Depression

[Akasha224]

Personally I drink coffee every now and then but I know that I have to pay the price about 4 hours later
when I get paranoid and have self destructive thoughts. I feel like shit
but at least I know it's drug induced.

I can sympathize with this 100%...me drinking coffee is basically a recipe for disaster. I'll be hyperactive for an hour, and then crash hard and basically hate myself for the next few hours. Remembering that it is a drug-induced effect also helps with dealing with the feelings too, and this knowledge is vital to have in relation to ANYTHING you put in your body. When I was having suicidal thoughts & fantasies on a daily basis, convincing myself that I deserved to die because I was a horrible person, etc., it wasn't because it was actually true, it was because I was drinking coffee/smoking weed every three hours/not exercising/not eating right.

Your mind and body basically the work the same way a machine does. It processes what you put into it, and gives you a result - if you're malnourished and on drugs, the result won't be good, but if you take care of yourself and are able to manage your stress, then your results will be good. At least this is the way I've always thought of it, and I've found this attitude to be most helpful when trying to separate yourself from the "I'm a horrible person and I deserve to die" thoughts, which aren't necessarily your independent thoughts, as much as they are thoughts that your mind/body produce, based on what you're putting into your body and how you're treating your body.

 

[Psybin]

I would just like to add a quote that saved my life when I tried to kill myself - "Ego and self-pity are the roots of depression" - Tom Robbins. It reminds me that addiction, depression, and worse are a choice - despite their basis in biology. That in the end, one chooses to be depressed because the ego has grown too large when not in view. I thought I'd shrunk my ego then, but I'd only tried to stuff a balloon in a box. Now, I let the balloon to the sky. This is the most difficult thing to accept, that somehow you have to just get better because you want to and know you can. Where there is a will, there is always a way.

Also, here are a couple of personal "axioms" that I've lived by since narrowly escaping floor 13 of the psych ward and a pretty wooden box:

1. There is no good and no evil, no light and dark, no good and bad. These are constructions of the mind, which itself is an illusion. Therefore, do not get caught up in the cycles of positive and negative or joy and despair, for they are illusory.

2. When you feel the urge to be helpless and procrastinate, immediately do whatever opposite activity you can. EX. You get the urge to smoke a bowl instead of study, so you immediately hide your bowl and do your homework. Or even just send an important email.

3. If 1 is true (it is), then any experience or thought or feeling is likely illusory. Therefore, find only joy if it is not real, for why waste time chasing an illusion not to your fancy (depression)?

4. When you start beating yourself up and feeling like crap, going on long narratives of how everything is ruined... think to yourself "no no no, this is stupid" and examine the opposite perspective of whatever issue your grappling with.

5. To continue with the spirit of 4, always consider the opposite point of view for every thought you think. It gets tiring, but you'll always be at peace and happy.

Hopefully this helps, feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. I've been there and back, so I know how tough it can be. It'll get better, I promise

 

[3rdI]

4. When you start beating yourself up and feeling like crap, going on long narratives of how everything is ruined... think to yourself "no no no, this is stupid" and examine the opposite perspective of whatever issue your grappling with.

i do this and find it very, very helpful when that voice in my head gets out of control

 

[ommani]

Hope this helps...

http://www.elizabethmattisnamgyel.com/looking-deeply-into-depression

 

[Sky Motion]

First of all I would like to say thanks to everyone that answered, seeing so many responses and amazing suggestions gives me a lot to think/read/act upon.

I feel like this was the right place to share to get the advice that I was looking for, thank you again everyone.

 

[DreaMTripper]

You may have some benefits from taking a combination of b6 5htp and SAM-E, it basically increases serotonin , it may be enough to get you back into a more positive frame of mind and give you more energy overall. Obviously this couldnt be taken with harmalas or any MAOI as it is contraindicated.

 

[Sky Motion]

Update: quit marijuana cold turkey, we'll see if it helps.

 

[Macre]

I beat depression without any assistance from chemicals. Since beating depression I have of course used plant medicines to further my personal growth, but I was not using plants in such a way at that point.

I found it useful to understand the mechanics of depression. I stopped viewing it as an overarching blanket, and started to view it as an ongoing series of individual negative thoughts.

With this in mind, I went to work unpicking the depression at the root, stamping out each individual negative thought, one-by-one. I kept going and going, until the depression got weaker and weaker.

