blacksarcophagus
Rising Star
This is my first time writing a trip report. It'll be long, and I'll touch on both my first and second trips. They are both with magic truffles.
Some context: M31, years of meditation experience, including some long retreats, though I haven't practiced in a long time. Very introspective by nature.
---
First trip: Atlantis, 15 g
I had my first trip back in February while visiting Amsterdam with friends. I got 15 grams of Atlantis truffles. My friends weren't interested, so I ended up doing it alone in our Airbnb. There were four distinct phases.
1. Internal visuals
My eyes started flickering, like they do in REM sleep when you're dreaming. I had no visuals externally (I tried staring at the walls), but with my eyes closed it felt like being a drone camera flying through fast-paced, self-emerging, themed streets.
I vaguely recall a casino-themed place with lots of 777s and sketchy figures. Occasionally I would stop in front of some of these visions for a while. I also saw three masked pharaohs and a giant, dark, owl-like mask. I remember vividly a self-emerging, ever-shifting city skyline with giant rotating faces among the skyscrapers. At some point there was a bird-like creature with a very angry stare, which triggered thoughts of anger toward myself and the need for self-forgiveness.
There was a lot of euphoria and crazy laughing during this phase, and I kept saying "I'm in control! I'm in control!"
2. Vivid colors
After about 20 minutes the visions stopped and I could stand up again. I spent who knows how long staring out the window at the street. The colors were magnificent, and the building in front of me looked like a majestic gothic cathedral. I had some thoughts of universal appreciation while watching people go about their lives, but nothing more.
3. Catharsis
I felt the need to lie down and cover myself with a blanket, making it cozy. I thought about my inner anger, my sadness, my family situation. I started to cry a little, and afterward it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
4. Afterglow
I felt almost ready to go out and join my friends, but once outside the apartment I got a bit anxious. It felt like everybody was staring at me, and I had trouble crossing the street. Once I met up with my friends I felt at ease again. I laughed a lot and was euphoric and in a great mood. They were a bit down from all the weed, so our energies didn't really match, but that was okay. I noticed I had developed a new giggle I'd never had before.
We went out for dinner, then to another weed shop. I smoked a little and literally passed out. It took me 15 minutes to come to, and I was drenched in sweat with no energy at all. We called an Uber, they got me back to the Airbnb, and I showered and went to sleep while they headed back out.
The day after, I felt great. I had lost all desire to touch weed and was in a chill, contemplative state. I felt a bit bummed that my friends now think truffles make you feel sick like that, when it was clearly the combination with the weed (lesson learned).
The night after, I had a lucid dream. I'd been trying to lucid dream for over a decade with no success, but finally I got one, spontaneously. It didn't last long. I was on a cliff staring at the ocean, and when I raised my hands, a giant tsunami formed and washed me away.
----
Second trip: Pink Paradise, 15 g
I've been in a serious depressive rut lately. Even though I had no plans to use any psychedelics anytime soon, out of desperation I decided to order some from Amsterdam. They're not legal in my country, but countless online reports said people had ordered without issues, so I said fuck it.
I ordered 15 g of Pink Paradise, which is a bit stronger than the Atlantis I had back in February. I also got some microdosing packs that I still have to start, and a grow kit.
I decided to eat them right away, at home. I prepared my wife to be my trip sitter and keep an eye on me.
I went in expecting something similar to the previous experience, with the main goal of having a little cry and getting back to "functioning."
It did not go that way.
I treated it like a ritual: shower, a yoga mat, my zafu (meditation cushion), facing the library with three specific books in front of me: the Zhuangzi, the Bhagavad Gita and the Book of Five Rings. I also prepared some honey in case I felt sick, and plastic bags in case I had to throw up.
