Sister Seeker

[psychanaut]

Hello everyone. I'm a 53 year old female empath interested in psychedelics and spiritual development.

I’ve had entheogenic experiences of the Divine with amanita, ayahuasca (diame), ibogaine, lsd, mdma , nn-DMT, psilocybin, and 5-MeO-DMT. I’m also a medical cannabis patient and have taken extreme doses of concentrated cannabis oil. I'll also throw this in though some may consider it off topic, I experienced a near death in 2000.

I am shy about posting on a forum and talking about these things because in the small community where I live, I have been ask to not talk about my experiences because of possible legal ramifications. I seek community where these topics have a safe place for discussion.

 

[obliguhl]

Welcome!
You will find that there is no reason to be shy at the nexus. And that it is a place for you to share your experience freely. It is certainly not recommended, to post tracable personal information though. You will find that this group is pretty diverse and that there are quite a few well respected members your age and gender..so don't be shy!

 

[caliwa]

awesome path you have walked! i have tried the maria milk, it lasted like 12 hours and i had the most intrincated psiquedelia and sensibility over my body i had ever experienced, but it was hard!

im new too! good to know there is people like you.

 

[nen888]

..welcome psychanaut , we can surely always do with some more empathic feminine energy at the nex!
..hope it's not too soon to ask this, but was your NDE at all like any of your entheogenic experiences, or 'on another level', so to speak?
..look forward to your wisdom and thoughts..

I am shy about posting on a forum and talking about these things because in the small community where I live, I have been ask to not talk about my experiences because of possible legal ramifications. I seek community where these topics have a safe place for discussion.

..i think the nexus has a real strength in numbers (what, 12,000 any week now!)...

 

[Pandora]

Hi psychanaut,

Welcome to the Nexus. . You have come to the right place. Nexus enjoys cutting edge and ongoing superior programming skills of the owner of this site (The Traveler), including recent switching to the .me domain name. Protecting your privacy and annonymity are built into Nexus. If you are still nervous you could add an onion layer, like TOR.

Again welcome, . Finally, heh, another middle aged (hope that's not insulting in any way) woman. I've kind of been waiting. I've been a statistical outlier here for a long time. I'm glad this is no longer the case.

Your intro intrigued me as I resonated with the hints you dropped. I am 43, have had problems with empathy, have had powerful, mystical experiences with tryptamines, LSD, ibogaine, etc., am a medical cannabis patient, etc.

I really hope that you will feel comfortable here as I personally would love "hear your voice," i.e. see your posts.

I'd also like to invite you to join some of us regular nuts in the Chat - there's a link at the top of the page. It is an interesting and unique place. It can be fast, hectic and changing, slow as molasses, entheogenic, intellectual, philosophical, political, extremely supportive during difficult experiences and afterwards and just plain ole' hilarious at times.

Regardless, hope to see you around and I cannot welcome you enough.

 

[Purges]

Naaaaw Pandora! What a nice welcome!

Psychanaut, welcome to the Nexus, feel free to bombard us with tales of psychedelia and, if comfortable enough, your NDE. I have touched the other without the use of psychs, but it is much nicer when done voluntarily!

Peace and love,

P

 

[Limeni]

Yes welcome, Psychanaut - female and in your fifties...perfect! The middle-aged (by age, if not by attitude) sector of the Nexus is growing nicely!

You have found the right place - everyone here will be very interested to hear about your experience/views. Personally I have a fascination with NDE stories, so look forward to hearing more on that.

Welcome.

 

[Enoon]

welcome psychanout,

I can only chime in with the warm welcomes you've recieved so far! I'm always glad to see other women on the nexus. Please don't be shy about posting here. Especially with these experiences there is often the need to spill your heart, and it's a tragedy that due to legal problems often we can't do so with the people we are surrounded by. But here we can, and we can help each other with support, advice, experience and just through our presence and understanding.

Hoping to hear more from you!

