This is a long read, and I tried to make it as short as I could. This is simply my personal experience. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to share it because some parts of it may upset or confuse people, especially because my experience is very unique to me.
But then I thought about it and decided that if sharing my experience helps even one person who has been asking themselves some of the same questions, then it was worth sharing.
One thing I want to mention is that English is not my first language. If someone asks me questions, please understand that I may not always be able to respond quickly. Sometimes it may take me a day to answer. I'm very slow at responding to questions, but I will try to answer as many as I can.
I'm also sure that I left out some parts of the story. If I tried to include every detail, this would become much longer because I experienced and learned so much. Maybe one day I'll be able to share more.
There is one subject I may talk about
I want to share my experience. I've done a lot of research, reading information from this website, and learning from other people's experiences. It helped me a lot. My experience is going to be different from others, so I wanted to share it.
I don't use drugs or take anything recreationally. The only thing I use is Kratom, and it's no more than two grams, only before running or going on long hikes.
At one point, I became interested in mushrooms and DMT. Like many people, I started by doing my research and asking myself the same questions: Is it dangerous? What are the risks? What should I expect?
I spent a lot of time reading, researching, and learning from other people's experiences before making any decisions.
---
I am a religious person, and I am very familiar with the spiritual world and the world of demons. I know much more about these subjects than the average person. My experience isn't necessarily going to help others. I believe it's unique to me because of how I think and what I believe.
If you look at me, I probably seem like an ordinary person. I don't have any major problems, and I don't suffer from any illness or serious issues. But the one thing I've noticed as I get older is that everything around me seems to be changing. It's like the walls are closing in.
Whenever I want to accomplish something in my life, I feel like I have to try ten times harder than everyone else, whether it's work, money, friendships, or even fixing things that never used to be problems.
Eventually I started sitting down and asking myself, "Why is life getting harder, and why does everything seem so difficult?"
I've also noticed that the people who get close to me often end up betraying me, letting me down, or eventually leaving my life quickly. It sometimes feels like I only have two choices: depend on someone and risk being disappointed, or depend entirely on myself.
I don't always understand why this happens, especially when it comes to business, ideas, or situations involving other people. I often have the feeling that things are going to be much harder to achieve.
Because of that, I've learned to depend on myself. I don't make new friends, and I only keep one friend from the ones I used to have.
---
I did some research on the internet and watched videos about people who had experiences similar to mine. I wanted to understand what they went through and what they did to try to resolve their issues.
I've been researching this for many years because I wanted to understand it as deeply as possible. Through all of that research, I came to believe that many of these issues are spiritual in nature. In some communities, they describe this as a blockage in your life.
I looked at what other people did to try to overcome these problems. Some people were able to work through all of their issues, while others were only able to work through some of them. I believe it depends on the individual and their ability to deal with what they are facing.
I would describe it in a way that might make it easier to understand. Imagine that you are a computer and you have viruses or malware affecting your system. But in this example, the viruses and malware aren't stored on the local computer. They are in the cloud.
To fix the problem, you would have to somehow reach the cloud and remove the viruses and malware from there. But getting to the cloud isn't easy. For some people, it may come more naturally, while others can train themselves and develop the ability to do it.
I tried to do this myself, but it wasn't easy for me. I can sense that there is a problem, and I can get to the area where the problem is. I know what to do, but I couldn't see the problem.
That's where my limitations are. I've tried to find people who could help, but none can. My issues are too big for anyone to help me (there's a reason why I found this out later).
---
And that's when I started doing more research about mushrooms and DMT. Based on other people's experiences, I started thinking that they might help me reach the "cloud" and allow me to see things more clearly.
But I didn't have much experience with them, so I decided to do even more research before trying anything. About three months ago, I finally decided to try mushrooms for the first time.
Of course, I was a little scared. I didn't want to tell many people because, just in case something happened, I didn't want anyone to worry. I only told my son and let him know that if anything happened, not to worry and that I would be fine.
I didn't want anyone else to be concerned about me. Given my situation, I felt that keeping it private was the best way for me to approach the experience.
