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Getting rid of unwanted thoughts

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AlchemicalGnostic

AlchemicalGnostic

Rising Star
I want to start off this post with apologizing to you guys, I've posted some topics in the past that I never engaged with the conversation. I just feel guilty about it for some reason :p

Okay to get right to the point, I have this same thought/image that always pops into my head. When I was younger this thought would attack my brain on a regular basis. It always entered my thoughts when I was tired laying in bed or when I've been thinking hard about something and when I transition to a new thought, most of the time the unwanted thought will consume and give me bad anxiety until the thought drifts away naturally. But the image/ thought is always there just waiting for my mind to rest so it can present itself.

To get rid of the thought, I used to act like the thought was something physical and I would take the thought and stomp on it, shoot it with a gun, set it on fire, ect. But this method seemed to be counter productive because the more I tried forcing the thought out the more visual it got. So then I tried acting like it's a normal thought to have. Whenever it came up I engaged with the thought/image instead of forcing it out like I tried before. This method seemed to work to some degree. It seemed like it made the thought stay away longer.

I was able to keep the thought away for a good 8 months or so and then I shared an MDMA experience with my roommate and naturally we were asking each other personal questions. Then he asked me my reasoning for not wanting to do psychedelics (the only reason I have is not wanting this thought/image to get amplified and imprinted into my mind worse than it is).

I just want this image out of my head altogether. Any advice from anyone will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading!:love:
 
No matter how hard, scary or painful it might be, I will always encourage people to face their fears and fight their demons. The only way you can obliterate that thought and prevent it from being an obstacle in your life is facing it directly. Do an ayahuasca ceremony. Eat mushrooms. Or just meditate and let it enter your mind and fully consume you.

It might sound harsh and utterly unpleasant, but that is IMO the only way to deal with it.

Be well, brother. :love:
 
I completely agree with everything Nydex stated here! Great advice!

What you resists, persists. It is best to deal with the core issues that consume our thoughts and drive our negative emotions. When you go into these core issues and deal with them directly, they shrink in size every time you explore them. Eventually you will be able to severe the chords of pain attached to these core issues. When these core issues are severed, it is like finding a piece of yourself and putting it back into place. A weight lifted, so to speak.

I wish you the best in your continued healing!
 
I don't understand your situation. To,me a thought and an image are two distinct things. Not that they can't be connected, but in general they are individual phenomenon.

Now if this is a perseverate thought, then yes, you need to sit with it. Feel it, how and where it manifests in your body. Seek to understand it, once you do it will lose its power or hold on you.

I don't think that's what you mean though.

When i was young, i had a couple persistent images that would intrude,or just seem to pop up in the spaces in between my thoughts. This was from the time i can first remember, like 2 or 3 years old to early adolescence.

It had no meaning, wasn't benevolent nor malevolent, it was just there. If anything it held a feeling of dread, unknown creepiness. I think it was my fear of growing up maybe. It was called "Stake"-that wordappeared in my mind with it and it was a hole with a bunch of worn wooden boards haphazardly nailed over it. That's it.

It never really bothered me, i felt like it was "mine". I don't think I've ever actually mentioned it to anyone before.

Is that the kind of thing what you mean? If so, then i don't know, it just kind of went away and like i said wasn't a bad thing to me.
 
Something interesting that may help you is with guidance from a book Speaking: From Intention to Articulation.

It helpfully indicates that the part of our perception that is often interpreted as "thoughts" and "thinking" is basically an auxillary language processing system in the brain that can help people to experience language as simulated sounds and images, to plan what they will speak or write.

I am hoping that for you to know that the brain system producing the experience is an extra, auxillary one that could be called a "language simulator", rather than "thoughts", will help in as many ways as possible!
 
Hey thanks for the replies everyone! So what you're suggesting nydex and dmnstr8 is to focus on this thought going into a psychedelic with the intention of getting rid of it. Ive surprisingly never had a psychedelic journey where the thought has popped up. But I've also been too much of a p**** to even try :p
null24 said:
Is that the kind of thing what you mean? If so, then i don't know, it just kind of went away and like i said wasn't a bad thing to me.
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It started off as a very graphic image and some how I was able to reduce it down to just a thought. The image will still creep its way in every now and then but I can usually shut it out before it manifests.

This image is the last thing any human being would ever want to see on this planet. It's just not meant for eyes.

Hey thanks trncefigurate! I'll have to check that out
 
AlchemicalGnostic said:
Hey thanks for the replies everyone! So what you're suggesting nydex and dmnstr8 is to focus on this thought going into a psychedelic with the intention of getting rid of it. Ive surprisingly never had a psychedelic journey where the thought has popped up. But I've also been too much of a p**** to even try :p
Click to expand...

