Advice on overcoming the fear of failure and guilt ?

[Cosmic Dust]

Hello, I'm sorry if this is flooding but since I'm a new member I could not post in the help and advice forum .

I've always been pretty good at school it's quite easy and natural for me thankfully and it was one of the main thing that maintained my self esteem and helped me not be too depressed .

I struggle a lot with self esteem and I have moments of depression, this year was pretty bad for me, felt very isolated because of Covid, abused dissociatives and I was too depressed, high and anxious about university that I almost didn't study at all of the semester and I'm quite failing on my exams, still working for the second chance though...

I know I should not make a big deal out of it because I could just do that year again and it will just have been one year lost in my studies which Is not dramatic but I'm looping about guilt trips, like I'm a bad and lazy person and I have a hard time getting rid of this thoughts . For now I study as much as I can for the second chance because I calms me and I feel like I do something useful which helps me being less depressed though, there are high chances I fail even with the second chance .

I'm afraid the guilt from failing may lead me to become more depressed and so frustrated I wanna relapse and give up .

I know it's not related to psychedelics but I don't know I needed to share this .

If anyone has ressources or advice to help with that, that would be greatlly appreciated

Thanks

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Hello Cosmic Dust!

I believe the road up from depression lies in small things, not the big ones. There are lots of big things in life that are difficult to change, but many small things where you can make a difference. You mentioned abusing dissociatives. That's something you can change. What else?

When you focus on the small things, you can regain the feeling of control in your own life.

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

Hey man I second what TOM says up above. When I was depressed it helped to write down a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish. Try to keep most of the goals small and add in a couple bigger ones. Work on accomplishing one of those goals each and every day. Even if one of those goals is to not abuse drugs you are accomplishing something amazing. You are not a failure man. School will always be there. Keep working hard and you will be okay.


I may have already asked you this but have you considered seeing a therapist? It really helps to have someone to listen to how you are feeling and if you see a good one they usually have good advice. I struggle with pretty severe anxiety and my therapist suggested daily exercise , getting outside more, and forcing myself to talk to strangers more often. I'm not sure if doing the same would help you but so far those few steps have helped me improve my life greatly post pandemic. I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I hope you can have a good day and eventually a good state of mind.

 

[Freedom111888]

Hi Cosmic I'm new here too. I've been through long periods of depression and have had my share of guilt at times.

The greatest thing that helped me with depression was allowing myself to be gentle with myself. I noticed that when depressed I would need to take things more slowly, and that I had a lot of feelings to feel. When I allowed all that I noticed something got freed up and energy returned.

I also found exercise really helpful.

There was also a lot of child hood trauma stuff I had to work through. Its hard to work through that stuff with school or work taking up so much time and energy. I found I had a lot of dissociation and deeply reconnecting to my body brought up a lot of crazy stuff I hadn't realized was in there.

It sounds like you have good intentions maybe it would be helpful to take some time to really feel into those intentions, and in the goodness of those intentions.

Something else that helped me was to realize that I am just a student of life, and I give myself permission to be a student of life and therefore make mistakes. I've found over time the very things that seemed to make my life difficult and hard were the gateway to a great adventure

 

[Voidmatrix]

Hey friend. You've already been given some great advice and insight. Here's my two cents.

1. Be mindful. Examine your thoughts. Based on how you've describe things, you seem to be encountering magnified intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that are prevalent and are hard to mitigate. If it's an intrusive thought, you can view it as not your thinking and makes it a little more easily managed. Breathe into the feelings and thoughts. They may magnify for a brief period, but that's just so it can get to a point where it can release from your overall system.

2. Start working out regularly. It's good for the mind and body and will be a balancing factor. Doesn't have to be anything crazy. Just something that gets the heart rate up, 3 to 4 times a week for about an hour per session (I used to be a personal trainer, feel free to ask for more on this).

3. Recognize the unproductive nature of worry. It's good to be aware and concerned, but worrying will only make you spin around in circles.

4. Don't define yourself by your intelligence, but rather through WHO you are as a whole. Self-esteem will more easily manifest when we let go and surrender to the active circumstances that make up our overall position.

5. Baby steps, be understanding, forgiving, and compassionate for yourself.

6. Life is just hard and that's okay. It's okay to fail. It can be a facilitator to growth and no one is perfect.

7. Examine guilt and regret. They can have utility for future action predicated on being a reminder from past mistakes or failures. But sometimes it's your mind/depression playing tricks on you. If it's keeping you stuck in place and inhibiting forward movement, it's usually nefarious and can be shrugged off.

I hope some of this helps you.