A little tangent on the Bhagavad Gita: it's a book I'd been wanting to buy for a while but never got around to. A few days ago, at my parents' house, I saw it lying there. I had checked every book in that house several times and never once found it. It was just there, in a random, unused room, a beautiful, almost brand-new edition. Nobody in my family reads or knows anything about this stuff, so it was incredibly weird. It felt like a synchronicity.
About 20-30 minutes after eating the truffles, I got very nauseous. I couldn't stand up, and it was cold, so I moved to the bed.
The eye-flickering, internal visual phase arrived, but it was kind of disappointing. It felt almost like I was forcing it, and it didn't have the "full texture" quality of the previous time. Still, I recall lots of random creatures, many of them mechanical, like Mazinger the 80's anime. At some point it was like I entered a DMT-like room (I've never done DMT, but it looked like the DMT images you find online), with rotating columns and a shady figure with many arms sitting in a meditation position. It felt like I didn't have access to that place yet, and that perhaps I could only get there with DMT.
The next phase was the actual visuals on the walls and all surfaces. They got more and more intense, and since it was my first time seeing them, I spent a while enjoying them.
At some point, a Buddha face made of patterns appeared on the ceiling, with a benevolent stare. I felt a voice speaking from within, acknowledging my recent struggles, full of compassion... but I couldn't cry.
The trippy visuals continued and actually intensified as the trip went on. At this point, I believe we were about an hour and change in.
The nausea was gone, and I finally got up from the bed. I was euphoric and full of energy. My body felt extremely grounded... what a feeling... like every single tension in my body was gone.
I tried to get a glass of water, but I was extremely ADHD (and stayed that way for the rest of the trip). I got distracted, started talking with my wife, laughed a lot, got lost in the visuals and so on. This went on for a while. Eventually I got to my desk and tried to journal a little, but that wasn't happening.
This is where things REALLY start to get interesting.
Becoming a Yogi
I felt the urge to meditate. I got on the floor in a cross-legged position. With no tension in my body, I could hold the proper posture, which I've never been able to do before because of my lack of mobility.
I stared at the wall, and the geometric patterns felt like watching mechanisms. I started to receive teachings. Some of the phrases that kept repeating were:
"Let go." "Ease the grip." "Don't force it." "Flow with it."
Something automatic started happening too: my eyes rolled up toward the third eye, and visions appeared there. They're impossible to describe and I can only recall glimpses, but I remember creatures full of eyes, one of them giant and leaking some sort of liquid over me. None of it felt physical, just like a realm accessible through the third eye.
I alternated between these visions, which came as they wanted, and observing the patterns and things around me.
Spontaneously, and without any previous knowledge of it, I started doing mudras (yogic hand gestures), postures and breathing patterns, which led to more third-eye visuals.
At some point I felt like I had changed. I was me, but no longer the same me, like a different, advanced, perhaps "enlightened" version, like one of those yogis or sadhus. I deeply understood them, and why they might look weird from the outside: they are here in the material realm, but also somewhere else at the same time. I could see things like my attachments and the mechanisms of the lower levels of the human psyche from a faraway, detached perspective. Nothing stuck. I was just a curious observer with a deep, intuitive understanding. I felt a bit like a shaman or sorcerer as well, able to navigate those realms purely by intuition.
Then a sentence arrived: "Everything is an expression of nature."
This state of "being a yogi" lasted until the end, which was marked by feeling really cold and the urge to get dressed and go back to normal.
Before that, I'd like to share a couple of things I remember.
At some point I lost my meditation posture and collapsed forward, with my head and elbows on the floor, still cross-legged. That formed a kind of hexagon, and I felt like a magic circle had been initiated, with a dark energy calling me from the ground. I said "fuck that," got up and went back to a proper meditation posture.
This is the weirdest one. While doing some mudra, posture and breathing pattern, my eyes rolled up toward the third eye again, and it was like... you know in movies (I can't recall a specific one) when a character enters the body of an eagle and sees through its eyes? Exactly that, but very brief, and then the connection was severed.
