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I almost hurt someone-and myself. Controlling anger.

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dreamer042 said:
dragonrider said:
It can help the victim. It is extremely upsetting for a victim, to find out that the guy has somehow been allowed to commit another act of terror again. So preventing him from doing that is helping the victim.
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You seem to think that attacking this person will somehow change his behavior or prevent him from victimizing others again. I'd suggest that is erroneous thinking. You assault the guy, you end up locked up for assault, he remains free to prey on others. He can even use his bruises to play the sympathy card on the next victim. You have now have a criminal assault charge, have to pay a bunch of fines, attend a bunch of classes. Now you invest all your time and energy facing the repercussions of your own unwarranted actions instead of directing it toward measures that will actually help to prevent this happening again like educating others and getting him treatment.
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I also said that this is only a last resort.

What i mean is: on this sometimes ugly little planet, you have to be willing and able to kill someone, if that is what it would take to protect a loved one.

I believe that if you have thought that through, you are less likely ever to kill someone, but also less likely ever to end up in the position where it would be a serious option.
Because you'd be able to credibly communicate to any potential predator:"this is how far i am willing to go and i will not flinge".

That is what anger and all that adrenalin is for. To get you pumped-up and ready to act.

And for the other side to notice this.
 
Beating him up isn’t going to do anything at this point, that’s that old programming firing off. It would feel fabulous, if you could put that feeling in a pipe crack dealers would be out of business overnight. I like the thought of getting word around where people who might want his services will find it, like we do with a business or on street circles if someone is up to some plan that’s shady.

It’s just not the time to get violent. That reasoning is why you see what you see in the world, something mobs react to. There’s a higher level of process we can take advantage of if we can see it. Just self check to make sure your actions don’t undermine you right now, there’s traps everywhere son.

I could be wrong, it’s hard to tell like this.
 
Here's the really fun part. Say you kill the guy. Well he's off the street and won't be abusing anyone else.

Now your victimized friends/family have to address their trauma without your support, and with the added stress of having a friend/family member in prison. Where, and I hope the irony isn't lost on anyone, your chances of being sexually assaulted increase dramatically.

Justice is served.
 
dreamer042 said:
Here's the really fun part. Say you kill the guy. Well he's off the street and won't be abusing anyone else.

Now your victimized friends/family have to address their trauma without your support, and with the added stress of having a friend/family member in prison. Where, and I hope the irony isn't lost on anyone, your chances of being sexually assaulted increase dramatically.

Justice is served.
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I think you are failing to see that i actually agree with you.

Where you and i differ, is that i think you should be willing to seriously consider the option.

Then you will most likely come to the very same conclusion anyway.
 
It is so dang easy to mistake restraint for weakness or pacifism, restraint is a very strong thing to do. I commend anyone for restraint. It's hard! Yes.. we can feel like we can hurt or even kill someone should they mess with someone we love. That is perfectly ok to feel these things! It shows you how much you love!! It shows you how much it means to you. You would kill for this love! That is morbidly beautiful to me. I admit enjoying the morbid from time to time.

So you felt this very strong emotion and now what to do with it. You have weighed the options it would seem. You didn't get into a physical altercation with this person and I feel you could have escalated this situation much farther if you wanted. You showed restraint! Good for you! That says loads about you. You are passionate and love those around you very much! You did good!

Now can you place it down? Let it go and not ruminate about this jerkoff? He is winning in so many ways when he gets into your mind with anger. Yes... the dude deserves a kick in the mouth. Yes.. he is a low life piece of crap. I kind of feel sorry for the douchbag in a way. What a shitty way to go through life. I wouldn't give this loser one more bit of your energy.

Next time you see him... laugh at him! He is a joke!
 
OK. No, I'm not going to 'attack' anyone anyone, ever. I don't make the first move, this is about responding and not reacting.

Thank you, DMSTR8. It is indeed incredibly hard to restrain myself. I want to hurt this person. Badly. My blood pressure rises, i can feel veins pulse, my vision gets dark. It is so, so hard to not just launch at him.

But that has not conducive to anything productive and I'm really really into solutions, not more problems. This dude pisses me off because he's cause caused suffering in his search for personal gratification. If i clobbered him, it'd be no better. I'm not used to the rare air but I'm trying out this here high road thing.


I've only found restraint at the other end of the scenario where accidentally or not, two people's lives are over. I'll see him again, and again and every time i see him with someonethat person will be told. And if he ever decides he is tired of that and i have to defend myself, well then. But i don't expect that, he only hits women.
 
It’s gonna be real hard not to get caught up in responding should your mention of what’s up get back to him, that’s fine. Just be real aware man, p’s and q’s. Think of all the ways you could get him no holds barred, he can do the exact same to you and a few we’re not thinking of most likely so keeping this thing civil falls just under keep everyone safe, almost a tie.

Maybe some stars will align in your favor.
 
Just an idea that popped into my mind: human collectives have historically punished transgressors using losses of social reputation and general isolation. However, such punishment naturally requires information of the transgression to be publicly available. Why not publish an anonymous account of this man's wrongdoings online and use search engine optimization to ensure that your write-up appears first thing in an online search?

This would provide ample warning to anyone seeking information about his "services" and hopefully prevent further incidents as you have described. If he has any conscience whatsoever (which sounds unlikely, but is possible), then the shame he will feel from this public account may dissuade him from further harmful behaviors. Should you gain knowledge at some point that he has cleaned up his life, you will be able to remove your account.

There are sites dedicated to exposing prostitutes and their clients in an attempt to discourage these behaviors, and although they are subject to much criticism and are of dubious value, I think the idea is sound. Why not let the public know of, and democratically punish, this man's crimes against humanity?
 
You are experiencing cognitive dissonance. You identify as non-violent and you have avoided harming him thus far, yet you continue to have aggressive feelings and also seek to justify these feelings. To resolve this cognitive dissonance, you need to accept that it would be wrong to harm him and also accept/forgive yourself for being wrong and having wrong feelings. You are making this situation a problem of your own ego when it does not have to be. You clearly have a beautiful soul.
 
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