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Loss of creative drive

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balaganist

balaganist

Rising Star
I have been creating electronic music for the last 15 years, with a few breaks here and there but it has been my most constant expressive drive for most of my life now. In the last 5 years I have had some success with releases, DJ support and regular live gigs.
Now... since getting into entheogens, mainly Aya and Spice, I have noticed a loss in my creative drive. I definitely feel less of a need for ego stroking from others.. and dont feel the urgency so much anymore to make music... also just more into chilling out, tending to my plants and doing extractions...!
Another factor, is I have recently completed my first album .. so perhaps I just need a rest and the creative drive will come back soon..
I work a day job as well as make music, so for years it has been a battle with time, energy and sleep, between work, music and friends/girlfriend. Usually it was sleep that suffered! But these days I would just rather chill out and make music when I have the time and energy for it.

I wonder if anyone else here has experienced something similar?
I am partly concerned... and partly not.. I'm just going with the flow, and right now the flow is in the spice!!
 
I can understand where your coming from. Ive also been making sample based music for years now. The creativity comes and goes. I also paint and draw, so it becomes a struggle sometimes to spread my creativity so thin through everything. I also lost interest in showing my stuff to friends and family, I just kind of do it cause i like to, and its who i am. Going with the flow is essential, and also not being lazy. When the creativity comes its best to work with it and get some ideas going.

I used to go look for records every weekend to sample, come home and chop loops, makes beats etc. After awhile i realized i was neglecting my gf. I was more concerned about my music and myself, then what she wanted to do. So now i just go with the flow, I still get the itch to find records but I dont let it blind me like it used to. I guess i just let things happen now, than trying to force them to happen.
 
balaganist said:
I have been creating electronic music for the last 15 years, with a few breaks here and there but it has been my most constant expressive drive for most of my life now. In the last 5 years I have had some success with releases, DJ support and regular live gigs.
Now... since getting into entheogens, mainly Aya and Spice, I have noticed a loss in my creative drive. I definitely feel less of a need for ego stroking from others.. and dont feel the urgency so much anymore to make music... also just more into chilling out, tending to my plants and doing extractions...!
Another factor, is I have recently completed my first album .. so perhaps I just need a rest and the creative drive will come back soon..
I work a day job as well as make music, so for years it has been a battle with time, energy and sleep, between work, music and friends/girlfriend. Usually it was sleep that suffered! But these days I would just rather chill out and make music when I have the time and energy for it.

I wonder if anyone else here has experienced something similar?
I am partly concerned... and partly not.. I'm just going with the flow, and right now the flow is in the spice!!
Click to expand...

:lol:

I started my own label, so this probably awaits me too...
Good luck and take care!
 
I dunno man... I'm definitely in a very similar situation to yourself...in that I've been doing electronic music pro and semi-pro for around 15 years and I've lost my drive a bit... but obviously creative drive is such a complex thing, I'm sure we haven't experienced the same things that influence it... I did appreciate your statement about having less of a need to have ones ego stroked.

I think age plays a big part in it... I'm desperately annoyed that my drive towards creativity isn't what it once was, considering I'm of generally better mood and health, I even have more energy now, but I'm not interested in the same things... I'm actually conflicted as to whether music is even worth the pursuit, horrific idea I know, but maybe music isnt that important?

Another thing I've noticed is that peoples attitude towards music has drastically changed... honestly, I think it's for the best... a lot of people complain about there being no more heroes, but I never thought the whole system was fair in the first place... music was hype before and you kinda buy the hype and that's part of the fun... but with technology and education via the internet... music has become for everyone... and our instincts towards creative expression are confused at the moment I think.

For SWIM, spice definitely boosts creatively... but then again, SWIM doesn't do it more than than once every 3 months.

I would say like most people, go with the flow... but another thing I would try is forcing your creativity by forcing yourself to write (or whatever) even if it's not going well.... I tend to find your mind eventually gets the message and you enter "creative mode" again... it can be brutal because you have to do things that you dont feel like doing for a while... but yes sometimes it's not a good idea to sit around waiting for it to happen. At least that's what I've found. Best of luck anyway ;)

also ++ maybe obvious, but looking for new sources of inspiration is a timeless technique.
 
smoke more weed, end of story. lol na but really... do you guys know music theory or do you just sort of ponder around melodies?

I'm at the point now where I am listening to music about 5 hours a day and playing through my scales and modes whenever I get a chance so I can be ready when I can finally afford some good sounding equipment instead of the ghetto rig stuff i have now.
Have you guys stopped listening to music as well? Maybe you have just been stuck inside your mind creating.
Half the battle is having that first inspiration to create.
 
That sounds good mattimus. keep on it!

I did some music theory when I was at school (15 years or so ago), never got into it much, was always much more into composing, playing with sounds and rhythms... had a really inspiring music teacher at school who told me when I was doing my GCSE composition that I would actually have to 'unlearn' some stuff, and go with a more conventional angle to my composition so the examiners would understand it! I was really into ambient and experimental electronica at the time.

