Finding the right person for me....

[actualfactual]

I spent many years in many different relationships. Personally my life seemed to come together after I decided I wanted to be alone.. I thrive when the only responsibility I have in life is making enough money taking care of myself and my cat. I can pick up and go whenever and wherever a please at a moments notice..

Too each their own and I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[Not Sure]

I spent many years in many different relationships. Personally my life seemed to come together after I decided I wanted to be alone.. I thrive when the only responsibility I have in life is making enough money taking care of myself and my cat. I can pick up and go whenever and wherever a please at a moments notice..

Too each their own and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Very well said, especially the cat part

 

[Kookaburra]

I personally believe in soul mates, and the idea that if you are meant to be with someone, there is someone out there who complements you as you are, without having to prove anything or make sacrifices of personality. Some people have said that you need to go out to meet people, and there's truth to that, but I think there's also truth to the fact that things will work out as they're supposed to. Sometimes looking for someone distracts you and takes up energy, and the right person will come along at the right time.

 

[obliguhl]

I don't know if this resonates with anyone. The following is written in the form of a letter to myself, because i do not want to impose what i think of myself on anyone.

You don't have much to offer. And what you can offer is worthless to them.
Girls want someone, who understands this culture, who knows the rules well and how to play by them. They hope to gain a cultural advantage, to step up in the hirarchy with your help.
Someone who is sceptic about this culture, is at best worthless, at worst annoying or even dangerous. They don't want help to free themselves, to be able to make up their own culture.
What they want is: To be cultivated. Not to cultivate.

If I were you, i would try to fake it as much as you can, so you can have enough one-night-stands to make up for the last almost 27 lonely years. It's unhealthy to be in self-denial, but it's also unhealthy not to have sex. The pool of really suitable mates is extremely small so forget about relationships.

There are no soulmates. That's new agy nonsense. There were and are people in your life you love. But you've never been "in love" because neither platonic feelings nor sexual attraction is enough to make you fall for someone, and both at the same time is unattainable.

Do not care about their behaviour just have Sex.
Love you can get from friends.
There are no soulmates.

 

[jamie]

^that sounds like quite a dark load to be lugging around there obliguhl. Do you really feel all girls are like that any more than men are? This is only my opinion but energetically I would think that holding onto that ideology will do nothing but reinforce a negative feedback loop, where you will continue to manifest that which you are holding onto. It all starts with a thought.

I understand life can seem rough, but I dont believe that the world is that grim. If you are that closed off, already having made up your mind in the way it seems you have from your letter, how can you expect someone who isn't those things you have outlined to ever notice you?

 

[obliguhl]

Do you really feel all girls are like that any more than men are?

Absolutely not!! Its just that im attracted to them, so i would not use a gender neutral formulation.

Is it really that dark? I just think a lot about what i could offer. I'm possibly demotivated to be social, because i think that my type is not really requested. But i don'T know that for sure because i do not try enough, so my logic is pretty faulty. But unfortunatly (?) the heart does not care about logic.

A former friend told me that people would like to get to know me better but that i was closing them off, so yes, that's definatly the problem i need to change first i guess.

 

[jamie]

I know how you feel. When I was sick I hated the world, I hated this culture and the food and ideas I was brought up on that poisoned me. I hated how noone understood and I hated that almost noone cared. I hated everything to the point where I got as low as I can. Alot of my sopposed friends stopped comming about since I was always feeling sick so wasnt fun anymore, girl just wanted to party and get drunk usually..I thought they were all superficial. I KNEW I had nothing to really offer anyone at that point..the only person I could offer a thing to was myself. I beame literally hermetic, i did not care about the outside world becasue until I changed myself I had nothing to offer..
.
But I WANTED to change, and be healthy and be happy so that I could offer something to the world..me.

I focussed on what I needed for a long time then and tried to just be open and 100% honest, which is something I am still trying to do all the time..doesnt happen overnight. I dont want to live in self denial and let myslef sink to the level of others just becasue that what I see around me. There is so much more out there and when you really CHOOSE to be the best you can be, first and foremost for you, others will notice naturally and a part of the world you forgot how to see will gravitate into your awareness. Thats how I see things anyway.

You dont have to go out there LOOKING for anything, its not about that I dont think. I belive that everyone manifests they're own reality, I really do. Where you are internally will be the map for what you find externally.