I viewed my depression as a bad habit, which I broke, like giving up smoking. The tool I used was a form of CBT called the triple column technique. This helped me understand that each individual negative thought was one or a combination of just a few distortions.

The triple column technique allowed me to pinpoint which distortion(s) was/were at play with each individual thought. It works by filling in a form (sounds simple I know), outlining the situation and your thoughts, identifying which distortions are at work, and then writing a more realistic/helpful view of the situation.

The process of physically writing it down was also key to the process, a bit like taking notes when learning something, it helps your brain absorb it just that little bit better. It also helps, over time, in cementing the idea that just a handful of distortions of your perception can create a depression.

I am not a psychologist and I can't say that this will cure depression. I can tell you that it worked for me. It still takes dedication and the willingness to put the effort in, in a similar way to learning.

I shall try and find some resources for you, it's up to you if you give it a go. It may or may not work for you.

Peace

Macre

 

[Cazman043]

I can't give you any medical advice, nor really any suggestion on what you should and shouldn't do, you need to make the choice of where to go and what to do, I'm not permitted to say don't do this, go do this, but for me, I have had a significant and continuing diminishing of my depression through present moment awareness. To be totally HERE, NOW, not yesterday, not 5 years ago, not tomorrow or five years from today… RIGHT NOW, the sounds, sensations, feelings, the stillness… its all here, under the incessant layers of thinking.. maybe make an effort to go into this moment, you might find you are not a poor me who is run by the world, but in reality, you are the world.

 

[Xagan]

I find that going on walks helps, not just regular walks, but walks that you've never been on before, in places you've never seen. When I go on a walk in my town or in parks I know, it's nice and everything, but it's easy to zone out and to put the experience on autopilot, whereas if I go somewhere totally new, it's a brand new experience and I find it a very refreshing experience. So yeah, maybe it's something worth considering. I understand how hard depression can be, it's something I still struggle with these days, so I ought to go on more walks in new places myself actually. Keep up the strength and remember you've always got an amazing support network here in the Nexus

 

[tripwire]

I struggled with depression for years. I could not believe how simple the solution was. I was taking life and myself too seriously. So one day i went to ebay and purchased an outrageously pink fluffy hat. At first I couldnt bear the thought of wearing it in public. Would people accuse me of being gay? Would i get attacked? Would people laugh at me? When I finally mustered the courage to try, I found to my great surprise I got none of those reactions. Lots of people laughed and made comments. Some laughed with me, some at me. When I realized that the distinction was unimportant my life completely changed around.

You see depression is hard to tackle head on. You just have to undermine it. It turns out you cant be depressed if you dont take yourself seriously. Its impossible. I cant believe it took me 20 years to figure this out.

It also turns out depression is a great gift. For me it was a forced change of perspective from a blissfully ignorant unreality of limited or no spiritual growth. If anything of life persists after death it is in the spirit, and it is our spirit vehicle that we have to maintain and develop. Depression drives these changes until we make these devlepments, until we succeed at the meaning of life.

One more thing. The depressed view is usuall the correct view. You wont change depression by btrying to rpove the things that depress you are wrong. You have to learn a self serving view that trumps the factually correct view. This I could only do by stopping taking myself and the world seriously.

If ever you want to chat about this, im here to help. Its a tough course to navigate through, and slaver empire mental health medicine is a WRONG TURN. Dont do it.

Embrace your gift, dont destroy it with chemicals made with negative intent. And if you dont believe they are made with negative intent I wwill show you a depressingly good reason why I think they are. And the depressing reasons are usually correct right?

 

[Ufostrahlen]

If ever you want to chat about this, im here to help. Its a tough course to navigate through, and slaver empire mental health medicine is a WRONG TURN. Dont do it.

Embrace your gift, dont destroy it with chemicals made with negative intent. And if you dont believe they are made with negative intent I wwill show you a depressingly good reason why I think they are. And the depressing reasons are usually correct right?

I like your post alot. The ego sure boosts depression, but the last paragraph is irritating me. You see depression as a gift? And anti depressants made with negative intent? And what is slaver empire mental health medicine? I'm curious to learn more about your view.

 

[DreaMTripper]

Ive been through a depressed phase recently and again realised the root of it was the perceived death of my plans, Something recently has seriously threatened my imagination of my own future to the point of nearly destroying it.