---
Because of my experience and beliefs regarding the spiritual world, demons, and angels, I knew that a lot of the advice I had read on the forums was probably not going to work for me. I felt that I had to approach the experience a little differently.
In my understanding of the spiritual world, there are rules, and you can't simply trust everything you encounter. You never know what, or who, you are dealing with. I believe that even a contract can be created simply by accepting something, saying yes, or agreeing to it.
I know a lot of people advise you to relax, not be tense, and open yourself to the experience so you don't have a bad trip. That may work for some people, but I knew it wasn't going to work for me.
Instead, I went into the experience with a very different mindset: I don't trust anyone. The only one I trust is my Creator. Before I started, I prayed and asked for protection.
No matter what appeared in front of me, a person, an animal, a figure, or even something that appeared beautiful or peaceful, I decided beforehand that I would not trust it, and I would attack it.
That was the mindset I had before I began.
I also had one specific goal. I didn't want to become distracted by the patterns, elves, circuits, or other things people often describe seeing during these experiences. I wanted to stay focused on one thing: getting to where I believed I needed to go.
Of course, things didn't happen exactly the way I expected.
The first time, the dose was lower, and the experience wasn't as intense. The second time, the dose was a little higher, and I began to see much more of what I believed were the underlying issues, and how those issues seemed to begin.
---
The issues I have are usually very difficult to work through. I believe you have to look back and find out where some of these things started, sometimes going far back in your family history, even to your grandparents or earlier generations.
That's why I think it can be helpful to learn as much as possible about your ancestors and your family history. Understanding that information can help you recognize patterns and understand where certain issues may have come from.
I also believe it can be useful to ask family members about relatives who experienced problems similar to the ones you are dealing with. Looking at both your father's side and your mother's side may give you clues that help you pinpoint where the problem might have started.
I already had an idea of where my problem was, but what the mushroom seemed to do for me was show me how I believed some of these things started.
One issue I discovered with mushrooms, though, was tolerance. You have to wait a significant amount of time before using them again, which made it difficult for me to continue exploring what I was trying to understand. Because of that, I started thinking that I needed to find a different approach.
With mushrooms, some of my experiences were tense, but I wouldn't describe any of them as a bad trip. There were moments that were difficult, but I never felt that I had a truly terrible experience.
There was also a point that some people describe as ego death, where you feel like you don't know anything anymore or that your usual sense of yourself disappears. I personally don't consider that a bad thing. To me, it was simply part of the experience.
The main difficulty I experienced was when things became tense. Because I had already read about other people's experiences, I sometimes started worrying about what might happen to me. I would see certain visions or thoughts and wonder, "Am I going to remain in this state? Could something happen to my mind? Could I develop a serious mental health problem?"
Those thoughts were probably the most concerning part for me. Other than that, I wouldn't say that the experiences were particularly serious or that I had any truly bad trips.
---
After that, I started doing more research about DMT. For the healing process I was trying to understand, I felt that I needed more time. I wanted something that would allow me to stay with an experience longer, because some of the things I was trying to work through felt like they would take hours.
To make a long story short, that's what eventually brought me to this website. I want to thank the people here because I learned a lot from their experiences and discussions.
Through this community, I learned about Syrian rue, DMT, and the combination of Syrian rue with mushrooms. From my perspective, the combination felt different from mushrooms by themselves because the experience seemed to last longer.
I also found the discussions about DMT and Syrian rue seeds interesting because, based on what I read, some people described being able to work with the experience more frequently.
That was the main reason I became interested in these different approaches: I was looking for something that would give me more time to explore and understand what I was experiencing.
---
I got my hands on some Syrian rue seeds and started using them every night. After about a week, I would switch to using the mushrooms and seeds together.
It wasn't a pleasant experience because I hated the taste, but I felt that I had to go through it.
I can't give a lot of details about what I experienced because, according to my understanding of the spiritual world, especially for people who are going through a healing process, it's important to keep the process private and not talk about it with other people until you feel that you are healed. After that, you can talk about your experience. That's part of what I have learned through my understanding of the spiritual world.