 

[obliguhl]

I stopped hating the world a while ago. For me it's just another culture and i'm not the one to judge them. I don't really like many aspects of it though...not everyone is superfical, even the ones you are sure they are ..aren't in some cases. You can't really tell and i've made this experience already so im not sure why im forgetting what i've already learned. If you're too cut off from people your mind starts to do all kinds of weird stuff filling the gaps. Simulating a reality that isn't necessarly there...and this "reality" tends to gravitate towards the dark regions of mans soul.

I'm not sure why im constantly writing so much crap i already know to be false.

I smile at girls, they roll their eyes like im annoying them but i just continue.
I sing on the train home. I'll keep trying until i see a change...

There is just so much coal you can add before the steam chamber starts pushing the railway foreward.

 

[soulfood]

I think with these things it's important to keep an open mind and realise that most people are not all that completely different.

I've been single for the majority of my adult life and at times when things aren't going great, it can be easy for your animal instincts to take control as it's just another form of frustration to throw on the mind crushing pile. But this isn’t the need for another. This is just a need to vent.

For the majority of the time I guess I've just been looking rather than finding. I've been known to quickly brush off those who don't share common interests, but more often than not, when I do find people with common interests I brush them off as shallow because they don't share the same intensity of passion within that area.

This past year I've been much more open to all possibilities, as I'm not really looking for another me. That defeats the whole object of connecting with another. Ultimately I've realised that a human doesn't have to have walked the same path as myself to develop a good set of values and a compaitable personality.

Be curious.

It's human nature to be understood, to connect and ultimately to be loved. No matter how much distaste you've built up against society, the most part of it is an illusion. Yes I actually believe that. Ultimately more so, the average everyday folk do not have such a distaste for you. This is all in the mind. Understanding is also very infectious. Understanding is also a major component of Love.

Understanding is my religion.

I forgot where I was going with this…

 

[Kookaburra]

Girls want someone, who understands this culture, who knows the rules well and how to play by them. They hope to gain a cultural advantage, to step up in the hirarchy with your help. Someone who is sceptic about this culture, is at best worthless, at worst annoying or even dangerous. They don't want help to free themselves, to be able to make up their own culture. What they want is: To be cultivated. Not to cultivate.

As a girl, this description doesn't resonate with me at all. Is it just that you're attracted to this type of girl, and are disappointed because you're setting yourself up for failure by striving for people that by definition would find it difficult to understand you? There are all types of people out there, and I don't think it's productive to complain about "girls" by lumping them into this one rather unattractive category.

 

[obliguhl]

As i said above, it's not a gender thing..i would have wrote "guys" if i was attracted to them.

edit: And noone around here is like the stereotype i portrayed. But this place is special, and special places are hard to find.

 

[Kookaburra]

My point was more that I don't think it's productive to lump people into any such category, regardless of gender. If the people you are attracted to all seem to be the way you describe them, perhaps you should try looking elsewhere. And the happier you are as an individual being alone, and the less you are looking to others to fill some perceived lack in yourself, the more likely a relationship will work out when you do find the right person.

 

[obliguhl]

And the happier you are as an individual being alone, and the less you are looking to others to fill some perceived lack in yourself, the more likely a relationship will work out when you do find the right person.

That's one reason why im only looking for ONS and not for relationships because i dont have what it takes to be in a relationship and i find it cheap to be in one just to get a gap filled. Not worth it.

And no, lumping them together is nonsense, but i also said that. I don't know why i sometimes write that stuff. Perhaps soulfood is right with his analysis.

 

[Enoon]

obliguhl, I get the feeling that you are not happy with yourself at all. I don't want to psychoanalyze you, since I'm not trained for that, but the image I get is that when you see the girls rolling their eyes at you, it's really just yourself rolling your own eyes at yourself. I mean my feeling may be wrong, but perhaps it's worth looking into - you might be getting the responses you are projecting onto the world around you, because you are asking for them; to reinforce your view of yourself.
If this is the problem for you, then there is probably no easy way to get out of this kind of negative feed back loop. My advice would be to change something, really anything, very drastically in your life. Something that requires effort and sacrifice and a real shift in inner positioning. Sometimes this can help.

On a side note, I don't know about soul mates or whatnot, but I wouldn't discount the possibility that an authentic partnership can form or just kind of emerge from the depths of the incomprehensible... I wouldn't try to go looking for something like this though. We find fulfilment in life by doing and being that which resonates with our genuine nature - by walking a certain path. Sometimes this path can be shared, sometimes it can't.
I think it is important to know the difference between yielding to convoluted desires and acting upon higher principles, and for me I would at least try to always go for the latter; so only a relationship that is accord with this could persist. Anything else would just add to the convolution and entanglement that leaves us writhing in confusion. Love and partnership are only words (at best) if they are not founded upon and help progress the authentic energies of the very beings involved.