 

[psychanaut]

This warm welcome has brought me first to tears and then to awkwardness because now I realize that I have never joined a forum before and I am unsure how to proceed from here. So I hope you all will be patient with me as I learn how to participate.

obliguhl, thank you for your kind welcome and your reminder about traceable personal information. And again, please forgive my newbeeness, but I guess that these
The Chandelier Ballroom
The Porcelain Flowerheart
The Cobweb Myceliae
Are places I can find on this site? Thanks again obliguhl, I really appreciate your welcome.

caliwa, sorry, but I'm a little confused about maria milk. I have heard marijuana called santa maria by santo diame church members. So I'm very interested to know both what maria milk is and why it was hard for you. And caliwa, sincerely thank you for connecting.

nen888, good to meet you. Yes, the reason I mentioned my NDE is because it was quite similar to some of my entheogenic experiences that I have had since then. Particularly the 5 MeO. I had not experienced any entheogens prior to my NDE except for marijuana. My NDE took me to a different but just as real time/space reality. I will begin my story with the NDE. Because up until then my life was very ordinary and since then, astonishing…

pandora, exquisite name, exquisite avatar, and I see that we are neighbors. Thank you for your- also exquisite - welcome. Will you please tell me more about TOR? As far as being middle aged, I feel lucky to have made it this far. I will be looking for your story in Nexus and I'm curious about your ibogaine experience. I've only met a couple of people with this experience. Ibogaine was more life changing for me than any other. Medical marijuana not only saved my life but I witnessed a friend in the final stages of metastasized uterine cancer in the hospital with an impacted colon recover her life with marijuana. Another story to tell… Thanks for the invite to join the chats. I'll have to learn how to do that too. Also I can really only chat early morning or later evening because I'm the single mother to a very active 2yr old. I lost my husband to brain cancer about a year and a half ago.

purges, thank you for your welcome, and I will start with details of my NDE cause like I said before, that's when my life as a free woman began. I was a bible thumping @#*! – slave to the devil called church- before my NDE.

enoon, i sincerely appreciate your kind welcome. and i'm sooooo happy that an older woman like me is so warmly accepted.

limeni, thank you for your welcome, and encouragement to tell my NDE. Here goes…

Shortly after suffering the pain of a freshly broken heart, i was driving too fast in the rain and when i applied the brakes to slow down approaching a bridge, my car hydroplaned, spun around, slammed into the sign marking the bridge so forcefully that the front seat passenger door was crushed nearly to my right elbow. the force of that impact flipped my car upside down and over the side of the bridge.

i cried out to God for help. i was telepathically told to ‘take a deep breath’. i do not remember the impact, but when i opened my eyes my car was upside down at the bottom of a stream. my seat belt was on. all the glass in the car had broken and my car was filled with water.

the first thing i noticed was the absence of time and space. i was most definitely upside down in my car under water, but in another dimension of that reality. as i looked around i felt no fear whatsoever, i felt calm and safe and warm and at home.

everywhere i looked i saw what appeared to be colorful rainbow bursts of flying bright energies. i knew i was dead and began to telepathically speak that other than missing my children, i was thrilled to be home. i began to ask how do i get out of here?? i am so happy to be home! get me out of this car!!!

i was lovingly told that i had more work to do. i was specifically instructed to take of my seat belt and get out of the car. i was shown something that was only in my thoughts for that moment that gave me the desire to return.

i took off my seatbelt and crawled through the space where the window used to be. as i began to rise i ask "how long do i have to hold my breath!?" and immediately the answer came ‘as long as it takes’.

when i surfaced and took in a breath, in that moment, i was fully back in this dimension. time, space, cold, and wet.

i decided i would need my purse because somehow I knew the police were coming and I would need my id. and i tried to go back into the water but it was so cold, it took my breath away and i could not do it.

an angel pulled me out of the water, and i say an angel, he looked like a truck driver, but as he pulled me out of the water he said he had called the police and ambulance and explained he was there to help me.

because he saw me try to go back into the water, he ask if there was someone else in the car and i said no, i just wanted my purse. he laughed and helped me up the hill to the bridge where the police and ambulance had just arrived.

i had a cut on my forehead and as the ambulance driver was tending the wound and the policeman was saying it was a miracle that i survived, the truck driver/angel walked between the two and handed me my purse! then in the literal blink of an eye, the truck driver and his truck were gone.

later when my car was pulled out of the water, it was really shocking to see. like i said earlier, the front passenger door was crushed to my right elbow and the hood of the back seat was nearly on the back seat. to look at it, no one would believe anyone could have survived…

 

[nen888]

..thank you so much for the sharing, psychanaut, i'd never joined a forum until this one..now i feel like i have a special parallel little city of new friends to meet..

i cried out to God for help. i was telepathically told to ‘take a deep breath’. i do not remember the impact, but when i opened my eyes my car was upside down at the bottom of a stream. my seat belt was on. all the glass in the car had broken and my car was filled with water.

..this makes me remember how i have found some tryptamine states to remind me of the time-slowing effect one can have just before driving one's car into a tree..

as i looked around i felt no fear whatsoever, i felt calm and safe and warm and at home.

