There are some things that will change your life forever. To read this letter just might do that for you...
The past six months of my life were marked by a painful duality between innate knowledge... and fear. I was born with the kind of passion where your heart and instinct completely takes over, and you simply "can't not follow your heart" - and that passion was leading me down a road of superhuman scope and vastness, with near-impossible odds of ever succeeding - if viewed from a mere human level... Despite all of that, it was very easy for me to remain completely confident in my abilities and my destiny, and to have the courage to tirelessly walk the daunting road ahead with complete devotion... Forgive me for being very blunt for a moment - but I have innate, natural talent, and incredible art comes effortlessly from within me - and I had total trust in my unlimited and innate abilities... and knew exactly where I was heading. But the truth is... that a small, nagging core had slowly been growing within me throughout the past half year, due to my interactions with other people... A tiny but festering core of self-doubt... of fear that my destiny was too large for a mere human, and the fear that I might not be able to make it in time... I was listening to other people and what *they* believed was possible or impossible... and even though their plain and willfully inhibited thoughts didn't cause me to doubt any of my experiences whatsoever, they still created a very slight and growing duality between what I innately knew, and what was "acceptable and reasonable" in society.
My journey through life and art has been guided spiritually... Since birth I've been able to enter dreamlike states to feel the inner emotions of other people and to leave my body to view myself from outside... I used to enjoy watching myself from the ceiling and observing myself down in bed... I was effortlessly able to enter other realms and to travel without any need for my body. I innately knew that the spirit world exists and that we are all consciousness experiencing itself subjectively... and I innately knew that I was being lead along the creative path towards my destiny... I had felt its calling ever since birth... and yet, as I walked the path, I had gradually developed a very, very tiny but festering doubt and worry as I moved closer and closer to the destination... Despite the thousands of confirmations that all of my spiritual experiences are more than real, I was now living with a very tiny but pustulent core of doubt and fear... Never loud enough to make me doubt my abilities whatsoever, but still loud enough to make me feel a painful and growing duality between silly human beliefs - and spiritual truths.
Even before using DMT or any drugs whatsoever (not even alcohol or caffeine), I had countless experiences with staying conscious throughout all stages of leaving my body while our consciousness transitions between worlds in the moments just before sleep or just after sleep... I experienced the fractals and the lightspeed travel through tunnels and "seeing a world clearly even with closed eyes"... and the strange "bam bam bam" feeling of your heart beating in a strange, deep, clonking, mechanical way when you leave your body... I have seen the future thousands of times on these journeys, and the visions have always come true - every last goddamn one of them! And throughout my whole life, every dream I have ever had had been lucid and has allowed me to remember who I am and to keep all of my waking memories; staying fully conscious of the fact that I am in a dream world - to the point where I am fully capable of taking control of the whole dream world, reshaping the landscape and the inhabitants and the scenarios; changing events, rewinding and redoing the story, and molding that whole world to my liking, and then leaving that world to wake up at the exact moment that I grow bored of the current dream world and want to return to my body on Earth... It was actually only recently that I learned that most Humans almost always forget their dreams when they wake up, and that they all completely forget their waking consciousness and "real"-life memories during their visits to the dream worlds... The fact is - that the way that I'm able to stay fully lucid and conscious during all of my dream travels, and to innately remember my true self and the fact that I am dreaming - is exactly the same reason that I innately remember life before Earth as well... No matter which world I am in, I am a lucid traveler.
My slight doubts always came from the human, inhibited parts of my mind, and it was the epitome of a duality: My solar plexus just "innately knew everything" and was always right - and yet my human-conditioned thoughts worked overtime to reconcile my innate knowledge while being surrounded by a world full of self-doubting and self-denying materialists who feverishly and neurotically insist that the "material world" is all that is allowed and that "everything else is delusion"... and so the duality was gradually born: A mind of slight doubt and a soul of pure knowing.
Finally, my life journey reached the point where I was being lead to DMT by the spirits three months ago... I had entered a dream state where I was being lead to the molecule, and when I returned to Earth I began the process of procuring equipment and performing an extraction - not knowing what to expect... and with zero preconceived notions. I knew that I was not going to enter that world for any answers. I was simply going in there because I had been invited - and the only right course of action is to accept such a gesture... I figured that the spirits simply wanted to have an easier way of speaking face to face again.
