• Members of the previous forum can retrieve their temporary password here, (login and check your PM).

First ever trip report. Emesh. Terror loop. Suggestions for setting?

A

addymon

Rising Star
Hi all, new here. I'm stoked to have found this community.

I've cultivated my first ever extraction would like to share my experience, and also ask for any tips to hopefully have a better experience next time.

I decided to dive right in to an e-mesh setup as it seems highly praised wherever I look for ingestion tips. I managed to build my mesh device and had it up and running quickly.

I'm experienced with psilocybin and therapeutic ketamine so I had an idea of what I might be getting into. I'm still prepared for anything though, and am quite nervous. I loaded up ~20mg (maybe more? It's tough to tell and the device is clumsy), melted to my mesh, and went for it... RIP...

What hit me first was the speed. Wow, we're off. I'm in my bedroom, comfortable, daytime, and OEVs are ramping up quickly. What I took notice of is how similar everything felt compared to shrooms. I'm like.. OK, OK.... wait, oh, NO... I was suddenly catapulted into the peak of a bad psilocybin trip, which for me, lands me in a "stuck" state of consciousness that loops, often in the shape of a square or similar. The best way I can describe is to imagine that little DVD logo that bounces off the edges of your TV from the 00's you always would cheer for to hit the corner, just way faster. I'm anxiously looking around my room in the pattern of a square, like a choppy frame by frame chatter.

My anxiety is almost to panic. I think this is my permanent existence now, but I've found myself here a few times when in too deep with psilocybin so I'm just barely hanging onto the concept that this will pass (...please pass). What I did appreciate was the quick comeback. It felt long due to the stress, but I was able to retain a fractured concept of time and it was over with relatively quickly.

I will say I'm a bit bummed. No entities, hyperspace, etc. Just straight to my box of mushroom doom punishment. I've had many positive experiences with psilocybin, but those few difficult trips were traumatic, and this experience this was almost exactly that of the few bad ones.

Has anyone found DMT and psilocybin to be almost indistinguishable?

Maybe I was fighting it? I also thought a change in setting could help. I have a loose theory that the physical boundaries of my room sometimes land me in the conscious box loop. Maybe outdoors could make a difference?

I'm definitely trying again, but I'm in no rush. Excited to be here!

default.jpg
 
That happened to me too - and so I have gone back to lower doses and worked on this - this is us looping and feeding it -

When you felt - oh no it’s too long or forever you have to spot your panic mind and not feed it and not argue or anything - just see it and then say - no I want more time ! The thought will dissolve etc -

You have to spot the panic and not argue and not feed it - instead think - ok panic mind I see you- but wow I’m gonna be present cuz this is sooooo cool -

That’s been working for me -

If it gets intense the panic mind just screams the same loops louder but it has NO power you don’t give it

Some say just dose higher but for me I want to conquer this and now I’ve had 3 trips (longer cuz I do IM with harmalas) that have been amazing including dancing with a light being -

When I panic I end up is this bizarre cartoon clown tower - with ER signs flashing lol -
Super embarrassing first time that was 30mg IM with 50 mg Harmine 45 min before -

I’m now at like 18-23 mg and seem to have now spotted the tricks of the panic mind -

He’s not you - you are the consciousness - he’s just doing his job but you don’t want to be distracted!

So don’t fight him - spot him and give him no power and wish for the opposite of his fear and it stops - he does come up with the next thing but it gets a bit stereotypical- for me it’s Heath concerns and the old it’s too long BS -

Nope my heath is great and I wish it was longer !


I hope this helps
 
addymon,

Welcome to the Nexus.

First off high praise to you for extracting your own DMT in an era of unsafe drug supply. Well done Sir!

So, I am an old woman (had to get that out of the way) with a bit of a tremor and difficulties with fine visual acuity. Having said that I never got my emesh to work personally. But everything I have read about it is that when it works right it delivers devastating hits, the entire dose, in one quick, huge rip.

I have also read many times that 20 mgs done right in an emesh is like 40+mgs done in other devices. That is a hefty dose.

I'm sorry your initial experience was such a rough ride. I think you may have just dosed too high. You had not put your toes into the water. Instead you dove in and the DMT seas are deep, wide, surprising and oftentimes, inhabited.

I cannot promise you will not be in a loop in the future. But I can say my experience (and I have a lot with DMT) is that it is quite literally different every single time. Always surprising. And I don't mean to be trite but it often does not give me what I think I want; rather it almost always gives me precisely what I needed at that moment.

At this point I would encourage self care then restarting as a Citizen Scientist.

Self care starts with not doing DMT. Getting good food, meeting obligations, exercising, getting to nature, leaning into the everyday mundane. The traumatic feelings of a rough DMT ride (and I've had a few harrowing ones) do back off and integration does happen; it just takes some time. The amount of time depends on the user.

