DMT and possible trauma

[tripcode]

hello
i just had an experience that is kind of making me wonder about my past and DMT and i need some help interpreting it

I went to a very dark-carnival style place, and as soon as i got there my brain screamed at me "oh no not here again"

I felt like a little kid being hurt
it honestly felt like i was being violently sexually assaulted
I also felt something strongly pressuring me to not tell a soul about what happened.

Does anything like this happen to other DMT users (is it somewhat normal?) or is this a sign of some possible trauma?

Any help with interpretation would be appreciated.

 

[tripcode]

I quickly forgot this, but immediately after my vision was done being blacked out but i was still incapacitated I had strong suicidal ideation for about 1 or 2 minutes. (I'm fine now please don't worry)

 

[Pandora]

tripcode,

I cannot speculate on what trauma may or may not be buried within you. If you are deeply concerned now might be the time to speak with someone about it.

One thing I do resonate with is the incredibly strong sense of deja vu on a hefty dose of DMT regardless of how the trip is going. And the "Oh no not this again" (without the sense of sexual assault) has happened to me with state specific memory phenomena. The idea that it is during DMT intoxication that I am most likely to be able to clearly recall previous DMT trips . . .

Regardless of whether or not you seek some counseling help, I would recommend taking a serious DMT integration break. In other words, don't use DMT. Spend time journaling, meditating, meeting life's expectations/obligations, exposing yourself to nature, eating well, etc. Give this huge experience some real time to gel. Then reflect. Perhaps new insights will reveal themselves.

I certainly hope you feel better about all of this soon.

 

[Ampersand]

Sometimes the DMT experience can feel a bit like that. EX: on one of my past experiences an entity was encountered that encountered that looked like Frylock from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It had a negative and demonic feeling to it. Just like with anything in life, there are positive things and people, and some that are a bit more dark.

Some entities could have malevolent tones that could feel violating. Again, this does not necessarily indicate past sexual trauma for you, it could simple mean that your chakras are out of balance combined with the trickery of a crazy carnival type of vibe.

Usually the Jester-Clown archetypes are more 'gatekeepers' tricky, or on the anterior of the realms of hyperspace. There exist infinite levels of Pure Love & Light beings in hyperspace would surely love to meet you someday.

Also, sometimes the shift into hyperspace can feel a bit violating in a sense of various sensations in the lower root or sacral chakra area of the body. Sometimes energy can be felt, ime it can manifest of almost accidentallygoing to the bathroom a bit. This is just energy that is being moved around inside your body and spirit imho.

As for the need for secrecy about the experience, this might be related to the jester type entities themselves. Maybe it's a reflection of the jester's own being, perhaps they had secrets to hide themselves and is not a reflection of you as a person. Some of them may have ulterior motives and not your best interests at heart. So sorry if the clown entities made you feel uncomfortable in any type of way. Perhaps your next venture into hyperspace can lend more clarity, love, and healing.
Love & Blessings to you. Be well.

 

[blig-blug]

My advice: keep it open. Explore the feelings elicited by the experience, but don't close too early into a given interpretation of them. There are many possibilities, and getting too attached to one early on can prevent you from learning from it. It's very likely that over time the nature of what you're dealing with makes itself more and more evident, without any need to explicitly reason about it or interpret it.