well i was inspired to give a quick write up as to why i dont listen to music. the short version is so i can have a completely self generated experience in response to the medicine, the long version is :
preparing for anxiety
i lay my soul to rest
on a bed of acceptence
i ready myself for the test
loading courageously
only to feel apprehensive
too much? too little? a tiny bit more...
silence and darkness are my friends
letting my heart race until it tires
letting my soul shake with excitement
acknowledge the objective before i begin
get all my worries out in the open
so they may dissolve with time and reason
this is what i want i remember and repeat
in the stillness my body is not
waiting for my blood pressure to drop
my adrenaline to fail
a relaxed feeling of empowerment having looked at my fear
this moment is never clear
because its hidden by myself
until i know there is no more preflight precautions
the butterflies chaos plateu and rise no more
this is the moment, now is the time
waiting only feeds doubt
lets set sail for glorious defeat
count back from three
each second an eternity
two seconds left and my heart rises in my chest
one second now and theres no turning back
exhale largely and fade to black
a flash disrupts the darkness i wear
my torch kept at just the right height
my inhalation paced with slight fright
my lungs filling with cosmic delight
i feel the medicines endless light
in my darkest of rooms
a quick breath of air to carry the rest of the spice within
holding in this breath of life as long as the first
my thoughts of doubt are combatted by premeditation
the time has come to exhale again
watching as the cloud begins to digitize
my vision camoflauged by fuzzy lines and warping hues
again!
i take from the artifact another sacramental breath
its flavor full and faster pulling
i know time is limited so i lower the flame
this is a quick one to be held in the same
a whirr of oscilations behind my ears
crescendoing ominously with each moment
this is what i wanted, i repeat
the cloud exhaled resembling an object in greyscaled impossibility
i dont have time to marvel, i must continue
i am so close now
just one more breath
ive come this far
but the vibrations are already so strong
i could really just melt into this feeling
maybe more..
NO, there is no room for ego here
there is no way to back out now
there is no price to high, not even fear
i wont be stopped
THIS IS WHAT I WANTED!
i stir my medicine effectively
my final inhalation is slowest and careful
again the indolic vapour wells in my chest
i taste it on my lips and my body seems alien
my ears tell me im near some insane factory
my eyes tell me im there
they tell me MOAR
and i oblige
now i gracelessly ignite
furiously inhaling
my chest ballooning
finally i burst by exhaling upwards
everything begins to revolve backwards and inside
i am handed to a god for inspection, on a platter SHE carries
its lips are spiraling into grins of mystery
in its hands, eyes, and mouth TRUTH is forced upon me
i try to look away but am denied
every direction i look, it is waiting for me with a vengeance only it could have
there is no escape... thank you

humbled, i am given over to the others
they are pleased in ways i cant imagine
they hijack my thoughts and speak in my minds voice
phrases break into words into syllables into sounds
they are on a conveyor belt running a billion rpm
with each tone carrying meaning infinitely quicker
the place i was is no more and ive forgotten where i am
who i was or what i wanted
i feel drool on my face, the wetness reminds me of something sticky
i see this place colorful and vast with life that knows it as home
they are purply mechanically gooey creatures
ornate with symbolic language that births new meaning as soon its known
they transform to music
to a song made of lasers within a cylindrical dimension
stretching forever horizontally
each beat a blue bar of light infinitely long in such a pinky sticky place
each note commands them in their dance
their bodies disconnect and reassemble rhythmically
they are all under the songs influence
autonomously operated by the sounds
it is the voice the great mind, which they are fractals of
they are appendages like angels
hilariously turning the pages of my mind
folding my brain, joyously picking it clean of negativity
as i am in my own head?!
these pink womenish things are inside me, as is thier controlling master
holy shit this is awesome!
this is definitely what i wanted
i open my eyes in ecstasy to see a room imbued with divinity
i see a reality i had long since forgotten
this super dimension now visible i see the universe clearly
there is no isolation, there is no sadness, there is only energy
connecting everything as it has and will forever
i am a node in this network
i operate as the pink gooey purple women do
i do as im instructed in my dance under the guide of the super consciousness
that i am now partially aware of
each second of awe satisfies a life of confusion
i live in these moments eternally
they are asymptotes on a graph of reality
always can i remember the awe, but often i forget the raw power
of going off the charts
i want to go back
i close my eyes to fly into the face of the super mind
pinkness so pure but i know it wont deepen
so i retire to appreciating the room i had just left
thinking:
there is no fear, why was i scared
there is only awesomeness and i have plenty
please please please i want everyone to know it
im crying passionately
the thought of sharing this love is too much
i am overwhelmed and refreshed
all past grievences considered blessings
i have been molded into myself at this very moment
how could i regret anything leading me here!