You ask about listening to music - TBH I have not been checking new stuff or listening to much music for a while... in fact even for the last few months, pretty much the only time I would listen to music at home was when I was making my music! I used to spend hours and hours listening to music. I think I got disillusioned with a lot of the new music I hear. Most of it I find pretty boring tbh. And it seems to be that discovering exciting new music leads me to rediscovering old music.

I just think I am entering a new chapter, its weird, I feel like the urgency to make music and be recognised for it has diminished a LOT. I used to lose so much sleep and get so excited about music, I think its still there I just need to put myself in the studio and get producing again. I've just been distracted by reading the nexus, doing extractions and going on inner journeys! I think its all good though, I just need to make space for it again in my life. I just dont feel that push so much anymore... I used to come home from work and jump in the studio straight away, have some dinner and then back in till 2-3am, then up for work the next morning, at least 2-3 times a week, then a good session at least once over the weekend.

I still feel I have a lot of music left to make, just in the 2 years or so I've got some wicked gear, so ironic that now I dont have or make the time to use it much!
Mostly it boils down to time.... if I didnt have to work I would be in the studio a lot more, I know that much. But such is life, atm... perhaps there is still potential to make a living from music but atm it is just pocket money.

Anyway, I could go on and on... but I just need to do it !!
 
I wonder if the creative drive is the Homo sapien equivalent of a Peacock's plume? That it is used by a male to impress females. All my favourite music artists seem to wither away as they hit middle age and beyond.

Bob Dylan is a classic example, who although still makes new material and regularly tours, hasn't made inspired music since the 80s.

Paul McCartney also springs to mind. What has he done since the hey day of Wings? Though it is cruel, I wonder if the early death of the most renowned artists like Lennon, Morrison and Cobain, wasn't a mercy.

I think this also applies to other fields of creativity. In regard to the work of my favourite authors and film makers, it is their early stuff that inspires me the most.
 
I've been composing (writing/producing/recording) hip hop in my little project studio with friends for several years now. Nothin serious but I do go through periods where I'm more or less interested in making music. So far I've always made my way back to it. :lol:

I think there may be some irony in the relationship between creative impulse and happiness. Music is one of the most intense joys in my life. I like making it because it 'feels' incredible (not just physically, but mentally). But it often seems like at the core of my musical expression lies suffering. Like a horrible seed which, despite itself, gives life to something great. 'Blues' music states this explicitly.

The irony being that I fear happiness could rob me of one of my favorite activities (making music)! :shock: And yet it was my very reason for composing in the first place!!... :? So maybe your lack of drive could actually be a positive sign? hehe


Morphane said:
All my favourite music artists seem to wither away as they hit middle age and beyond.
Click to expand...

(Sadly) you may bring up a good point. I think others have made the same observation. The scariest thing is that from what I understand, it's not just musical artists, or even artists in general, who overwhelmingly tend to produce their best and most important work in the early years of their adult life. Writers, inventors, and scientists all conform to the pattern as well. Like if you look at the most important papers in the histories of chemistry, physics, biology, etc. you find that the vast majority of the authors were (men) between the ages of 20 and 40 (or at least that was their age when the ideas were developed). Pretty depressing:cry: lol. This came from a good source, but I haven't reviewed the records myself so I can't totally vouch for the claim. Even if it is true though, its just a generality. Each individual is different and there has no doubt been great work done by older people as well.
 
Hello balaganist, i hope i dont seem too intrusive with the following that i observed. From the following lines i read from your post (specifically the orange ones) this is what i got from it --

balaganist said:
I definitely feel less of a need for ego stroking from others.. and dont feel the urgency so much anymore to make music... also just more into chilling out, tending to my plants and doing extractions...!
Another factor, is I have recently completed my first album .. so perhaps I just need a rest and the creative drive will come back soon..
I work a day job as well as make music, so for years it has been a battle with time, energy and sleep, between work, music and friends/girlfriend. Usually it was sleep that suffered! But these days I would just rather chill out and make music when I have the time and energy for it.

I wonder if anyone else here has experienced something similar?
I am partly concerned... and partly not.. I'm just going with the flow, and right now the flow is in the spice!!
Click to expand...

Maybe in the past you made your music and artwork not solely for yourself, yet a part of it was to 'show off' and 'look good' in the eyes of others. Now that time has gone by, you are wiser and older, you really dont see the need to do that as much.

And now that you are wiser, you are able to balance what you physically and emotionally need in life, as well as you music.

Now here is a interesting question or thought (if i can phrase it right). In the past, what were the ratios and did they out way the end product for your time invested in art and what you got from it, and what are the ratios now. This can also relate to the question "why?"? I feel i cant express myself too clearly on what im trying to say, so i will leave it at that and continue.

