Wow,
Look, I know it's schizophrenic to even think like this (the technical term is "delusions of reference" ), but here goes:
Shit, shit, shit, is this the long winter of our discontent or have I poisoned the morphic field somewhow? When I first became a member in August, 2009 there were huge quantities of glowing reports/good trips and very few posts on difficult experiences or fear.
Yet, as of Winter Solstice things personally for me have taken a challenging turn. As I moved forward in time working on these issues and whining on the Nexus I began to notice more and more reports of bad/horrible experiences and major problems with fear.
Recently, my fear changed to become more Pavlovian and so I began quoting Zarkov when he refers to "the reptile brain," which I recognize as the human limbic system.
Although antrocles is on a level that is many quantum leaps above what would be achievable for me in multiple lifetimes, I see he is having challenging ego deaths and even posting about the limbic system/reptile brain.
BTW: Last night I smoked three doses of spice (only 25 mg each) and took three doses of pharma (50 mg - misfire, 50 mg - premature purge, 40 mg - holy shit!). Somehow my recent work (when combined with abdominal breathing) allowed me to a.) trust my body - the autonomic processes will ensure breathing & heartbeat as long as physically possible, and b.) Coming back to pure acceptance/surrender. Even if I die, it will be okay, as that would be my time and everyone has to go sometimes, . . .etc. I do not know what my next attempt will be like but this was the first positive experience in MONTHS.
Remember, when all the furies are out of Pandora's Box, what is left over (and this is one of the reasons I chose my username): HOPE
Peace & Love,
Pandora
Look, I know it's schizophrenic to even think like this (the technical term is "delusions of reference" ), but here goes:
Shit, shit, shit, is this the long winter of our discontent or have I poisoned the morphic field somewhow? When I first became a member in August, 2009 there were huge quantities of glowing reports/good trips and very few posts on difficult experiences or fear.
Yet, as of Winter Solstice things personally for me have taken a challenging turn. As I moved forward in time working on these issues and whining on the Nexus I began to notice more and more reports of bad/horrible experiences and major problems with fear.
Recently, my fear changed to become more Pavlovian and so I began quoting Zarkov when he refers to "the reptile brain," which I recognize as the human limbic system.
Although antrocles is on a level that is many quantum leaps above what would be achievable for me in multiple lifetimes, I see he is having challenging ego deaths and even posting about the limbic system/reptile brain.
BTW: Last night I smoked three doses of spice (only 25 mg each) and took three doses of pharma (50 mg - misfire, 50 mg - premature purge, 40 mg - holy shit!). Somehow my recent work (when combined with abdominal breathing) allowed me to a.) trust my body - the autonomic processes will ensure breathing & heartbeat as long as physically possible, and b.) Coming back to pure acceptance/surrender. Even if I die, it will be okay, as that would be my time and everyone has to go sometimes, . . .etc. I do not know what my next attempt will be like but this was the first positive experience in MONTHS.
Remember, when all the furies are out of Pandora's Box, what is left over (and this is one of the reasons I chose my username): HOPE
Peace & Love,
Pandora
.