For some time I couldnt see anything but a dead end of that path, what was left was nothingness, the feelings associated with this void in my life was emptiness.
I had been so wrapped up in this idea for my future when it looked like it was ending I plummetted into a depression.
Everything around me changed, people reacted differently to me, things seemed to start going wrong and spiiralling downwards taking me with it.
Only recently have I started to imagine other future paths and have been on an upward route. My point is that once you see a brighter future free of sadness and emptiness then unconciously you act and the world around you reacts to it creating a feedback process. I think people are incredibly absorbant and sensitive, especially at the un/sub-concious level.

 

[Doc Buxin]

"Ego and self-pity are the roots of depression" - Tom Robbins.

One of the best quotes ever!!!!

From one of THE best books ever!!!!

"Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates" by Tom Robbins

If you haven't read it, do it. You won't be dissapointed. :d

 

[Doc Buxin]

At the acupuncture clinic & herbal pharmacy that I manage, we usually always remind people that are coming in with depression that it is entirely a sane response to this insane culture to be depressed (or anxious) sometimes, or even a lot of times.

 

[Synkromystic]

If ever you want to chat about this, im here to help. Its a tough course to navigate through, and slaver empire mental health medicine is a WRONG TURN. Dont do it.

Embrace your gift, dont destroy it with chemicals made with negative intent. And if you dont believe they are made with negative intent I wwill show you a depressingly good reason why I think they are. And the depressing reasons are usually correct right?

I like your post alot. The ego sure boosts depression, but the last paragraph is irritating me. You see depression as a gift? And anti depressants made with negative intent? And what is slaver empire mental health medicine? I'm curious to learn more about your view.

I might be able to shed a bit of light on those comments.

As far as the mental health system and pharmaceutical drugs go. Generally, They are not concerned with finding cures. They are only concerned with making money and creating dependents. They do this through the use of addictive and dangerous drugs. It is a form of slavery, where one is locked into a form of habits where they become helpless to change, and must always look to their ''master'' for the answers (drugs). It is a truly evil system. It really is a DeathCare system and Some of the side effects of drugs from the pharmaceutical industry are so disgusting and horrific, I couldn't imagine why anyone would ever take any.

As far as depression being a gift. I truly feel that it is. It is on opportunity to re assess your whole life to find out what doesn't work, and why. Depression can be a great opportunity to make an even better, more harmonious life for yourself. I know from personal experience...Only when things got so bad that I couldn't handle it anymore, was I forced to look at myself and make the changes that were necessary to live a better life, with better actions. It took lots of effort, and an incredible amount of determination as I dealt with all the failures, but ultimately is very rewarding. I thank dmt for helping me to see situations from different perspectives, but all the real work was done by me, and still is.

 

[obliguhl]

As far as depression being a gift. I truly feel that it is. It is on opportunity to re assess your whole life to find out what doesn't work, and why. Depression can be a great opportunity

I found that for me this train of thought is more likely just a coping mechanism to help getting over waster time, and that depression is truly devastation and horrible no matter what.

 

[Synkromystic]

As far as depression being a gift. I truly feel that it is. It is on opportunity to re assess your whole life to find out what doesn't work, and why. Depression can be a great opportunity

I found that for me this train of thought is more likely just a coping mechanism to help getting over waster time, and that depression is truly devastation and horrible no matter what.

Well, in my opinion, it is most definitely a coping mechanism, but I would argue that it is a very important and integral part of self-growth. Being pushed out of ones comfort zone is an important part of growing. Remember growing pains as a child? I'm not arguing that depressions isn't horrible. I am arguing that it is horrible, but it is an opportunity, a blessing in disguise, and sometimes absolutely necessary for personal growth. Obviously this depends entirely on the type of person.

Because depression is so horrible and devastating to you, you would rather not be depressed, and me as well. The thought, or feeling of depression has motivated you in another direction. To my mind this is exactly in line with my reasoning. A simple analogy could be a hot stove. Do you touch the hot stove and burn yourself? Maybe you do because you don't know any better, and you realize that it really hurts and it's no fun. Do you touch it again? well some of us do, but you get my point I hope.

