Fear after first breakthrough

[Crimsondestroyer]

Hello everyone. My first 2 experiences with DMT showed me that this was a completely benevolent, mystical, pleasureful experience that left me laughing with Joy. I then proceeded to do a breakthrough dose at my house alone. DID NOT EXPECT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL. It was of a completely different nature than my previous trips. I sat up from the couch and started walking around aimlessly because I thought I was dying and this worried me greatly. All the while everytime I closed my eyes these crazy light creatures kept bouncing all over the fuckin place, trying to communicate with me a message that went something along the lines of "Everything is everything, and its not what you expected, and there is far more stuff around you than what you percieve."

Anyways, since that experience I am terrified to do a high dose. Im getting really good at sitting through low doses and tolerating it and even rather enjoying it quite well. The other day I was in a heaven of sorts for a couple minutes, and then proceeded to look around me, look at my hand, and see INTO it. not kidding at all. But for some reason I keep psyching myself out of high doses. Should I just feel when its right or just fight past the shaking and terror until the third and final hit?

 

[3rdI]

Its certainly freaky stuff and there's no reason to do it if you don't feel like it.

I would forget about breakthroughs just take the amount you are comfortable with. I say this because from what you describe your still scratching the surface, if you had the ability to walk around then, in my opinion, you weren't that deep. A breakthrough for me is when reality disolves completely, opening your eyes doesn't make any difference, you can't get up and walk around your house because your house no longer exists.

I thought that when people said DMT ain't for everyone they were being elitist, I dropped this idea the first time I dissolved reality.

DMT is a very heavy experience so tread carefully my friend.

 

[rjb]

You seem to be concentrated on the high dose thing. No worries, I was like that at first too. Then I learned that it's not about that. At all. Fight? You can try, and you might get more scared, or you can just sit and watch. See how that goes. Go with smaller doses for now, learn the road before walking on it. If you go all the way through without knowing where you're going, you might take a path full of bushes and you might get at the end of the path, but you'll be scratched and in pain. Alternately, taking it one step at a time, and looking where you're walking, increases your chances of seeing that bush and going around it.

I hope my analogy helps. If smaller doses don't work either, maybe you just need to take a break, stop thinking about it for a while, and come back later at it if you're still interested. Maybe in the meanwhile think about what you want from life, in general, like what you want to accomplish or where you want to be, that will help you find a specific purpose for using these things and be more comfortable when you decide to travel again. That's what I'm doing and it seems to be working.

 

[Crimsondestroyer]

Thanks for the replies, what you both said actually really hits home for me because in the span of starting the thread and responding now I inspired myself to vape 25 mg. What Im trying to concentrate on now is to get really comfortable with that dose. So I proceeded to get settled and sit for a minute and commit totally to 25 mg of DMT. This was a much needed experience, my last few trips have been "Fuzzy" and out of focus (maybe someone knows what I mean by that). This trip was in HIGH DEF 360 like all around my head pretty much with eyes closed. I may as well account what happened since its still fresh. But basically (I believe this was sub breakthrough, but right at the edge) this whole other space becomes very real, and I am not hit with random images of light and color, but Clear images of actual things, materials, but also scattered with ideas, MY GOD ITS SO HARD TO DESRCIBE. very simply, I felt like I was being communicated with by the use of images, but the images themselves were so incredibly bizarre, there was a moment where I peered into some kind of spinning bicycle wheel and then it opened up and an orange street cone, several tennis raquets, and other incredibly random objects were animating themselves towards me in a fashion that was indicitive that there was a message being conveyed. The cool part is that I did understand it in the trip, because I felt a distinct sense of accomplishment. I felt like I could direct focus in this area, like it wasnt just an image that I was seeing, but a space with depth and dimension just as real as ours. I dont know how many words I should commit to the rest of the experience but in short it shook me up a bit. This stuff is WIERD>>>>

 

[Muskogee Herbman]

I am feeling the same way. I haven't broken through since my first experience with the stuff which was crazy intense (and amazingly beautiful). I'm pretty comfortable with sub break through levels, and I want to break through again. I'm just searching for the courage. I feel like its most likely going to call me on its own.

 

[steven031188sdl]

I had my first break through 1 yr ago and it scared me so much i left it alone until now.

I worked up to a break through with very small doses. all i got were pretty colors and shapes. Ive had my share of shrooms back in the day and thought to my self whats all the hype about? so i said what the heck... and took a big dose. my reality dissolved real quick.
beings all around me poking laughing and i swear one shocked me in my chest. I could feel the shock!! It didn't hurt , but it was letting me know it was as real as me. The beings looked like evil elf's and nasty demon's. I was alone and helpless. then out of know were was this beautiful light you couldn't see w human eyes. It pulled me away and comfort me.