One love

 

[Cosmic Dust]

Thanks everyone for your answers That really helps

Indeed I follow therapy which helps me now but I had a complicated history with it my first psychiatrist was very bad and got me hooked and benzodiazepines and I had a bad experience with Sertraline . The new one, we talk a lot and it's a lot more helpful though he is pretty confused with me and what's happening so it's moving but slowly .

I stopped using dissociatives and I hope I won't buy any again and only take some on special occasions if I do, my main addiction is Diazepam and tapering off of it .

it's great to remind me to be gentle with myself and appreciate little things I success in doing and indeed, if I focus on trying to be mindful or if I meditate or go outside walking I noticed it helps me a lot noticing how depression can distort my view on reality making everything look worse than it really is .

Writing goals is a great idea, I will start a notebook because I also have motivation issues like, when I'm too depressed I'll feel overwhelmed and won't do anything but doing things one by one helps, I've accomplished something, I feel more self esteem and then motivation

I think I should really meditate and walk outside mindfully everyday because I like a bit of discipline to do it almost everyday, using a notebook is a great idea .

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Hello, I'm sorry if this is flooding but since I'm a new member I could not post in the help and advice forum .

But Cosmic, you've been promoted to full membership.

Congratulations, btw!

 

[Voidmatrix]

Hello, I'm sorry if this is flooding but since I'm a new member I could not post in the help and advice forum .

But Cosmic, you've been promoted to full membership.

Congratulations, btw!

Firstly, congratulations

Second, I knew I was missing something; yes! Meditate! Often! Lol.

One love

 

[Cosmic Dust]

Yes I just saw that grateful
Nice quizz

 

[bismillah]

I had struggled with depression and suicidal thought loops for something like 8 years. Just recently I think I have finally broken out of it. What did the trick? Simply realizing that I can make friends everywhere I go; forcing myself to talk to strangers.
That and keeping very busy ofc, but I also have a very industrious personality. I juggle work, music, and guitarmaking, and it keeps me happy. I guess the point is to break out of these feelings you gotta do something that makes you really uncomfortable, and keep your mind occupied. Eventually you will unlearn the destructive patterns.

 

[Cosmic Dust]

Thanks for your reply .

Indeed I try my best to do such things, even though I'm pretty sure my semester will be a fail I still study for the second chance and read to keep my mind occupied . I noticed the real bad trick is when you feel so guilty that you let yourself not doing anything and just smoking weed or abusing other substances but I don't want these lows anymore ...

I also do walks daily and some meditation which helps .

And yes friends, lovers that's important I should really make an effort at being more social the few good friends I already have are such a source of joy .

I guess I just have to accept the discomfort and go through it, numbing myself would only make things worse in the long run . But still on days I have those ideas, what if I gave up... Today is pretty good happily studying makes me feel like I have some sense of purpose .

And also considering the acceptance of failure, well, sure it's hard but, just a lesson I have to / will learn I guess .

 

[Jees]

...abused dissociatives and I was too depressed, high and anxious about university that I almost didn't study at all ...


...I know it's not related to psychedelics but I don't know I needed to share this ...

Perhaps it is more related to psychedelics than on first sight?
Do not underestimate their impact, it's variable from person to person.

The molecules did a bad job during my school years, failed my last exam. Yes, a life long doubt and feeling of guild somehow. Dreamed about it, years on. No nightmares, just annoying psychological remembrances. Nothing too bad though, but it just never got away. Only the fact that I ended up with good jobs made it less to none relevant. If I ended up in less fortunate jobs it really might have haunted much more severe, I prolly would have picked up studying to finish after all.

I suggest to get yourself baseline mainly to function at max potential, get the job done, and enjoy later. This might be the worst advice since we don't know how your life will roll after that, but we don't know either if a failed graduation will be any better. No guarantee in life whatsoever. I can only attest of a lingering guild feeling after a broken school initiative. If you can avoid it, please do. If you fail graduation but succeed in life anyway, as many can and do, no harm done, but only afterwards one can make this observation.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Cosmic Dust, school can be distressing if you get stuck in a loop where you constantly feel bad about not studying to the point that you just evade your duties and feel more bad about it. If you recognize this cycle you should try to change your routine. Just do something different. Change the place where you study, ask your friends if you could go with them to the library. Basically anything, but not repeating the patterns you know that don't work. When you have a good day you should take note on what was different this time and try to replicate it.

I don't know if it's an authentic quote, but Albert Einstein is said to have said that it's foolish to keep on doing the same things and expect different results.

Be sure to enjoy the summer and reload your batteries now!