I was walking down the street when I realized I forgot my ham burger I was planning on eating that day for lunch so I reached down and ate some dandelions. While I was looking down, I noticed a frog, I named him Kikker. But the frog replied, "That's not my name!" I was quite startled that my frog has spoken, but despite my shock I smacked him so hard the 5meo came out and said "YES IT IS!
Then I woke up, because I would never, ever smack a frog. I went outside to sit with the amphibians in the garden, singing ".. I thought about how weird of a dream that was. I saw a tree with one apple so I decided to climb it!
On my way up the trunk of the massive oak, I noticed a large squirrel glowering down at me. I couldn't help notice that the rodent strongly resembled...'a pussy cat'! Surprised
I asked the 'pussy squirrel'
'Hey, you wouldn't happen to know if this tree has active bark would you?'
The pussy squirrel exclaimed, "zibbiddy zaggazag blzzergert flobidal aycincatagormatical, epistemic transtipcality up in der kosmic sploosh baby, ugh! Get it".
I took that to be an affirmative, I mean, the squirrel had to have learnt to speak elvish somewhere right? So I sat down before the tree, to commune with the tree and ask it for kind permission when I was confronted by a tree spirit! This tree spirit said I must under go 3 trials; one of which was an intense psychedelic dose of its bark! The other two being...to retrieve a single eagle feather from an eagle's nest. The other was to discover the salmon of knowledge and find out the next stage of my journey.
I immediately took on the first challenge and ripped the bark straight off the tree and ate a few grams. This made me puke for hours, also it made me have the most psychedelic deja vu dream experience I have ever had. I swear I met this tree and had to have a challenge just to commune with this tree.. The weirdest dream. I soon realized there was no line between reality and dream and continued to retrieve the feather I was now after!
After what seemed like several hours (but in reality could have been a few minutes) I came across the largest redwood I had ever seen. The bark was guiding me at this point and who was I to argue! Staring up through the tangled canopy I could make out the eagles nest that I knew I had to reach. Fortunately the bark had given me the power of flight (i think!)
From the ground I attempted to leap up, but the opposite happened, I sank into the earth. It was dark as I descended into the topsoil, then more rocky layers until finally I landed in a huge subterranean cave. I was able to see now due to an abundance of glowing purple and green quartz-like crystals that towered over my head, throbbing rhythmically and generating this high-pitched sound which rose in frequency as I approached them. It was almost more than I could stand, but I felt compelled to...
