Northern newbie on a search for answers

[Crunchtime]

Hey all,

Just another newbie to the DMT experience looking for others with experience and knowledge of this...strange and bewildering thing called DMT. I have been watching videos and first hand trip accounts for some time before finding out it was legal here and deciding to take the plunge. There have been some very alluring situations others have found themself in that has been a real draw for me.

I've had three attempts so far with a vape pen I ordered after doing some research on the vendor being reputable. Also hearing that the vapes may not be able to give enough for breakthrough and tend to be weak, so I'm also looking into other ways to intake.

I've been on a 6 month hiatus however. To be frank, I've been nervous about going back and I came here to see if others had the same trepidation. I have a dozen tabs pulled up about others here professing the same worry/anxiety/fear and I'm actually happy to see I'm not just bellyaching. My last attempt at breakthrough had me at what I expect was just shy of breakthrough, at the portsl/tunnel, having an interaction with...a jester? Me, making a jester? I dunno. Either way, at one point as I was trying to laugh along with the jester head as I had heard was a good idea (laugh along with them, have fun), the jester shook his head and said no. I don't know if that meant no, not this time, no, you didn't take enough or no, i'm not letting you through. Maybe, no, your not ready. It has me nervous now that I might be attempting something I shouldn't.

I've been doing a deep dive into 'intention' as well as I find I struggle with coming up for a super valid reason for trying to break through. The 'big' questions I have are pretty much all answered with 'it's just a simulation/game/isn't real, so stop worrying dummy'. The thing that sticks with me is that I have never felt home, anywhere I have been or lived, and the experiences of others feeling like they've returned or like they've come back home is reeeeally enticing. I get a bit choked up when I think of how homesick I feel sometimes. I'd also like to feel love, like, actual 100% love. So I know what that feels like and can finally determine if I've ever /truly/ been in love, or just infatuation. Might sound silly, but it's a thing for me.

Thank you to the DMT folks and staff for having this place exist in the first place. I'm grateful for the collected knowledge. I'll do my best not to ask questions not already answered dozens of times elsewhere (thank you for the homework detention section, I had most my questions answered there!).


Thanks,
Crunchy

 

[PedroSanchez]

welcome crunchtime

you are correct, a lot of people get "pre-flight anxiety". it is so common it has a label. i myself have experienced it many times, but then once i start to trip it all goes away and i wonder why i was ever worried. generally i would suggest people get over the anxiety before tripping, but in the case of DMT it seems (to me at least) that it doesn't really matter. a good tip i picked up that seems to work wonders is to smoke just a tiny bit, enough to give you the light headed, everything is great feeling, then reload for the full dose. no rush on the reload, think of it as a separate dose, not topping up the first one. the small pre-dose reminds you that it is actually harmless and makes you feel more at home. if you are nervous after that then you still have time to bail out, but for me it makes me feel much more comfortable.

it is common to be denied at the gate too. there are many variations of the jester experience. as in something not letting you through, the jester itself is a separate common experience. neither are something to be worried about. maybe you didn't take enough, maybe you were not ready, maybe the jester was not letting you through, maybe you are attempting something you shouldn't, maybe all of the above, or maybe neither, maybe it all just "is". i know that doesn't help much, but it is up to you to find the answers you are looking for. the jester is not the gatekeeper and it is not in control, you are. the jester can't hurt you so don't worry about it. always remember you are in charge.
that cryptic stuff aside i would say you probably just didn't take enough. if you are new to it keep trying, it does take a while to get the hang of vaping at the correct temperature without burning it, all while balancing the emotional roller coaster that comes with it all.

as for intentions. it is great to have intention (and attention) when using it for therapeutic purposes, but there is no shame in doing it for curiosity or fun, and if that is your intention then that is fine. if you have not thought of an intention then that is fine too. sometimes we can research too much and it can warp our world. just be you.

i hope you find the answers you are looking for, either through the molecule or other means. safe travels!