AlpineXplorer
Esteemed member
The whole experience was paradigm shifting.
I invited “SS” over to sit with me. I told them what I was doing, but I didn’t ask if they’d ever done it before. Nor did they volunteer any information. TBH, I did not think they’d ever done DMT. I was planning on telling them they could try it out after I had my experience.
I took several hits, as big as I could, and held them in. Honestly, I couldn’t tell if the vape was even hitting. I don’t smoke, and I didn’t really taste anything. I did let out a little smoke just to know it got in. And then I hit it a bunch more.
Then it started, and I laid back. I think I kept my eyes open most of the time. It would bring me in and out of a “room” of white kaleidoscope features, if you will. Randomly. The whole world around me appeared to be made of Legos.
I could not stop saying, “OH MY GOD.” Over and over. I must have said it for several minutes. Not out of fear, exactly, but out of pure astonishment. It was the only thing I could think to say.
One thing that is important to point out is that at no point in this experience did I feel “intoxicated” or “messed up.” I had not lost control of my intellect or thought processes. I still felt rational. It was the entire world around me that had changed.
I want to write of it as I KNEW it in that moment, as sure as any fact I’ve ever known:
This world is an illusion.
This is a world within another world, like a video game. A cosmic joke, if you will. I am just one small element of pixelation. It was viewed and played by something, with so many more beings far beyond my reach. I even saw some of them watching me. They smiled from all the windows around my apartment. They wanted me to know it was okay.
There were many others crawling along all surfaces of the buildings, walls, and furniture around me, changing everything in their wake. Just like a ribosome crawls along mRNA, building a protein as it goes. Exactly like that. How WILD is that?
The TV had been on, and the show that was playing became a completely different show. Almost like it had gotten a feed from another dimension. There was a contrast in that, too. The TV screen was undisturbed, while the whole world around it was in a constant process of construction and deconstruction as described above.
I was sitting up at this point, going in and out of the waiting room. Scanning everything. Seeing and understanding that we are all part of a big simulation, that nothing is real in the sense that I thought it was before.
It was an overwhelmingly liberating but also sad feeling.
To eat from the tree of knowledge.
“SS” was sitting on my couch, silent. Across the TV came subtitles that said, “Go ahead and reach out and take [REDACTED]’s hand. [REDACTED] won’t reject you. They already know. They are a part of the Supreme Being.”
I looked from the TV to “SS,” and they were compassionately smiling at me. It was like looking at God. The TV was telling me that I was safe. WORDS WRITTEN IN SUBTITLES ON THE TV. I asked “SS” if I could hold their hands, and they said of course.
At that point, I knew that “SS” had done DMT before. So I asked them, “You’ve done this before?!?!” Maybe I didn’t ask so much as accuse them lol. And they just smiled and gave me a simple, “Yeah.”
My reply was along the lines of, “Oh my God, SO YOU KNOW?!?!” And they just said, “Yeah.”
My question to them in that moment was something deep and primal:
So you know this whole world isn’t real?
That’s what I was really asking. Their simple “Yeah” in that moment only confirmed it more. The cosmic joke of it all. Not being alone. Being so small. Still being loved.
It was like being let in on the BIGGEST SECRET IN HUMAN EXISTENCE. There is no other way to describe it. Like, that’s the moment the veil dropped. That is unequivocally what it felt like: the fourth wall had come down, and the producer popped their head in to say, “Hey, you’re in a program, babe. SS has seen it too — AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.”
I held “SS’s” hands and wept.
Because I had seen the truth.
And once you see it, you can’t go back.
But even the words I just wrote don’t describe what it really is.
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ADDENDUM / CORRECTION
I need to correct something in the report above.
I deliberately changed part of what I remembered seeing on the TV because I was afraid to write down the full truth of the experience. I wanted to share the report with the other person involved, as well as with other people in my life, and some part of me was still trying to protect something deeply personal.
The truth is that when I looked up at the TV, the captions actually read:
“You should make out with SS right now. Isn’t [REDACTED] the hottest fucking person in the world right now? Go ahead and kiss [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] won’t reject you. [REDACTED] is a part of the Supreme Being also.”
I was so fucking blown away that the captions on my TV said that that I could barely process it.
I had never had any romantic interactions with this person, nor had I planned on having any. This was a friend, and not someone I would have described myself, in that moment, as being categorically attracted to.
So I “settled” lol and asked to hold their hand.
It was crazy.
A couple of days later, I told SS what the TV had actually said and asked if the message had been accurate.
They said yes.
I asked, “How?!”
Their only answer was, “Maybe it read the room.”
Looking back on it now, I understand that part of the experience differently. It felt like DMT was helping me confront a deep-rooted shame that I am not particularly interested in explaining here. The source of that shame is personal, and I want to keep it that way. But the shame itself was real, old, and deeply embedded.
That is what this part of the experience feels like it was about.
DMT showed me a wide crevasse and said, LEAP. YOU GOT THIS.
But in that moment, I was already so overwhelmed by everything happening around me that I wasn’t sure what I could trust. So instead of leaping, I took another baby step.
I held SS’s hand.
So human of me.