 

[ElusiveMind]

@ soulfood

It really does seem ones animal instincts for "another" can really only be a need to vent. I can say I have done this before where I tried to desperately grasp at a relationship (I am NOT normally the needy type ) but realized, after many failed attempts, that I was lacking an interesting hobby or pastime. This is where meditation came into my life :d

"Understanding is my religion" ( Side note )
Very true view that I hold and strive for everyday. There is just SO much!! :d TOO much to even comprehend when looking at "the big picture". Understanding is a major player in Love, but I think more to the empathetic side of the meaning.... unless someone can enlighten me with the other side to Understanding with regards to Love??

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

Pray!

I prayed for a very long time. I even tried writing everything that I wanted in a partner down in a book and stuffing it away somewhere (since writing what you want to manifest is supposed to make it manifest, and I figured I had nothing to lose? David Wolfe says to do it?).

I was also alone for a very long time. I had no interest in something casual or short-term. Tons of guys hit on me (I even bartended while single for a while), but if I looked into a person's eyes, asked myself, "Could this man be the father of my children?" and the only answer in my mind was a shrieking, "HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!", it basically meant to me that there was a conflict of interest and it was best not persued. Not just from a biological/cell-consciousness level, but I also knew none of these people had any interest in tripping like I do, their lifestyles were completely different, etc., etc.

This left me OPEN to the universe when it finally presented me with an incredible gift.

If you're kissing someone who doesn't rock your world, what happens when the person who is supposed to rock your world sees you kissing someone else? You'll never know.

Waiting is agony, though. And having a lover has an amazing positive effect on the oscillation of one's energy fields. But waiting is also that time where you find yourself... and those interesting hobbies... so you'll hopefully be prepared to appreciate and contribute to something truly amazing.

Maybe?!

 

[Kookaburra]

Pray!
I even tried writing everything that I wanted in a partner down in a book and stuffing it away somewhere (since writing what you want to manifest is supposed to make it manifest, and I figured I had nothing to lose? David Wolfe says to do it?).

This left me OPEN to the universe when it finally presented me with an incredible gift.

If you're kissing someone who doesn't rock your world, what happens when the person who is supposed to rock your world sees you kissing someone else? You'll never know.

Waiting is agony, though. And having a lover has an amazing positive effect on the oscillation of one's energy fields. But waiting is also that time where you find yourself... and those interesting hobbies... so you'll hopefully be prepared to appreciate and contribute to something truly amazing.

Awesome advice! My bf wrote about his envisioned soul mate for years & when I eventually read his notebooks, it was like he was describing me! Very well said.

 

[polytrip]

Do you really feel all girls are like that any more than men are?

Absolutely not!! Its just that im attracted to them, so i would not use a gender neutral formulation.

Is it really that dark? I just think a lot about what i could offer. I'm possibly demotivated to be social, because i think that my type is not really requested. But i don'T know that for sure because i do not try enough, so my logic is pretty faulty. But unfortunatly (?) the heart does not care about logic.

A former friend told me that people would like to get to know me better but that i was closing them off, so yes, that's definatly the problem i need to change first i guess.

Fortunately this doesn't apply to everybody but most men and women are when it comes to sexual relationships opportunists in a darwinistic sense. Most humans are monkeys and behave likewise, as sad as it may seem. It's just that their opportunism is expressed in a different way.

That's why both men and women often have such strong negative feelings towards the other sex.

I think that the essence of the infamous 'batle' between venus and mars is this: generally, both men and women want to be loved and want to give love. Men want to love and be loved by women, while women would want to love and be loved by the childeren they would have with those men.

As you can see, most of the time the battle is essentially lost by men, who are in many cases replaceable at all times.

 

[Kookaburra]

I think that the essence of the infamous 'batle' between venus and mars is this: generally, both men and women want to be loved and want to give love. Men want to love and be loved by women, while women would want to love and be loved by the childeren they would have with those men.

As you can see, most of the time the battle is essentially lost by men, who are in many cases replaceable at all times.

Do you really believe that?

 

[polytrip]

I think that in 90% of the cases, this is definately so.