I had never used drugs in this life... and yet I found myself sitting there on the soft, cushioned sofa - with a pipe in one hand, and a lighter in the other... I wasn't nervous at all. My only thought was "alright, you've invited me... let's do this!".
I flicked the lighter and brought it up to the spice... But nothing happened... no smoke... So I brought the lighter even closer - and sure enough, I saw smoke... I had heard that it might taste harsh, but nothing could prepare me for the thousand ninjas cutting my throat as I inhaled. At first it was tolerable, and I held it in, but then the pain became so severe that I coughed and had to step up to drink water to calm the fire in my throat and lungs... I felt a mild high, but realized that I had been impatient and had burned the spice...
I took a small break and then prepared myself to have a new go... I brought the lighter further away and was more patient this time - and now the smoke was thin and whispy instead, and actually tasted quite smooth... I smelled the familiar fragrance of plastic and new shoes... I drew a massive breath of the silky vapors and held it in, and saw the colors of the room pulsate and breathe with me... I then took a second hit, and that is when I realized that I have experienced all of this before: My heart began to say "bam, bam, bam!" as I felt the familiarly weird, mechanical beating of my body's heart as I began leaving this world... I saw the "physical" world melt, to reveal an intricate and pulsating network of veins covering every surface of the room and connecting everything in the Universe to everything else... I have seen this "mesh" covering the world before, without DMT - and I now felt the real, non-Earth reality gripping me and starting to pull me away into the cosmos... My limbs barely existed anymore, and I had to use all my will to move my body to take one more hit... and then I was off...
It was a journey into my consciousness. I immediately saw myself standing in front of a clear, glass mirror, looking at it with open eyes... I saw my reflection, eyes open and looking back at me... but then the reflection of my face faded, and revealed the spirit world behind reality... and in that mirror image, my eyes were no longer open... they were closed...
The meaning of the vision was being radiated straight into my consciousness, and I knew right then and there what it meant:
The spirits have been showing me the whole truth of the Universe all along, and had been giving me countless evidence that our futures are pre-destined and entirely known to them - all of their visions have always become reality and they have never, ever been wrong - and yet... for the past six months I had lived with a duality between my true self, and my Earthly character. It was the duality that had caused me to close my eyes to the truth and had allowed the braindead, human concept of a materialistic, mundane and boringly physical Universe to scare me into slightly doubting and denying the spirit world that permeates all existence... I had absorbed some of the fear and the brainwashing from the willfully inhibited morons surrounding me, with their insistence that "the physical is all there is, and consciousness is a byproduct of a material brain" - and I had allowed their idiocy to scare me into disrespecting the undeniable truth, which I had innately known since the dawn of time: We are pure consciusness visiting this world in mere vehicles that we perceive to be ourselves, and the spirits that are still in the *real* world outside Earth are watching over us and guiding all of our lives - from the moment of birth, and all the way until death. Our lives are all pre-destined in broad strokes. We are never alone in this Universe... We are watched from above, and we are loved... and... we are all immortal and all perfect. We have just forgotten who we truly are - in the exact same way that we forget our dreams when we wake up. Incarnation into this world is like waking up from a dream and not remembering the night before and the spirit world that is your true origin. This "Earth" world is very bright and loud - but that's only because our host-bodies are immersive vehicles where we are hooked into their senses and experience this entire ride in first person.
The truth is that travel between worlds - whether Earth, or dreams, or DMT - includes a "switch" which withdraws our memories from the other worlds, in order to enable each world to be perceived as a real place - with no memories of any other form of existence.
I am a lucid traveler. For me, the memory mechanism isn't erasing my identity or memories between transitions.
