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Please help me am I going insane?

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magickpsychonaut

Rising Star
I have been trying to make sense of my experiences and they are so beyond the normal and ordinary of what I have been taught to believe all my life. I have been feeling different presences even after my journeys and trips. I love cats and have 3 pet cats, and a week ago I started seeing shadows of cats in the corner of my eyes, and when I turn to look it's nothing. I also have this felt presence of ancestors of mine. I don't knkow who to really talk to about it and I thought maybe I would come here since so many people here experience something similiar.

How do you deal with this. I feel its some kind of transition or some how my mind is beginning to tune into a wider array of experiences. Sometimes I'll be sitting meditation and for a brief moment I'll find myself on a beach or in another world and for a few seconds I'll be at two places at once. Also, things are becoming more entangled. I'll see something happened a few seconds before it happens. Trivial events, nothing historic or major.

The love and peace and wisdom I experience on the journeys ...I would love to be able to have this in my every day life without always having to take something. Have you been able to get back into that mind space while at the same time being sober and functionable in the "regular" world? How do you incorporate more and more of this so that you experience both that realm as well as this realm simultaneously? Is it possible?

Some how I have started to know that magic/magick is real and exists. I have kept trying to tell myself its just a "drug" but more and more my every day life experiences tell me otherwise. How do you deal with this realization and how do you keep yourself grounded and balanced? I keep having this notion to meditate more, but other than that, what else can I do to get back into that peaceful, unconditional loving state?

Thank you for taking the time to read and answer.
 
The only way I know how to deal with it is by not spending too much time and energy worried about it.

Taking it too seriously leads to confusion. You just gotta find your own way to incorporate the weird mysterious details about our universe into your every day life.

Give it time. Relax take a deep breath. We're alive. None of us know what's actually going on. Remember that.

Although it may feel like you are insane for being awake in a world that is still very much asleep, do not be fooled, it is the other way around.
 
I agree with House. Sometimes it just isn't right to tear appart what's real and not. Be grounded in your own experience, letting the strange be strange and the mundane be mundane. If you're worried, start by putting down the pipe and giving yourself some time. If it's all in your head, doesn't mean it's not real.
 
Im really glad someone posted there experience on this because I've been experiencing more and more visions latley some started out the same way to. Stuff like this really didn't happen before SWIMS breakthrough, but now its increasingly happening. Started out with bright lightning bolts in the cornor of my eyes(sometimes direct vision and not just peripherals) its been happening alot more latley and there increasing in shape definition(taking shape of relatable things). The more it happens the more I find my self looking around the room thinking I'm seeing animals staring back at me when cat and dog are down stairs and the door is shut! Its been frightening me too, I've found my self awake till 5am in-the morning not wanting to go to bed becuase i might stop breathing cuz i was freaking my self out so bad about what was happening... The only way the cured my anxiety about this is that im trying to use it as a direct-sub-conscious tool to finding out what im thinking and its kind of working. I too will see shadows of my favorite pets to turn and look straight at it and realize it's just a pile of clothes or a pillow in the shape of what a cat looks like.

back to the curing part...IMO I've noticed my visions are things im wishing where there in that point of time, like my cat or dog(sometimes i'll see non visual things aswell, like love, or memory) and Im still speculating on the validity of weather im crazy and trying to pretend its normal, but I'm pretty sure im sane scince these visions are not commanding me or telling me to kill or sacrifice animals or people.

I forgot to mention sound is is most of which alot of my anxiety comes from, I do alot of programming in the dead silence for concentration but the silence gets soo LOUD sometimes i start hearing hums and it triggers alot of thoughts & anxiety in which im forced to look around the room aimlessly and look for the noise and hold my chest to see if my heart rate is increasing(which it realisticly does but only by a few beats more, i've tested this) because i feel like im going crazy then my computer chair makes a crackle-noise to "bring me back" or "take away the silence" and i feel a lil bit better.

I too am curious about why my brain is commencing such random high activity in other perceptions of the brain? In my particular case i've heard of perception deprivation will cause the brain to "fill in the blanks" or reality.
 
I used to have integration problems when I was younger, and 3 things helped me overcome that. I stopped using drugs (including alcohol) for 6 months, I read and listened A LOT of Terence McKenna material and I spent a good deal of time learning new songs in my guitar. I would say that giving yourself a little time off is the most important thing, and then probably find a way to express yourself creatively. Remember that even the most experienced users sometimes have integration problems, its not something that happens just once in the psychedelic path, we all have to be careful. Just remember you are not going insane, you are just perceiving things differently now. Good luck.
 
Clouds hit it on the head. Take some time off, focus on yourself. I went thru very similar visions/presence of something else and i took some time off psychedellics and focused on my music and my family. worked on bettering myself. If you need help or advice this is where to come.

I think with more experience you can carry that love and wisdom you gain from a journey into this world which will help you better yourself and hopefully others around you.

I'd rather be insane than "normal"
insane=awake normal=clueless
 
First off, try not to be afraid of the things that are happening to your perception, to you. The shadows you see, the presences you feel, the change you feel, it will not harm you.

