Hello friends,
after some time in this world I came to conclusion. You should seek out life you want, but also go with the flow of things. When opportunity finds you, without you looking for it, I think its cosmos telling you what to do. If you did not look for it yet, it found you, embrace it.
But change is hard.
I work at you could say small culture venue. Basically town hall for weddings, concerts, theater. I am your sound guy, and anything other humans cant do. I didn't look for this job. It found me by itself. I have fun and I do ton of shenanigans. Thing is it doesn't pay enough.
I got an offer, again, I didn't even look for a change. I did not tell anybody I want to change anything. Even though I have been thinking about my future. What I need to do to get better paying job and that it will involve moving somewhere else. For me to find a job I would not be miserable at, I would have to spend some time preparing... getting back to coding... it would take a year, at least, for me to be "job ready". Offer I got is basic IT (my printer doesn't work stuff), which would not require me to prepare like the changes I was thinking about to do. It comes with cheaper housing, which is extremely rare, when moving to bigger city. Its elementary school, I would come to contact with much more women. Might find a wife there, even if not at work... its still rather big place a much more actually thinking humans. Money would be much better. With my current lifestyle, I can save up. I would be closer to other opportunities.
Almost feels like getting something for free. Except, I would be leaving behind people I like, people I care about. Which is not a bad thing, its a sad thing. I cant be throwing my future for others. Grandma is 84, I wont be seeing her few times a week, it would be every few months. Younger brother might take it hard. And so on...
Year is dying, leaves are falling and I am overwhelmed by change. Too much at once, giving up ephemeral things I hold dearest at my life. Knowing I cant hold on to them anymore, and have to let them go willingly. It would not make any sense to fight it. I just need to let go, overcomed by sadness.
Thank you
I know I'm pretty late to the party but I was in a rather precarious place of "change or die" when you posted this and just didn't see it.
I was hurt pretty bad at work with a life long disability, it took me almost 7 months to find work again. couldn't seem to find work even as a dish washer, as soon as people realized I Was starting to go deaf at such a young age it was like I Was anything but human. "equal opportunity" meant equal opportunity for ever one but me. it was hard.
I begged, I pleaded, I did things I never thought I would. one day I really gave up. I fractured my hand and legitimately said "I GIVE UP!" what ever comes is coming. whether I end up homeless again and disabled or I make it big. I solemly give in to the universe to what ever the hell is coming my way. I did countless interviews, filled out countless applications and gave out so many customized resumes that I sincerely couldn't keep track of anything anymore. my family would as "did you follow up with ____" and i'd answer "i totally forgot about that listing because I Was so focused on (career field I was fighting for).
one night I get an email "i saw your resume online and I'd like to interview you immediately" it was 9:30 on a week night so I figured this was either some international identity theft scam attempt or someone in serious need of someone like myself.
almost immediately after sending my phone number off my phone began to ring.
I talked with this gentleman for about an hour. explain how I am as an individual, how I like to work, what my story and circumstances are. he asks me what my "bottom dollar is" and my heart sinks... here we go again, I'm gonna be ran like a damn dog and broken yet again. I tell him "this is the most I've made so far and I'm barely getting by on it to begin with" he offers me a considerable amount more. at this point I'm almost convinced I'm about to be defrauded some how.. regardless I show up. either I risk having my identity stolen a second time in a single year or litterally pack everything and move back to the streets leaving my family homeless.
I show up. the work is hard. the people I work with can be assholes. but my pay is liveable.
I get really sick my first week into working for this guy. like being taken to an acute care center by ambulance sick. he's pretty unhappy about it. here I just told him I'm a hard worker and now I'm having a full on respiratory emergency that lasts 2 weeks.. I show up to work 2 weeks later incapable of speaking, ear and eye infections. just an absolute mess. I bust my ass, I ask for more work.
now I'm working more than usual hour wise but I'm also making enough money not only to support my family but to actually be able to buy things without a second thought. I'm expanding my future getting certifications, improving quality of life for my family, investing in our future, saving up for a move to take the expense load down a bit.
sometimes, whether we like it or not we have to accept where life is taking us. delivering food as a contract delivery driver was not working. nothing was. it wasn't until I told the universe "FINE I'LL TAKE THIS GAMBLE AND SEE WHERE YOU'RE TAKING ME" that things began to work out. and I'm really glad I did.
I know it's a Nexian faux pas to admit belief in any religion but somewhere along the way I refound my faith which is pretty funny given the nature of DMT in itself but man..
surrender. your family can't fault you for trying to have the best life you can. what's it worth for you to be there all the time if you're not happy or thriving?
that's just my thoughts on the topic. I hope you did well, I haven't read through all the replies beyond your original post but I know we've brushed shoulders recently .
remember you're not letting go at all, sometimes we clench on to things so hard that we can't make any change at all. if something isn't working do the exact opposite and see what happens. it's so counter intuitive but it's worked for me so many times that it's become second nature. think of it like untying a knot. the more aggressive you are the tighter it gets, soften your grip up and finesse it and it comes undone with ease.
take care of yourself. all you can do is try your best friend
NeitherHere
