DMT hits VERY hard and it's VERY powerful. DMT (and it's different variations) is the most powerful psychedelic there is.
There isn't much out there that can get you from everyday reality to somewhere else in only a few seconds.
It might be worth baring this in mind before jumping to conclusions.
The same can be said for any other psychedelic but with DMT you don't have chance to let go like you do with magic mushrooms or LSD.
It's very unforgiving. Whatever exists on the other side is coming into view in 3, 2, 1...
I also think because it's so quick, the initial takeoff can be disturbing for some people, especially if you haven't taken it before or are inexperienced.
Like with any psychedelic, if the transition from normal everyday reality to altered state is troubling, this can linger into the experience.
Sometimes you can forget that your mental state has been influenced by this process. You forget that you've just taken a very powerful psychedelic and takeoff is not supposed to be an easy ride (hence why it's such a powerful and respected medicine).
If you experience negative thoughts and/or emotions, these can create a narrative that becomes sticky in your mind. A loop can ensue which reinforces what came before and leads to anxiety, fear, paranoia even but this often doesn't come from anything tangible but the loop itself. Like in everyday reality, it's very easy to get anxious about being anxious! You can lose track of what changed your state of mind and by this time you've already lost track of what triggered the anxiety in the first place! Psychedelic experiences are no different because nothing has fundamentally changed about the nature of all these things except certain brain chemistry has changed which creates the altered state of consciousness. You can still get anxious about anxiety. You can still get worked up about the same things you get worked up with in your normal waking conscious state. However and with psychedelics, if negative mental content appears it can quickly transform and take on a life of it's own and the restricting valve to our everyday consciousness has been released meaning our normal ego defenses are dissolved. The self that can usually differentiate from this experience as "not being me" no longer can do so which requires "facing the music". Interestingly, this is what makes psychedelic so useful in therapeutic contexts and why so many people take them because it often allows people to make connections from being in this state they otherwise would struggle to do when sober (unless very highly trained in certain spiritual techniques/methods, like many yogis and practiced people).
Much of this comes down to where you are at before you took the psychedelic; mentally, emotionally, physically etc. If something has been bothering you, especially if this has been for some time, this can color the psychedelic experience, sometimes (depending on how much personal work you have done) without you being conscious of it's influence. Certain themes can pop up and influence the direction of the experience. And like above, our experiencing of this can be compounded by how we respond to it. If a sexual theme appears and it makes us uncomfortable, we may try and push it away which likely will just make that uncomfortable experience more complicated. We may feel shame for having this experience and assume it says something about us as a person. We may then respond to the feeling of shame by attempting to bury the shame which then creates another problem. We have to deal with the burying of the shame which creates further complexity. After some time we find ourselves many levels beyond the initial trigger which set off this chain of events. We lose ourselves in the expanding complexity which can feel overwhelming, scary and confusing. And like the shame, we respond to this too which then colors what proceeds. At this point we might be having a kind of spiritual emergency/existential crisis.
Remembering that this all started because DMT is a very powerful psychedelic and hits hard straight from the start, it was the takeoff that troubled us.
This led to a cascading set of events which had us attempting to work everything out, attempting to build a picture of what is going on, flexing our creative juices to do so and often at the detriment of our capacity to open up to the experience itself.
In other words, we get in our own way.
And that's perfectly normal and why these medicines are not easy to use and should always be respected.
Sometimes we are not ready. Sometimes we have stuff to do with our feet on solid ground otherwise this may come out in the experience.
Some might say that taking psychedelics is for this exact purpose but this can sometimes put more weight onto the shoulders of the person taken them assuming they should be ready and be able to make sense of everything. In fact this can be very toxic just like drinking culture where if you can't handle your alcohol you're not a "real" man or woman. It's okay NOT to make sense of things right now. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. Sometimes it can take years to have a eureka moment and things click into place and maybe this happens in a completely innocuous and random way, like washing the dishes, taking the dog for a walk, paying the bills or in some other way.
The psychedelics should facilitate the opening up to the possibility of transformation but they won't give you the answers.
The answers come in the integration stage and this means when your feet are on solid ground.
Maybe this experience gave you exactly what you were looking for? Or maybe it didn't.
In a far out way and not to be suggestive, perhaps the sexual theme is something you might want to work on? Maybe the regression to a childlike state (something that is VERY common when people take psychedelics regardless of whether this is considered positive, neutral or negative) opened a door for you to explore this further? Or maybe not. Sometimes there are connections and sometimes there are not. Sometimes it's the most seemingly disturbing experiences we have that reveal to us in strange and the least expected ways, some aspect of ourselves that when worked with makes us more whole. And sometimes we ran with a narrative that just doesn't make any sense, just like we do in our everyday life.
Be easy on yourself!