I believe the same thing applies to dreams. Once you begin the healing process, your dreams can become part of that experience as well.
After a couple of weeks, maybe three weeks, I started to notice some progress. But in the back of my mind, I kept feeling that something wasn't right. Things would happen that made me question everything.
I would ask myself, "Am I being played? Is something else going on?"
Like I said before, I never had what I would consider a bad trip. But sometimes, after spending the entire night feeling like I had made progress, something would happen the next day that would make me question what was really going on.
I'm naturally a very suspicious person; that's just part of who I am. I also understand that, in the spiritual world as I see it, belief can be important. For things to happen, you have to believe in them.
But belief can also get you into trouble.
That's what makes finding the middle ground so difficult. Belief can help you, but it can also hurt you. Sometimes it's hard to know whether your belief is helping you move forward or causing you to see something that isn't really there.
---
Like I said, after about three weeks or more, I started to realize something important: prayer is very important. You need guidance. That's why praying before you start is important, for protection and guidance.
Then, one night, a lot of things happened that made me question what I had been experiencing. I started questioning everything that had happened before and everything I thought I knew about the spiritual world.
I realized that a lot of what I believed was wrong, not necessarily because I had been intentionally misled, but because of the way I had approached it. I also began to realize that some of the people I had been learning from may have been unintentionally giving people incorrect information.
That left me with a big question: Do I stop believing everything I've learned? Do I throw it all away and start from the beginning, or do I keep the parts that still make sense to me?
After that night, everything changed.
The next morning, I got up and spent a lot of time thinking about the experience. I don't want to go into the details right now, maybe I'll talk about them someday, but overall, I actually liked what happened.
After thinking about it, I realized that I didn't believe everything I had learned was wrong. But I did believe that a significant portion of it needed to be reconsidered.
I thought about it like anything else in life. You can read a book and find that some of the information is useful and true, while other parts may be inaccurate or simply not useful to you.
So I decided to keep what I believed was valuable and let go of the rest. I didn't need to throw everything away and start over; I just needed to make changes to the way I approached it.
That same day, I started making those changes.
---
From the first day I made those changes, I noticed a difference.
I started to realize that while I thought I was healing, some of the things I was doing and the way I was approaching the problem may have been working against me. In my understanding, I believe that some of the spiritual influences I was dealing with were connected to the way I was approaching the situation, without me realizing it.
Let me give an example to make it easier to understand.
Imagine someone comes into your life and tells you that they can help you invest your money. They say, "I'm experienced. I can help you make a lot of money."
Of course, you don't trust them at first. But then they say, "Let me show you. You don't even have to use your own money in the beginning. I'll give you some money to invest."
They then show you a website that looks like a legitimate investment website, but it's actually fake.
You use the money they gave you, and you see the amount growing. They tell you that your investment is doubling. After a few days, you start thinking, "This is legitimate. I can put more of my own money into it and get rich faster."
So you start putting in more and more money.
Because the scammer is smart, they don't make everything look perfect. The next day, you might see a profit, and then the day after that, you might see a small loss. That makes the whole thing look more realistic. If your money doubled every single day, you would probably become suspicious.
Eventually, they keep convincing you to put more money into the account until you've invested everything you have.
Then, the day you try to withdraw your money, you discover that everything was fake. The website was fake, the profits were fake, and the entire situation was designed to make you believe you were making progress when you actually weren't.
That's the example I'm trying to explain.
You think you're making progress, but you don't realize that the way you're approaching the situation may be leading you in the wrong direction.
Thankfully, I don't believe I went too far down that path because I remained suspicious throughout the entire experience. I never completely opened myself up or stopped questioning what was happening.
There were moments when I felt like I was being pulled in a certain direction, and I believe I was affected a couple of times. But because I wasn't 100% open and continued questioning what I was experiencing, I don't believe it affected me as deeply.
I always felt that I could step back and reconsider what was happening.
That's the main point of the example I'm trying to make: sometimes what looks like progress isn't necessarily progress. You have to keep questioning what you're experiencing and be willing to step back when something doesn't feel right.
