Asking 4 Help---no more beating around the bush,Putting it out there

[red291113]

Okay every 1 ,I have been a member since New Years..I have had an amazing journey thus far with psychedelics...More so Mushrooms then anything..I have overcame alot of repressed memories I believe and grown with the aid of this magical fungi..YET I have not yet come to terms with DMT yet...I have had my GVG loaded and ready since January and at the time ,I received all the right information on the "how to" and "when is right",and "set and setting"
Yet I felt that there were some things in my life I needed to correct before taking the journey,thus putting the DMT trip aside till I felt ready...
Here we are 6-7 months later and I kinda fell in a slump the past few months..picked myself up and got my sh** together,and back on track I feel...However ,not even really giving DMT any thought for 4-5 months,and out of nowhere I felt this feeling a week ago that I need to "RESET" and take the DMT...Like I was sooooo scared and fearful before due to my past...Just scared that certain demons,and things I regret to have done in life, I've put to sleep (so to say) would somehow affect the journey..
I have battled addiction and crime in my younger years,and although I am a husband,father,and family man now,I just freaked myself out that ,its all going to come back on the journey,so thats what always prevented me..
Now ,as of the past few days,,The DMT thoughts started constantly being on my mind almost without that old fear of the past there..telling me it will heal and show me what I need to know and see/feel...
Yet I would be a straight Liar to tell u I'm balls to the wall ,and not a little scared still..I've read alot on Here about this,but wanted to put myself out there for hopefully some1to help me overcome this or just make sense of it all,,or even just tell me "hey man,I felt that way and was scared,I wasn't the greatest person either at once"
I guess I just felt alone on the issue and wanted to vent also,,I soemtimes see long a** post and can't read the whole thing,so I apologize for the mini book I just wrote,but tbh I'm anxious and reaching out for help in this journey..The wife is Super Supportive of this but is clueless on this topic..thanks for any advice/help,or just listening..Positive Vibes and Love to ALL..

Red,

 

[Sunnyside]

..thanks for any advice/help,or just listening..
Red,

Hello Red, I will offer words of support, I'm sure other folks will offer lots more.

Yes, it's ok to be afraid, I think most of us that work with the DMT get fear, for all kinds of reasons.

You are here on the nexus, you should know by now, you're not alone. There aren't enough good words for all the kind and generous folks here that are going to support you.

Your one comment about constantly thinking about the DMT... yeah... been there... go there...

I don't have much else to offer. Talk more to your wife, she wants to listen. Take your time. Tell her everything you can, have her be near you when you climb into the Hyperspace Command Module, tell her (as best you can) what you saw out there when you get back...

Then, please be sure to tell us what you saw out there, too. We love to know also...

And if you decide to wait another 6 months before you do heat up that ceramic in the GVG, well that's ok too. We're here for you.

Thanks Red!

 

[DmnStr8]

My first thought is to just do it! You may wonder what you were so worried about. That may be easy for me to say and hard for you to do though, I understand that. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

This is a hard decision for you for various reasons. I mean if you are scared to deal with issues and problems from your past, then make peace with it before your journey, hell, make peace with it right now, put it to bed so to speak. The past belongs in the past. Forgive yourself for any past transgressions and mistakes and move forward. It sounds like you are doing good for yourself. You are a family man now and sound like a good person to me! Be who you are now, not who you used to be.

Don't build up the DMT too much in your head. Forget about it... don't even do it ever and that is perfectly fine I say. If it is causing you stress thinking about it then forget it. If this experience is something you want to have, then go for it. Playing on the fence is fine and good but it sounds like it's stressing you. Make a decision and stick with it. Go when you are feeling comfortable and excited for it.

If you need a pep talk.. give yourself one! You are the one that has to go through the experience of DMT. Nobody here can tell you what kind of experience you will have. If you do decide to go, accept whatever comes with gratitude. It may be a hard and difficult journey. Plan for the worst and if you get something on the positive side then it's a bonus. I think even if you do have a difficult journey you can choose to find the positive afterward. Choose a higher perspective where everything is ok. A perspective where you can say "You know, I did what I did in the past and I am no longer that person, I need to move on!". Quit carrying baggage.. it is weighing you down.

Good luck in whatever decision you make!

