is this a state of mind?

[KwisatzHaderach]

So after my first few flips through hyperspace, I was obsessed. The experience explained everything I was looking for. It confirmed so much I already knew deep inside me. Since then, I can sometimes feel hyperspace in my waking consciousness. And it makes me want to go back to see the beauty, the power, the awe. Today after a month, I felt the call. I knew it was true because I did not feel the fear that comes when I approach spice with incorrect intentions. So I went in without fear, but as I was smoking and I was approaching infinity (I needed probably one more good rip to breakthrough), I got the fear/guilt and my mindset changed from yearning for the experience, to wanting to run away from it. I put down the pipe and lighter and became somewhat confused. But now that I am past it, I want the full experience again. But I feel like once I'm about to go there, I won't want to again. It's a vicious cycle. It's almost like I'm having a problem committing. Does anyone else have that feeling? The feeling like you want it, but then once you get it you don't want it anymore? Or does that fear/guilt come from my ego trying to defend myself from divine consciousness?

 

[slayed]

I understand what your saying exactly. Its like pre flight anxiety. Im a little nervous before I hit the pipe, but once I blow the smoke out Im so relieved and glad a came over fear. The way you associate you fear with incorrect intentions is a good way of thinking.

 

[MooshyPeaches]

Try taking a tiny dose and let that take care of the anxiety, then wait for a bit and take your actual dose =]

otherwise just practice and get used to it I suppose!

 

[TrustLoveMan]

I used to have your exact problem. When I hit the bowl, I get body load and confusion way before visuals. This used to make me stop smoking mid bowl.
You can try a small bowl then the full dose.
I eventually learned to ignore the body load. Another thing I learned to do was take the whole dose in one lungful. This way, by the time I get the body load, I'm already holding in all the smoke and lying on my back.

 

[gammagore]

Sure I get that feeling, not as much as I used to, maybe thats part of Intentions. If you go in with the right intentions and are confident in them, its easier to remind yourself all will be ok. Then just push on.

As the above post state, pre-dosing a small bowl first could help. It works for me

 

[Steely]

Fear is something that is always present with DMT. It took myself a lot to get over the general fear of it, but I feel that the anxiety you get from pre-flight blues is totally normal. Just think back to when you have experienced fear of spice in the past; did it ever stop you from journeying? Have you not always gotten over it and had the greatest moments of your entire life?

The fear we feel is merely there to help us hold onto what ever is left of our sanity, if it was even there to begin with, and to remind us of how human we really are.

Every lesson we receive from spice is given to us through the only means possible, whether it is through fear or love, it is all meant for the better.

 

[KwisatzHaderach]

Thank you my friends for the love and support. It makes me feel so much better that you all can relate. And Steely, wow. That was poignant. I will keep your wisdom in mind everyone for future journeys.

thankyou

 

[mad_banshee]

I think a big portion of the pre-flight fears comes from lack of support.
Think about how people ( maybe your dad or uncle) supported you the first time you road a bicycle.
Thing about how people encouraged you the first day of school, or whatever important day of your life.

Because this spirit molecule and other spiritually lifting psychedelics are deemed to be against religion ( because the religion based phoney spiritualty could never compete with real spiritual tools like peyote, dmt, etc...) we get no societal support for our journeys, and worse yet, they will even throw us in jail for experienceing our enlightenments that conflict with their sad, repetative, hollow, silly dogmas. What I am saying is that in the first place it can be difficult to do anything that is outside societal acceptance, and moreso to do anything that is THIS powerful without spiritual guides to prepare us as our parents did when we learned to ride that bike.

The determined seeker must often deal with learning to use this (so very) powerful dust by him/her self without much guidance at all. The lucky ones find guidance from virtual friends here at the Nexus, but aside from that it takes a lot of time and experience with the elf dust to build to the level of braveness and willingness to surrender to it. Only time and soul searching will get you to the point of easy surrender. This journey has made me a changed person. Truly, I now know how reality can be obliterated in an instant, but to accept that its ok because it is all a figment of imagination anyway and more importantly, that expanding imagination is a true goal in itself!

 

[eagleeyes]

it's a war on our consciousness many are caught up in the maya veil smoke and mirrors ......others fortunate enough to have transcended the bullshit via partaking in the so called 'forbidden fruits' they try so desperately to keep us from finding and freeing ourselves from their webs of deceptions

 

[hyperspacing]

i think mostly its the fear of the unknown. everytime you go on a journey theres no telling where you will end up. you must step into darkness before you can find light. my motto is when i think its enough hit it 1 more time

 

[Felnik]

I experience a wide range of feelings before I actually commit to a journey. Sometimes i am terrified and can't even brings myself to do it even though all things are in place. I have aborted more than a few times.

Other times i'm so excited you would think it was xmas time.

I have also experienced a thing where , out of fear I start with a series of low doses. I have found that this can backfire and put me into a weird state were I start to question why i'm even doing it in the first place. Sometimes i feel guilty like i'm doing something bad.

most of the time i journey alone, now this for the most part is excellent for doing really personal focussed work. If you can stand it things get pretty intense .

It can also be overwhelming to contain all that is shown in the moment all by yourself . Needless to say I make alot of crazy phone calls.

Even after a few years of working with this stuff new challenging things crop up all the time.

I don't believe there is a such thing as a typical spice journey.

One thing that has helped me alot is starting with a good sincere intention. I try not to fool myself into a false good mood.

The only way it works successfully is to create a positive sincere loving energy vibration.

This really works. I usually get myself worked up into a one man party vibe. I talk to myself I laugh i make jokes I try to lighten the mood. There is a tendency to get real serious with this stuff.
sometimes it takes me hours to work myself up to the moment.

 

[Apoc]

Why don't you try a light dose of pharmahuasca if you don't want the rollercoaster of the entire effect of the molecule acting on your brain all at once? It might be gentler.

 

[KwisatzHaderach]

First of all, thank you for coming back to support me on this topic. Recently this topic of "fear of the unknown" has been cropping up in my life not even just personally but in my relationships as well. I'm starting to learn to deal with it's power.

First of all MadBanshee I think you hit it on the dot with the guilt that I feel. Because of the deemed social implications of these substances, there has often been a mental blockage of letting go for myself because of the "deemed" thoughts of others. But today I had a epiphany watching the sunset on medium dose of mushrooms that all you little Nexus avatars are like my support system. I think that's why some great minds decided to create this community. Too bad we all have to act in anonymity, but such is the game. Very poignant what you write there.

This really works. I usually get myself worked up into a one man party vibe. I talk to myself I laugh i make jokes I try to lighten the mood. There is a tendency to get real serious with this stuff.
sometimes it takes me hours to work myself up to the moment.

Haha Felnik I love it. The one man party vibe. I've definitely done this before, but now I have a new definition for it in my vocabulary.

I also wanted to update this thread with my recent workings with the spice. After reading about changa, that seemed like the way I wanted to do it. So I made a mix of mainly caapi and calea, dash of mullien and some hints of salvia, lavender, and peppermint. After reading about so many different herbs I couldn't help but go overboard the first mix haha. Anyway, it's completely changed the experience and made it more workable with meditation; allowing me to reach the exact level I want with the room to breakthrough when necessary. It's been slow pushing me into hyperspace again, much more gentle. I shared this concoction with a few friends and they all broke-through to much success. It was a pleasure to share this experience with them. I wish there was a way to turn more people on.

thankyou