---
I can say that the most important change for me was learning to stop having conversations with myself during the experience. I learned not to listen to any voice or thought that came into my head. I learned that I shouldn't automatically trust everything I hear or perceive.
I also learned not to trust everything around me while going through the experience, and not to pick up or accept anything simply because it appeared in front of me. I became more familiar with the prayers I use in different situations and learned to distinguish, as much as possible, between what I believe is real and what might be misleading.
Again, I don't think you can ever be 100% certain. Even if I feel 100% sure about something, I still want to leave 10 to 20% room for doubt. I don't want to become completely convinced that my interpretation is always correct.
I feel that I'm doing much better now. I've resolved a good amount of the issues I was trying to understand, but have I solved everything? No.
I can still sense that there are other issues that haven't appeared yet. It's almost like playing a game where, after you defeat one monster, you discover the next level. You can't see the next step until you get through the one you're currently facing.
But I can feel that I'm better. I can see changes in myself, even in the way I experience things visually. I feel lighter, and overall, I feel better.
Does this process help? I think it depends on the person and how they approach it. In my experience, I felt that the spiritual aspects were very strong, especially in the beginning. The experiences could feel very intense at first, but as I stopped engaging with them and continued moving forward, they seemed to become weaker.
Eventually, they felt more like whispers, distractions, or tricks rather than something overwhelming. But for me, the important thing was not to allow myself to be pulled away from my goal or pressured into doing something I didn't want to do.
Again, I'm not giving this as advice, because what worked, or seemed to work, for me could be harmful for someone else. These experiences are serious, and my experience is only my experience.
As I said before, I am very familiar with what I believe about the spiritual world, but even this experience made me question many things I thought I already understood. At the same time, the knowledge and understanding I already had helped me get to this point.
Normally, I'm not a person who gets scared easily. If I believe I have to do something, I do it. I'm willing to accept the consequences of my decisions. But this experience showed me many things about my life and helped me understand where I believe some of my problems started.
I already had an idea of where some of the problems were, but I didn't know the details.
I also realized that some things were my own fault.
Another part of what I experienced was understanding why certain things happened. It wasn't like someone was sitting there explaining everything to me or holding my hand. I was simply going through the experience on my own, and along the way, I began to recognize, "This is what I did wrong, and this is why this happened."
That gave me the feeling that I needed to correct some of my past mistakes. If the person I wronged is still alive, maybe I need to apologize to them. If they are no longer alive, I believe that charity or doing something good in their name may be a way of making peace with the past.
I realized that many of the problems we have can sometimes be connected to our own actions. You can't change everything that happened in the past, but you can take responsibility for some of the bigger mistakes and try to make things right.
Sometimes, I believe the reason a person continues to suffer is because there is something they need to correct within themselves. In those situations, simply praying may not feel like enough until you also take responsibility and correct the mistake.
I stopped using it a couple of days ago. I may return to it at some point, but probably not as frequently. Right now, I feel like I'm in a much better place.
I also feel that I'm becoming better at accessing what I call the "cloud." The whole idea, for me, was to use the experience as a way to understand and identify the problems so that I could eventually learn how to deal with them on my own.
My ultimate goal is to reach a point where I don't need anything external. If I have a problem, I want to be able to recognize it, understand it, and work through it myself.
But before you can fix a problem, you have to know what the problem actually is.
Am I 100% healed? No. I still believe I have some issues to work through. The difference is that now I feel like I can see where some of those issues are much more clearly than I could before.
Once you identify and work through one problem, you can then look behind it and see if there is something else underneath.
I wouldn't say that this process is 100% good or 100% bad. I can say that I feel like it has helped me, but I also understand why it can be dangerous for certain people.
I'm trying to keep this as short as possible because there is a lot more information I could share. I haven't talked about everything because this is my personal experience, and as I've said throughout this story, I don't believe everyone will experience the same things I did.
I'm still going through my own process, so I may update this later as I learn more.
And one thing I want to make very clear is that I am not 100% certain that everything I experienced or perceived was true. Things can be misleading, especially when you're dealing with experiences that involve the spiritual world as I understand it.