 

[Simply_Me]

I have been there and will say this: NOW is way more relevant than THEN. I hype myself into a shitstorm every now and again and I take a few smaller hits before a larger one. I have not passed .022 yet because I hit alone and have some fear too. I remind myself that there is no hurry and I will get there.

Peace

 

[Kable]

My opinion would be to quit thinking about it and just go for it. Intentions are overrated and you'll probably find out DMT doesn't give a damn about your past.

The time will never feel right, the conditions will never be perfect. Just load it, heat it, exhale and pull it in long and slow...

Heck, most people don't break through their first time anyway.

 

[swimer]

Good to hear you are not rushing it.. For me my first "real" hit was a really long jurney. It took about 1 year since i recieved my MHRB to actually blasting off. From my point of view not forcing anything was really good decision as everything came naturally as the universe want it to be. If only thing left stopping you is fear of DMT you should just do it though. Don't overthink things and learn to let go..

 

[obliguhl]

It is my opinion that you won't be tortured by your past on DMT.

Of course you can't know for sure but it would not surprise me if they would just bathe you in love and tell you everything is alright and to be gentle to yourself.

..and out of nowhere I felt this feeling a week ago that I need to "RESET" and take the DMT.

This is the signal to GO!

 

[null24]

Ha ha, i can relate. I'll often hold onto an extract so long i give up and just give it away. Then I'll grow another hair, pull out the jars and make more, hold onto it, give it away, repeat.

However for me it is setting more than set that causes the delay.

One of the more interesting things about dmt as opposed to other psychs is the general preservation of my current mental state during the trip. So many times I've been reminded tat the things i experience in dmt space are not mine, but emanate from "The Other'. This is why dmt is more valuable for spiritual exploration than personal or psychological. It has never put me into a state of regret that paralyzed me. There have been trips that i came out of weeping and saying "I'm sorry" over and over because i saw how much pain I've caused on a universal level but I've always felt forgiveness also and been inspired to move forward.

It is the reaction to dnt that makes me want to do it outside my home. I live in an apartment and am afraid I'll make noise that will attract unwanted attention, the fridge noise will distract me. I prefer dosing in nature but it's hard to get far enough out to ensure i won't see another human.

I've had a past that also is marked with criminality, addiction, death, loss and depression. PTSD is a nightmare but my work with n,n dmt and 5 meo-dmt have given me the fortitude, strength and vision to move through and out of those things andtransform my past from a object of shame into a valuable resource of experience that uniquely qualifies me for what i now do for a living and inspires art.

I feel I've moved out of a living death into a life of creativity and loving action with the assistance of psychedelics, using different ones to facilitate and catalyze different work, but never relying on them to do the workfor me. They are like flashlights in a spelunking mission, only tools-a means to an end not the end themselves.

Good luck,

Do it!

 

[ducdevil]

hi Red,

i'll just share a few thoughts that might prove useful...

first of all, respect for the medicine should always be a part of our approach. your hesitancy, fear, apprehension - whatever you want to call it - shows that you understand its power and significance. this is a good thing.

it takes a certain amount of courage, in my opinion more than other psychedelics, to venture into the DMT realm. you are, essentially, giving up control and sense of Self which is a daunting thing to do for most people. obviously this happens with other molecules such as psilocybin or LSD (and analogues), but DMT and 5-MEO are in a league by themselves.

i will admit freely that not a day goes by i don't wake up and wonder if today will be the day i voyage with spice. and usually, it is not that day. yet, it is no accident it is called the "spirit molecule"; it has a personality, a presence, a ***force*** that once it enters your consciousness and awareness, it does not leave. at least for me, it is a constant companion in my mind - as if there is a persistent beckoning - yet, i answer the call only when it feels right, both in set and setting.

when the time is right, you will know. it will most likely not be an intellectual decision, but an emotional and spiritual "knowing" that it is time to venture in.

good luck whenever you do. start small. work your way up in dosage gradually. do not be obsessed with the "breakthrough" for the medicine has much to offer at each level.

peace

 

[xss27]

I think your current state of being is far more important in terms of how the wheels of the universal mind get spun.

When a whole group of us tried it for the first time we all had different experiences, and none of us were necessarily in the most prepared state of mind or being given our ages, given our station in life at that point. Out of the group of four I had a vastly different experience compared to the others, no one else was left physically trembling with euphoria and none conveyed quite the level of profundity when describing their journeys as I did. I had done the most inner-work out of the group and I believe that was the decisive factor, not past personal history, in terms of how the experience unfolded.

