Facing serious burnout

[blue.magic]

I never experienced something like this and any help/advice from fellow psychonauts would be welcome.

Being self-employed software developer can be harsh and I already saw several friends and family members quit this job completely as it was too demanding.

Especially in the last years since I discovered substances and tantric practice, I realized how f**ked up my life is. Sitting at the computer all day and night, 24/7, always putting off fires, always stressed about deadlines, and unread e-mails... it's all stress and work overload. It literally sucks my life energy...

I managed to survive this regime for the last 12 years but now I started facing the "burnout syndrome" - there is so much work to do I even lost track of schedule, the project I have grew so big a single person can never manage it.

Last time I took LSD I realized how bad the situation is and cried. I felt like I can no longer catch up in this rat-racing society, always running faster, with technology improving exponentially - when I start a project, by the time it's finished it's already obsolete. There is a strong sense of futility as if your best is never enough.

The idea of quitting all this race and having simple lifestyle, doing something undemanding, now looks appealing.

One solution for me would be to sell my appartment to cover my debts and do something else, like university study (general chemistry or pharmacology seems appealing), art, volunteering, herb shop... well anything else than freaking programming.

I have a friend who quit a well paid Java developer job and became ayahuascero in Peru.

What about you? Have you been through anything like this?

 

[JuremaSpaceship]

I work over 60 hours a week as an aerospace machinist and I really enjoy my job. I get paid well, and its a good environment with good people, but a few times a week I just feel like I want to quit. The only free time I have is on the weekend. I work nights and get out at 5am every day. So I never even see any of my friends or family during the week and I live alone So it gets pretty depressing. I'm about to turn 30 next month and its scary. I have so many things I'd like to accomplish before I'm too old but at this rate I dont think I'll get to them. Everybody has bills/responsibilities but you shouldn't have to sacrifice everything for them.

 

[Northerner]

In a former incarnation I was a studio sound engineer. Great job, but shocking schedule and a constant hail of drugs and parties. I realised that the thing that I had worked so had to achieve wasn't compatible with having a family. Huge bummer. But life goes on... I quit and became a pro fisherman, huge contrast, cleaned me up proper and got out of the air con. I loved that too but it was very dangerous and I didn't want to leave my kids without a father.

I did know what to do, so I bought a bus and drove around Australia for a year.

Whilst chilling out with my fam I happened across an opportunity to learn computing whilst getting paid. Years later now I am a Linux sysadmin at a factory. It's not a glorious job, but I am compelled to learn all the time. That's a huge bonus. My hours are short and extremely flexible. I live in an awesome town in relative paradise. Some would say I am lucky, but I can assure you luck has nothing to do with it. I chose this and made it, just like I have before.

I could move to the city and earn literally twice what I do now. It wouldn't be worth it. We can't judge the success of our lives by how much we earn. It's a fallacy. Life is judged only by our experience. That is the only thing we can ever acquire that can't be taken away. That is the only thing we can take with us when we die. It is the true gold. The true prize.

So I totally feel you blue.magic. When it is all too much and you are living on a hampster wheel that is getting bigger and heavier but requires the same velocity, maybe it's time to get off. That's not living brother. That's just existing. There's gotta be a bigger reason, some goal to achieve rather than just spinning the wheel, or it becomes just that. Pointless spinning.

I hope you find what you are looking for mate, even if it is just a change up of what you do now. Don't be scared to bet everything on one throw and change your world completely either, if it feels right. People will tell you you're crazy, but you'd be crazy not to do it. :thumb_up:

 

[jiva]

I also worked in IT up until a few weeks ago when i had to go on sick leave because my body can not take the computer job any more, sitting in front of the screen all day typing took it's toll on my body. i have some kind of carpal tunnel problems while my back is hurting.
this and 10 years of IT pushed me towards a form of mental stagnation with the job. Everyday was bad on it's own, but in general i felt like... " i have my weekends, i get payed well... this is a compromise..." and i ended up not changing anything for a while until now that the physical problems force me to.

in the past year i learned that does not have to be this way, although my job pays well i decided to move on and now i am trying to see this not so much as a problem but as an opportunity that forces me to leave a job i got sick of anyway and do something that is more fulfilling.

 

[Jagube]

I got burned out by years of work as a software developer.

Eventually I managed to break out of the rat race and create an almost passive income, which pays my bills and doesn't require much work.

It felt great at the beginning, but now I'm having a bit of a second crisis. I'm not sure what to do with the abundance of time. I have ideas, but they require funds or talents I lack.

 

[blue.magic]

I got burned out by years of work as a software developer.

Eventually I managed to break out of the rat race and create an almost passive income, which pays my bills and doesn't require much work.

It felt great at the beginning, but now I'm having a bit of a second crisis. I'm not sure what to do with the abundance of time. I have ideas, but they require funds or talents I lack.

I have it the opposite way - lots of talents and plans but no time and money to realize them.

I think you can find passion gradually. For example, I was never interested in chemistry but got interested due to psychedelics. And now building a lab and reproducing funny experiments (e.g. from NileRed channel on YT), learning more about the nature.