For me, keeping that uncertainty has been one of the most important lessons of the entire experience.
But then I thought about it and decided that if sharing my experience helps even one person who has been asking themselves some of the same questions, then it was worth sharing.
One thing I want to mention is that English is not my first language. If someone asks me questions, please understand that I may not always be able to respond quickly. Sometimes it may take me a day to answer. I'm very slow at responding to questions, but I will try to answer as many as I can.
I'm also sure that I left out some parts of the story. If I tried to include every detail, this would become much longer because I experienced and learned so much. Maybe one day I'll be able to share more.
There is one subject I may talk about
I want to share my experience. I've done a lot of research, reading information from this website, and learning from other people's experiences. It helped me a lot. My experience is going to be different from others, so I wanted to share it.
I don't use drugs or take anything recreationally. The only thing I use is Kratom, and it's no more than two grams, only before running or going on long hikes.
At one point, I became interested in mushrooms and DMT. Like many people, I started by doing my research and asking myself the same questions: Is it dangerous? What are the risks? What should I expect?
I spent a lot of time reading, researching, and learning from other people's experiences before making any decisions.
---
I am a religious person, and I am very familiar with the spiritual world and the world of demons. I know much more about these subjects than the average person. My experience isn't necessarily going to help others. I believe it's unique to me because of how I think and what I believe.
If you look at me, I probably seem like an ordinary person. I don't have any major problems, and I don't suffer from any illness or serious issues. But the one thing I've noticed as I get older is that everything around me seems to be changing. It's like the walls are closing in.
Whenever I want to accomplish something in my life, I feel like I have to try ten times harder than everyone else, whether it's work, money, friendships, or even fixing things that never used to be problems.
Eventually I started sitting down and asking myself, "Why is life getting harder, and why does everything seem so difficult?"
I've also noticed that the people who get close to me often end up betraying me, letting me down, or eventually leaving my life quickly. It sometimes feels like I only have two choices: depend on someone and risk being disappointed, or depend entirely on myself.
I don't always understand why this happens, especially when it comes to business, ideas, or situations involving other people. I often have the feeling that things are going to be much harder to achieve.
Because of that, I've learned to depend on myself. I don't make new friends, and I only keep one friend from the ones I used to have.
---
I did some research on the internet and watched videos about people who had experiences similar to mine. I wanted to understand what they went through and what they did to try to resolve their issues.
I've been researching this for many years because I wanted to understand it as deeply as possible. Through all of that research, I came to believe that many of these issues are spiritual in nature. In some communities, they describe this as a blockage in your life.
I looked at what other people did to try to overcome these problems. Some people were able to work through all of their issues, while others were only able to work through some of them. I believe it depends on the individual and their ability to deal with what they are facing.
I would describe it in a way that might make it easier to understand. Imagine that you are a computer and you have viruses or malware affecting your system. But in this example, the viruses and malware aren't stored on the local computer. They are in the cloud.
To fix the problem, you would have to somehow reach the cloud and remove the viruses and malware from there. But getting to the cloud isn't easy. For some people, it may come more naturally, while others can train themselves and develop the ability to do it.
I tried to do this myself, but it wasn't easy for me. I can sense that there is a problem, and I can get to the area where the problem is. I know what to do, but I couldn't see the problem.
That's where my limitations are. I've tried to find people who could help, but none can. My issues are too big for anyone to help me (there's a reason why I found this out later).
---
And that's when I started doing more research about mushrooms and DMT. Based on other people's experiences, I started thinking that they might help me reach the "cloud" and allow me to see things more clearly.
But I didn't have much experience with them, so I decided to do even more research before trying anything. About three months ago, I finally decided to try mushrooms for the first time.
Of course, I was a little scared. I didn't want to tell many people because, just in case something happened, I didn't want anyone to worry. I only told my son and let him know that if anything happened, not to worry and that I would be fine.
I didn't want anyone else to be concerned about me. Given my situation, I felt that keeping it private was the best way for me to approach the experience.