The final phase was grabbing the books I'd chosen, opening them at random pages and reading some passages. I could truly see and feel the meaning, especially with the Bhagavad Gita, which felt like it had been written by a higher power. Those words, so hard to truly comprehend normally, made total sense, and I could see them through the visions.
Through all of this, I was glad to keep a bit of critical thinking. In front of what felt like a mystical truth, I told myself, "It's a hypothesis, not necessarily the ultimate truth."
I also had the insight that this has always been my calling, the mystical, spiritual life, and that the signs had been there since I was a teenager. But that doesn't mean giving up on reality. I can't, and I don't want to. Still, perhaps it's time to really put effort into this journey and answer the call.
Afterwards
When the yogi phase ended, I just got into bed hugging my wife and told her everything that had happened. We then moved to the kitchen to make dinner and watched a sitcom to relax.
I enjoyed the food and the sitcom, laughing a lot, but I was also bummed out as the visuals were going away and I could feel the tension in my body coming back. I knew that was another attachment, yet I couldn't just let it go like when I was in yogi mode.
I had serious trouble falling asleep, and there was no lucid dreaming.
The day after I woke up with a serious headache and haven't been able to do anything all day.
I'm excited to get back there.
I also wish to experience so-called ego death, and the feeling of connection with everything that I often read about.
---
Update after one week
It's been a week since the journey.
- Dreams have been very vivid and symbolic... feels like I'm processing specific things while sleeping
- Closed a 18 years old toxic friendship
- I hadn't had an income in months (i'm a freelancer) but just got three new opportunities this week... interesting timing
- Still very depressed, feel like life is falling apart and some big, painful change has been set in motion
Started microdosing too (mexicana truffles), but I can really see much of an effect.
Also feel extreme disgust eating the truffles for microdosing, while I had no trouble easting them for the trip (they are different strains though).
I'll probably just do a big trip (20 grams) with the truffles for the microdosing.
In the meantime I'm focusing a lot on stretching, getting back to meditation and reading sacred books like Bhagavad Gita, Rigpa and the Zuanghzi.
Some context: M31, years of meditation experience, including some long retreats, though I haven't practiced in a long time. Very introspective by nature.
---
First trip: Atlantis, 15 g
I had my first trip back in February while visiting Amsterdam with friends. I got 15 grams of Atlantis truffles. My friends weren't interested, so I ended up doing it alone in our Airbnb. There were four distinct phases.
1. Internal visuals
My eyes started flickering, like they do in REM sleep when you're dreaming. I had no visuals externally (I tried staring at the walls), but with my eyes closed it felt like being a drone camera flying through fast-paced, self-emerging, themed streets.
I vaguely recall a casino-themed place with lots of 777s and sketchy figures. Occasionally I would stop in front of some of these visions for a while. I also saw three masked pharaohs and a giant, dark, owl-like mask. I remember vividly a self-emerging, ever-shifting city skyline with giant rotating faces among the skyscrapers. At some point there was a bird-like creature with a very angry stare, which triggered thoughts of anger toward myself and the need for self-forgiveness.
There was a lot of euphoria and crazy laughing during this phase, and I kept saying "I'm in control! I'm in control!"
2. Vivid colors
After about 20 minutes the visions stopped and I could stand up again. I spent who knows how long staring out the window at the street. The colors were magnificent, and the building in front of me looked like a majestic gothic cathedral. I had some thoughts of universal appreciation while watching people go about their lives, but nothing more.
3. Catharsis
I felt the need to lie down and cover myself with a blanket, making it cozy. I thought about my inner anger, my sadness, my family situation. I started to cry a little, and afterward it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
4. Afterglow
I felt almost ready to go out and join my friends, but once outside the apartment I got a bit anxious. It felt like everybody was staring at me, and I had trouble crossing the street. Once I met up with my friends I felt at ease again. I laughed a lot and was euphoric and in a great mood. They were a bit down from all the weed, so our energies didn't really match, but that was okay. I noticed I had developed a new giggle I'd never had before.