Have you tried "medicine walk"? That is just go alone to the forest, for example, and contemplate about everything that will come to your mind. Usually after and hour or two, you will be chatting with yourself about what is most passionate topic for you at the moment.

I also worked in IT up until a few weeks ago when i had to go on sick leave because my body can not take the computer job any more, sitting in front of the screen all day typing took it's toll on my body. i have some kind of carpal tunnel problems while my back is hurting.

I am sorry for that. I was lucky with the wrist, no so much with my back.

Working at the computer is very unnatural and it seems to "block the energy" - when I was at a week-long retreat, my body got flexible, refreshed and I felt just great. And just few days at the desk and the body went rigid again.

I find it very hard to concentrate and be in the flow and include excercise. Either be productive and sit there for hours, undisturbed, or stretch from time to time, but at the cost of losing focus...

I could move to the city and earn literally twice what I do now. It wouldn't be worth it. We can't judge the success of our lives by how much we earn. It's a fallacy. Life is judged only by our experience. That is the only thing we can ever acquire that can't be taken away. That is the only thing we can take with us when we die. It is the true gold. The true prize.

Wise words. Yes life happens only now, and present moment is all we have. I no longer see a reason to do an unfullfilling job just to enjoy savings or some delayed gratitude years later. There is nothing wrong with delayed gratitude, but one has to enjoy the path as well. We never know how long we'll be there.

 

[Running Bear]

Do you exercise much? I think lifting weights would reduce your stress dramatically. Humans need exercise and when youre working behind a desk all day youre not going to get it. You need to do more than stretching. Just a thought....

 

[blue.magic]

Do you exercise much? I think lifting weights would reduce your stress dramatically. Humans need exercise and when youre working behind a desk all day youre not going to get it. You need to do more than stretching. Just a thought....

I exercise almost every day (my muscles are too sore to exercise the other days - they hurt all the time, never getting used to the routine).

I hang on for about month of this routine and then something happens, like some stressful event or too much workload and I cannot exercise for months until I can begin again.

It's something about energy, not having enough willpower, which is sucked out by everyday duties and the IT job which I have quit and recovering now.

 

[Rock.0]

I think all the advice people have given in this thread is excellent. I have a similar story of quitting my high stress, fluorescent lit, cubicle bound project management job that was causing me severly high blood pressure (in my early 20s), going traveling for 12 months and studying for 7 years in an Allied Health Care field...but I'd like to offer you some ideas from another angle.

Is it possible to outsource yourself from your business, hire people, sacrifice some money for extra time, take your foot off the pedal, allow yourself to breathe, and schedule in some regular holidays? For a long time I thought I'd never be happy until I was living entirely off passive income and had no daily work demands...but have found that just a 2 week break, twice a year, in addition to not even thinking about work on weekends is enough to keep my content. Have you read The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss? The book is kinda old, and a lot of the technology based tactics he outlines in it are obsolete, but the principles are still relevant, and pertinent to your situation. He has created a podcast episode very recently that acts as a verbal update to the book.

 

[○]

Some really awesome posts here from everyone

Just my own story/2c

I've had one sit-in-front-of-a-computer-all-day job a few years back [I've been through quite a few jobs], at the time I did simple data entry and organization for a corp office, other than that it's been mostly entry level trade work - like entry level construction/apprentice work, roofing, tile/grout/vinyl flooring, done all that, and for me those jobs while physically demanding, were always different each day in some outward sense, different hurdles, tasks, being outdoors at times, environments, people, and for in the area that I live it pays pretty well and is common work, so that's what I've tended to stick with over the years. Also I've painted modern cars and older classics [did that for about a year]. For me doing hands on work like this has been infinitely better for me personally [and my life] than droning behind a computer screen all day with constant high level stimulation, but at the end of the day we're all different in our approaches.


Long hours spent behind a monitor all day just isn't a great thing to be continually doing I don't think, especially over the course of years, it certainly changes folk. And just to note I'm not ragging down on computers or tech, I had just partially built my own pc, and I've been playing a couple different games over the past few months hah, though even with this recent game playing stint - I had to back off, because I saw and felt immediately what it was doing to me - blood pressure, my mind & mentality, thoughts, these things can change a person [sometimes quite alot] ..and oftentimes I don't think it's for the best. Also, I post often on this forum, so there's that, though now it's in fits and spurts, versus how I used to be on this site religiously. [Still on here often though I've cut back in certain areas].

If your computer work wasn't so demanding I'd suggest having a variety in your day, things to break up the monotony and redundancy of type-type-screen-type-screen-type-type-scrren etc etc, and try to fit these things in to the best of your ability, though who knows - your job might be so demanding to the point of where you have little time to do 'other things', but then again ..it comes down to making time and coming down to how bad you want to change yourself and your situation.

I saw your mentioned in one post doing forest walks, that's such an incredible thing [and this is an understatement], especially when done often and without lapse, the immediate and subsequent benefits are undeniable ime [especially for reflection and thought].