---
Because of my experience and beliefs regarding the spiritual world, demons, and angels, I knew that a lot of the advice I had read on the forums was probably not going to work for me. I felt that I had to approach the experience a little differently.
In my understanding of the spiritual world, there are rules, and you can't simply trust everything you encounter. You never know what, or who, you are dealing with. I believe that even a contract can be created simply by accepting something, saying yes, or agreeing to it.
I know a lot of people advise you to relax, not be tense, and open yourself to the experience so you don't have a bad trip. That may work for some people, but I knew it wasn't going to work for me.
Instead, I went into the experience with a very different mindset: I don't trust anyone. The only one I trust is my Creator. Before I started, I prayed and asked for protection.
No matter what appeared in front of me, a person, an animal, a figure, or even something that appeared beautiful or peaceful, I decided beforehand that I would not trust it, and I would attack it.
That was the mindset I had before I began.
I also had one specific goal. I didn't want to become distracted by the patterns, elves, circuits, or other things people often describe seeing during these experiences. I wanted to stay focused on one thing: getting to where I believed I needed to go.
Of course, things didn't happen exactly the way I expected.
The first time, the dose was lower, and the experience wasn't as intense. The second time, the dose was a little higher, and I began to see much more of what I believed were the underlying issues, and how those issues seemed to begin.
---
The issues I have are usually very difficult to work through. I believe you have to look back and find out where some of these things started, sometimes going far back in your family history, even to your grandparents or earlier generations.
That's why I think it can be helpful to learn as much as possible about your ancestors and your family history. Understanding that information can help you recognize patterns and understand where certain issues may have come from.
I also believe it can be useful to ask family members about relatives who experienced problems similar to the ones you are dealing with. Looking at both your father's side and your mother's side may give you clues that help you pinpoint where the problem might have started.
I already had an idea of where my problem was, but what the mushroom seemed to do for me was show me how I believed some of these things started.
One issue I discovered with mushrooms, though, was tolerance. You have to wait a significant amount of time before using them again, which made it difficult for me to continue exploring what I was trying to understand. Because of that, I started thinking that I needed to find a different approach.
With mushrooms, some of my experiences were tense, but I wouldn't describe any of them as a bad trip. There were moments that were difficult, but I never felt that I had a truly terrible experience.
There was also a point that some people describe as ego death, where you feel like you don't know anything anymore or that your usual sense of yourself disappears. I personally don't consider that a bad thing. To me, it was simply part of the experience.
The main difficulty I experienced was when things became tense. Because I had already read about other people's experiences, I sometimes started worrying about what might happen to me. I would see certain visions or thoughts and wonder, "Am I going to remain in this state? Could something happen to my mind? Could I develop a serious mental health problem?"
Those thoughts were probably the most concerning part for me. Other than that, I wouldn't say that the experiences were particularly serious or that I had any truly bad trips.
---
After that, I started doing more research about DMT. For the healing process I was trying to understand, I felt that I needed more time. I wanted something that would allow me to stay with an experience longer, because some of the things I was trying to work through felt like they would take hours.
To make a long story short, that's what eventually brought me to this website. I want to thank the people here because I learned a lot from their experiences and discussions.
Through this community, I learned about Syrian rue, DMT, and the combination of Syrian rue with mushrooms. From my perspective, the combination felt different from mushrooms by themselves because the experience seemed to last longer.
I also found the discussions about DMT and Syrian rue seeds interesting because, based on what I read, some people described being able to work with the experience more frequently.
That was the main reason I became interested in these different approaches: I was looking for something that would give me more time to explore and understand what I was experiencing.
---
I got my hands on some Syrian rue seeds and started using them every night. After about a week, I would switch to using the mushrooms and seeds together.
It wasn't a pleasant experience because I hated the taste, but I felt that I had to go through it.
I can't give a lot of details about what I experienced because, according to my understanding of the spiritual world, especially for people who are going through a healing process, it's important to keep the process private and not talk about it with other people until you feel that you are healed. After that, you can talk about your experience. That's part of what I have learned through my understanding of the spiritual world.
I believe the same thing applies to dreams. Once you begin the healing process, your dreams can become part of that experience as well.
