Looking for answers/Intro

[alimushman]

Hi Pitubo.
Thanks!
I definitely will steer clear of ayahuasca for now. Although its definitely something Id like to eventually try.
The only thing about mushrooms, ayahuasca that turns me off is the length of time the effects last. Being anxious, nervous, paranoid...and thinking about being in that state for hours with no control, well..scares me right now. Thats what pushed me towards DMT. Although it is more intense (according to others), you are in and out in a few minutes.

We took very good precautions for set and seting. It was me, my wife, my best friend (our sitter/guide) who is experienced with it, and his wife. At my house, with no external noises or interruptions. Once I got in the "hot seat", I took a few minutes to try to clear my mind and do some deep breathing and relax and shut down my mind the best I could. I had the 3 of them sitting close to me. I felt comfortable, but nervous.

I think the feelings of death I had, were my ego starting to fall away. Which I interpreted, or it made me interpret for its own self preservation, that I was physically dying. The physical feeling in my body, of it being totally numb, or...kinda like resonating or vibrating really fast, was just very unexpected and I hadnt heard anyone describe that before. For some reason that feeling felt familiar, in a bad way (not sure why).
Thanks for the tips! Definitely tons of more exploring and learning and researching to do.

 

[alimushman]

Dang! I just read your report. I dont suffer from depression as badly as you appear to. I just have a hard time finding happiness, or nothing is really exciting or joyful. But that report is intense. Thanks for sharing it.

I forgot to mention in my previous post, I used 25mg vaporized. My best friend said thats on the lower end of the dosage, and should be a good starting place. And although very intense, and a bit scary, it wasnt overwhelming to deal with. So I think that seems like a good dose for me to stay on another time or two.

But I definitely was holding on and not letting go, or not surrendering. which is what I really need to do. I just couldnt. I imagine a stronger dose wouldnt allow me to fight it. It would just kick my doors down.

Im not expecting it to be a magic fix for me. Just hoping for possibly new perspectives that can help me realign my mindset in "real life".

I suffer from bad depression and social anxiety. I came into DMT very much like you after the medicines, therapy, books etc. I read some articles on ayahuasca and some almost miracle accounts of it freeing people from anxiety and depression so I came to regard DMT as a bit of a last resort and once I got there was sort of hoping for a bit of a magic bullet.

So far I have had two massive 3-4hr experiences and two heavy ones and my anxiety and depression are just the same for now. What it has done is help me see what is important, really understand I am cared about and to stop pushing these people away or denying them and there really isn’t anything awful or bad in the recesses of my mind. Here was the biggest one if you are interested: 4hr experience from re-x 'red wax' - First steps in Hyperspace - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I remember in an interview with a musician them saying that with psychedelics the real goal was to try get to the same places without them. I think I’m starting to understand that. I thought that in the experience I could somehow get in and root out the cause or fix me but I think it is more the reverse and that I need to try and take what I ‘know’ and feel in there experience back into normal life to help fix me.

On fear, this has been a big problem for me and I’ve realised just how much my mind fights like mad to try and control and hang on. They key for me has been to find a way to surrender knowing it isn’t a fight I can win and hang on to the feeling I had when I realised nothing awful or bad was locked away in my mind. I’ve also only been treated well by DMT and never given anything I couldn’t handle. A quote from The Secret Chief on this: "the only way to bring light to the darkness is to first embrace the darkness"

Aside: I’ve taken Pristiq’s close generic, Venlafaxine and went through hell in withdrawal - it does have a bad reputation for this so if you do decide to discontinue it please be careful.

 

[ConnectedSoul]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

I too have recently come to this incredible molecule and had a startling breakthrough experience see Anxiety given the boot by first breakthrough - Introduction Essay - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I have experienced a profound positive effect of my own anxiety and wonder if it is in part due to the very high dose DMT I took...? I never took pharmaceuticals for anxiety...in fact never saw a doctor about it. I can understand your fear with regards to mixing DMT and your pharma med. I'm not sure if you are in a position to try coming off the medication, but if you could then I would definitely say it's worth doing more work with DMT...putting your trust there rather than in the medication...but there's obviously only you can figure that one.

When I'm ready...and I'm not yet...I will continue working with this incredible spirit molecule. It's changed my life forever, and I couldn't be more grateful... :d For me it was like the anxiety daemons were being burned up in the experience, daemons that had possessed me for many years. I didn't really have a choice because the large dose I took kind of catapulted me through to the other side...there was no hanging on. Terrifying in the moment. But I'm so glad to have been brave enough

In the meantime, I wish you all the very best with your anxiety, friend. And it's great to see you here at the nexus!

Peace and love X

 

[alimushman]

thanks for sharing. great story. 100mg! 25 was intense for me. I can not at all imagine 100mg.
I definitely would prefer to get off the medication. Which wont be easy. And wont do any good unless i can get a mental shift before hand. I hope I have similar positive results as you did. Thanks for the warm welcome