Only Silhouettes?

[PsychonautWonder]

Hey everyone, I'd love to hear a solution or someone's else's similar situation, or what they may have done to fix or change a scenario that I will briefly describe--

Out of the handful of times of use, the experience has remained nearly the exact same every time. It is fairly difficult for me to inhale at all, taking a true hit with a good smoke method makes my body reject it almost instantly, so I take 6-10 second hits on a inspo-randy pen, but I feel like I could do it over 10 times, I only notice it after the 3rd but can easily keep going. Similiar with nicotine, no matter how I try nicotine it ALWAYS instantly comes coughing out.

BUT onto the actual experience, it remains the same. It is always chaotic movements from "somebody's" if that makes sense, it is simply an assortment of "beings" that all look fairly similar with no color other than slightly different shades of black. They all are doing random things that I can't pinpoint to actual know what they are doing other than moving. I've only once seen a geometrical shape in my entire life in my own head, and that was the first time, and I believe it actually did have some color as well. I haven't been able to gather much from my experiences, other than some personality shifts in the sense of realizing my actions much deeper than before, good or bad, which is great of course, but one of the deepest things I wish to experience is a true entity. I truly believe it would be life-changing for me.

I do think I have aphantasia, which is the inability to form mental images of objects that are not present BUT I don't think that should make it so I can't see anything, it should just mean I can't do it at will. Think this impacts me negatively on this subject?

 

[Icon]

That's all very interesting.

Are you able to hold the hits off the pen? I wonder why it's so harsh for you. Maybe the PG fluid? Pure DMT in my volcano vaporizer is super smooth. There's an initial irritation, like a cat kneading with its claws, in my lungs, and it triggers a near-cough, like the feeling of having to sneeze, but it passes after one second and then I don't notice any physical sensation from continuing to hold it.

Do you vape weed? I do, so I have plenty of confidence built up about inhaling. Terrence McKenna once said hash smokers have an advantage when smoking DMT, I suppose because their lungs are leathered.

Have you done any other psychedelics? A longer one like LSD, mescaline, ayahuasca, or molly might help initiate you into that state of mind. IIRC some of my early DMT trips (my first psychedelic) were black n white, but I've done it a lot and at some point I started seeing more colors. Now I frequently see a specific pattern with colored vertices.

I'm surprised you haven't seen entities yet if that's something you're hoping for - because in a strange way I think your expectations can manifest visually. I've never seen an entity, but I never took entity accounts too seriously. Even Terrence describes them as self-dribbling bejeweled basketballs hopping in and out of his chest. So I think what people perceive as entities could be very unusual and unique. Basketballs don't have a body, but I suppose if it's self-dribbling you can ascribe a sort of sentience to it. I have seen abstract shapes that show sentience, but nothing I could confidently call an entity. Sometimes I see people, from a 3rd person birds eye perspective, or first person perspectives of people I know. Extremely real, every feature and mannerism exact.

Not sure how aphantasia could affect it, but it sounds curious. I've also wondered what a blind person would report seeing. Or even just a colorblind person. My last trip was very visual, but it became more than that. A lot of energy coursing through me, full body vibrations, and I guess visually it was like one of those dragonball characters going super-saiyan. Like being in the eye of a tornado, made of light and energy.

I don't have much advice for you except keep tripping, keep hitting it, maybe extract some of your own to try vaping other ways, or try ayahuasca so you can eat it instead of inhale it. Try taking harmala's to lower the bar (increases DMT potency so you get higher with less).

 

[PsychonautWonder]

That's all very interesting.

Are you able to hold the hits off the pen? I wonder why it's so harsh for you. Maybe the PG fluid? Pure DMT in my volcano vaporizer is super smooth. There's an initial irritation, like a cat kneading with its claws, in my lungs, and it triggers a near-cough, like the feeling of having to sneeze, but it passes after one second and then I don't notice any physical sensation from continuing to hold it.

Do you vape weed? I do, so I have plenty of confidence built up about inhaling. Terrence McKenna once said hash smokers have an advantage when smoking DMT, I suppose because their lungs are leathered.

