Impulse Experiences: Ongoing Compilation

[Voidmatrix]

I knew I was going to smoalk changa specifically for my birthday. The question though was when, and it ended up occurring on a bit of, let's say, an impulse.

Mood could be better. Stuff came up. I'm pretty bitter about it. A concern is always ruminations on certain events and things and people. But I approached this in the spirit of wanting to get right, I figured why not hit the packed changa bowl, and then do a flow.

The flow didn't happen. Well it was there, but generally, I was in child's pose for most of. It was an unexpected depth that I had an inkling about after taking the hit. I'm getting used to this new pipe, so the kick in the back of the throat can be a sign of how much I had taken in as I am used to interpreting with other devices or it could be the shorter and more narrow chamber of the new pipe.

Moving into child's pose, a flower, in the center of my visual field, somewhat faint, but clearly present, unfurled and blossoming before more. I enter the center and find myself in a room. Fluxing moving, alive, ya know the usual, with an entity dipping into something that kind of looked like a plant hanger... weirdos.

I spent most of my time directing my attention to where I wanted it to be, ie, not on the stuff that I am ruminating on. I reflected on this past year and how I'd like to make next year different and more in line with my preferences. I also soaked up the solidity that I showed being in the space, and how this has been a trend lately. There was definitely some fear, but there was no doubt. And in some ways it wasn't easy, but it was enjoyable even in the parts that weren't easy. If I don't say it, then I will likely look back on the experience, like I do with many others, and remember the negative readily. There was less worry, less compunction, and some definite nausea.

I had drank a protein shake not long before and didn't want to give up the nourishment. I feel like the experience simply moved the purge to my eyes, as I began crying while laying on my side on the yoga mat.

I was so aligned and attuned. Having my agency of choice, necessarily, while going with the flow...

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

I convinced the bossman to start using the APX Volt with the bubbler attachment for clients at the center. As such, I figured I should play around with it a bit.

Yesterday, I did 10mg. I noticed it was kinda spicy, ya know, like some of it was burned. This got me thinking, is the highest setting actually too high even though that is what is often recommended? So I lowered it to the second hottest setting and waited several hours before trying again.

10mg the first time vs the second time were two vastly different experiences, with the first being barely visual (it wasn't really) and the second one being visual enough for an entity to poke its head out at me.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

>10mg

My scale was being finicky this morning when I prepared this dose, saying it was only 4mg, when I am confident it was more. In the spirit of making things easy, I figured I'd just keep it there and see what happens.

After having a nice long talk with my best friend, I went for it, feeling calm and relaxed because it was less than 10mg... I got to see, yet again, the amount of trauma response is inherent to these experiences for me.

For the first part, I just laid with my fear. There wasn't anything in particular I was fearful of, such leaping flames of thought couched as worry and anxiety and fear. This dissipated slightly when I realized I wasn't enjoying myself. That's because I am working on that.

I have a feeling, that with the proper device, I can be good and deep at 15mg. We'll see.

One love

 

[northape]

 

[Voidmatrix]

All of you are trouble makers and that's why this thread exists.

So, I don't want to give too much away because someone has something in the works for the community. But, I was talking with someone in PM's and the topic and reply geared me up to smoalk some changa and stare at amethyst after.

As a reflection on my current inner work and pursuits, I have been so much more chill approaching the medicine and the space. There's still some anxieties and trepidation, but it is largely mitigated by the aforementioned work. For example, without realizing it, when things get intense, I somewhat abandon myself, and that is a vestige of childhood and trauma. I am reparenting myself from the developmental point at which I was hindered and stalled. It's a lot, and I don't feel like sharing too much about it right now, as it is something I am still making sense of and part of me feels tired of talking about it, which requires reflection in order to discern whether I actually feel that way or if it is a permutation of an adaptation from trauma and being silenced and having to disappear in my youth.

Anyways, I opened the space, grabbed the pipe, burped a little bit of hamburger and sweet potatoes, had my dog next to me, and took one hit. Nothing big. Nothing special. When I opened my eyes, I was tapped it immediately... While gazing and having that process morph and unfold, I was reflecting on my stalled expression and had an intuition to hum. This increased the intensity of the experience with the crystal, and then led to a somatic discharge accompanied by glossolalia, and then a further increase once I decided to hum with my mouth open and focus my attention on my throat space. It brought a lot of clarity, and is something to take note of. I tend to get in my feels about interacting with the medicine more than once in a day, as well as redosing. This was my second round of the day, and all is well. That is stated to appeal to my nervous system. Also, my system seems well acclimated to the medicine at this point that I don't have to worry about fasting for as long before disembarking. I haven't had a nausea purge in a long time.

The main take-away for me was to speak out loud when I am by myself more often to refind my voice.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

I almost didn't. Almost.

I was listening to this album

that i stumbled upon because of @northape So thank you for that.

I had told myself that I wanted to get back to more meditations, not only at my altar, but also unaltered, to be able to "get in touch," do the work, tap in, etc without outside stimulus more often just as point of beinf well-rounded and more centered in self. So, I gazed at my amethyst cluster, breathing, and meditating. I did a little tarot card draw, then laid down at my altar with Aubrey beside me. Staring at the overlaid nebula lights coursing briskly across my stucco ceiling, I thought to myself how it would be much more interesting if I smoalked...

I almost didn't, remembering that I wanted to have more meditations without changa. Well, technically I did, and I realized that in the moment, and it was pulling me, so, grabbed the pipe off of my nightstand, where it now lives, and took one decent hit.

My heart began pounding pretty hard, and it gave me an opportunity to divorce myself from my response as a thinking being, and my body's response, a being responding to stimulus from the world, internally, and from my mind. Something I've said for a long time, and maybe it helped me to see this, was that the body has a mind of its own. I simply "watched" the reaction, reinterpeting it from meaning something about me and my capacity, into more of my body screaming, "what the hell did you just do!"

Great little journey. Explored a lot of themes. Good times. Good times.

One love