Anyways ,Ive recently taken some great advice from one of my friends here on nexus and it worked !! A beautiful breakthrough and wonderful lesson.
IT might sound crazy but when your ready and comfortable try this.
on a day you feel your in a really good mood and you feel your ready , get cleaned up and relax put on some of your fav music . music opt. but it helped for me . Then talk to the spice. That's the crazy part. Tell it your fears and worries. what you like and don't like. Talk to it like you would talk to a close friend.
Then if you feel ready go for it. if you do breakthrough look for the light and ask for it. you cant miss it because it pure love and very beautiful. sit back and watch.

It worked for me , but that's just me. so good luck and safe travel. let me know if this helps.

 

[○]

Hello everyone. My first 2 experiences with DMT showed me that this was a completely benevolent, mystical, pleasureful experience that left me laughing with Joy. I then proceeded to do a breakthrough dose at my house alone. DID NOT EXPECT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL. It was of a completely different nature than my previous trips. I sat up from the couch and started walking around aimlessly because I thought I was dying and this worried me greatly. All the while everytime I closed my eyes these crazy light creatures kept bouncing all over the fuckin place, trying to communicate with me a message that went something along the lines of "Everything is everything, and its not what you expected, and there is far more stuff around you than what you percieve."

Anyways, since that experience I am terrified to do a high dose. Im getting really good at sitting through low doses and tolerating it and even rather enjoying it quite well. The other day I was in a heaven of sorts for a couple minutes, and then proceeded to look around me, look at my hand, and see INTO it. not kidding at all. But for some reason I keep psyching myself out of high doses. Should I just feel when its right or just fight past the shaking and terror until the third and final hit?

First of all, welcome to the wonderful transcendental experience of all that is!
I feel ya on it being of a different nature when alone. When I had first bought my mini bong I was sitting in my recliner at my house, by myself......I'll never forget that day. :twisted:

First big no-no...you shouldn't have gotten up and walked around. That'll just sorta "pull you back" and then your tethered between this reality and THAT. That can be totally unnerving and panic-inducing. I know this sounds easier said...but.....just trust in the experience NO MATTER WHAT.....you have that choice.

And I only GO when I feel completely comfortable and after I've meditated for about 25-30 minutes. That helps GREATLY diminish any residual nagging thought patterns or anxiety. :thumb_up:

 

[DisEmboDied]

I have conversations with the mimosa tree in my yard. But out of the 70 something trips, I have only purposely done a handful of high doses, don't know, it sort of just seems unnecessary to me, but sometimes I will accidentally get a high dose on my GVG and am glad it happened.

 

[DisEmboDied]

I firmly believe that the best way to get over a bad trip is to over-write it with a good trip afterwards, it works for me every time!....

 

[Guyomech]

I can fully relate to your situation. Every trip I take, even the sub breakthrough ones, can be so powerful and significant that I am seldom in a big hurry to up the dose and go right back in. You can get a lot of insight from those sub breakthrough doses. The 25mg experience you mention sounds a lot like my typical low to mid range experience: colorful shifting geometry fills the space, sometimes in a 360 degree panorama. It is bewilderingly complex, yet at the same time this stuff is rich with meaning, and in some sense seems to be built of some kind of universal visual language. So while seeing these things, you also deeply grasp the universal meanings encoded in their forms. So it's not just colors and pictures: all this stuff is also linguistic in nature. LSD and mushroom visuals can contain an element of this linguistic value, but to me it seems as if DMT visuals are made entirely of linguistic intent when you get up to higher doses.

I can only nerve myself up for the big doses a couple times a year. For me, that's more than enough. I'll sit with the pipe and ask it: Please show me something I couldn't usually imagine on my own (a very reasonable request). Or, more recently: Please be gentle with me.

 

[starchaser]

I firmly believe that the best way to get over a bad trip is to over-write it with a good trip afterwards, it works for me every time!....

Most definitely agree I also over ride my bad trips with good ones.....
Seems here the last few times I have gone I see destruction buildings falling, fire, explosions, death, complete and total anarchy, Very very scary. You would think that
I would be to scared to go again but....... I guess I am curious to see where this
takes me. its always the same voices screaming at me, I recognize them.

Any way if there is something scary in your head figure it out. Maybe my way isn't the
best way but its exciting.

 

[DMTbenderDMT]

i agree with 3rdi and i also have had a similar experiences i don't know what happens when that happens but it certainly isn't breakthrough. when i breakthrough defiantly not any walking going to be happening.

take it slow, and build up. to resist bewilderment and kill your ego

 

[fathomlessness]

It is bewilderingly complex, yet at the same time this stuff is rich with meaning, and in some sense seems to be built of some kind of universal visual language. So while seeing these things, you also deeply grasp the universal meanings encoded in their forms.

I agree, that sense of understanding becomes quite something else than what our minds are accustomed to via educational institutionalised learning patterns.

I also like the way you think that meaning is inherent within universal forms and as beings with consciousness we are able to percieve this in an indirect fashion.