"Flight from Europe to hyperspace will take off in 2 minutes... So all passengers please be so kind to pick up the GVG thats strapped under all your seats and take a deep breath."
"This is your Captain speaking here. We are expecting a little turbulence due to an approaching fractal crysanthemum, please remain calm, strap on your seat belts and let go. The weather on the Other Side is sunny with few scattered self-dribbling impossible faberge egg clouds......... "
The difference with this airline is that the seats are located IN THE TURBINES. And you never see the "eight-tentacled stewardess" until after liftoff!!
....We encourage you to leave all your baggage behind...so you will find that your fragile human ego will fit snugly into the overhead compartment & remain there, safe, until you return home...to try & figure out just where the hell you've went.
No need to lock your tray table upright, as all physical objects will conveniently melt away in a few seconds after lift off....
"This is your flight attendant speaking. When you hear high pitched electrical sound please remain calm, as it is not an indication of an engine malfunction of any sort. Also, the mothafuggin snakes on this mothafuggin plane are non-poisonous, sentient, and will not harm you."
Please remain calm in the event of being eaten by a snake. It is metaphorical, transient, and probably has something to do with photons emitted by your own DNA.
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