EmeraldDoubleDragon
Rising Star
Hi. I am in a deep existential crisis. I have ADHD and mild autism, and my brain is completely locked in a hyperfocus loop.
My problem is NOT that I just need to sleep. My problem is that my entire everyday life does not work anymore. All I can think about is that there actually DOES EXIST a higher dimension with an intelligence we cannot even fathom. How am I supposed to continue living a normal human life with this knowledge? Everything in the human world—jobs, movies, games—feels completely flat, meaningless, and artificial now.
1. The Garden and the Sign (Over a year ago)
This crisis started over a year ago. During a severe panic attack, I went out into my garden, holding my head in my hands, and genuinely prayed for the universe to show me something—something to prove there is something more. The exact second I looked up for an answer, a rare green meteor lit up the sky for 3-4 seconds. I can look at the sky for the rest of my life and never see it again. It became my absolute, irrefutable proof of a higher reality, and I haven't been able to think about anything else since.
2. The First Encounters (One month ago)
This led me to DMT. One month ago, I did three trips on the exact same night with about 1 hour between each hit, and I increased the dose slightly with each hit.
3. The Waiting Room & The Female Entities (A couple of nights ago)
A couple of nights ago, I decided to journey again. I did three separate trips that night, but during all three of them, I got stuck in the waiting room. In this room, I saw morphing shapes that were wide at the bottom, narrow in the middle, and wide again at the top (like hourglasses). They were covered in millions of tiny hexagons with purple edges. Inside the geometry, I could see blurry female entities moving with the shapes, showing blurry arms and hands. At the end of these trips, the geometry disappeared, and I felt these entities' hands and arms gently touching and caressing my face and head. It was not frightening at all; it felt beautiful and safe. They were taking care of me.
4. Forcing the Entrance & The "Molester" Lesson (The same night)
Because I stayed stuck in the waiting room during those three sessions, I went for a fourth trip that same night. I was back in the waiting room again, looking at the same geometry and female entities. While I was actively inside the waiting room, I opened my eyes in reality, took an extra vape hit with my eyes wide open, with the very specific, conscious thought: "I AM going into their world, guaranteed." I did it on purpose, like crashing a theme park without waiting in line. That choice is why I got the lesson.
Right after the extra hit, with my eyes wide open, my entire real room, the books, and all the physical objects turned into pixels and highly colorful blocks or hexagons. It was extremely overwhelming to see reality dismantle like that.
Right as the room transformed into pixels, I heard a very distinct digital sound that belonged to the transformation itself. It was a heavy, modulating low-frequency sound that shifted in 3 or 4 mechanical, digital steps within 1–2 seconds, exactly like a digital system crushing data or a simulation shutting down. It sounded like a synthetic "bree, bruuu, braaaa" – a very specific sound that I know I have heard somewhere before.
Then it went PANG, and in a millisecond I was completely gone from reality and my consciousness was instantly moved and teleported into a room in a higher dimension (the 4th dimension). It was completely obvious that I was in their dimension instantly.
Directly after the PANG, in the exact millisecond I arrived in the higher dimension, a voice spoke to me very sternly, like a strict parent letting a child make a mistake just to teach them a lesson. It said: "Here, you go. This is what you wanted." It knew I couldn't handle it.
My brain could not process or understand the geometry at all, so it just felt like nothingness, though I think the color was blue. Then I felt that I had intruded, and I panicked because my brain got completely overwhelmed. Since I couldn't process any objects in that dimension, it turned into dark, twisting strings moving toward the voice in the center. The voice repeatedly called me a "molester" because I had forced my way in and violated their private space.
When I managed to stop thinking and stop fighting the experience, the strings turned blue again, and the voice said: "Now he is back."
Current State
I am physically safe, but I feel incredibly ashamed and sad because they were taking care of me in the waiting room, and I cheated to get past them. I am totally overwhelmed by the scale of this intelligence, which must be trillions of years older than humanity. I don't know how to carry this massive truth, go to work, or watch a movie when I know this exists. I need help with existential integration to function as a human being again.