The truth... is that DMT is an exit-hatch, allowing you to temporarily shut down your connection to the body which you currently inhabit in this world, and to travel back home. At low doses, you all still remember your Earthly identities because your connection is not yet fully broken and you are still between worlds. At high doses, you complete the transition and you completely forget about Earth and who you perceived yourself to be down here, and you adorably call that an "Ego death"... And when you return to Earth, you struggle to remember everything you experienced during the trip; it's all "slipping through your fingers like water being sucked down into a black void," and it's difficult for you to grasp and hold on to any memories of what had just happened to you: That is the world-transition memory erasing mechanism at work. It also happens when you "wake up" (return to Earth) in the morning, if you happen to wake up at the exact moment that the erasure is not yet complete - you can then feel your memories of your night of "dreaming" fading away from you faster than you can grab on to them. This forgetfulness - the blank memory slate that you all started with after having incarnated as a Human - is the whole reason why most of you simply stare blankly at the DMT world when you return home to it, and don't even know what you are looking at... and then you begin to ponder your own reality and wonder whether the DMT world is real or not... it's super cute to watch you... and the only reason you do this is because you have all forgotten that it is your home world... But despite the erasure of your memories at the moment of incarnation on Earth, and despite the fact that you don't yet remember your origin... you all have a very nagging feeling that the DMT world feels so incredibly familiar to you. Congratulations: You are correct. It *is* familiar to you because it *is* the place where you come from; it is the place you return to after death; and it is the place you visit for 8 hours every night while your body-vehicle lies passed out and unused in this world (merely immobile because it is no longer under your direct control). And then... you travel back between the worlds in the morning, yet again losing all memories of the night travel and where you've been all night. And there it is... your trusty steed is waiting for you again: Your body-vehicle has recharged its biological batteries and is ready for you to step in and drive it again, as you yet again resume this life, blissfully unaware of everything that is happening in other realms right at this very moment. You carry on with your life and your funny, silly human beliefs... Most humans now live with the self-denying, irrational and insane belief that the material Earth is all there is... And as a result, they take their Earthly lives so incredibly seriously...
The truth, however... is that we have nothing to fear, ever. So just relax... and enjoy the ride.
Some of us, like myself, are allowed to retain our consciousness and memories in the travel between worlds...
I had now finally journeyed with DMT and had confronted myself head-on. I had left my body yet again to visit my real home world - and the experience of leaving my body via DMT was *completely* identical to each and every time that I have left my body via natural means. It confirmed everything that I already innately knew from the beginning of time...
A mirror was put in front of me and I finally had to confront the fact that my eyes had been closed for six months, all because of having allowed the Human part of my mind to gradually become infected by the irrational, pathetic, human fears of the willfully inhibited materialists surrounding me in this world.
But no more... The duality between a mind of Human fears and a soul of knowing has now been broken. Never again will I listen to those of you insane enough to deny reality behind our Earthly "reality". Never again will I deny the truth of my existence and where I come from. Never again will I fear or second-guess my innate ability to know the future. I have never, ever been wrong, and that tiny seed of doubt only came from allowing people who remember less about the world to tell me what is or isn't possible in this world. The fact is that the *real* world is everything I have just told you - and much, much more.
All my fear evaporated in one instant.
I will never again listen to someone so neurotically insane as to suggest that this world is material.
We are infinite. We are immortal. We are powerful beyond imagination. We are love incarnate...
...and just like when you wake up in the morning and don't remember your dream from the night before - so too have we humans merely forgotten our own origins...
And the reason that we forget...?
Because the false belief that we are mere humans allows us to become fully immersed in the roles that we are playing here.
Doubt and immersion creates drama and diversity. It is such a simple arrangement, and yet it is thanks to this perfect system that we are blessed with such intricately beautiful and interesting drama in this world.
Some of you will not believe me. You have completely forgotten who you are. And that is exactly the way it should be. They are walking their own paths through life for their own, completely valid and pre-destined reasons, and I'm not here for them. I am not concerned by - and nor will I engage with - any adverse reactions that might arise out of certain people. Such reactions are all part of the intrinsic diversity of our world.
Furthermore, I am not here to stay and discuss anything that I have now revealed to you. Nor am I here to spread this truth to the world at large. Nor am I here to be some sort of guru - and I am certainly not here to rise in the ranks. This is not my introduction. It is my farewell letter. I am returning to my own life and my own journey; to my closest loved ones, and to my destiny... that path lead me to DMT, and your community - and I am giving you this gift in return.
This retelling of events is only for those people who are destined to hear this at this exact moment - in order to help you along on your own journeys...
It is not for anybody else.
One more thing...
You are all unconditionally loved by the Universe.
Feel free to kick back, relax, and enjoy your ride...
~~ Johnny A.