Re-starting as Citizen Scientist means taking a methodical approach to learning more about your research subject - your own mind. Start a journal and for each trip note the dose (always weigh your doses using a reliable mg scale), how many hits, how well the hits went (presuming you can remember), etc. You would of course record these notes in the aftermath of an experience. Start very low since you have emesh. I would recommend 5 mgs. Get a sense of the lay of the land so to speak. If things go well you can gradually and slowly titrate up from there.

DMT is very fast. The comeup is fast, the trip time is short and the comedown is fast. It tears apart the Default Mode Network. I've been learning about the DMN and have come to realize that when I write trip reports with weird ideas or statements about flayed thoughts that is my Default Mode Network being Deep 6'd for the duration of the experience.

And frankly, good riddance to the old, clunky, self-indulgent, baggage grabbing and loving thing. The more I personally can take a break from that part of my mind and shake it up a bit, the better I perform on my job and the better everything looks and feels.

DMT works hard to separate us from our body sense and then from our sense of self/ego is another way to put it. It is very strong. I have written a lot and it's getting ranty but I would like to conclude by writing that in my opinion the best thing we can do is ritualize/turn in to a ceremony our usage and once we are in just surrender (not control, guide or judge). Surrender and try to observe. Then enact self care in the aftermath and really take whatever time is called for to do real integration.

I sincerely hope you will find better visions/experiences in the future. Remember to surrender.
 
Not to be an 🫏, but you need to "think outside the box."

You're experiencing your own consciousness – just remember, you're master of your own reality. Change the channel or load up a flic.

Loved the DVD metaphor, BTW... I totally had a flashback to taking bong rips in front of the old, boxy CRT TV in my friend's Lower East Side apartment.
 
TheGreenPhantom said:
Not to be an 🫏, but you need to "think outside the box."

You're experiencing your own consciousness – just remember, you're master of your own reality. Change the channel or load up a flic.

Loved the DVD metaphor, BTW... I totally had a flashback to taking bong rips in front of the old, boxy CRT TV in my friend's Lower East Side apartment.
Click to expand...
This is correct - for me I learned it’s what I call a non-battle with my own panic mind - don’t battle it - observe it and think the other way and it extinguishes- so far I am winning the non-battle with my ego/mind
 
addymon said:
Has anyone found DMT and psilocybin to be almost indistinguishable?
Click to expand...
They can be quite similar visually, particularly with oral DMT. In the non-visual aspects they are not that similar (to me). DMT seems to be less prone to completely dissolving the ego, and it also seems less confusing to me. There are some threads about this topic already. Most people agree that when compared to other psychedelics they are indeed similar.

addymon said:
wait, oh, NO...
Click to expand...
addymon said:
...please pass
Click to expand...
addymon said:
Maybe I was fighting it?
Click to expand...
So it seems! It's hard not to when it gets to a situation that you fear. But maybe if the same happens again, you can remind of yourself to how soon you'll come down, and try to embrace the experience in the meanwhile.
 
Surrender is the key. Think about your life. When has resistance gotten you anywhere?

When the entities are on me and competing to be thrusting towards my face and telepathically interrogating the hyper crap out of me if I can completely surrender and tell them they can have their way with me they back off and things get incredibly beautiful.

If someone says I am weak, stupid, and foolish why not just surrender to the fact that I have weak, stupid and foolish aspects to my personality and give them that secret smile? In the aftermath I'm no weaker, stupider or more foolish than I was at the beginning and yet things have proceeded a lot differently than if I had tried to make that conversation a contest.

Worth noting it is easy for me to write this and very difficult to do. I'm focusing a lot of my current work in this area and it's a hard slog but I think it's worth it.

I know for a fact it works in hyperspace.
 
Three rules I have for DMT, and I say this for DMT specifically. I actually don't like other psychedelics, but then I don't think of DMT as such. I see it as brief access to other Domains. Take from it what you will.

1. Potentiation not recreation Don't use it for escapism. Use it to broaden your consciousness.
2. Commitment and intent. It pushes me to lower realms if I enter half hearted or too often, but then see rule 1.
3. Honesty, and integrity. You can lie to yourself, you can't lie to it, and it does not like being lied to. See rule 1 & 2.

You need not treat it with reverence, but I never treat it with anything but respect, and for that (unless I'm in transgression of my own rules) I'm always gifted with (often indescribable) beauty and insight.

You gave yourself good advice in "The physical boundaries of my room sometimes land me in the conscious box loop. Maybe outdoors could make a difference?" Touch grass even if it's just before. I cannot do DMT during the night. I feel enclosed. I need to see sky when I engage with it.

@Pandora had pretty sage advice also in "Self care starts with not doing DMT. Getting good food, meeting obligations, exercising, getting to nature, leaning into the everyday mundane."
 
Back
Top Bottom