Have you done any other psychedelics? A longer one like LSD, mescaline, ayahuasca, or molly might help initiate you into that state of mind. IIRC some of my early DMT trips (my first psychedelic) were black n white, but I've done it a lot and at some point I started seeing more colors. Now I frequently see a specific pattern with colored vertices.

I'm surprised you haven't seen entities yet if that's something you're hoping for - because in a strange way I think your expectations can manifest visually. I've never seen an entity, but I never took entity accounts too seriously. Even Terrence describes them as self-dribbling bejeweled basketballs hopping in and out of his chest. So I think what people perceive as entities could be very unusual and unique. Basketballs don't have a body, but I suppose if it's self-dribbling you can ascribe a sort of sentience to it. I have seen abstract shapes that show sentience, but nothing I could confidently call an entity.

Not sure how aphantasia could affect it, but it sounds curious. I've also wondered what a blind person would report seeing. Or even just a colorblind person. My last trip was very visual, but it became more than that. A lot of energy coursing through me, full body vibrations, and I guess visually it was like one of those dragonball characters going super-saiyan. Like being in the eye of a tornado, made of light and energy.

I don't have much advice for you except keep tripping, keep hitting it, maybe extract some of your own to try vaping other ways, or try ayahuasca so you can eat it instead of inhale it.

Thanks for reading and responding, I appreciate it

Yea I can hold it for 20-30 seconds, but I've been holding it for 10ish since I know I'll end up hitting it a million times anyways. I've had it with and without the fluid, even made a homemade bong connected to the vaporizer to help it, still no luck. I think I have a very reactive airway, and I've tried mixing it with weed to slightly alleviate the harshness, but again still no luck. Yea I have vaped weed a have a handful of times, and that was an idea I was recently told so that I could be a bit more used to it. So, I will definitely give that a shot too, thanks

I would absolutely love to, I just haven't found a trusted place, site, or a person to get my hands on any of them.

I agree that expectation can manifest it visually, at least from what I have researched, which is why I am a bit disappointed each time, but still grateful. Really? It's basically all I can think about when I am thinking of dmt. Just beings, different dimensions, and bliss. I feel very grounded, even if I don't see entities, I do wish I could at least leave for a bit, yk?

Yea, I'm also super cool with trying ayahuasca but still don't know how to get MAOIs.

Again, I appreciate the response and the advice.

 

[Icon]

Do you take any medications? SSRI's for example have a reputation for blocking certain psychedelics, including DMT.

If you're not taking anything that interacts with MAOIs, def try getting some. Most people use harmalas from syrian rue (peganum harmala), or ayahuasca vine (caapi banisteriopsis). Harmalas are unregulated in most countries, so you can find it for sale on all the major online marketplaces. Weird, I actually can't find any extracts for sale, there used to be a lot of options available. Might have to extract that yourself now.

Do you listen to music, silence, or? Inside or outside? Eyes closed or open?

Plants and trees can be trippy to look at, and being outside in nature where the whole scene is plants is pretty wild. Bodies of water are intense. I normally do it inside though, eyes closed. With music I notice the visuals snap to the music, like the best visualizer possible. I like silence too, more depth there.

 

[WallyG]

I do think I have aphantasia,

I have partial aphantasia and I do think that affects the vividness of the visions. Mine are definitely in colour, but mostly muted.

I don't recall ever meeting a wierd entity. My guides take human form, though they rarely commmunicate verbally.

 

[PsychonautWonder]

Do you take any medications? SSRI's for example have a reputation for blocking certain psychedelics, including DMT.

If you're not taking anything that interacts with MAOIs, def try getting some. Most people use harmalas from syrian rue (peganum harmala), or ayahuasca vine (caapi banisteriopsis). Harmalas are unregulated in most countries, so you can find it for sale on all the major online marketplaces. Weird, I actually can't find any extracts for sale, there used to be a lot of options available. Might have to extract that yourself now.