The past six months of my life were marked by a painful duality between innate knowledge... and fear. I was born with the kind of passion where your heart and instinct completely takes over, and you simply "can't not follow your heart" - and that passion was leading me down a road of superhuman scope and vastness, with near-impossible odds of ever succeeding - if viewed from a mere human level... Despite all of that, it was very easy for me to remain completely confident in my abilities and my destiny, and to have the courage to tirelessly walk the daunting road ahead with complete devotion... Forgive me for being very blunt for a moment - but I have innate, natural talent, and incredible art comes effortlessly from within me - and I had total trust in my unlimited and innate abilities... and knew exactly where I was heading. But the truth is... that a small, nagging core had slowly been growing within me throughout the past half year, due to my interactions with other people... A tiny but festering core of self-doubt... of fear that my destiny was too large for a mere human, and the fear that I might not be able to make it in time... I was listening to other people and what *they* believed was possible or impossible... and even though their plain and willfully inhibited thoughts didn't cause me to doubt any of my experiences whatsoever, they still created a very slight and growing duality between what I innately knew, and what was "acceptable and reasonable" in society.
My journey through life and art has been guided spiritually... Since birth I've been able to enter dreamlike states to feel the inner emotions of other people and to leave my body to view myself from outside... I used to enjoy watching myself from the ceiling and observing myself down in bed... I was effortlessly able to enter other realms and to travel without any need for my body. I innately knew that the spirit world exists and that we are all consciousness experiencing itself subjectively... and I innately knew that I was being lead along the creative path towards my destiny... I had felt its calling ever since birth... and yet, as I walked the path, I had gradually developed a very, very tiny but festering doubt and worry as I moved closer and closer to the destination... Despite the thousands of confirmations that all of my spiritual experiences are more than real, I was now living with a very tiny but pustulent core of doubt and fear... Never loud enough to make me doubt my abilities whatsoever, but still loud enough to make me feel a painful and growing duality between silly human beliefs - and spiritual truths.
Even before using DMT or any drugs whatsoever (not even alcohol or caffeine), I had countless experiences with staying conscious throughout all stages of leaving my body while our consciousness transitions between worlds in the moments just before sleep or just after sleep... I experienced the fractals and the lightspeed travel through tunnels and "seeing a world clearly even with closed eyes"... and the strange "bam bam bam" feeling of your heart beating in a strange, deep, clonking, mechanical way when you leave your body... I have seen the future thousands of times on these journeys, and the visions have always come true - every last goddamn one of them! And throughout my whole life, every dream I have ever had had been lucid and has allowed me to remember who I am and to keep all of my waking memories; staying fully conscious of the fact that I am in a dream world - to the point where I am fully capable of taking control of the whole dream world, reshaping the landscape and the inhabitants and the scenarios; changing events, rewinding and redoing the story, and molding that whole world to my liking, and then leaving that world to wake up at the exact moment that I grow bored of the current dream world and want to return to my body on Earth... It was actually only recently that I learned that most Humans almost always forget their dreams when they wake up, and that they all completely forget their waking consciousness and "real"-life memories during their visits to the dream worlds... The fact is - that the way that I'm able to stay fully lucid and conscious during all of my dream travels, and to innately remember my true self and the fact that I am dreaming - is exactly the same reason that I innately remember life before Earth as well... No matter which world I am in, I am a lucid traveler.
My slight doubts always came from the human, inhibited parts of my mind, and it was the epitome of a duality: My solar plexus just "innately knew everything" and was always right - and yet my human-conditioned thoughts worked overtime to reconcile my innate knowledge while being surrounded by a world full of self-doubting and self-denying materialists who feverishly and neurotically insist that the "material world" is all that is allowed and that "everything else is delusion"... and so the duality was gradually born: A mind of slight doubt and a soul of pure knowing.
Finally, my life journey reached the point where I was being lead to DMT by the spirits three months ago... I had entered a dream state where I was being lead to the molecule, and when I returned to Earth I began the process of procuring equipment and performing an extraction - not knowing what to expect... and with zero preconceived notions. I knew that I was not going to enter that world for any answers. I was simply going in there because I had been invited - and the only right course of action is to accept such a gesture... I figured that the spirits simply wanted to have an easier way of speaking face to face again.