You raise an important question IMO about how to bring this peace and love and unity into every day life. I have made this my personal quest as well. I think there are many ways to do it, and one is to voice this intention to oneself. Some people suggest that you can only achieve this if the desire to attain it is greater than anything else. Any notion of waiting for something to happen first are excuses and resistances against opening up to this energy. These resistances need to go.
Use mantras, prayer, meditation - and personally my favorite for the moment: Yoga.

As for magic - please remember to remain sceptical [you don't want to end up like these ppl: http://manila-paper.net/australian-couple-claim-to-be-jesus-mary-magdalene-reincarnated/1577 , Divine Truth].
Putting the labels 'real' and 'unreal' on things is often not the most beneficial for dealing with the phenomena we encounter. It often also makes no difference anyway. Some things are unexplainable to us from the point of view we assume at any given point. Their occurrences may seem like magic; but they are all part of the cosmic unfolding.

Don't fret.

Everything is ok.

Just relax and strive and listen/feel closely into the needs and alignments of your inner being. It will tell you what you need to do; the hard part is following its advice.

good luck / much love
Enoon
 
Probably a good idea to wait until your feet are firmly planted on the ground before taking any more psychedelics. You will get there! Don't start believing in something which seriously disrupts your life. Our minds are perfectly capable of playing little tricks on us. Relax, don't worry.
 
You know coming back in this thread and reading it I laugh at how scared I felt at the time I posted this initially. I followed everyone's advice, started teaching myself to play bass, I can play 5 songs now lol, started eating healthier and just let it be for what it is and I realized everything's cool ...it's mysterious and very different, but it was really nothing to be afraid of lol I feel silly for having even posted that question thanks everyone
 
magickpsychonaut said:
I have been trying to make sense of my experiences and they are so beyond the normal and ordinary of what I have been taught to believe all my life. I have been feeling different presences even after my journeys and trips. I love cats and have 3 pet cats, and a week ago I started seeing shadows of cats in the corner of my eyes, and when I turn to look it's nothing. I also have this felt presence of ancestors of mine. I don't knkow who to really talk to about it and I thought maybe I would come here since so many people here experience something similiar.

How do you deal with this. I feel its some kind of transition or some how my mind is beginning to tune into a wider array of experiences. Sometimes I'll be sitting meditation and for a brief moment I'll find myself on a beach or in another world and for a few seconds I'll be at two places at once. Also, things are becoming more entangled. I'll see something happened a few seconds before it happens. Trivial events, nothing historic or major.

The love and peace and wisdom I experience on the journeys ...I would love to be able to have this in my every day life without always having to take something. Have you been able to get back into that mind space while at the same time being sober and functionable in the "regular" world? How do you incorporate more and more of this so that you experience both that realm as well as this realm simultaneously? Is it possible?

Some how I have started to know that magic/magick is real and exists. I have kept trying to tell myself its just a "drug" but more and more my every day life experiences tell me otherwise. How do you deal with this realization and how do you keep yourself grounded and balanced? I keep having this notion to meditate more, but other than that, what else can I do to get back into that peaceful, unconditional loving state?

Thank you for taking the time to read and answer.
Click to expand...

yes yes! i had the ancestors cometo me lastnight, int the form of grandparents and great grandparents, mostly i think because i still hardly know/knew them:( but you could just see their form and their rationality, they didn't use drugs they did things that invloved the mind and i'm sure yes just as i have also been in two places at once while not on a little but of weed that they two have by some means escaped the normal frame of mind to wonder inside of daydream, and you know i'm not the only painter in my family:roll:

"How do you deal with this"
personally i haven't before, this is the first time that the entire comedown was spent learning of a newway of thinking. you know how cars and refridgeratiors and walls and images play themselves out in such a way that its beyond synchronicity and you realize it actually something you didn't even know you had some control over to some extent..

but first let me ask, what and at what doses did you take for this?
in retrospect we actually have alot in common, recipe?!
i can recommend one thing because it is screaming to be recommended..
Jurema & rue, maybe 5gJ 3g powder rue
Dose first seperating the rue first by a half hour or until you feel the effects, dose mimosa - done

when you're coming down from that one get up for a but walk around but it is imparitive that you redose! its safe to say you'll know when you're ready. for the 2nd dose mix the same size dose of mim & rue together, it will 'curdle' instantly.. then wait 20 minutes, take a shower smoke a bowl whatever then siphon or pour off the clearer top liquid, this will reduce / eliminate nausea in my expeirence and makes it feel alot like mushrooms, for at least the 2nd time round, the extra inhibited state and weed are good for eachother

sidenote:
believe what you know is true, this will be different for everyone but its all you have to your name so
this will make it easier to assimilate an unconditional loving state while in return not sucking the universes renewable(?) energy all in short times worth, but there is another way for this to be thought of.. microdosing for a while maybe?
 
