Depersonalization, Bhanga Nana, Dark night of the soul

[Diazin]

If you were into magic, Id say you should practice some elemental magic untill yoi ground up and stabilize again.

My advice is to meditate, but on earthly affairs. Meditate about others. Meditate about other's lives. Put yourself in their shoes. How does it feel to be in their shoes? Good? Bad?

Then start sorting out what you ARE'NT. Dont consider what you are, focus on what you arent. Be aware of what/who you arent.

Defining what we are is misleading. We are too complex and often too contradictory to be labelled off. We are entropy. We are Chaos. Start eliminating what you arent and you will slowly build a new sense of identity, without attaching to pety transitory ideas and impressions.

And again, experience other's lives in meditation, that will bring impressions to your judgement to be sorted out and be either absorbed or discarded by you. Read about psychodrama if you find meditation such a burden.

 

[woogyboogy]

Theres a limit on to how much people in an online forum can help you.
Id say take what seemed the most useful for you from your research, and take a break from the internet, if using it is tied so tightly to that compulsive "try to find a way out" behaviour. From all that I can tell from what you keep writing here, it seems very detrimental to keep reinforcing those thought patterns. Get away from all this for a while, and see what happens. Maybe find some people you can talk to face to face, helps put things into a new perspective. It might be though, it might be painful, but at least its something bigger on the horizon then what happens when you stay glued to a screen, all limited to your head.

Good luck!

 

[○]

Theres a limit on to how much people in an online forum can help you.
Id say take what seemed the most useful for you from your research, and take a break from the internet, if using it is tied so tightly to that compulsive "try to find a way out" behaviour. From all that I can tell from what you keep writing here, it seems very detrimental to keep reinforcing those thought patterns. Get away from all this for a while, and see what happens. Maybe find some people you can talk to face to face, helps put things into a new perspective. It might be though, it might be painful, but at least its something bigger on the horizon then what happens when you stay glued to a screen, all limited to your head.

Good luck!

This. This all day.

 

[syberdelic]

I'm sorry that I didn't read the whole thread, but I thought that I might provide some insight through my own experience.

Years ago I was in a similar head space. I had just ended a long and dysfunctional relationship and was experiencing a lot of self doubt in my ability to function in a healthy mental space and be a productive member of society without sacrificing my identity. I meditated and took psychedelic drugs with intention to try to resolve this but only had fleeting glimpses of tranquility. Prior to this, I've had bouts of anger issues and I could feel this bubbling up as well.

I was gaining weight and could feel my physical health slowly trailing behind my mental state. One day after work, I was so fed up with feeling like this that I nearly started punching holes in the walls of my house. I had been a long distance runner in high school 15 years prior and had run a 10k a year before with an absolutely horrible time. I put on my running shoes and just started pushing myself until I hurt. I was channeling my anger onto myself. It hurt like hell, but I just kept on going.

I must have been punishing myself for a solid two hours with no recent training. I was sore from the 10k the previous year, but nothing like that next day. My walk was more of a limp and my back felt like an old punching bag, but somehow I didn't feel that awful malaise and apathy that I had become accustomed to. I was fully in the here and now. After healing for a couple days (I still hurt a bit), I got back out and did it again. It turned into a routine. I got faster. I started getting runners highs. I started focusing on running form. It was an obsession that I carried for about 5 years until I was running 45minute 10ks and taking supplements for my knees.

I started loosing interest in running, but was also worried about returning to my previous mental state. Over the next couple years, I went from running 25+ miles/week to nearly zero. Sometimes I feel that awful mental state creeping back and all I need to do is push myself physically running, biking, working, or even just scrubbing some dishes and I'm good again.