..this is the aspect that (from my limited understanding) makes most NDEs similar (heavenly choirs whilst drowning etc.)..high dose tryptamines often do not provide
such comfort (until there's no choice but to surrender)..perhaps because the body has no choice in an accident, an additional state (unique from entheogens) emerges..
..i'm now very curious about your 5meo experiences...

 

[Enoon]

wow, thank you for sharing your NDE!! The part with the angel/truck driver is pretty amazing, particularly the fact that you had your purse in the end with you. I wish there was a way to find out what produces these kind of experiences... Life / consciousness is such a mystery!

 

[Pandora]

Hello psychanaut,

I am no expert on internet security/annonymity but TOR project seems to be the way to go. Here is a link with a lot more information and free downloads. The Tor Project | Privacy & Freedom Online

btw, this was also the first Forum I ever joined and Nexus chat was the first internet chat room I had been in since the mid 1990's. Nexus is a special place.

I also feel very lucky to have made it this far. Every day I wake up is a gift. I could list dates I was supposed to die, dates when others died. It is quite sobering. Yet also intoxicating, . . . this gravy time. Yet part of me has come to think that if one lives long enough one will always have one or more close calls . . . . I'm not sure.

There is an entire ibogaine subforum here, including experience reports. My ibogaine experience was amazing - I did not know such a thing was possible. I will be integrating it for the rest of my life. It was my personal Eleusian Mysteries, a once in a lifetime event. Turns out I'm very, very sensitive to this particular entheogen. Here is my report:

Growing Up - A Profound Iboga Root Bark Experience - DMT - Quality experience reports - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

Your NDE is amazing and harrowing to read. In your intro to the story you imply that it converted you away from at least some sort of traditional view of God, though I am wondering what your new view is, given what you saw and this truck driver you met. Fascinating. Feel free to disregard or not answer if this is too personal a question.

It sounds like you're on pretty close terms with death (sorry if this is inappropriate - I'm a bit odd) . . . Congratulations on surviving cancer and I was deeply sorry to read about the loss of your husband.

Finally, having lived closely with my brother and step sister for 11 months while they raised an extremely active 2 year old, I cannot begin to describe the great admiration I feel for your being a single parent in these multiply trying times.

 

[Purges]

Wow. The NDE sounds intense. I have had similar in a car accident, but no where near as deep. I also believe I had one as a young child - nearly dying from a stomach infection - you just go beyond being fearful and begin to embrace the inevitable. I can also relate a hit of DMT to wrapping a car round a tree, only considerably less life threatening! I'm sure many people's experiences of this nature have led them to this path.

I'm sure your age and wisdom will be a welcome addition to the board, I have found your story fascinating so far! I also agree that dogmatic Bible bashing is not the way to go - although this left me in a spiritual void for some time, Spice has helped me redirect that energy, and brought me into the presence of a Buddha and his elf like helpers

May the rest of life's journey be filled with peace and love,

P :d

 

[caliwa]

hi lady:

you just have to boil a bunch of marihuana (i've tried up to 50 grams of weed) into 2 liters of milk. let it evaporate until you just have 2 cups of milk. by this point milk should be green, and you should be high from inhaling the evaporations while you are watching the milk not to boil into bubbles out of your pot! percolate the rests of weed from your milk. one cup should be enough for a 12 hour hard marihuana trip, not even for the average advanced stoner! you can make a milkshake or whatever you feel like, but in my experience you get the hardest trip drinking it just hot out of the pot. the taste is a very strong herbal marihuana taste.

the effects drinking it in the "just boiled" fashion are almost immediate. on 30 minutes you are already tripping. each hour it passes you feel the effect trepidating, it last for hours. in my case, the first time, I reached points of maddness. it was very intense. I could feel every bone in my body, every organ, i feel a complete sensibilty of all the parts that integrate my body. but also my mind had a very hard time handling it!

 

[obliguhl]

obliguhl, thank you for your kind welcome and your reminder about traceable personal information. And again, please forgive my newbeeness, but I guess that these
The Chandelier Ballroom
The Porcelain Flowerheart
The Cobweb Myceliae
Are places I can find on this site? Thanks again obliguhl, I really appreciate your welcome.

Hehe...
You might find them in hyperspace...but they really would make great names for places on this site. Unfortunatly, i have to dissapoint you. They originated on the chat and I'm using my signature to share them for a while.