My problem is NOT that I just need to sleep. My problem is that my entire everyday life does not work anymore. All I can think about is that there actually DOES EXIST a higher dimension with an intelligence we cannot even fathom. How am I supposed to continue living a normal human life with this knowledge? Everything in the human world—jobs, movies, games—feels completely flat, meaningless, and artificial now.
1. The Garden and the Sign (Over a year ago)
This crisis started over a year ago. During a severe panic attack, I went out into my garden, holding my head in my hands, and genuinely prayed for the universe to show me something—something to prove there is something more. The exact second I looked up for an answer, a rare green meteor lit up the sky for 3-4 seconds. I can look at the sky for the rest of my life and never see it again. It became my absolute, irrefutable proof of a higher reality, and I haven't been able to think about anything else since.
2. The First Encounters (One month ago)
This led me to DMT. One month ago, I did three trips on the exact same night with about 1 hour between each hit, and I increased the dose slightly with each hit.
- Hit 1: I stayed in the "waiting room" and saw moving geometry.
- Hit 2: I traveled a "cosmic highway" and landed on a cube, but I could not get inside.
- Hit 3: I finally made it inside the cube. Inside the cube, I was bathed and purified in what felt like a glowing, crystallized liquid, and a divine light appeared above me—brighter than anything I have ever seen in real life. After that, I met an entity with a purple veil who just studied my soul in silence. I felt like it was assessing me or scanning my soul.
3. The Waiting Room & The Female Entities (A couple of nights ago)
A couple of nights ago, I decided to journey again. I did three separate trips that night, but during all three of them, I got stuck in the waiting room. In this room, I saw morphing shapes that were wide at the bottom, narrow in the middle, and wide again at the top (like hourglasses). They were covered in millions of tiny hexagons with purple edges. Inside the geometry, I could see blurry female entities moving with the shapes, showing blurry arms and hands. At the end of these trips, the geometry disappeared, and I felt these entities' hands and arms gently touching and caressing my face and head. It was not frightening at all; it felt beautiful and safe. They were taking care of me.
4. Forcing the Entrance & The "Molester" Lesson (The same night)
Because I stayed stuck in the waiting room during those three sessions, I went for a fourth trip that same night. I was back in the waiting room again, looking at the same geometry and female entities. While I was actively inside the waiting room, I opened my eyes in reality, took an extra vape hit with my eyes wide open, with the very specific, conscious thought: "I AM going into their world, guaranteed." I did it on purpose, like crashing a theme park without waiting in line. That choice is why I got the lesson.
Right after the extra hit, with my eyes wide open, my entire real room, the books, and all the physical objects turned into pixels and highly colorful blocks or hexagons. It was extremely overwhelming to see reality dismantle like that.
Right as the room transformed into pixels, I heard a very distinct digital sound that belonged to the transformation itself. It was a heavy, modulating low-frequency sound that shifted in 3 or 4 mechanical, digital steps within 1–2 seconds, exactly like a digital system crushing data or a simulation shutting down. It sounded like a synthetic "bree, bruuu, braaaa" – a very specific sound that I know I have heard somewhere before.
Then it went PANG, and in a millisecond I was completely gone from reality and my consciousness was instantly moved and teleported into a room in a higher dimension (the 4th dimension). It was completely obvious that I was in their dimension instantly.
Directly after the PANG, in the exact millisecond I arrived in the higher dimension, a voice spoke to me very sternly, like a strict parent letting a child make a mistake just to teach them a lesson. It said: "Here, you go. This is what you wanted." It knew I couldn't handle it.
My brain could not process or understand the geometry at all, so it just felt like nothingness, though I think the color was blue. Then I felt that I had intruded, and I panicked because my brain got completely overwhelmed. Since I couldn't process any objects in that dimension, it turned into dark, twisting strings moving toward the voice in the center. The voice repeatedly called me a "molester" because I had forced my way in and violated their private space.
When I managed to stop thinking and stop fighting the experience, the strings turned blue again, and the voice said: "Now he is back."
Current State
I am physically safe, but I feel incredibly ashamed and sad because they were taking care of me in the waiting room, and I cheated to get past them. I am totally overwhelmed by the scale of this intelligence, which must be trillions of years older than humanity. I don't know how to carry this massive truth, go to work, or watch a movie when I know this exists. I need help with existential integration to function as a human being again.
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