Has anybody here had an encounter with the shadow? Like, a true encounter, perhaps with what Buddha called the 10,000 terrible visions? The hell realm? Dante's underworld?
I've had a couple brushes when I have taken what seemed to be too much drugs. I was too young and immature to have any idea what was happening, and instead of diving in like a warrior, I froze, locked up, and freaked out. But I know it's there, that feeling, pulling the strings on all of my seemingly innocuous bad habits that combine to keep me right where I am.
I took a certain empathogen the other night with a dear friend and we did yoga and had a cathartic exploration of some deeper levels, and I could see clearly the need to not only approach the shadow, but to dive into it's heart and be willing to be ripped apart by it. The energy of the thing is indescribable. Until my session the other night, I had repressed my experiences with it, but it came back up and I remembered the ultimate primal fear. The thing that I had been avoiding my whole life. I don't know what's inside that energy ball. My fear of death? I just know that the fact that it remains unconscious is allowing it to sit a the helm of my inertia based life, keeping me repeating things on a deep level that consciously I know I need to give up. Out of all the reading I have done, nothing pegs the feeling like Carl Jung's "Red Book." He knows that feeling of ultimate existential despair, which is the only way I can describe it.
I have an unprecedented opportunity right now of three months with no work, and a small cottage all to myself to do yoga, meditate, and create a disciplined routine to try to follow this rabbit hole to the bottom. Has anyone else embarked upon this? Consciously, I am a happy person, but deep down, it feels like the journey I must take, and I would love some family input. Love ya'll.
Edit: I should add, the cottage I'm in is VERY isolated on a small island. I basically have the perfect situation right now to dive deep, and I came prepared. IE, I seem to have found a piece of paper that divides into ten pieces that should be helpful in accessing "that space" again. I'm scared. Last time I brushed up against this thing, I thought people were trying to kill me, and I was in a heavy slump for some months afterword. It took place in the least supportive context I could ever imagine.
Right now is nearly three years since that experience, and I have a much more settled mindstate to make this journey with. The thing is, I will be alone. Completely alone in a country where nobody even speaks the same language as me. I know the deal, and I have taken strong doses of various things solo in the past. It's just that this time, it feels like a truly vertical leap into places I have yet to even imagine. That's just my intuition. I would be so very grateful for any experienced journeyers to weigh in with some input.
I've had a couple brushes when I have taken what seemed to be too much drugs. I was too young and immature to have any idea what was happening, and instead of diving in like a warrior, I froze, locked up, and freaked out. But I know it's there, that feeling, pulling the strings on all of my seemingly innocuous bad habits that combine to keep me right where I am.
I took a certain empathogen the other night with a dear friend and we did yoga and had a cathartic exploration of some deeper levels, and I could see clearly the need to not only approach the shadow, but to dive into it's heart and be willing to be ripped apart by it. The energy of the thing is indescribable. Until my session the other night, I had repressed my experiences with it, but it came back up and I remembered the ultimate primal fear. The thing that I had been avoiding my whole life. I don't know what's inside that energy ball. My fear of death? I just know that the fact that it remains unconscious is allowing it to sit a the helm of my inertia based life, keeping me repeating things on a deep level that consciously I know I need to give up. Out of all the reading I have done, nothing pegs the feeling like Carl Jung's "Red Book." He knows that feeling of ultimate existential despair, which is the only way I can describe it.
I have an unprecedented opportunity right now of three months with no work, and a small cottage all to myself to do yoga, meditate, and create a disciplined routine to try to follow this rabbit hole to the bottom. Has anyone else embarked upon this? Consciously, I am a happy person, but deep down, it feels like the journey I must take, and I would love some family input. Love ya'll.
Edit: I should add, the cottage I'm in is VERY isolated on a small island. I basically have the perfect situation right now to dive deep, and I came prepared. IE, I seem to have found a piece of paper that divides into ten pieces that should be helpful in accessing "that space" again. I'm scared. Last time I brushed up against this thing, I thought people were trying to kill me, and I was in a heavy slump for some months afterword. It took place in the least supportive context I could ever imagine.
Right now is nearly three years since that experience, and I have a much more settled mindstate to make this journey with. The thing is, I will be alone. Completely alone in a country where nobody even speaks the same language as me. I know the deal, and I have taken strong doses of various things solo in the past. It's just that this time, it feels like a truly vertical leap into places I have yet to even imagine. That's just my intuition. I would be so very grateful for any experienced journeyers to weigh in with some input.