The only instance I can think of where past history could be an issue is if someone had murdered another person intentionally, or committed some other very serious violation against another. Those acts do affect a persons state of being. What the outcome would be I have no idea - still maybe no effect? Who knows.

 

[Baelor]

For me, DMT disconnects me from thoughts. I let my conciousnes drift in a stream of bliss and reality is the distant riverside. It's there, but not affecting me during the trip.
The scary thing about DMT is not the drifting but the jump into a raging river.

 

[red291113]

Wow Thanks so much fellow travelers...
I have not been on here in a few months,,,actually after this Topic,I kind of been absent from the Nexus for a bit..I really appreciate the feedback,conversation,and advice/ideas.
Well the short of it all is...
I have did the Spice quite a bit now..But by quite a bit,I mean out of the 30-40 times,I actually got the hang of it 25 plus times later haha..The GVG is amazing,but is not the easiest of instruments to start with,,for me at least..The very first time I got a really decent hit in,,it totally caught me off guard and I had to do the "I'm on DMT chant lol),,but it was not a break-thru,but so amazing what i saw ,,but at the time,,O BOY :shock:
after that experience,I took off for about a month or so..I wanted to keep learning and growing,But unfortunately my best friend passed away,being my Father..He was a Heart Transplant Patient ,just shy 1 month away from 10 years with his new heart...Not to throw the vibe off here,but this is/was very difficult for me..I did not feel scared 1 bit to try again,,but I did NOT want to do the Healing Spice with just the intention to try and see/feel my Father again..I felt like that wasn't maybe the right respect..but I did not overthink it or anything..
I've been really trying to grow and be positive more and more everyday,and about 1 month ago,Spice just would not leave my mind/spirit alone...Just the whole,You can heal,and grow feeling calling...So I am really on a path for Growth and Development within myself,and positivity ..I have still not broke thru,but Ive been taking my time,,I have just made Changa , with Syrian Rue 10x ,Cannabis,and Spice ,,and it is ready to rock..I am really excited to try Changa,from the many many many reports of spiritual and more personal experiences felt with Changa...
I will definitely keep every1 posted ,if u guys r interested..I really enjoy reading all the stories and conversations on the nexus..I also have been starting back taking Microdosing Cubensis,and had a great trip the other night,that really helped me reset some negative energy I had invited to my life..So without rambling any more ,I just wanted to kind of update my fellow Psychonauts with how everything is coming along..I am going to really do some good healing tonight when kids,wife,and dogs are sleep and will def get back with how it went...Thanks so much every1 who made me feel better,and confident with my DMT Fears..I will always have a healthy fear/respect as I know it will demand that if I don't abide..But i feel its just only right anyways...Ok guys/gals..may all of u have a blessed,happy day ...hope to hear from ya

 

[Asher7]

Sounds like my story is similar to a lot here in regards to individual steps taking a year or better just because time wasn’t feeling right. I spent years leading up to the first hit, took too much and now it’s a year and a half later.

Really I’m not to easily shaken by odd things, I’ve been to salvia land etc. What gets me is the self critical hyper analysis where I go onder the spot light. But if I’m in good mindframe and honest eventually it gets down to things like “she was obviously to embarrased to ask but was hinting at needing help and you were too in your head to notice” and those things are going to be there forever, it’s steps towards progress. The “what I could have done better’s”.

I think the reason coming up on a psych is associated with anxiety etc. and the come down isn’t is because by the point you come down you’ve had time to think about it so much you’re done. So you start looking out into the trip enjoying yourself.

Another strategy is going the oral route. 30mg taken orally felt like a really really nice launch pad for changa or enhanced leaf, so that would be a way to shake the jitters.

Just know truth man, be truth and let everything fall into place, it’s hard to forget you’re alive after a blast of changa.8)

 

[insect0id]

If you're hesitant to try DMT, that's perfectly reasonable. My first experience was very intense and freaky.

However, don't think for a second that spice won't catch you completely off guard. In my experience, DMT violently stripped me of my ego and threw reality right out the window. There is no preparing for Dimitri's little trick of yanking the rug you never knew existed from right under you, and that's okay. You will turn out fine in the end-- I mean I did, and I'm pretty sure you will as well.

The fear, the intensity, and the death involved is all worth what it has to show you. Take your time, but when you're ready, stay humble.