Do you listen to music, silence, or? Inside or outside? Eyes closed or open?

Plants and trees can be trippy to look at, and being outside in nature where the whole scene is plants is pretty wild. Bodies of water are intense. I normally do it inside though, eyes closed. With music I notice the visuals snap to the music, like the best visualizer possible. I like silence too, more depth there.

Nah, I don't anything. Okay thank you for that information. I've tried music, silence, white noise, eyes open and closed. Only once open but not much happened, I do need to try that again. I typically like it quiet though, it feels more peaceful to me.

 

[PsychonautWonder]

I have partial aphantasia and I do think that affects the vividness of the visions. Mine are definitely in colour, but mostly muted.

I don't recall ever meeting a wierd entity. My guides take human form, though they rarely commmunicate verbally.

Dang I'm slightly disappointed to hear that, I was really hoping for it to not be that, and something I can actually fix. See I'm cool with that too mostly, I haven't had a guide or anything like that, I haven't gotten that far. Yeah, I figured it would be telepathy style tbh.

 

[WallyG]

Well, I'm using the word guides because that's the way they feel. They are generally presenting me with something or pushing it towards me, but I'm not clear yet what it symbolises.
My main point was just that maybe the aphantasia diminishes the visualisation of the geometric technicolour landscapes that some people report.
Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with it.
Are you sure the pen is working OK? When I started I struggled to get a decent hit and I eventually realised the pen was faulty. It wasn't delivering enough current to properly vapourise the liquid.

 

[PsychonautWonder]

Well, I'm using the word guides because that's the way they feel. They are generally presenting me with something or pushing it towards me, but I'm not clear yet what it symbolises.
My main point was just that maybe the aphantasia diminishes the visualisation of the geometric technicolour landscapes that some people report.
Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with it.
Are you sure the pen is working OK? When I started I struggled to get a decent hit and I eventually realised the pen was faulty. It wasn't delivering enough current to properly vapourise the liquid.

Yeah I get what what you mean, I just simply haven't had that. Yea I think it does, which I really hoped it didn't, and still have some hope it'll change. The pen might not be delivering enough, but its also the only way I've tried to be able to do it and not have my throat just instantly reject it. But I'll keep trying to use the vaporizer as I know it'll actually work I just keep not being able to. But I suppose we'll see, if I ever find a solution I'll update it on here

 

[PsychonautWonder]

Well, I'm using the word guides because that's the way they feel. They are generally presenting me with something or pushing it towards me, but I'm not clear yet what it symbolises.
My main point was just that maybe the aphantasia diminishes the visualisation of the geometric technicolour landscapes that some people report.
Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with it.
Are you sure the pen is working OK? When I started I struggled to get a decent hit and I eventually realised the pen was faulty. It wasn't delivering enough current to properly vapourise the liquid.

After further review of my own comment, yours, and another trip. I am in fact wrong. This time I think was a bit different, there was a fairly clear scenario going on the whole. time. I couldn't pay attention to anything but this little scene. Those "somebody's" I referenced previously, were all similar as usual but this felt like they are actually showing me something that I might be able to apply to my life. All of this took place in my upper left vision and couldn't really look away at all, even when trying to it felt like I was being pulled to it. A couple of "them" were hovering around another one, who seemed very young, just struggling to open this large vase or flask-like thing while looking towards me holding it out, then I felt as if it wanted me to help open the vase, but I didn't know how. And began to apologize out loud, and I really didn't understand why I found myself being sorry, then began to laugh for whatever reason.

The only thing that matters on this little sheet is the upper left corner, which is how it looked, but obviously not like childish squiggles, just can't explain or draw them at all other than silhouettes.

But the reason for me saying all this is because I think that would be considered a guide, especially by the definition you've given me to think about. and I think talking about it on this forum has helped me understand a guide doesn't have to be something insanely incomprehensible, it can be my silhouettes. Maybe It means I need to let go more than I am now, or maybe it means nothing at all, or something else entirely, but again thanks for the responses and advice you've both given, it's been helpful to think about.