We went out for dinner, then to another weed shop. I smoked a little and literally passed out. It took me 15 minutes to come to, and I was drenched in sweat with no energy at all. We called an Uber, they got me back to the Airbnb, and I showered and went to sleep while they headed back out.
The day after, I felt great. I had lost all desire to touch weed and was in a chill, contemplative state. I felt a bit bummed that my friends now think truffles make you feel sick like that, when it was clearly the combination with the weed (lesson learned).
The night after, I had a lucid dream. I'd been trying to lucid dream for over a decade with no success, but finally I got one, spontaneously. It didn't last long. I was on a cliff staring at the ocean, and when I raised my hands, a giant tsunami formed and washed me away.
----
Second trip: Pink Paradise, 15 g
I've been in a serious depressive rut lately. Even though I had no plans to use any psychedelics anytime soon, out of desperation I decided to order some from Amsterdam. They're not legal in my country, but countless online reports said people had ordered without issues, so I said fuck it.
I ordered 15 g of Pink Paradise, which is a bit stronger than the Atlantis I had back in February. I also got some microdosing packs that I still have to start, and a grow kit.
I decided to eat them right away, at home. I prepared my wife to be my trip sitter and keep an eye on me.
I went in expecting something similar to the previous experience, with the main goal of having a little cry and getting back to "functioning."
It did not go that way.
I treated it like a ritual: shower, a yoga mat, my zafu (meditation cushion), facing the library with three specific books in front of me: the Zhuangzi, the Bhagavad Gita and the Book of Five Rings. I also prepared some honey in case I felt sick, and plastic bags in case I had to throw up.
A little tangent on the Bhagavad Gita: it's a book I'd been wanting to buy for a while but never got around to. A few days ago, at my parents' house, I saw it lying there. I had checked every book in that house several times and never once found it. It was just there, in a random, unused room, a beautiful, almost brand-new edition. Nobody in my family reads or knows anything about this stuff, so it was incredibly weird. It felt like a synchronicity.
About 20-30 minutes after eating the truffles, I got very nauseous. I couldn't stand up, and it was cold, so I moved to the bed.
The eye-flickering, internal visual phase arrived, but it was kind of disappointing. It felt almost like I was forcing it, and it didn't have the "full texture" quality of the previous time. Still, I recall lots of random creatures, many of them mechanical, like Mazinger the 80's anime. At some point it was like I entered a DMT-like room (I've never done DMT, but it looked like the DMT images you find online), with rotating columns and a shady figure with many arms sitting in a meditation position. It felt like I didn't have access to that place yet, and that perhaps I could only get there with DMT.
The next phase was the actual visuals on the walls and all surfaces. They got more and more intense, and since it was my first time seeing them, I spent a while enjoying them.
At some point, a Buddha face made of patterns appeared on the ceiling, with a benevolent stare. I felt a voice speaking from within, acknowledging my recent struggles, full of compassion... but I couldn't cry.
The trippy visuals continued and actually intensified as the trip went on. At this point, I believe we were about an hour and change in.
The nausea was gone, and I finally got up from the bed. I was euphoric and full of energy. My body felt extremely grounded... what a feeling... like every single tension in my body was gone.
I tried to get a glass of water, but I was extremely ADHD (and stayed that way for the rest of the trip). I got distracted, started talking with my wife, laughed a lot, got lost in the visuals and so on. This went on for a while. Eventually I got to my desk and tried to journal a little, but that wasn't happening.
This is where things REALLY start to get interesting.
Becoming a Yogi
I felt the urge to meditate. I got on the floor in a cross-legged position. With no tension in my body, I could hold the proper posture, which I've never been able to do before because of my lack of mobility.
I stared at the wall, and the geometric patterns felt like watching mechanisms. I started to receive teachings. Some of the phrases that kept repeating were:
"Let go." "Ease the grip." "Don't force it." "Flow with it."