 

[soulfood]

As far as depression being a gift. I truly feel that it is. It is on opportunity to re assess your whole life to find out what doesn't work, and why. Depression can be a great opportunity to make an even better, more harmonious life for yourself. I know from personal experience...Only when things got so bad that I couldn't handle it anymore, was I forced to look at myself and make the changes that were necessary to live a better life, with better actions.

What you're talking about here doesn't necessarily outline a classic depression, but more of an existential temporary hiccup. People living with proper classical depression have a chemical imbalance which takes a lot more to overcome than simply trying hard and although, yes, big pharma does profit off of this, in a lot of cases the means are necessary.

I've had times in my life when people have told me I may be depressed, but actually I was just having a shitty time and was just stressed with it. Thats not a disorder, it's a perfectly healthy response. I know some people, one in particular who have great lives, good career, amazing relationships. They are intelligent, they are switched on. Deep underneath it all they have a much more clinical abnormality. For these people the medications are just. There may be natural, non-patented solutions out there, but when the symptoms get so severe that the subject becomes a danger to themselves and their loved ones it's best just to use what is closest to hand and easily regulated by a professional.

People taking antidepressants because they don't like their job or whatever is just short-sighted laziness.

 

[Synkromystic]

As far as depression being a gift. I truly feel that it is. It is on opportunity to re assess your whole life to find out what doesn't work, and why. Depression can be a great opportunity to make an even better, more harmonious life for yourself. I know from personal experience...Only when things got so bad that I couldn't handle it anymore, was I forced to look at myself and make the changes that were necessary to live a better life, with better actions.

What you're talking about here doesn't necessarily outline a classic depression, but more of an existential temporary hiccup. People living with proper classical depression have a chemical imbalance which takes a lot more to overcome than simply trying hard and although, yes, big pharma does profit off of this, in a lot of cases the means are necessary.

I've had times in my life when people have told me I may be depressed, but actually I was just having a shitty time and was just stressed with it. Thats not a disorder, it's a perfectly healthy response. I know some people, one in particular who have great lives, good career, amazing relationships. They are intelligent, they are switched on. Deep underneath it all they have a much more clinical abnormality. For these people the medications are just. There may be natural, non-patented solutions out there, but when the symptoms get so severe that the subject becomes a danger to themselves and their loved ones it's best just to use what is closest to hand and easily regulated by a professional.

People taking antidepressants because they don't like their job or whatever is just short-sighted laziness.

I agree, the way I wrote it doesn't necessarily outline clinical depression, yet in my opinion I have a very thorough understanding of depression, coming from first hand experience.

To sum it up quickly..I was severely depressed for just over 1 year. ALL my days were miserable. I hated myself, hated my life, had no energy, and just wanted to die. I had anger outbursts, MASSIVE emotional break downs. I got even more upset because I have such a loving family, and because of them I could never take my life. I couldn't do that to them, so I just had to suffer. It was horrendous...I don't need to go into any more detail I think...

I clearly had some serious chemical imbalances. A lot if due to 11 years of Marijuana and Tobacco use that I had abruptly quit. The marijuana dramatically messed up my dopamine imbalance. I was literally high for 11 years, sometimes smoking 20-30 bowls a day when I had the money and opportunity to do it...which was most of the time.

Well I somehow made it through the worst of it. Looking back, I didn't make too much progress during the whole depression, and I don't think many of us really do. It was more of trying, failing, ''dont care anymore'', not trying, failing, etc.

I had a lot of knowledge at that point, but it was very difficult to implement it..nearly impossible at times. YET, it was really important that I went through all of that. I noticed so many habits that I had previously to being depressed, but they were magnified a thousand fold. Basically what i'm saying is that I led a dysfunctional life before being depressed, but only because I entered into a deep depression did all of it become very clear that I was living before and during in a very inharmonious state. And being unable (and I didnt want to) to revert to my previous mode of existence, I was forced to deal with all the bullshit that I had allowed into my system. Looking back, I wouldn't trade any of my experiences, because they have made me who I am today... A much more balanced person, and striving for even more balance...

Edit: I dont believe in medicating with prescription pills, but if someone wants to do it that is up to them. A lot of the ''so called'' anti depressants elicit the exact response they supposedly are defeating. And most of the side effects are so much worse than what they are supposed to be treating. It's all a scam...I will end my rant very early..I could easily go on for pages about the pharmaceutical industry, as I consider it one of the most horrific industries, if not the most, that ''humanity'' has ever concocted.