to try so hard to control the life in which you abide by. Even if its by using psychoactives as a way of escape. Confrontation is simpler and exhibits greater strength rather than storing it away, like a splinter in your mind/heart.

Be open to life and its opportunities. It is your responsibility, not to others or drugs. Perhaps some time of quietness by your self is needed. Sometimes the mind/heart can grow tired of the extreme deprivation of the 'world.' No one is of blame. Direct your attention inwards and give yourself time to adjust. Time is the greatest healing of all. Be patient. You'll witness the incredible intricateness of lifes energy once you settle down. All pain will pass eventually. Work with it, go with it, be with it, your true self.

Everything comes and goes, including fear and its derivatives.

Wiped some "manly" tears on my cheek while reading your reply,,

I read a quote from a Dr. somewhere that compassion is strongly needed to someone who are saying bye bye to the drug problem. Because we take drugs to cover the pain inside of us. We need a helping hand, not all the time, but sometimes, so you gave me compassion right now.

I did what you mentioned, "be with it", and strange things occurred inside of me, sadness & happiness, and then I started crying and it felt good. Guess it's time to face the problems instead of running from myself. Thank you for taking minutes of your time comforting and give some good advice on life. I highly appreciate it

 

[livinglife]

Hi, I recognized some of your story and couldn't resist airing my personal take on some of it..

.. and broken out of it.

IMHO what's important to break out of is the notion that substance makes addiction. Instead it's an emotional pattern.

.. I feel so empty inside,

Another thing I found out that some psychological/emotional problems reside not "between the ears" but in the belly. Consider that people have more nervous tissue in their belly than in their skull. These are different nervous systems, the one in the skull being central, the one in the belly being decentral.

I began fixing a lot of my problems when I experienced the decentral system as the break and gas lever, and the central system as the steer of my "car". When there is a problem with the former, good steering helps to limit damage, but cannot fix the cause.

Have you tried investigate the feelings you harbor in your belly? Just feel them and become aware of them. If you find any tensions, try to find gentle ways of releasing that tension. What happens when you sit or lie down and gently tap your solar plexus?

Few psychologists and psychiatrists appear to know that "psyche" originally meant "bodily breath", "life breath" or "sacred breath" in ancient Greek. Same with "Spiritus" in Latin btw. (there goes your spirituality..) Don't mix up "psyche" with "pneuma" (forced breathing) that is propagated in some exercises and techniques. It's not the same.

.. I'm kind of an anti social human btw(I'm very high sensitive) I love to be alone, make music, go in the forest and get lost and stuff

I would not call that "antisocial" at all. Unsocial perhaps, but it is not a bad thing to not be social all the time. If you can't be social with yourself, neither can you with others.

.. and not a fan of the culture around me, "everyone" is the same, TV, Cars, Money, Party, Gossip, Drama.

Not everyone is the same. And if they try to, they're likely more lost than you are. Maybe it is the "culture" that is actually anti-social and making people unhappy and promising they'll be happy if they buy stuff and buy into more of the anti-social crap that preys on their hearts.

.. Do I have bad energy ore what?

Maybe they sensed that you are able to feel awkwardness without freaking out and they take theirs to you, hoping you'll fix it for them.

.. Everyone eating of my soul I felt.

Maybe you just felt their miserable state, confusing it with yourself.

.. And strange thing have been happening the last year, I have started to feel the energy of other people stronger and stronger.

Congratulations, it's your birthright! You do need to know what is you and what is other, or you'll get confused.

.. Ore Am I all in my head?

It is only your head thinking that you are all in your head. :lol:

You'll be fine! Realize that you are also "lovinglife", even when you forget.

Appreciate your wisdom on what I wrote, and the part with the tissue in the belly is one of them, I will try it out today. I do know I have a sensitive belly. I did not mean antisocial, but you corrected it for me.

The hardest thing when changing and developing into this world is that you start to see what people around you want from you, if they are good friends ore not. I hate to say it, but I have a lot of friends living in the money world, I have lost contact with many of them, and they think I'm weird because I don't have a TV, expensive clothes ore the same interests. Like only working out to get a ripped body so the can get a superficial women for the night.

I'm not there. I was there 4 years ago, but not any more. I'm the black sheep in the family as well, it has escalated so fast it's hard to "balance". But time changes I guess, like our DNA, up and downs, evolving.

I realize something when going true the stuff you quoted, looks like I blame the world for being like this,,

And cheers for the information about "psyche" & "pneuma". thank you thank you

 

[pitubo]

The hardest thing when changing and developing into this world is that you start to see what people around you want from you, if they are good friends ore not.

It's mostly hard as long as you unconsciously depend on their "goodness" towards you.

I'm the black sheep in the family as well,

Congratulations, I'm also the colorful sheep in my family.

 

[livinglife]

The hardest thing when changing and developing into this world is that you start to see what people around you want from you, if they are good friends ore not.