Something automatic started happening too: my eyes rolled up toward the third eye, and visions appeared there. They're impossible to describe and I can only recall glimpses, but I remember creatures full of eyes, one of them giant and leaking some sort of liquid over me. None of it felt physical, just like a realm accessible through the third eye.
I alternated between these visions, which came as they wanted, and observing the patterns and things around me.
Spontaneously, and without any previous knowledge of it, I started doing mudras (yogic hand gestures), postures and breathing patterns, which led to more third-eye visuals.
At some point I felt like I had changed. I was me, but no longer the same me, like a different, advanced, perhaps "enlightened" version, like one of those yogis or sadhus. I deeply understood them, and why they might look weird from the outside: they are here in the material realm, but also somewhere else at the same time. I could see things like my attachments and the mechanisms of the lower levels of the human psyche from a faraway, detached perspective. Nothing stuck. I was just a curious observer with a deep, intuitive understanding. I felt a bit like a shaman or sorcerer as well, able to navigate those realms purely by intuition.
Then a sentence arrived: "Everything is an expression of nature."
This state of "being a yogi" lasted until the end, which was marked by feeling really cold and the urge to get dressed and go back to normal.
Before that, I'd like to share a couple of things I remember.
At some point I lost my meditation posture and collapsed forward, with my head and elbows on the floor, still cross-legged. That formed a kind of hexagon, and I felt like a magic circle had been initiated, with a dark energy calling me from the ground. I said "fuck that," got up and went back to a proper meditation posture.
This is the weirdest one. While doing some mudra, posture and breathing pattern, my eyes rolled up toward the third eye again, and it was like... you know in movies (I can't recall a specific one) when a character enters the body of an eagle and sees through its eyes? Exactly that, but very brief, and then the connection was severed.
The final phase was grabbing the books I'd chosen, opening them at random pages and reading some passages. I could truly see and feel the meaning, especially with the Bhagavad Gita, which felt like it had been written by a higher power. Those words, so hard to truly comprehend normally, made total sense, and I could see them through the visions.
Through all of this, I was glad to keep a bit of critical thinking. In front of what felt like a mystical truth, I told myself, "It's a hypothesis, not necessarily the ultimate truth."
I also had the insight that this has always been my calling, the mystical, spiritual life, and that the signs had been there since I was a teenager. But that doesn't mean giving up on reality. I can't, and I don't want to. Still, perhaps it's time to really put effort into this journey and answer the call.
Afterwards
When the yogi phase ended, I just got into bed hugging my wife and told her everything that had happened. We then moved to the kitchen to make dinner and watched a sitcom to relax.
I enjoyed the food and the sitcom, laughing a lot, but I was also bummed out as the visuals were going away and I could feel the tension in my body coming back. I knew that was another attachment, yet I couldn't just let it go like when I was in yogi mode.
I had serious trouble falling asleep, and there was no lucid dreaming.
The day after I woke up with a serious headache and haven't been able to do anything all day.
I'm excited to get back there.
I also wish to experience so-called ego death, and the feeling of connection with everything that I often read about.
---
Update after one week
It's been a week since the journey.
- Dreams have been very vivid and symbolic... feels like I'm processing specific things while sleeping
- Closed a 18 years old toxic friendship
- I hadn't had an income in months (i'm a freelancer) but just got three new opportunities this week... interesting timing
- Still very depressed, feel like life is falling apart and some big, painful change has been set in motion
Started microdosing too (mexicana truffles), but I can really see much of an effect.
Also feel extreme disgust eating the truffles for microdosing, while I had no trouble easting them for the trip (they are different strains though).
I'll probably just do a big trip (20 grams) with the truffles for the microdosing.
In the meantime I'm focusing a lot on stretching, getting back to meditation and reading sacred books like Bhagavad Gita, Rigpa and the Zuanghzi.
