So im a long time lurker and thought now was the time to make my account. I have some 50% dmt, 50% blue lotus flower changa (1 gram).
After i took some low amount hits i decided i should pack a bong full. And for everything to make sense i have to add that i have anxiety and PTSD diagnosed by a doctor. I have had a very complicated and difficult life. From my dad selling drugs to his Physical abuse on me to the being kicked out of my moms house and my dads house(divorced so 2 times) its hard to know myself anymore for being in survival mode for so long. i have recently been released out of a drug rehab for my "pot addiction" after i was sent there by my mom and if i did not go i would be homeless. I know very well i am not addicted to pot.
I tend to be very social but all the time my anxiety just takes over and i sit there and cant think of anything and feel like a fool.(especially towards older people) I could just not be confident. I have no idea, its something i think about all the time and constantly trying to improve myself but fall in the same pit every time.
So now, i'm at my friends house and i pack a huge bong pack full of it attempting to blast off into hyperspace. I take two hits and lay back. i open my eyes once i realize i didn't take enough to blast off. I feel this presence of someone else there to my right while i'm laying on his bed.( we will call him "bob" ) I then realize that this is bob, my "popular" friend at my school and i see him now. unaware of who it was at first is perfectly clear that it is bob and he just keeps popping up to my right. I try to socialize with the two other people in the room and every time i stutter or cant think of anything to say, his face pops up in my eye sight, almost like "bob" would of said something better, or my mind was telling me to be as confident and social as he is.
I don't think about this person often or even look up to him but the way he lives in full confidence and the way he lives life just messed with me when i thought of myself and how i live. Then after that two people came over to retrieve some stuff and as soon as i was gonna speak i saw bobs face again. i stopped seeing him until another whole new social situation came up. Any help? Remember first post! tell me what you think, i also saw a lot of rasta colors.
After i took some low amount hits i decided i should pack a bong full. And for everything to make sense i have to add that i have anxiety and PTSD diagnosed by a doctor. I have had a very complicated and difficult life. From my dad selling drugs to his Physical abuse on me to the being kicked out of my moms house and my dads house(divorced so 2 times) its hard to know myself anymore for being in survival mode for so long. i have recently been released out of a drug rehab for my "pot addiction" after i was sent there by my mom and if i did not go i would be homeless. I know very well i am not addicted to pot.
I tend to be very social but all the time my anxiety just takes over and i sit there and cant think of anything and feel like a fool.(especially towards older people) I could just not be confident. I have no idea, its something i think about all the time and constantly trying to improve myself but fall in the same pit every time.
So now, i'm at my friends house and i pack a huge bong pack full of it attempting to blast off into hyperspace. I take two hits and lay back. i open my eyes once i realize i didn't take enough to blast off. I feel this presence of someone else there to my right while i'm laying on his bed.( we will call him "bob" ) I then realize that this is bob, my "popular" friend at my school and i see him now. unaware of who it was at first is perfectly clear that it is bob and he just keeps popping up to my right. I try to socialize with the two other people in the room and every time i stutter or cant think of anything to say, his face pops up in my eye sight, almost like "bob" would of said something better, or my mind was telling me to be as confident and social as he is.
I don't think about this person often or even look up to him but the way he lives in full confidence and the way he lives life just messed with me when i thought of myself and how i live. Then after that two people came over to retrieve some stuff and as soon as i was gonna speak i saw bobs face again. i stopped seeing him until another whole new social situation came up. Any help? Remember first post! tell me what you think, i also saw a lot of rasta colors.
:thumb_up: definitely wanted to try MDMA for a bit now.