After a couple of weeks, maybe three weeks, I started to notice some progress. But in the back of my mind, I kept feeling that something wasn't right. Things would happen that made me question everything.
I would ask myself, "Am I being played? Is something else going on?"
Like I said before, I never had what I would consider a bad trip. But sometimes, after spending the entire night feeling like I had made progress, something would happen the next day that would make me question what was really going on.
I'm naturally a very suspicious person; that's just part of who I am. I also understand that, in the spiritual world as I see it, belief can be important. For things to happen, you have to believe in them.
But belief can also get you into trouble.
That's what makes finding the middle ground so difficult. Belief can help you, but it can also hurt you. Sometimes it's hard to know whether your belief is helping you move forward or causing you to see something that isn't really there.
---
Like I said, after about three weeks or more, I started to realize something important: prayer is very important. You need guidance. That's why praying before you start is important, for protection and guidance.
Then, one night, a lot of things happened that made me question what I had been experiencing. I started questioning everything that had happened before and everything I thought I knew about the spiritual world.
I realized that a lot of what I believed was wrong, not necessarily because I had been intentionally misled, but because of the way I had approached it. I also began to realize that some of the people I had been learning from may have been unintentionally giving people incorrect information.
That left me with a big question: Do I stop believing everything I've learned? Do I throw it all away and start from the beginning, or do I keep the parts that still make sense to me?
After that night, everything changed.
The next morning, I got up and spent a lot of time thinking about the experience. I don't want to go into the details right now, maybe I'll talk about them someday, but overall, I actually liked what happened.
After thinking about it, I realized that I didn't believe everything I had learned was wrong. But I did believe that a significant portion of it needed to be reconsidered.
I thought about it like anything else in life. You can read a book and find that some of the information is useful and true, while other parts may be inaccurate or simply not useful to you.
So I decided to keep what I believed was valuable and let go of the rest. I didn't need to throw everything away and start over; I just needed to make changes to the way I approached it.
That same day, I started making those changes.
---
From the first day I made those changes, I noticed a difference.
I started to realize that while I thought I was healing, some of the things I was doing and the way I was approaching the problem may have been working against me. In my understanding, I believe that some of the spiritual influences I was dealing with were connected to the way I was approaching the situation, without me realizing it.
Let me give an example to make it easier to understand.
Imagine someone comes into your life and tells you that they can help you invest your money. They say, "I'm experienced. I can help you make a lot of money."
Of course, you don't trust them at first. But then they say, "Let me show you. You don't even have to use your own money in the beginning. I'll give you some money to invest."
They then show you a website that looks like a legitimate investment website, but it's actually fake.
You use the money they gave you, and you see the amount growing. They tell you that your investment is doubling. After a few days, you start thinking, "This is legitimate. I can put more of my own money into it and get rich faster."
So you start putting in more and more money.
Because the scammer is smart, they don't make everything look perfect. The next day, you might see a profit, and then the day after that, you might see a small loss. That makes the whole thing look more realistic. If your money doubled every single day, you would probably become suspicious.
Eventually, they keep convincing you to put more money into the account until you've invested everything you have.
Then, the day you try to withdraw your money, you discover that everything was fake. The website was fake, the profits were fake, and the entire situation was designed to make you believe you were making progress when you actually weren't.
That's the example I'm trying to explain.
You think you're making progress, but you don't realize that the way you're approaching the situation may be leading you in the wrong direction.
Thankfully, I don't believe I went too far down that path because I remained suspicious throughout the entire experience. I never completely opened myself up or stopped questioning what was happening.
There were moments when I felt like I was being pulled in a certain direction, and I believe I was affected a couple of times. But because I wasn't 100% open and continued questioning what I was experiencing, I don't believe it affected me as deeply.
I always felt that I could step back and reconsider what was happening.
That's the main point of the example I'm trying to make: sometimes what looks like progress isn't necessarily progress. You have to keep questioning what you're experiencing and be willing to step back when something doesn't feel right.
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I can say that the most important change for me was learning to stop having conversations with myself during the experience. I learned not to listen to any voice or thought that came into my head. I learned that I shouldn't automatically trust everything I hear or perceive.