I had never used drugs in this life... and yet I found myself sitting there on the soft, cushioned sofa - with a pipe in one hand, and a lighter in the other... I wasn't nervous at all. My only thought was "alright, you've invited me... let's do this!".
I flicked the lighter and brought it up to the spice... But nothing happened... no smoke... So I brought the lighter even closer - and sure enough, I saw smoke... I had heard that it might taste harsh, but nothing could prepare me for the thousand ninjas cutting my throat as I inhaled. At first it was tolerable, and I held it in, but then the pain became so severe that I coughed and had to step up to drink water to calm the fire in my throat and lungs... I felt a mild high, but realized that I had been impatient and had burned the spice...
I took a small break and then prepared myself to have a new go... I brought the lighter further away and was more patient this time - and now the smoke was thin and whispy instead, and actually tasted quite smooth... I smelled the familiar fragrance of plastic and new shoes... I drew a massive breath of the silky vapors and held it in, and saw the colors of the room pulsate and breathe with me... I then took a second hit, and that is when I realized that I have experienced all of this before: My heart began to say "bam, bam, bam!" as I felt the familiarly weird, mechanical beating of my body's heart as I began leaving this world... I saw the "physical" world melt, to reveal an intricate and pulsating network of veins covering every surface of the room and connecting everything in the Universe to everything else... I have seen this "mesh" covering the world before, without DMT - and I now felt the real, non-Earth reality gripping me and starting to pull me away into the cosmos... My limbs barely existed anymore, and I had to use all my will to move my body to take one more hit... and then I was off...
It was a journey into my consciousness. I immediately saw myself standing in front of a clear, glass mirror, looking at it with open eyes... I saw my reflection, eyes open and looking back at me... but then the reflection of my face faded, and revealed the spirit world behind reality... and in that mirror image, my eyes were no longer open... they were closed...
The meaning of the vision was being radiated straight into my consciousness, and I knew right then and there what it meant:
The spirits have been showing me the whole truth of the Universe all along, and had been giving me countless evidence that our futures are pre-destined and entirely known to them - all of their visions have always become reality and they have never, ever been wrong - and yet... for the past six months I had lived with a duality between my true self, and my Earthly character. It was the duality that had caused me to close my eyes to the truth and had allowed the braindead, human concept of a materialistic, mundane and boringly physical Universe to scare me into slightly doubting and denying the spirit world that permeates all existence... I had absorbed some of the fear and the brainwashing from the willfully inhibited morons surrounding me, with their insistence that "the physical is all there is, and consciousness is a byproduct of a material brain" - and I had allowed their idiocy to scare me into disrespecting the undeniable truth, which I had innately known since the dawn of time: We are pure consciusness visiting this world in mere vehicles that we perceive to be ourselves, and the spirits that are still in the *real* world outside Earth are watching over us and guiding all of our lives - from the moment of birth, and all the way until death. Our lives are all pre-destined in broad strokes. We are never alone in this Universe... We are watched from above, and we are loved... and... we are all immortal and all perfect. We have just forgotten who we truly are - in the exact same way that we forget our dreams when we wake up. Incarnation into this world is like waking up from a dream and not remembering the night before and the spirit world that is your true origin. This "Earth" world is very bright and loud - but that's only because our host-bodies are immersive vehicles where we are hooked into their senses and experience this entire ride in first person.
The truth is that travel between worlds - whether Earth, or dreams, or DMT - includes a "switch" which withdraws our memories from the other worlds, in order to enable each world to be perceived as a real place - with no memories of any other form of existence.
I am a lucid traveler. For me, the memory mechanism isn't erasing my identity or memories between transitions.
