I am in the same situation really. I found I have multiple aspects to myself, as we all do.
Basically we have a hurt inner child, who is still lashing out at the world and stuck in 'fear' mode.
I grew up watching people getting chopped to death. Then I came to the UK and watched people get smacked up left right and centre. People robbing each other, people deceiving each other for gain, people causing all sorts of damage.
Now 10 years has gone past and a new breed of Self arises. The language is a little more complex and understanding. I watch the hoodrats use words that they would never have dreamed of, as intelligence starts to become sexy and aggro behaviour begins to die the now fated death it must die. It has been a long time coming but I feel that humanity is finally ready to release the throes of violence.
In any case, the various class groups react differently. You can look at hoodrats as the immune system cells, they secure the perimeter and ensure that the tribe is safe and secure. They're engrossed into the world of gang violence, getting ahead/hustling and poverty but as a collective we're making headway as bit by bit. The wealthy folks are scared shitless of the hoodrats knowing that in one instant they could be switched offline and bam goes all their wealth and bam goes all they lived for. So there's a bridging between the worlds, a little give or take. The upper class are starting to feel the brunt of what they've put out. Each class has different struggles. In royalty class the struggle is to maintain the kingdom in working order while preserving one's ability to live individually. In the upper class the struggle is to keep the good works rolling forth without standing in the way of the royalty and without trampling on those below. In the poor class the struggle is the same old struggle with a different day but even in this one Light is being shined upon. Anyway that's what I'm seeing, I don't know fully how there-with-it this particular segment of my post is, it's just observation and analysis.
Anyway in my case this led to the development of a raw ego that strives to maintain a safe boundary, a safe distance, a safe surrounding space. If this is satisfied the true self is able to express freely and give what it needs to give. However if this is not satisfied, then the self constricts heavily and a diluted or filtered version of me comes out.
Yesterday or the day before I finally managed to cry out a hurt I had been holding in for some time. Basically the trick to healing this personality issue is to speak to yourself and find out what these individual parts are saying or doing to each other. It's a massive web of selves which react and respond to each other and directly to You as well. Each self has been hurt in some way, each self is a hurt which has developed a life of its own and is trying to express itself so as to find Love in the moment and consequently find dissolution. The ego construct as a whole may try to inhibit or block progress but this is a sign that you've struck Lead and it's that Lead you need to turn into Gold.
Crying heals, psychotherapeutic bodywork heals. What Akasha224 said works and it does the job. But things like yoga, diet, exercise, etc, these are the outward manifestations of the Self which is trying to heal. They are not the cure itself but they are the medicines which will activate/catalyse healing. The real work is to be done on your emotional innermost self, the hurt child complex. You need to speak to your childhood self and find all the pieces and pick them all up and put them together. The same soothing gentle touch you would handle a child with, the same soothing gentle touch you handle your inner self with.
Then it begins to respond to you. He/she will tell you why they feel hurt as long as they feel actually safe. You have to treat it EXACTLY how you would treat a child, there is a real physical child within you that is hurting and needs to let go but doesn't know how. So in your adult self, you talk to your child self gently and lead them into the Light. Tears will be shed and they will be the most liberating tears you will ever shed, as you shed through layer upon layer.
I have been meditating for enough years, and I will tell you straight up that while meditation does work and does what it needs to, it is not the one which will heal you directly. Meditation opens the door to healing but it is you yourself who shall walk through that door into your very own loving arms. The real tool is crying. Everything else is secondary. Only through crying can you release the intoxicating toxins within - the deep seated emotional fears and the patterns of conditioning.
This journey doesn't end with spiritual enlightenment either, let me put it that way. You have to keep shedding the layers, constantly, as the barrage of social conditioning every day reconditions you one way, then you shed tears and recondition yourself the other way. But as you progress through this, the social conditioning will cease to be an obstacle. You will find a new maturity underlying your conversations. You will be able to talk to people you hadn't been able to talk to before in ways you hadn't been able to talk in before. This is the crucial difference that signals that you're on the right path and taking the right steps.
Emotion is stored in the body and sorrow can only be cried out, there is nothing else to do with sorrow but to cry it out. If you hold it in, it spreads through your organs and generates the 'hurt ego lashing out' complex. If you cry it out, it comes out of the body and more room is opened to begin feeling the things you want to feel. It can feel like an uphill struggle at times but basically do two things
(1) Keep communicating with yourself. Open up to your own self. Talk directly to yourself and respond directly. Do not force the response or imagine it, when you talk to yourself you will find that your self replies back and points straight to where you need to go
(2) Keep communicating with The God/Nature/Tao/Spirit/Universe/whatever you want to call it. This is your failsafe, your trust. The same thing which brought you into being, it will take care of your spiritual needs and manifest situations for you in which you will be free to choose to heal. If you don't believe in anything then just use (1) and you will get results as long as you treat yourself kindly.
And most of all, learn to cry again. Learn to cry out the pains and they will finally let go of you. Age old festering wounds, rubbing up against each other, wounds will heal, scab over and return to brand new pristine condition thereafter.
I strongly recommend you read this link, and browse through the whole site. It's liquid gold for people like ourselves