It's mostly hard as long as you unconsciously depend on their "goodness" towards you.

I'm the black sheep in the family as well,

Congratulations, I'm also the colorful sheep in my family.

Never thought about it that way, I got one good friend and that's all I need.

So how is it going to be the colorful sheep in your family?

 

[pitubo]

So how is it going to be the colorful sheep in your family?

You would have to ask my family, it's their film. I just add the colors.

 

[DeepThink]

Eventually my gut rot from the cognitive dissonance and I could run no longer. I quit all drugs besides cannabis and DMT. I've quit drinking and quit smoking after 18 years. I'm now vegan. I understood what was going on and I wouldn't take it any longer. I still deal with addiction to cannabis. I still lose my shit like no other when I don't have it to smoke - I tried just eating it - doesn't work - makes it worse actually.

What I did though was - every time that feeling rises up - I would take a shower - I would go through the shit feeling and all the bad emotions - get them out - cry them out if you have too. You're going to want to shred yourself to pieces and even when you go to sleep it's going to chase you there - for months. I believe this to be the case with all addictions - you have to pay the price at the end for the years of abuse. There is no way around it. All you can do is understand what you're doing and why you are doing it.

I realized that eating meat and food in general was just another form of oral masturbation where I'm seeking to stimulate and please my senses. Pleasure and stimulation aren't always needed.

Stimulate your mind through thought - use the natural world around you to enjoy life. Be with people that help you enjoy life. Realize what you are doing - why you do it - and the path to stop it. Challenges will take time and sometimes multiple attempts - but you can never give up, you can't ever tell yourself it's not possible - because it is and people like me know that people like you have what it takes to do what you want to do when you put your mind to doing it.

 

[Warrior]

I'm clearly asking for advice here, advice from some one that have encountered the same and broken out of it. If it's not hard drugs it's nicotine, if it's not nicotine it's food, and so on. The troll inside me always find new ways to crave, I'm very aware of my situation and that makes it even worse because I'm to weak to fix it. I feel so empty inside, I work out and that's help, also doing yoga once a week.

But it's still there, so damn strong!

You should check out the Zen Koan about Ten Bulls. Also, your definition of addiction doesn't sound so terrible. It sounds like you might be a little hard on yourself. The easier path is to accepting your current situation (desires, impulses and all), and work from there. Just be present for your personal experiences and make efforts to relax in your mind as often as possible.

I'm kind of an anti social human btw(I'm very high sensitive) I love to be alone, make music, go in the forest and get lost and stuff and not a fan of the culture around me, "everyone" is the same, TV,Cars,Money,Party,Gossip,Drama.
I do accept it as it is, no point to get sad of stuff I can't change I guess.

I managed to get out a couple days a go, to a party, I felt like an Alien sitting in the couch, and "everyone" came to me with the drama and concerns. Do I have bad energy ore what? Everyone eating of my soul I felt. The reason I did not talk was because there was nothing to talk about, of course it was something, but nothing of my interest, so why should I do it then?

You sound like me. I enjoy myself socially, but honestly I could take it or leave it any day. Nature, highly sensitive, feeling like social stuff can become abstractly overwhelming, etc--my mother and I are the same way as well. You're not alone.

And strange thing have been happening the last year, I have started to feel the energy of other people stronger and stronger. Sometimes I'm around humans (it's always from one person) and I can feel "bliss,love & security" from a long distance, don't even need to talk with the person. And it feel so good, I can't explain it. It's something, I felt it in the 5 grade as well I remember. Then I close my eyes and just feel. But it stopped, and now it's coming back.

Again, spooky coincidences here also. You're not crazy. Some people are sensitive to this stuff more than others. But the catch is that it's hard to talk about. The trick is to find yourself a friend you can talk about this stuff with that sees the world the way you do. If you just drop this stuff on other people (not that I think you do), it either comes off as a) spiritual pride, or b) crazy talk. So basically you have to accept the fact that you experience the world differently than others but you're also not crazy. It's a quiet little catch-22.

Ore Am I all in my head?

No, it's not in your head, but it does sound like you live in your head. If you're anything like me, it is as healthy as exercise (if not more) to build relationships with people you trust and come out of your head. Find people that don't judge you for being you. Speak your mind. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid of being your potential. I know it sounds almost oxymoronic, but...

Interestingly, I've kind of begun building a small network of like-minded people. It turns out a few of them have become some of the best friends I've had since I was a kid. I worked in neuroscience research for 6 years, had a mental health crisis in the middle of that, kind of woke up to the stuff you're describing in this thread, made personal connections that spanned my entire life, and then over the last year have changed directions in life completely. I started a small business developing mobile apps and do odd jobs for this network of friends. I've never been happier after breaking away from the monotony of science/business establishments. Even relations with nuclear and extended family have improved radically in the most loving ways I never would have imagined.

If you, or anyone else reading this ever want to talk, I make myself available via PM.


Love and peace to you!