The truth... is that DMT is an exit-hatch, allowing you to temporarily shut down your connection to the body which you currently inhabit in this world, and to travel back home. At low doses, you all still remember your Earthly identities because your connection is not yet fully broken and you are still between worlds. At high doses, you complete the transition and you completely forget about Earth and who you perceived yourself to be down here, and you adorably call that an "Ego death"... And when you return to Earth, you struggle to remember everything you experienced during the trip; it's all "slipping through your fingers like water being sucked down into a black void," and it's difficult for you to grasp and hold on to any memories of what had just happened to you: That is the world-transition memory erasing mechanism at work. It also happens when you "wake up" (return to Earth) in the morning, if you happen to wake up at the exact moment that the erasure is not yet complete - you can then feel your memories of your night of "dreaming" fading away from you faster than you can grab on to them. This forgetfulness - the blank memory slate that you all started with after having incarnated as a Human - is the whole reason why most of you simply stare blankly at the DMT world when you return home to it, and don't even know what you are looking at... and then you begin to ponder your own reality and wonder whether the DMT world is real or not... it's super cute to watch you... and the only reason you do this is because you have all forgotten that it is your home world... But despite the erasure of your memories at the moment of incarnation on Earth, and despite the fact that you don't yet remember your origin... you all have a very nagging feeling that the DMT world feels so incredibly familiar to you. Congratulations: You are correct. It *is* familiar to you because it *is* the place where you come from; it is the place you return to after death; and it is the place you visit for 8 hours every night while your body-vehicle lies passed out and unused in this world (merely immobile because it is no longer under your direct control). And then... you travel back between the worlds in the morning, yet again losing all memories of the night travel and where you've been all night. And there it is... your trusty steed is waiting for you again: Your body-vehicle has recharged its biological batteries and is ready for you to step in and drive it again, as you yet again resume this life, blissfully unaware of everything that is happening in other realms right at this very moment. You carry on with your life and your funny, silly human beliefs... Most humans now live with the self-denying, irrational and insane belief that the material Earth is all there is... And as a result, they take their Earthly lives so incredibly seriously...
The truth, however... is that we have nothing to fear, ever. So just relax... and enjoy the ride.
Some of us, like myself, are allowed to retain our consciousness and memories in the travel between worlds...
I had now finally journeyed with DMT and had confronted myself head-on. I had left my body yet again to visit my real home world - and the experience of leaving my body via DMT was *completely* identical to each and every time that I have left my body via natural means. It confirmed everything that I already innately knew from the beginning of time...
A mirror was put in front of me and I finally had to confront the fact that my eyes had been closed for six months, all because of having allowed the Human part of my mind to gradually become infected by the irrational, pathetic, human fears of the willfully inhibited materialists surrounding me in this world.
But no more... The duality between a mind of Human fears and a soul of knowing has now been broken. Never again will I listen to those of you insane enough to deny reality behind our Earthly "reality". Never again will I deny the truth of my existence and where I come from. Never again will I fear or second-guess my innate ability to know the future. I have never, ever been wrong, and that tiny seed of doubt only came from allowing people who remember less about the world to tell me what is or isn't possible in this world. The fact is that the *real* world is everything I have just told you - and much, much more.
All my fear evaporated in one instant.
I will never again listen to someone so neurotically insane as to suggest that this world is material.
We are infinite. We are immortal. We are powerful beyond imagination. We are love incarnate...
...and just like when you wake up in the morning and don't remember your dream from the night before - so too have we humans merely forgotten our own origins...
And the reason that we forget...?
Because the false belief that we are mere humans allows us to become fully immersed in the roles that we are playing here.
Doubt and immersion creates drama and diversity. It is such a simple arrangement, and yet it is thanks to this perfect system that we are blessed with such intricately beautiful and interesting drama in this world.
Some of you will not believe me. You have completely forgotten who you are. And that is exactly the way it should be. They are walking their own paths through life for their own, completely valid and pre-destined reasons, and I'm not here for them. I am not concerned by - and nor will I engage with - any adverse reactions that might arise out of certain people. Such reactions are all part of the intrinsic diversity of our world.
Furthermore, I am not here to stay and discuss anything that I have now revealed to you. Nor am I here to spread this truth to the world at large. Nor am I here to be some sort of guru - and I am certainly not here to rise in the ranks. This is not my introduction. It is my farewell letter. I am returning to my own life and my own journey; to my closest loved ones, and to my destiny... that path lead me to DMT, and your community - and I am giving you this gift in return.
This retelling of events is only for those people who are destined to hear this at this exact moment - in order to help you along on your own journeys...
It is not for anybody else.
One more thing...
You are all unconditionally loved by the Universe.
Feel free to kick back, relax, and enjoy your ride...
~~ Johnny A.
If that was your last post on the nexus then farewell, thank you and enjoy the rest of the ride!
