DMT and possible trauma

[tripcode]

hello
i just had an experience that is kind of making me wonder about my past and DMT and i need some help interpreting it

I went to a very dark-carnival style place, and as soon as i got there my brain screamed at me "oh no not here again"

I felt like a little kid being hurt
it honestly felt like i was being violently sexually assaulted
I also felt something strongly pressuring me to not tell a soul about what happened.

Does anything like this happen to other DMT users (is it somewhat normal?) or is this a sign of some possible trauma?

Any help with interpretation would be appreciated.

 

[tripcode]

I quickly forgot this, but immediately after my vision was done being blacked out but i was still incapacitated I had strong suicidal ideation for about 1 or 2 minutes. (I'm fine now please don't worry)

 

[Pandora]

tripcode,

I cannot speculate on what trauma may or may not be buried within you. If you are deeply concerned now might be the time to speak with someone about it.

One thing I do resonate with is the incredibly strong sense of deja vu on a hefty dose of DMT regardless of how the trip is going. And the "Oh no not this again" (without the sense of sexual assault) has happened to me with state specific memory phenomena. The idea that it is during DMT intoxication that I am most likely to be able to clearly recall previous DMT trips . . .

Regardless of whether or not you seek some counseling help, I would recommend taking a serious DMT integration break. In other words, don't use DMT. Spend time journaling, meditating, meeting life's expectations/obligations, exposing yourself to nature, eating well, etc. Give this huge experience some real time to gel. Then reflect. Perhaps new insights will reveal themselves.

I certainly hope you feel better about all of this soon.