I also learned not to trust everything around me while going through the experience, and not to pick up or accept anything simply because it appeared in front of me. I became more familiar with the prayers I use in different situations and learned to distinguish, as much as possible, between what I believe is real and what might be misleading.
Again, I don't think you can ever be 100% certain. Even if I feel 100% sure about something, I still want to leave 10 to 20% room for doubt. I don't want to become completely convinced that my interpretation is always correct.
I feel that I'm doing much better now. I've resolved a good amount of the issues I was trying to understand, but have I solved everything? No.
I can still sense that there are other issues that haven't appeared yet. It's almost like playing a game where, after you defeat one monster, you discover the next level. You can't see the next step until you get through the one you're currently facing.
But I can feel that I'm better. I can see changes in myself, even in the way I experience things visually. I feel lighter, and overall, I feel better.
Does this process help? I think it depends on the person and how they approach it. In my experience, I felt that the spiritual aspects were very strong, especially in the beginning. The experiences could feel very intense at first, but as I stopped engaging with them and continued moving forward, they seemed to become weaker.
Eventually, they felt more like whispers, distractions, or tricks rather than something overwhelming. But for me, the important thing was not to allow myself to be pulled away from my goal or pressured into doing something I didn't want to do.
Again, I'm not giving this as advice, because what worked, or seemed to work, for me could be harmful for someone else. These experiences are serious, and my experience is only my experience.
As I said before, I am very familiar with what I believe about the spiritual world, but even this experience made me question many things I thought I already understood. At the same time, the knowledge and understanding I already had helped me get to this point.
Normally, I'm not a person who gets scared easily. If I believe I have to do something, I do it. I'm willing to accept the consequences of my decisions. But this experience showed me many things about my life and helped me understand where I believe some of my problems started.
I already had an idea of where some of the problems were, but I didn't know the details.
I also realized that some things were my own fault.
Another part of what I experienced was understanding why certain things happened. It wasn't like someone was sitting there explaining everything to me or holding my hand. I was simply going through the experience on my own, and along the way, I began to recognize, "This is what I did wrong, and this is why this happened."
That gave me the feeling that I needed to correct some of my past mistakes. If the person I wronged is still alive, maybe I need to apologize to them. If they are no longer alive, I believe that charity or doing something good in their name may be a way of making peace with the past.
I realized that many of the problems we have can sometimes be connected to our own actions. You can't change everything that happened in the past, but you can take responsibility for some of the bigger mistakes and try to make things right.
Sometimes, I believe the reason a person continues to suffer is because there is something they need to correct within themselves. In those situations, simply praying may not feel like enough until you also take responsibility and correct the mistake.
I stopped using it a couple of days ago. I may return to it at some point, but probably not as frequently. Right now, I feel like I'm in a much better place.
I also feel that I'm becoming better at accessing what I call the "cloud." The whole idea, for me, was to use the experience as a way to understand and identify the problems so that I could eventually learn how to deal with them on my own.
My ultimate goal is to reach a point where I don't need anything external. If I have a problem, I want to be able to recognize it, understand it, and work through it myself.
But before you can fix a problem, you have to know what the problem actually is.
Am I 100% healed? No. I still believe I have some issues to work through. The difference is that now I feel like I can see where some of those issues are much more clearly than I could before.
Once you identify and work through one problem, you can then look behind it and see if there is something else underneath.
I wouldn't say that this process is 100% good or 100% bad. I can say that I feel like it has helped me, but I also understand why it can be dangerous for certain people.
I'm trying to keep this as short as possible because there is a lot more information I could share. I haven't talked about everything because this is my personal experience, and as I've said throughout this story, I don't believe everyone will experience the same things I did.
I'm still going through my own process, so I may update this later as I learn more.
And one thing I want to make very clear is that I am not 100% certain that everything I experienced or perceived was true. Things can be misleading, especially when you're dealing with experiences that involve the spiritual world as I understand it.
For me, keeping that uncertainty has been one of the most important lessons of the entire experience.
