BEAUTIFUL you guys....great contributions!! breakMYhead-actually i don't write for Men's Health. i am simply in full-page advertisements that run in their magazine. i'm sure, however, that it would not be difficult to get an article into the proper hands....unfortunately, as the end of your post makes clear- minds are awesome in their power- whether they are set to "closed" or "open"....it would certainly be a daunting task and perhaps one i would be better suited to attempting at the end of my career when i have less to lose (not that that's way far off in the future...i'm 38 now and have this and MAYBE one more decent season in these ol' legs...).
coz42- glad to see you again my man...and even more happy to read about your athletic endeavors! the AIDS Marathon is a noble, worthwhile undertaking and my hat comes off to you. my sister recently did a similar event to raise money for leukemia/lymphoma research (our dad died of this 4 years ago). it was a truly transformative experience for her on many levels.
so- back on topic...
MalargueZiggy- here's my thoughts on the matter re: Mr. Armstrong and the whole ego-element of competitive sports:
when i was young and brash i most certainly saw racing as a pitting of MY self vs. YOUR self. it was always a battle to stand apart. to be the ONE who won....as there can only be ONE winner, right? well....i thought that was right.....
cut to about 4 years ago: my father who was my best friend in the whole world and my coach/mechanic/biggest fan/constant race companion...died....and my world shattered...even NOW as i type these words i get tears in my eyes. i miss that guy beyond anything.
this puts me in, quite possibly, the most unsteady place i've ever been in my whole life to date. i don't know what to do with myself. i always THOUGHT i was my own man and that everything i did (racing included) was for ME....but really....without having my dad there to share it with...i started to question EVERYTHING i did.....did I really enjoy it? was it what I wanted?
i went into a deep depression and, being an extremely "proactive" person, i decided that therapy and SSRI (lexapro) were needed immediately. i also began to use marijuana (eating it- couldn't afford to injure my lungs) AT LEAST twice a day. so, basically, i was high the entire time i was awake....
here's where "the shift" began to take place....i placed absolutely no judgement on my choices at this time. i used marijuana and it helped me tremendously. i used it in conjunction with my therapy. i used it in conjunction with long periods of meditation and introspection. and....to get to the heart of this thread's topic...i used it when i raced. every time. no exceptions.
what is also interesting to note here is that i trained very little during the first two years after my father's death. i rode more for mental clearing than for structured, periodized fitness gains. i just rode my fucking bike because i'd been doing it since i was 11 and my dad was always with me as i did it and when i pedaled i felt him. i felt him now as if he got to know what I felt. as if he was part of me as i flew up mountains and raced down the other side....it was like sharing something in a way i never could before. the marijuana helped me wake up to this.
and i won everything. absolutely everything.
during this time period i began to re-explore a lot of medicines i had approached with more ego in the past. mushrooms, cacti, ayahuasca....i began to work with them all again but from this place of "nothing is more important that anything else....it is all part of ONE...just approach all things with LOVE and GRATITUDE- for YOU are also a part of that ONE". i got those two words tattooed on my wrists in beautiful Japanese Kanji so that i would see them constantly for the rest of my life. i got the green tara and the kincara tattooed on my leg to remind me constantly to have compassion and that "it is only through the thorough understanding and acceptance of death that we see through the illusion of life". i didn't care about winning anymore. i just cared about sharing that feeling of freedom and power and child-like joy that i experienced on a bike with EVERYONE...not just my dad. and i was just as happy when i DIDN'T win as when i did! it was all so fleeting. it just didn't matter. my ego was fractured. it was the greatest gift imaginable.
now- i don't want to go on forever with this post....because i could. i will simply say that only a handful of months ago, my dear friend Uncle Knucles comes to me with a fist-full of research he'd been doing for months about extracting something called DMT from some root bark. from the first union with the spirit molecule i knew i had been given a tremendous gift. one that filled in all of the "gaps" in my cracked ego. it held it together like a type of glue that was beyond pliable. it helped me "work" with this whole "construct" in a way i could never have imgined doing before. when ego was needed, i knew how to use it without it using me. i learned how to not confuse myself with this made-up self. i was (and continue to be) shown the true "god-self" that is what we all are. the self that is never under threat of destruction. the one that never has to prove itself. the one that has no care for "winning" because it can never lose....
i continue to work with it....well over 150 journeys by now...pretty much every day (i call it "going to church")
and just notice more and more how my approach to my sport has evolved. it is no longer a quest to "stand apart". it is more of a desire to "feel" the collective energy and to "visualize" and "manifest" in a controlled arena. it is "playtime" and i couldn't be having more fun!
the gift of spice for me as an athlete has been the ability to be SO present.....i have the deepest appreciation for this....the MOST righteous gift ANYTHING can bestow upon a soul....the gift of the PRESENT MOMENT.
and what is capable from standing in THIS place is....well....limitless....
....turns out the ego takes up a LOT of space! LOL!
sorry for the long one guys. felt good to get it all out.
LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!