Nobody can help you!
Nobody, even if they try :)

Just watch
don't judge
focuse on joy and beauty and love

being insane is a great thing!
 
magickpsychonaut said:
You know coming back in this thread and reading it I laugh at how scared I felt at the time I posted this initially. I followed everyone's advice, started teaching myself to play bass, I can play 5 songs now lol, started eating healthier and just let it be for what it is and I realized everything's cool ...it's mysterious and very different, but it was really nothing to be afraid of lol I feel silly for having even posted that question thanks everyone
Click to expand...

Good to hear you've sorted your head out now. Time off all drugs, meditating, walking in the woods, learning something new, is the best way to integrate and get ready for more journeys.

Incidentally, a few years ago I used to have images in the corner of my vision as well. Mine was a man hunched over, crouching down, but when I turned to look, he vanished. Really unsettling, but it went away when I kept off everything for a couple of weeks. I guess the more entheogens you take, the more you realise how subjective reality is, and you learn not to be worried by these kind of things.

Also, one thing related to your first post (for anyone who's reading this) --- it's very dangerous to look to things that happen in 'reality' for 'confirmation' that DMT or anything else is 'real'. I hope that makes sense. Basically, once you start applying meaning, there's no end point and you can start to create a very egocentric view of reality.

To give you an example. I'm not sure if you've seen the documentary Religulous. Well anyway, someone on there said that he started to believe in God after someone told him to "stick a cup out of the window and pray for rain." He did it and immediately a thunderstorm started.

Now, to most of us, we wouldn't see this as proof of God. I think you can apply the same principle to DMT (and any other drug actually, including K etc).
 
No ones completely sane. If you don't like the new perception you're experiencing, take a brake. I, myself, have always found solace in the "insanity" that unfolded after I experimented with psychedelics frequently in the past. It will fade away, though. I've had about 20 psychedelic experiences this year and this is the most "normal" I have felt in the past three or four.
 
It sounds like the Dreaming Awake state of consciousness in which dream reality merges with waking reality.
It can happen when you lucid dream a lot, or when you take a lot of psychedelics.

I plan to intentionally do this to myself within the framework of Toltec based system in order to de-structure my ego.
 
The love and peace and wisdom I experience on the journeys ...I would love to be able to have this in my every day life without always having to take something.
Click to expand...
what you describe, love, peace and wisdom, are perceptions, not actual states. You can work to have them in everyday life, but it means you cannot take things to have these perceptions because that tends to limit the ability of a person to experience them in ordinary life, not actually enable it. you are in essence creating a spiritual dependency upon substances and this is not spiritually healthy

Have you been able to get back into that mind space while at the same time being sober and functionable in the "regular" world? How do you incorporate more and more of this so that you experience both that realm as well as this realm simultaneously? Is it possible?
Click to expand...
you should do visualization meditation in the mornings and control your breath rate with your mind most of the day


Some how I have started to know that magic/magick is real and exists. I have kept trying to tell myself its just a "drug" but more and more my every day life experiences tell me otherwise.
Click to expand...
Magic is real, but it is ordinary, natural and everyday. Don't think of it as other, as extra or as different, or you end up dividing it from yourself in a specific way and end up having to 'other' to experience it, remember that now is sacred.

How do you deal with this realization and how do you keep yourself grounded and balanced? I keep having this notion to meditate more, but other than that, what else can I do to get back into that peaceful, unconditional loving state?
Click to expand...
know that this is not a state, but a perception, you can have it anytime you want
 
Hi Albert, Thanks for the tips, I have since started magick, in which I do daily rituals that include visualization, breathwork and meditation. I can say that I have had journeys without any chemical help what soever, which frees me to enjoy entheogens at more reasonable intervals. I'm still working on improving my perception, but wow, it's been a journey. I still can't help but feel silly that I was so fearful and afraid when starting this thread, afraid of my own mind lol


AlbertKLloyd said:
The love and peace and wisdom I experience on the journeys ...I would love to be able to have this in my every day life without always having to take something.
Click to expand...
what you describe, love, peace and wisdom, are perceptions, not actual states. You can work to have them in everyday life, but it means you cannot take things to have these perceptions because that tends to limit the ability of a person to experience them in ordinary life, not actually enable it. you are in essence creating a spiritual dependency upon substances and this is not spiritually healthy

Have you been able to get back into that mind space while at the same time being sober and functionable in the "regular" world? How do you incorporate more and more of this so that you experience both that realm as well as this realm simultaneously? Is it possible?
Click to expand...
you should do visualization meditation in the mornings and control your breath rate with your mind most of the day


Some how I have started to know that magic/magick is real and exists. I have kept trying to tell myself its just a "drug" but more and more my every day life experiences tell me otherwise.
Click to expand...
Magic is real, but it is ordinary, natural and everyday. Don't think of it as other, as extra or as different, or you end up dividing it from yourself in a specific way and end up having to 'other' to experience it, remember that now is sacred.

How do you deal with this realization and how do you keep yourself grounded and balanced? I keep having this notion to meditate more, but other than that, what else can I do to get back into that peaceful, unconditional loving state?
Click to expand...
know that this is not a state, but a perception, you can have it anytime you want
Click to expand...
 
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