The idea of getting rid of it is a want. Quit wanting to get rid of it. Just allow it to be what it is until is fades away in peace. If you try and rid yourself of it, it will likely just keep coming back. Sounds counterproductive to give negative thoughts gratitude, but that is what works for me. Allow it to go in peace. Make peace with it rather than battling it I guess it what I am getting at. Much easier said than done I realize. Hope that makes sense.
 
I like the advice given here because it is right on point. From a Buddhist perspective it's "Putting your head in the mouth of the dragon" or facing whatever comes up instead of trying to hide/ignore/change it. For the same reasons others listed, running doesn't work.

What I find is not the thought/event/image that is bad/good but my Relationship to it that matters.

DmnStr8 is DmnStr8... You cannot move on until you accept what is, be with it without repulsion.

If it was me I would try not to attach a story to it, just explore it, investigate how you feel about it, dive in but leave it without a story. I would also do it sober before I tried it any other way. I have a friend who attaches a different story than the one he normally tells himself.

Either way you are not alone
 
dragonrider said:
Do you think you have OCD? Is it like a compulsive thought or is it more something that just happens without you having any control at all?
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I'll just go ahead and describe the image and how I think it got locked into my thoughts to give you guys a better understanding of what I'm talking about and if some one happens to be going through the same thing can use this as a reference.

Okay so my mom passed away when I was just 5 years old. Growing up without her seemed normal as a child. But children at that age practically need their mother. So as I grow up I always knew there was something missing but didn't know what it was. When I was about 17 an image of me having sexual relations with my mother was pretty much forced into my thought process. I have no idea where it would come from because obviously that's the last image I would want in my head.

My theory on where the image came from:
So children and their mothers share a very deep bond and when that bond gets tethered the child will suffer trauma in some way. I've read some where awhile back that new born children are sexually attracted to there parents because they're the first people they see coming out of the womb and they take care of them. So I believe that it's just an evolutionary problem. But regardless I can't have this image lurking around in my head.

Another theory I have is that the primal part of my brain is trying show me the most gruesome disgusting thing it can.

This is something that has consumed me for so long that it doesn't bother me and I don't resist it. I treat it like any other thought. I let it enter my brain I'll engage with it and then I'll let it float away like a cloud.
But the cloud always floats back around.

"The idea of getting rid of it is a want"

Its more of a need or a desire.
 
Yeah now I can understand why you want that thought out of your head ASAP.

Have you read Sigmund Freud's interpretations of this problem? I personally haven't, because it didn't interest me as much, but as far as I know a lot of people find his ideas very adequate. Not sure about solutions though, but reading his work on this topic might give you valuable insight into what exactly is causing this problem for you, and probably the best way to mitigate the negative emotions is gives birth to.

I wish you all the best, brother. :love:
 
Oh wow man, now it's more understandable. Thanks for having the courage to share, and asking for help here, it might indicate to you that you are indeed ready to face and deal with it.

I'd place a large wager on this not being some intrusion of your primal thoughts, and it rather being a product of your grief and trauma.

I couldn't imagine losing my mother at such a young age, to be experiencing difficulties is nothing unusual. I'm going to take anotheer guess, please excuse me if I'm way off base, but did your family help you and support you in getting any kind of counseling for grief and trauma? They are two of the most insidious emotional forces in human consciousness and can send ripples outward that effect every aspect of life for years and years but sometimes more "traditional" families may reject therapy out of fear of social stigmas associated with mental illness, or ideological fears of ineffectiveness.

The insidious part of the mechanism of PTSD in one's life is that it's often unrecognized as such and an individual can falsely attribute symptoms to some intrinsic inner failing; in your case you wonder if you just have these dark thoughts in your subconscious as a natural part of your psyche. I can only imagine the damage this does to your self image, confidence and ability to maintain meaningful relationships and it doesn't have to.

You asked for suggestions to get rid of this thought, and this is a good place to find insightful people who have a deep rooted interest in wellness and self improvement, however, i would not leave it at that. There's no need nor could i see it being effective to take a pharmacological route, and no not even with psychedelics unless you use them intentionally to deal with this aspect in conjunction with professional psychotherapy.

I strongly suggest you seek professional guidance and therapy. A practice like EMDR or brainspotting may be helpful to you. These help locate and release the body centers that hold onto somatic memories and can help integrate them into one's personality effectively. Ive seen EMDR work for D.I.D. and have found good results for my own grief with brainspotting. They can work wonders with deep memories and connecting broken associations.

Please be good to you, wish you peace and a safe journey.
 
Hello. Another theory to consider is that you feel guilty for "ignoring" your mother's death as a kid and young teen. The thoughts you want to get rid of could be due to a mix of guilt together with a desire to bring her back into your life.