I invited “SS” over to sit with me. I told them what I was doing, but I didn’t ask if they’d ever done it before. Nor did they volunteer any information. TBH, I did not think they’d ever done DMT. I was planning on telling them they could try it out after I had my experience.
I took several hits, as big as I could, and held them in. Honestly, I couldn’t tell if the vape was even hitting. I don’t smoke, and I didn’t really taste anything. I did let out a little smoke just to know it got in. And then I hit it a bunch more.
Then it started, and I laid back. I think I kept my eyes open most of the time. It would bring me in and out of a “room” of white kaleidoscope features, if you will. Randomly. The whole world around me appeared to be made of Legos.
I could not stop saying, “OH MY GOD.” Over and over. I must have said it for several minutes. Not out of fear, exactly, but out of pure astonishment. It was the only thing I could think to say.
One thing that is important to point out is that at no point in this experience did I feel “intoxicated” or “messed up.” I had not lost control of my intellect or thought processes. I still felt rational. It was the entire world around me that had changed.
I want to write of it as I KNEW it in that moment, as sure as any fact I’ve ever known:
This world is an illusion.
This is a world within another world, like a video game. A cosmic joke, if you will. I am just one small element of pixelation. It was viewed and played by something, with so many more beings far beyond my reach. I even saw some of them watching me. They smiled from all the windows around my apartment. They wanted me to know it was okay.
There were many others crawling along all surfaces of the buildings, walls, and furniture around me, changing everything in their wake. Just like a ribosome crawls along mRNA, building a protein as it goes. Exactly like that. How WILD is that?
The TV had been on, and the show that was playing became a completely different show. Almost like it had gotten a feed from another dimension. There was a contrast in that, too. The TV screen was undisturbed, while the whole world around it was in a constant process of construction and deconstruction as described above.
I was sitting up at this point, going in and out of the waiting room. Scanning everything. Seeing and understanding that we are all part of a big simulation, that nothing is real in the sense that I thought it was before.
It was an overwhelmingly liberating but also sad feeling.
To eat from the tree of knowledge.
“SS” was sitting on my couch, silent. Across the TV came subtitles that said, “Go ahead and reach out and take [REDACTED]’s hand. [REDACTED] won’t reject you. They already know. They are a part of the Supreme Being.”
I looked from the TV to “SS,” and they were compassionately smiling at me. It was like looking at God. The TV was telling me that I was safe. WORDS WRITTEN IN SUBTITLES ON THE TV. I asked “SS” if I could hold their hands, and they said of course.
At that point, I knew that “SS” had done DMT before. So I asked them, “You’ve done this before?!?!” Maybe I didn’t ask so much as accuse them lol. And they just smiled and gave me a simple, “Yeah.”
My reply was along the lines of, “Oh my God, SO YOU KNOW?!?!” And they just said, “Yeah.”
My question to them in that moment was something deep and primal:
So you know this whole world isn’t real?
That’s what I was really asking. Their simple “Yeah” in that moment only confirmed it more. The cosmic joke of it all. Not being alone. Being so small. Still being loved.
It was like being let in on the BIGGEST SECRET IN HUMAN EXISTENCE. There is no other way to describe it. Like, that’s the moment the veil dropped. That is unequivocally what it felt like: the fourth wall had come down, and the producer popped their head in to say, “Hey, you’re in a program, babe. SS has seen it too — AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.”
I held “SS’s” hands and wept.
Because I had seen the truth.
And once you see it, you can’t go back.
But even the words I just wrote don’t describe what it really is.
******************************************************************************************************************************************************************
******************************************************************************************************************************************************************
ADDENDUM / CORRECTION
I need to correct something in the report above.
I deliberately changed part of what I remembered seeing on the TV because I was afraid to write down the full truth of the experience. I wanted to share the report with the other person involved, as well as with other people in my life, and some part of me was still trying to protect something deeply personal.
The truth is that when I looked up at the TV, the captions actually read:
“You should make out with SS right now. Isn’t [REDACTED] the hottest fucking person in the world right now? Go ahead and kiss [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] won’t reject you. [REDACTED] is a part of the Supreme Being also.”
I was so fucking blown away that the captions on my TV said that that I could barely process it.
I had never had any romantic interactions with this person, nor had I planned on having any. This was a friend, and not someone I would have described myself, in that moment, as being categorically attracted to.
So I “settled” lol and asked to hold their hand.
It was crazy.
A couple of days later, I told SS what the TV had actually said and asked if the message had been accurate.
They said yes.
I asked, “How?!”
Their only answer was, “Maybe it read the room.”
Looking back on it now, I understand that part of the experience differently. It felt like DMT was helping me confront a deep-rooted shame that I am not particularly interested in explaining here. The source of that shame is personal, and I want to keep it that way. But the shame itself was real, old, and deeply embedded.
That is what this part of the experience feels like it was about.
DMT showed me a wide crevasse and said, LEAP. YOU GOT THIS.
But in that moment, I was already so overwhelmed by everything happening around me that I wasn’t sure what I could trust. So instead of leaping, I took another baby step.
I held SS’s hand.
So human of me.