I'm in the process now of slowly buying [and storing away] all that's going to be needed for my urban/organic produce & catering business. It's something I've been writing up over this previous year, and while I'm going to have to continually grind throughout this year and into 2019 somewhat - I'll be ready at some point in 2019. I'm in a place [mentally, physically, geographically & economically] right now to where I have a very clear vision on things [LSD's been a pivotal role in all this]. I started working part time at the age of just turning 15, and I've worked the last 16 years [for others] non stop for the most part. I'm done with that s%^&.

I figure this .. if I'm going to relentlessly bust my a**, and not do so for myself and my own life....then what's the point in all of that I wonder? So I figure ..mise well put all of this drive into something to where I'll be calling the shots, and everything in my job/work will be reciprocal and a direct reflection of my own willingness to make something great out've nothing. That in and of itself is an incredibly liberating feeling imho ,and honestly if there's a point to life..I think in some sense it rests in that.

Rant over , Hope something can be taken away from this. Wish you all the best brudda

 

[blue.magic]

Yeah thanks for your story, tatt. It seems I'm not the only one facing such issues.

I have switched to making medicines and writing a tech blog. It's much more fun and with more variety than just sitting at PC all day (or more often, night) and fixing some weird old software bug. My soul was crying, wanting to do something more valuable with my life than this.

Watching a PC screen made the world flat, 2D-like. And psychedelics came to the rescue, showing there is more... much more.

 

[Felnik]

Regular periodic forays into the woods with mushrooms and dmt have been my salvation from the stresses of western life. Start by carving out 1 day a week at least to start. Block out 5 or 6 hours . Go to the largest plot of scenic woods away from people . Shut your phone off , just be with yourself . It can be uncomfortable at first but gets better . This is a short term solution to your issue. In my opinion modern society is a rat wheel abomination that we should be unplugging from as much as possible. Stay lean, keep your overhead as low . Make your sanity a higher priority than making money, things will shift .

 

[○]

Yeah thanks for your story, tatt. It seems I'm not the only one facing such issues.

I have switched to making medicines and writing a tech blog. It's much more fun and with more variety than just sitting at PC all day (or more often, night) and fixing some weird old software bug. My soul was crying, wanting to do something more valuable with my life than this.

Watching a PC screen made the world flat, 2D-like. And psychedelics came to the rescue, showing there is more... much more.

:thumb_up:

 

[Rock.0]

Regular periodic forays into the woods with mushrooms and dmt have been my salvation from the stresses of western life. Start by carving out 1 day a week at least to start. Block out 5 or 6 hours . Go to the largest plot of scenic woods away from people . Shut your phone off , just be with yourself . It can be uncomfortable at first but gets better . This is a short term solution to your issue. In my opinion modern society is a rat wheel abomination that we should be unplugging from as much as possible. Stay lean, keep your overhead as low . Make your sanity a higher priority than making money, things will shift .

this.

 

[Doc Buxin]

Regular periodic forays into the woods with mushrooms and dmt have been my salvation from the stresses of western life. Start by carving out 1 day a week at least to start. Block out 5 or 6 hours . Go to the largest plot of scenic woods away from people . Shut your phone off , just be with yourself.

I found this out ^^^^^ very quickly after beginning my foray into the world of psychedelics as a young man several decades ago...An extremely deep urge to be surrounded by Nature and to not be connected to the "abomination" of modern society (a very apt description; thank you Felnik!)

Eventually, the heartbreak that I would feel, after an incredible day of tripping in the mountains, forests, rivers, streams, etc., from having to re-enter society engendered within me a goal of having my own little farm, out in the middle of nowhere, where I could create a refuge of sorts. A place that I could, with time, mold and grow to be so natural and beautiful that to experience psychedelics there would be Heaven on Earth.

Then one day, many years later, I met a woman with the same goal. It took a couple decades of hard work and financial sacrifice, but we finally made it to that place nearly 3 years ago.

And I wish you could see it now that April is here...All our trees, herbs, flowers, and animals are in full Spring mode and it is absolutely gorgeous and tranquil.

It's a lot of work and it is sometimes downright difficult living (off the grid & away from it all) with very little financial payoff, but it's all payed for and every bit worth it!

I am too tired from all the serious physical labor that I put in daily to be able to trip a lot, but when the time is right to do so, we are right where we need to be. And the massive amount of exercise that I get just from the daily routine is plenty to eliminate any anxiety that used to plague me when I would work office jobs and be inside at a desk all day.

...modern society is a rat wheel abomination that we should be unplugging from as much as possible. Stay lean, keep your overhead as low . Make your sanity a higher priority than making money, things will shift.

So succinct^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sooooooo true!!!!!:thumb_up:

 

[DisEmboDied]

University/schooling will be hard still but much better, much more room for self-development

 

[blue.magic]

University/schooling will be hard still but much better, much more room for self-development

Yes I found online courses like Coursera, Khan Academy or Pluralsight very refreshing.