Maybe you need to forgive yourself for growing up without her or her memories.

To come to terms with this, maybe you can try to learn more about your mother now. Who she was, what she was like, etc. Talk to people who knew her and look for information on her. Visit her graveyard if possible and give her flowers, maybe you can figure out what her favorite flowers were? Write her a letter, dedicate something to her, etc.

Just a thought. If I'm off base please ignore this.
 
There's often a magnet in what confronts us hard, I've no idea how that works.
But just being able to place it as such a shock-thought mechanism, is already lesser alarming when it does pop up. I think you are already doing a great job AlchemicalGnostic :thumb_up:
 
Read up a little on Freud and his description of the Oedipus complex. I think you may find some possible reasons for your troubling thoughts.

The psychosexual development of a child during the ages of 3-5 years old is called the phallic stage. According to Freud, in the phallic stage the desire or libido of children is centered upon the genitalia. In this stage, children become aware of their genitals and gender differences as well as the difference between male and females. Freud also stated that, this awareness alters the parent-child relationship. During the phallic stage, the male child begins to desire his mother sexually and treats the father as a rival.

Given that you lost your mother when you were five years old, it seems reasonable to assume that you could have some underlying complex that was never dealt with as you grew older. I think it is healthy to express yourself as you have here. I wouldn't trouble yourself with the idea of that what you are thinking of is taboo. It is a natural function of the brain during development. You are now older and can rationalize your thoughts based off of this knowledge of the phallic stage of development. Carl Jung also expanded on this information. I think it would do you a lot of good to research this topic for yourself. Knowledge can and does help when dealing with things we don't understand. Empower yourself!

Deal with these phallic devolopment issues and thoughts. Give yourself permission to explore these thoughts with the knowledge that it is natural. You experienced something very traumatic when you were developing as a child. This is not a fault of yours that it comes up years later. It is a natural process. Your mind is trying to make ends meet and finish the development that was hindered years ago. Alow it to heal itself by thinking about these thoughts as natural and not a taboo thing. It can be disturbing I am sure. It would not have disturbed you as a child. It would have been a natural development. So allow it to develop now. Heal yourself with knowledge and understanding. It is ok to think these things. If you give yourself permission and do what you can to feel ok with it. I feel it will resolve on it's own.

The chord of pain attached to the loss of your mother is attempting to heal itself. Allow it! Let it runs it course unimpeded. That is my two cents. I do very much wish you the best in your healing!
 
I used to have OCD that involved many intrusive thoughts, and I am fortunate to have limited these thoughts over time. Here are some of the strategies I have found useful:

-Bombard yourself with your fears/thoughts/images until they become blase. I used to be afraid of touching toilet paper, so one day I snapped and put toilet paper on my head and all over my apartment. I rubbed it on all of my valuables and left it on my food for a week. I strategically placed toilet paper around and forced myself to touch it every time I saw it. Within a few days, I was no longer afraid, and some of my unrelated intrusive thoughts were reduced in severity and quantity. This immersion therapy empowered me to take back some control, which was liberating.

-I used to have another OCD problem where I could not sit in my chair after having gone to the bathroom. But one day, I was high on mushrooms and sat down in my chair after having used the bathroom without thinking about it. In my prior sober state, I rationally knew how silly this compulsion was, but it took a psychedelic to knock me out of my standard way of thinking and be able to overcome a habit I had faced for years. There is now even scientific research (see Carhart-Harris) that demonstrates how psychedelics disrupt your default mode network and allow your brain to make new connections (please excuse my lack of specific neuroscience knowledge). This can be invaluable for breaking old habits.

-Accept your intrusive thoughts for what they are and realize that they have no bearing on you as a person. I still have intrusive thoughts to this day, but I do not allow them to affect me like they used to. I even had a sexual thought about a dead family member, similar to you, but I have trained myself to know that this is simply the way my mind works and that it says nothing about me as a person. Intrusive thoughts feed off your guilt, but you have the power to starve them.

Best of luck - it's a brutal problem, but I know you can overcome it!
 
And hey man, community is incredibly healing. So is sharing your story and just talking to folks. It can be really,really hard to find peers you're comfortable doing that with, and that is one of the great things about this place.

This is a safe place, we all share a funky world view, you're in the right spot to talk. I really do stand by the suggestion to get professional help to move through this, but we're here to talk through stuff if it helps. It sounds like this could be a fundamental thing standing in front of your well being. Again, peace to you friend.
 
Thanks so much everyone for the advice and support.

It means a lot to know that strangers across the world actually care about my well being and are willing to listen and give advice about my situation.

Thank you so much Nexus!
I love you all!
:love:
 
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