Thanks for sharing your story, i was rightt there with you. Also, a beautiful avatar you have chosen. ...and it seems, you've made some friends already

 

[psychanaut]

nen888 – thanks for sharing that this is also your first forum too. i'm excited to finally meet people who will not judge my experiences as being just a little too eccentric - or worse.

and from my experience, high doses of triptamines and surrender go hand in hand.

Enoon –i know- right! my purse was the only real evidence that he was even there…

in my 'normal' state of consciousness i laugh at the very thought, but in elevated states that entheogens produce, there is no doubt. not only am i an evolved spiritual being, but (nen888) in the 5meo states i am the enlightenment of fully knowing myself as god- playing with all the other aspects of myself in this 3d field we call normal life. in that elevated state of awareness there is a knowing that everything is exactly on schedule plus joy beyond my comprehension awaits after this 'life'.

Pandora – thanks for the tor link. your first forum too, nice to know.

my experience tells me that for the most part, none of us are going to die before our 'time', and death is the most beautiful experience of our lives.

and I am so happy to know there is an ibogaine forum here and an opportunity to investigate deeper into this wonder medicine. i haven't read your report yet, but i will tonight when i have some quiet time. i can easily relate to your sensitivity…

as far as my current view of god, like i said here earlier, my experience tells me that we are all aspects of god playing with each other. we have forgotten the whole yness of who we really are in this dense dimension, but in the other elevated states clarity rules.

you are right on track regarding my close terms with death. since my nde i have been repeatedly drawn to the bedside of friends and family at their time of crossing. and sorry if i was unclear, it was not me with cancer but a dear friend.

my husband had a conscious crossing and it was the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life to date.


Purges- i agree with what you are saying and it is good to hear that your practice is filling your spiritual void. thank you for the blessing

caliwa – i could kiss you for this great sounding recipe!!! i really look forward to trying it!

obliguhl – thanks for getting silly me on the same page and thanks for being a friend.

 

[Rising Spirit]

i'm sooooo happy that an older woman like me is so warmly accepted.

Welcome aboard sister psychanaut! You are in good company within this quadrant of the universe, as this is quite a groovy and most psychedelic neighborhood. BTW, I'll be 53 in November and believe you me, I honestly feel that I am getting younger with every day (despite what the mirror tells me). Age is an utter illusion and here at the Nexus, people generally see other forum members as beings, hearts and minds. I've never once gotten the vibe over here, that people belong to this or that generation. After all, there is only the now. :idea:

Besides, we are essentially family members. Right? We are all timeless souls, not being limited by the numerical progression of our life cycle, nor fixed/bound by anything other than our own headsets. Please share more about your voyages and your insights.

I was touched by your NDE. You certainly were cradled in the hands of the Divine and I suspect you are meant to explore consciousness, right here and now, on this earthly plane. That doesn't mean you have to stay grounded while enjoying the journey now does it? God forbid!!! Entheogens are great teachers and I have faith that if we attune to their immeasurable wisdom, we will be blessed with new truths; new realizations.

My NDE came when I was 11 years old. I nearly drowned too, in our swimming pool. I recall floating 8 or 10 feet above my father and my seemingly lifeless body. I still vividly recall thinking to myself, "How can I be hovering here above my body, when I am laying on the deck having water pumped out of my chest?" :shock:

It was at this early age that I began to suspect that I was more than just a physical shell, a brain and a human personality... I was actually a soul. I was never born, nor could I ever die... I simply exist. I am aware of existence. Who am I? The part that comes and goes is just the external physical body and I am something else, altogether. As we all are.

Psychedelics have only furthered this spiritual feeling. Sacred Medicines are here to help us to understand ourselves and our ever-expanding universe. I look forward to hearing more of your fine thoughts. Glad you stopped by to share your heart-song with all of us! Please feel free to openly share your experiences and if I may speak for the rest of the Gang, consider yourself a full-fledged Nexian.

Peace, love & light

 

[psychanaut]

Rising Spirit, it's an honor to meet you. Thank you for making me feel so welcome. i love your story and have had the same thoughts and feelings from an early age. i look forward to reading your experiences too. i see there is a format to journey reporting so i'll begin organizing my notes. every journey i put into a diary, but not at all organized, just my thoughts and insights…

 

[ragabr]

Welcome to the Nexus dear psychanaut, it sounds like you have wonders to share with the community.

 

[Ice House]

psychanaut

Welcome, You bring volumes of wonderful experience to our community and already have shared allot. Member contributions and the diversity of the membership here at the Nexus are what make it such a great/unique place. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

Thanks for posting,

IH