When it comes to the creative part. It comes and goes as people above me have stated, and in my experience one stroke of thought can change it all around! I had been on a pause on my artwork for two years, both cause i didnt feel creative, and didnt desire to make it anymore. Then out of no where in the local 7-11, i came across this idea that we as adult we usually pretend to pretend and we are not actually pretending (when we do pretend). When little children pretend they are doctors or train engineers or race car drivers, they ARE actually those thing in their mind. And we as adult when we pretend (which we generally dont do any often) we are merely pretending to pretend. I guess you can say this is where 'acting' comes in. True actors really take in the role they are consuming. This idea came to me at the 7-11 when i bought a banana that looked like a gun, and on the way home i spontaneously got into character thinking people were after me and i was dodging bullets and whatnot, hiding behind cars and etc! People must have thought i was insane! hehe. But that feeling that i got while i was pretending, was a VERY familiar feeling which i haddnt experienced in at least 10 years. This opted me to make functional artwork, my artwork now is used as a "tool for pretend". Both aesthetically nice and functional! This created opened an ENTIRE new door for my artwork and released me from my 2 or 3 year pause in mere seconds. It was truly amazing.

So all you might need is a stroke of inspiration. It will come =)

Congradulations on your first album by the way!
 
I and about a five hundred million other people got into d.s.p. in the 90's when computers became like fast food joints for music production. There is so many combination's of sound that can happen as a result of home brew audio art making that by the time the universe is dead and done not even close to a tiny fraction of the potential results will have been discovered. My problem (and why enjoying this ended for me) was that you can't separate the maker from the final product, there will always be that sense of ownership and possession that will harden the materialism of every day life and crystallize the personality into a synthetic eccentric and abstract shape that will drag the mind down till the bitter end of the final breath. Art is "intoxicating" and its emotionally "manipulative" those are the qualities that draw one to it and they are the reasons that make someone feel guilty for playing that song on repeat like masturbating twice in a row. Its psychological like recreational procreation. It might be something to talk to your psychologist about but sadly he's probably about to listen to that Peter Gabriel album for the ten thousandth time.
 
mattimus said:
smoke more weed, end of story. lol na but really... do you guys know music theory or do you just sort of ponder around melodies?

I'm at the point now where I am listening to music about 5 hours a day and playing through my scales and modes whenever I get a chance so I can be ready when I can finally afford some good sounding equipment instead of the ghetto rig stuff i have now.
Have you guys stopped listening to music as well? Maybe you have just been stuck inside your mind creating.
Half the battle is having that first inspiration to create.
Click to expand...

Er... ponder around beats.
 
SWIM found that his introduction to spice increased his creativity and motivation, well maybe mainly his motivation which then unlocked his creativity.

He did get obsessed with making extractions and coming on here to talk about spice etc, which reduced the amount of work he got done for a while, but that passed with time, and he's productive again now, but in a much better way because he's not stressed, he just gets on with it.

It sounds like you used to push yourself really hard. Maybe the spice has taught you to treat yourself better, and this is currently translating into a reduction in your creative output, but only because before you were pushing yourself to unhealthy limits? Or maybe now you're happier so you don't have the need to show others your worth so much.

Now is the time to prioritise what is important to you in life, and decide how to structure it so you can do the things you want to without being stressed or losing sleep. Perhaps you will choose music and reduce your working hours and spending accordingly, for example. Or perhaps you will decide that your next album will take a year longer to come out. Lots of possibilities, it all depends on what you want out of life. One of the biggest things DMT did for SWIM was make him decide realistically what he wanted from life, and cut out stuff that was deemed a distraction like boozing, and plan accordingly so he could make it happen.

I have developed so many little techniques to make myself more efficient so I can fit more into my life without losing sleep or stressing out. For example, I choose to ring friends or family when I'm walking somewhere, because being on the phone is something I can do when I'm walking to the bus stop, so I'm getting two things done at the same time! Haha, but then I spend an hour on here and lose all that time I saved ;) Still, more gets done. I'm such a geek now, I'm not sure how much more information I can fit in my head. I have become addicted to knowledge!
 
Nice post ohayoco, thank you. Yes I did used to push myself very hard, but it felt it was necessary at the time. It seems to have paid off, and I fulfilled a long-held ambition since I was young.. and of course the goalposts of ambition move all the time.

Since bringing Ayahuasca and DMT into my life, my priorities have been changing. I am sure I will return to music, but also a new path has just opened up for me, from a very recent deep (and challenging) ayahuasca journey. That path is about being an agent of positive change, and healing is the act of that change. IT feels like I am entering Part 2 of my reason for being on Earth. Part 1 was to express my creative self, which happened to be through music. (Not that it is so clear-cut)

I am coming up to a crossroads in my life... but I know whatever way I go, its gonna be good.. just need to have courage to let go of attachments and face the difficulties that may be ahead.
 
I used to write alot..I wrote all kinds of stories and poems, I have books full..and I painted alot. I barely ever write anything these days, unless its on forums like this or homework. But I find that I really like to go out and discuss philosophy and existance, conciousness etc with everyone and anyone who will listen..prob to the point of annoying others!..

I dont find that I feel less creative, becasue I am always thinking and thinking, and playing around with ideas and oncepts, like my brain never turns off.. I just express it differently now. I would really like to get back into creating artwork though..After taking so many psychedelics it's sort of like life itself becomes the art project constantly being created, at least thats how I began to see things. I also strongly agree with what was said above about the irony between states of happiness and creative expression..I have alot of weird, dark and depressing poetry from like 5 years ago, when I was writing tons and always very melancholic.
 
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